What's the best intertype relation to turn to if you need a shoulder to cry on? Identical? Dual? What if neither of those are available?
a shoulder to cry on
What's the best intertype relation to turn to if you need a shoulder to cry on? Identical? Dual? What if neither of those are available?
IEI-Fe 4w3
Anyone who's kind enough, in my case who is knowledgeable and can help me, preferably someone in your quadra. From my experience, an Fe type has always had a harder time supporting me, because they're more socially scattered.
d00l
Any type will do I suppose, so long as the psychological closeness is there.
My EII best friend understands me better than anyone in that sense, maybe because we have some of the same issues. She doesn't judge me for all my internal insecurities. If I need someone to pull me out of my head, my SLI and SEE friends do that admirably. SLIs are usually good at countering my negative, self-defeating arguments against why I shouldn't do something. My SEI sister is a really amazing listener as well.
IEE
I completely related to this. It's amazing how negative us IEEs can be, for supposedly being so positive right? lol.Originally Posted by tiny_dancer
And I agree that anyone with good listening skills would be good. People who use the "active listening" thing. I'd prefer someone who can do that over just a type.
Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)
I'd say dual, but that may just be because my dual is the EII. IEIs, good luck crying on an SLE's shoulder.
ACTUALLY my SLE sister-in-law would be great for this. But she lives pretty far from me.
IEI-Fe 4w3
Maybe it's a female thing.
I have an LII friend (not Isha) who I can talk to about a reasonable amount of things that get me down. Then there's obviously Isha and Akra. Conclusion: not type related. Why can I talk about more things with one LII over another? Because I'm closer to one than the other.
EDIT
I think so. If it isn't random banter (which I'm going to engage in with friends, contacts, associates and acquaintances of either gender), I'll be talking to one of my male friends for advice or to figure something out, or one of my female friends to talk about stuff (though it isn't entirely clear cut; I think F/T has its influence here).
yeah I thought about that too. I guess it's obvious!
IEI-Fe 4w3
Removed at User Request
Sounds like someone needs a hug...
I'm too much of a softy, the type that gets teary seeing other people cry, especially close ones.
Sounds like someone needs a hug...
I'm too much of a softy, the type that gets teary seeing other people cry, especially close ones.yeah, no *I* want to be the one to cry. If the other person cries, that doesn't help any! LOL And actually I guess therein lies the problem: I can't cry in front of anyone I don't feel really really close to. That makes the pool, um, practically non-existent.
Moral of the story: cultivate friendships close enough that you'll have a shoulder to cry on in times of distress. that sounds kinda beta-ish doesn't it. using friends for my own needs.... hmm.
(thanks for the hug)
IEI-Fe 4w3
lucky!nah my SLE brother cares when i'm feeling down... asks me what's wrong, gives me hugs, tries to comfort me (with practical advice), etc.
IEI-Fe 4w3
Wonder what the worst type is. LSEs? If I need to cheer someone up, it's easiest to pretend nothing's wrong and be cheerful.
That's not beta-ish, that's everyone-ish (can't speak for everybody though). It's really hard to find friends like that... I've been realizing how it is to even have close friends. And, you're welcome btw
Moral of the story: cultivate friendships close enough that you'll have a shoulder to cry on in times of distress. that sounds kinda beta-ish doesn't it. using friends for my own needs.... hmm.
(thanks for the hug.
@Director Abbie: I don't think LSE is the worst (not implying ranking here). I would assume that E5s aren't that good at it, or would be uncomfortable by it.
That is most unsatisfactory, personally speaking. In fact, I am slightly disturbed.
Ceci n'est pas une eii.
I think for me it might be EII. I understand there are quadra differences when it comes to operating or seeing the world. But I do think EII are natural born counselor; they understand empathy well, if you confront them with a problem they handle it different than an EIE or beta NF or other Fe type would. I guess I am trying to describe how Fi+NE work. like you can put the categories EII as natural counselors similar to SLE as a natural Leaders, EIE as teachers or ILE as scientists.
(D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)
I had an LSE friend who did that when I going through a sort of emo/"life sucks" stage in college (one of those embarrassing moments of life, hehe). It really didn't help at all, but I don't take it against him, because it might have been just fear-based that he would try to ignore the situation. I've realized that in duality, there are going to be things that will be up to you to handle alone, and you can't rely on the other person for guidance.That is most unsatisfactory, personally speaking. In fact, I am slightly disturbed.
this is a good point! because the things that are your areas of expertise (so to speak) in duality, are really hard for the other person to deal with since they're weak in those areas. For example, an ethical struggling with feelings, the dual may be able to distract or make you laugh or provide some other form of comforting, but might not really be able to address the feelings per se.
yet sometimes making you laugh might be exactly what you need. sometimes we don't know exactly what it is that we need until we experience it.
IEI-Fe 4w3
Yeah, that's what I was going for. Duality is great and all, but there is a certain amount of "mental loneliness" too that people don't talk about.
Redbaron, i didn't see this thread until now!
Hang in there. . .you know you always have a pair of sympathetic eyes here if you want to chat or PM about it. . .
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
