In relationships, Victim-Aggressor types have their own games. And each type will have their own version of it. If you know how to play the game and you win, you go to the next level. Otherwise, the person will repeat the game every now and then to see if you can ace the test.
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One game LIE plays to draw their dual in: chasing you by positioning themselves in front of you, but simultaneously distancing through productivity.
Victim types play many games. One of them is about perception: "Do you understand the game I'm playing even though I look like I'm not interested? Can you see that I'm faking disinterest?"
LIEs play this game by appearing to be productive right in front of you when they know you are going to show up somewhere. They won't play this game with you unless they are trying to draw you in or they are trying to reconnect with you.
So what does it look like? They know you are going to pass through a certain section of the building or maybe there's a cafe or coworking space which you visit. They'll know when you visit, when you are least likely to be a in a rush, etc. That you have time to chat for at least X minutes or an hour or whatever.
Or they know that you will be in a certain meeting. They will make sure that they will be there too and that you will have to interact with them for some minor reason.
They know that you will show up somewhere because they have been collecting information on you by observing you or analyzing you and deducing whatever they can. Low-key, they'll collect all the available data in as reasonable a way as possible. Don't doubt that. Part of them wonders if they are intruding on your privacy. Generally, they have their own personal limits. They are usually beyond what would make some people comfortable. That's why they keep their mouths shut about it or only discuss it with open minded friends.
The way they see it: if it doesn't hurt you and it helps them understand you better, why should they judge themselves? That's not practical.
LIEs won't ask 50 people for information about you. But because we live in an information age where collecting information can be done relatively anonymously, LIEs feels comfortable doing so. If that's not possible, they'll do it by just observing you. What are you into? What are your habits? What's your routine? What is most likely going on in your life based on the schedule you have and activities you have chosen? LIE will try to deduce how much you earn, what type of job you have, what your life looks like, who your exes are, what your relationship status is, and way more.
The motivation of the game
They want to keep themselves informed so that they can provide an opportunity to someone else to bridge the interpersonal distance. And information is just one small but vital part of that process.
How they set up.
They show up early and set themselves up. They will carefully choose a location where you will HAVE to see them and they are most likely to interact with you. If the right spot is not available right away, they will kick themselves for being shortsighted and move at the first available opportunity. If something interrupts their strange little plan, they'll go take care of it and kick themselves for the bad timing or not factoring this in. Then they will make a mental note to look for a better opportunity to connect with you in the future.
They will go through this drama even if it is less comfortable than their office or home. Even if it would be easier to just call you and ask you out. If the place is clearly noisier and they can't focus as well as they can at home, it is irrelevant to them during that moment. They'll set themselves up there.
The events
They will wait and watch out for you while they are on that mostly boring zoom call or conference call. Or they will sit there busily working on a report they supposedly HAVE to submit soon. You'll know whatever they are up to because they'll tell you. When will they do that and how?
You'll pass by them. They will say hi. Yes, they'll initiate. If you say hi and ask them a question, they'll tell you they are busy. There's an online convention going on or something like that. It's important, you see. It's for work. Or for it's for their pet project. Or whatever "important" or "useful" thing they are into.
Then something bizarre happens. They will turn away from you. They seem to disconnect from you. After all that effort, they don't want to talk to you. They don't even want to make plans with you. They haven't even mentioned the idea of seeing you again.
If you don't know how to read the signals, you'll wonder WTF was that? Do they want to be left alone? If they have already indicated interest in you before, you might wonder, is LIE into me or not? I don't think even other LIEs know how to read each other properly when this game is going on.
So here's a little tip.
If LIE actually wanted to be 100% productive, there's no way they would choose a setting that disturbs their focus. They wouldn't choose a setting where random people will interrupt. If they choose such a setting, one of these things is true: (1) there was no other choice, (2) it was a situational decision (had to do it before going somewhere else), (3) they are looking to network with the people who show up there, or (4) they want someone/people to connect with them.
If they keep showing up in front of you somehow or the other while appearing busy, it's probably intentional.
I think this is because nature designed ESI to separate people into "my people" and "not my people." So when LIE keeps showing up and appearing relatively harmless but productive, they live on the boundary of those two lines. Which means it's ok to talk to them. I'm guessing about that part though.
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Originally Posted by Audacious
