My case for SCS and John Beebe in a highly traumatized person

[Braingel]

All he’s gone off on about me are assumptions, and I’ve had this ENOUGH in my life.

-assuming I am exaggerating and distort my self-view
-assuming my autism is mild, without even understanding the condition or even of why Asperger’s was removed from the dsm to begin with.
-assuming I am an SEE because I don’t fit “his experience” of intuitive observable characteristics
-assuming I had an intuitive exposure childhood

When it’s literally all the opposite, he has me flipped in his head, and when I tell him these things, even from a cool head, he fucking dismissed it under the narrative I have “distortion”, it’s a huge asshole move, and he’s probably not even aware of how toxic his own mindset is. As distortions don’t allow you to see it all the time, but he’s the one with distortions, projecting them unto me.

Then assuming Olimpia’s view on someone typing you something you don’t type is my own case. He literally operates all on assumptive confirmation bias, and without even trying, he gaslights and invalidates every fucking sentence he writes out in this case.

[Braingel]

Qaz is too imperceptible to even read these reactions as trauma-rooted and not as much type. Sure, one’s inherent faculties have role in how they internalize and view, but with enough trauma, other processes result. Just like vomit can erode digestion. I mean seriously, what person would react like this just because they’re 4D Fe and Se…. This is just called complex ptsd. Perhaps amplified with autistic fixation.

[Braingel]

Essentially, what I believe is Qaz has a need to be right in things and I have a need to be right about myself and this clashes. But, in this case, I am definitely right about my own self…. I was not raised in any intuitive way, me as an Se base is ridiculous, I do not exaggerate the impact of my abuse and trauma, I do not exaggerate what’s happened, and my autism is more disabling than looks.

[Braingel]

Do I hold unto my trauma and maybe a bit of learn helplessness (from being put in special ed and always being restricted by my family and not feeling emotionally the age I am chronologically due to autism delays and cptsd and not being given what I needed and time to develop healthfully) yes, I do. But that’s about the only thing that has accurately been said.

[Braingel]

Maybe if Qaz knew how much he is stabbing me right in the prime of my most core wounds, he’d apologize. But his unconscious ego is too much of a jackass to see past its own bias.

And writes me off as the issue who dramatizes and exaggerates. Wounding me furthermore. Even his last comment he is convinced all his views are right. I’ve been misinterpreted a lot, but there was only one other guy, who did it in a far more malicious context than of was, that guy would’ve had bpd and split on me, who flops me fucking upside down from how I am.

[Braingel]

And yeah, to Rose, my sister’s boyfriend thought I was the issue of my family, he lived in this house for a year, and only after a year, my father showed his facade. I’d even shown Joe videos, and my parents and sister, how my sister has been manipulates by my mother to see me, that I’m the issue, and it took him a full year to see otherwise.

[Braingel]

When my parents blamed my sister for almost passing out at her job and for ruining their day, and they shamed her and called her names, is when he saw it. And he called both of them narcissists thereafter— literally around the time I intuited how npd splitting would be, and decided my mother would have covert npd.. They rarely show their true colors in front of anyone, they’re manipulative like that.

[Braingel]

To put it frank, I am sick and fucking tired of people being too imperceptible to see how actually, I am.. In typology and outside of typology, making assumptions of me, some malicious, some non malicious, about how I e developed to survive years worth of abuse and bullying and other trauma. This is why I like John Beebe and SCS— they look into why functions show as they do, and way more John Beebe.

I absolutely hate how no matter I say, show of myself, or whatnot, people will not believe it about me. Hate it. I even see in the future, with certain things I’ve evolved and came up with on my own, people would not believe them my own original ideas.

[Braingel]

What is very annoying is that Qaz is 100% convinced his own self-views of me are correct and that mine are automatically all “wrong”. He has made in his head of me, that I am exaggerating things about myself, have an inaccurate view of myself, mostly because he’s never liked I’m an emotional person, and then because now in his head, he’s convinced himself I am an SEE, and even by his own reasoning of how a sensor today can be pseudo intuitive with their upbringing makes zero sense for my own case, because since early childhood, I was literally put in all sensorial activities by my 4D Se family, and only exposed to 4D Se types.

Whilst I don’t agree that I’m an EIE, @WVBRY, it would be a much more reasonable typing for myself. I hope you realize he is trying type me SEE and not EIE.

Somehow I do not feel @qaz00 is being malicious, but he is completely ignorant on Fe, and is very arrogant and wrong in some of his views, and he is the one with distortions in regards to emotionality, and projects his incompetence in this area as others being distortful. And yes, this triggers my own trauma immensely, as rose has stated. That’s responsible for most of my reactivity in this, though I don’t take well in general when someone invalidates things about myself and never have, but didn’t used to react with as much vitriol..

What it reads as to me, is basically, “I do not trust my own Fe or this informational element, and I replace this with Te ‘objectivity’, even though my own Si will bias from my own experience at times.. So I am going to unconsciously go around calling anyone with emotional ways of processing as being ‘distortions’, merely because I can’t understand that element, and want to, but can’t. I feel need to ‘correct’ triangle, because I have perfection placement Fe polr, and I feel need to reach this from my Te creative which will pool in from my Si and ‘correct’ her based on MY own experience.”

Also, “I am shit, complete shit, at seeing how people develop overtime, and I have my own ideas and biases, but I am limited at seeing potentials consciously, because my Ne is vital and unconscious, so I don’t think about it.. And I am going to just trust my own Si experience and use my Ni role to make more assumptions about someone’s development, in where they’d fit based on my own physical observations, thus, they must develop a certain way as how I see from this.”

”I also have unconscious Fi, and devalue this, so I fail understand someone’s inner boundary of how my own push of Fe perfection explained with Te can actually hurt someone— especially a person who develops overtime more sensitivity from trauma, because I’d be blind to accurate interpretation of time development, and can only fill it from my own Si ego— the ego a bias.”

Maybe Qaz feels a need to “correct” my Fe, because it would be his mental polr perfection focus (you perfect the base and perfect the polr), and because my Fe is so neurotic and unconsciously used and isn’t controlled well, he is trying co “correct” it, but can’t, because he can only approach Fe from his Te.. He could in theory also be an LSE, but eh.

With regards to my own self—

“I am going to dismiss everything braingel has said and just give up, because I am actually the one who is insecure and have be right, she will never see how I am right, and it’s her own issue. I will never consider that I am the biased one, truly.. I am going to throw away that braingel was literally raised by two harshly athletic parents who roped her into endless sports that would’ve made her possibly look Se ish.. And assume she was exposed to intuition, even though this isn’t true.. Because I am right, you know. Everyone else is wrong, especially braingel who is dramatic, just wants be X, and is having distortions.. Because I’m such a jackass, I’m just naturally only able to gaslight people with my function focus”.

”I literally lead with confirmation bias and halo effects, the biggest cognitive distortions of all, but braingel is the one who is distorted, which I believe, because I didn’t bother to look at her history and assumed. I assumed merely because I don’t like emotions and because she doesn’t remind me of Vewwy or One, so she MUST be. I use typology like this to evade my incompetence in people, but it’s still there and leads me to mistype and harmfully speculate and gaslight.”

[Braingel]

What it reads as to me, is basically, “I do not trust my own Fe or this informational element, and I replace this with Te ‘objectivity’, even though my own Si will bias from my own experience at times.. So I am going to unconsciously go around calling anyone with emotional ways of processing as being ‘distortions’, merely because I can’t understand that element, and want to, but can’t. I feel need to ‘correct’ triangle, because I have perfection placement Fe polr, and I feel need to reach this from my Te creative which will pool in from my Si and ‘correct’ her based on MY own experience.”

Also, “I am shit, complete shit, at seeing how people develop overtime, and I have my own ideas and biases, but I am limited at seeing potentials consciously, because my Ne is vital and unconscious, so I don’t think about it.. And I am going to just trust my own Si experience and use my Ni role to make more assumptions about someone’s development, in where they’d fit based on my own physical observations, thus, they must develop a certain way as how I see from this.”

”I also have unconscious Fi, and devalue this, so I fail understand someone’s inner boundary of how my own push of Fe perfection explained with Te can actually hurt someone— especially a person who develops overtime more sensitivity from trauma, because I’d be blind to accurate interpretation of time development, and can only fill it from my own Si ego— the ego a bias.”

Maybe Qaz feels a need to “correct” my Fe, because it would be his mental polr perfection focus (you perfect the base and perfect the polr), and because my Fe is so neurotic and unconsciously used and isn’t controlled well, he is trying co “correct” it, but can’t, because he can only approach Fe from his Te.. He could in theory also be an LSE, but eh.

With regards to my own self—

“I am going to dismiss everything braingel has said and just give up, because I am actually the one who is insecure and have be right, she will never see how I am right, and it’s her own issue. I will never consider that I am the biased one, truly.. I am going to throw away that braingel was literally raised by two harshly athletic parents who roped her into endless sports that would’ve made her possibly look Se ish.. And assume she was exposed to intuition, even though this isn’t true.. Because I am right, you know. Everyone else is wrong, especially braingel who is dramatic, just wants be X, and is having distortions.. Because I’m such a jackass, I’m just naturally only able to gaslight people with my function focus”.

”I literally lead with confirmation bias and halo effects, the biggest cognitive distortions of all, but braingel is the one who is distorted, which I believe, because I didn’t bother to look at her history and assumed. I assumed merely because I don’t like emotions and because she doesn’t remind me of Vewwy or One, so she MUST be. I use typology like this to evade my incompetence in people, but it’s still there and leads me to mistype and harmfully speculate and gaslight.”

What I just did here would be oppositional/arsenal Fe (beebe).

[Braingel]

What it reads as to me, is basically, “I do not trust my own Fe or this informational element, and I replace this with Te ‘objectivity’, even though my own Si will bias from my own experience at times.. So I am going to unconsciously go around calling anyone with emotional ways of processing as being ‘distortions’, merely because I can’t understand that element, and want to, but can’t. I feel need to ‘correct’ triangle, because I have perfection placement Fe polr, and I feel need to reach this from my Te creative which will pool in from my Si and ‘correct’ her based on MY own experience.”

Also, “I am shit, complete shit, at seeing how people develop overtime, and I have my own ideas and biases, but I am limited at seeing potentials consciously, because my Ne is vital and unconscious, so I don’t think about it.. And I am going to just trust my own Si experience and use my Ni role to make more assumptions about someone’s development, in where they’d fit based on my own physical observations, thus, they must develop a certain way as how I see from this.”

”I also have unconscious Fi, and devalue this, so I fail understand someone’s inner boundary of how my own push of Fe perfection explained with Te can actually hurt someone— especially a person who develops overtime more sensitivity from trauma, because I’d be blind to accurate interpretation of time development, and can only fill it from my own Si ego— the ego a bias.”

Maybe Qaz feels a need to “correct” my Fe, because it would be his mental polr perfection focus (you perfect the base and perfect the polr), and because my Fe is so neurotic and unconsciously used and isn’t controlled well, he is trying co “correct” it, but can’t, because he can only approach Fe from his Te.. He could in theory also be an LSE, but eh.

With regards to my own self—

“I am going to dismiss everything braingel has said and just give up, because I am actually the one who is insecure and have be right, she will never see how I am right, and it’s her own issue. I will never consider that I am the biased one, truly.. I am going to throw away that braingel was literally raised by two harshly athletic parents who roped her into endless sports that would’ve made her possibly look Se ish.. And assume she was exposed to intuition, even though this isn’t true.. Because I am right, you know. Everyone else is wrong, especially braingel who is dramatic, just wants be X, and is having distortions.. Because I’m such a jackass, I’m just naturally only able to gaslight people with my function focus”.

”I literally lead with confirmation bias and halo effects, the biggest cognitive distortions of all, but braingel is the one who is distorted, which I believe, because I didn’t bother to look at her history and assumed. I assumed merely because I don’t like emotions and because she doesn’t remind me of Vewwy or One, so she MUST be. I use typology like this to evade my incompetence in people, but it’s still there and leads me to mistype and harmfully speculate and gaslight.”

From day one, Qaz used to hate type me as an EIE, then he said my views of Sol can’t be trusted, when I reported why he’s hated, because I “exaggerate”, and then he wrote this whole false narrative of me in his head of me being SEE, of my reasons for being defensive for me actually being that type, for my autism being mild, for my childhood to have been exposed to intuitive things when I was literally forced into endless sports for 10 years and denied my own intuitive expressions and I had no friends or until later, internet, because my parents didn’t want me online because of my autism…

Do this to a person who has always been gaslit into being the family issue and others believe it, who got made out falsely as schizophrenic to others and to police to cover molestation, who always gets invalidated and attacked by others for how her family has gotten others to see her and for developing certain outlooks, for others to hate type me EIE for a long time and to falsely make me out as cluster B.. Of course I am going to fucking be defensive… When I am invalidated or gaslit, duh. That doesn’t make a typing of me correct, and in addition as well, yes, I dislike being typed certain things that are incongruent with my self-image, and get reactive to this as well. But this doesn’t mean his typing of me is correct, and I am sure anyone here would agree with that, given most this site believes I’m a stinky, commonly typed “EIE”. Which is much as I hate being typed that, it is a better typing than a 4D Se type and sensor for my own self. It makes zero sense for me to be sensory, including with what Qaz proposed, as my childhood was the opposite of intuitive exposure.

Fucking look for Jesus fuck sake:

Most my father’s trophies are at his work.. https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...05b4f58e584f0&

Before I was born, him coaching some girls
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...3db92bddc50e4&

Me on the court with my father and mother and his team at time, being held by my mother as a baby: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...88e1a339aa14b&

Look at my fucking mother.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...b2f47bf2ff810&

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...6bc408c004898&

Same 4D Se maniac.

Look at her obsession with cooking and health:

In addition, these parents are unhealthy and have abused me, far beyond just not raising me in a way that was appropriate for my needs, my parents could’ve been arrested, as in.

[qaz00]

I think you should look at her dad’s behavior more closely before you start assuming stuff. Probably took more than a year to figure it out. He is manipulative

I think it’s fucked up to tell someone who is likely a victim of psychological abuse that they are delusional in what they see (namely, that there’s something clearly wrong with the way their parents treat them). Triggers come from all this stuff.

I'm not denying that her father may be harmful. The first time I saw him in her first posts here, I already had a clear impression from VI that he's likely to be that arrogant, neglecting, self-righteous macho type who will just laugh at your issues.

My problem with Braingel, and my reason for calling her delusional, is that she seems to build her entire worldview around abuse and health conditions she experienced and exaggerates them to have an excuse for not dealing with life. Everyone goes through some difficult stuff in their lives, but it's her who constantly writes about how much has happened to her. She makes all these little distortions to facts that fit her narrative. I'll write about some I remember (hopefully correctly):
Showing her mental evaluations and diagnoses to prove how severe her case is, without judging their correctness (high trust in professionals when they validate what you want to believe), and I remember her suggesting in the past that her sister is being incorrectly treated for her diseases (low trust in professionals in another case), all without much proof or reasoning.
She knows that her conditions like fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis may be psychosomatic, so she starts writing as they're surely caused by the emotional turmoil she experiences and uses them as an argument while the causal connection is far from certain.
She says how socially awkward and incompetent she is because of her autism, and what I see is a person who has a strong online presence, good at describing her own thoughts and situations, participates in many places, brings attention to herself, writes to many people, has no problem building relations. It irritates me because I struggle way more in this area, but it's her using it as some sort of justification for why she's in a difficult situation.
She writes things like being bullied by hundreds of people, you can't really defend this kind of an exaggeration...

It's all those little things that may not mean much separately, but together show how she's skewed towards believing in her defectiveness caused by outside factors to a greater extent than it really is. To me that's a kind of distorted reasoning that leads her to learned helplessness.

[Braingel]

It isn’t an exaggeration. I got put in twelve schools and I got primarily bullied for not wearing a bra… And for awkward body language, and huge athletic incompetence (and I literally got put in 7 sports, broadening this opportunity to happen and to be even make bullied for my boobs jiggling in the sports, competing in tournaments across states). How do you think teenagers are going to respond to that, I got bullied everywhere I went. One time people posted about me online, and I didn’t even have a phone when I was 12, other girls turnt in those people, and it got 200 likes on it.. And one school was contacted by mine, and some of them got in trouvle. It had do with my messy hair and me not wearing a bra. “L’Oréal forever” was one comment.

The bully who choked me even said he was sorry for how “everyone” treated me. I got bullied by everyone in my grade at one school. And then I got put in facilities where there were gang kids and some there in place of juvie and they all bullied me but two girls. I was put around a lot of people who could bully me.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...43b9f9ee244b8&

I got viewed by millions on quora and this is where I faced a lot of online harassment, and anyone would tell you on discord that I faced SEVERE harassment, including flower feast.

[Braingel]

My friend Pansophy even said I always get bullied because I’m autistic: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...3652d65ef2cf8&

”it’s why she gets bullied, because people can’t keep in their mind she’s autistic.”

He has seen me get bullied by 70 people..

Even just the other day, I got told to slit my wrists and called a cunt.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...5ebc5bb958322&

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...beb8b920789ba&

[Braingel]

My friend Pansophy even said I always get bullied because I’m autistic: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...3652d65ef2cf8&

”it’s why she gets bullied, because people can’t keep in their mind she’s autistic.”

He has seen me get bullied by 70 people..

Even just the other day, I got told to slit my wrists and called a cunt.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...5ebc5bb958322&

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...beb8b920789ba&

I’ve been told to slit my wrists hundreds of times since I’ve had internet access, including from people on this very website that occurred on discord.

[Braingel]

Hahahah, if I was so “socially competent”, how would I have gotten bullied by hundreds of people for writing socially misinterpreted things.
Man, you misinterpret me on every level. @The Reality Denialist has spoken to me from voice and seen me on discord and would vehemently disagree

[Braingel]

Once again, this is all from assumption and misinterpretation, which you are the master at. @qaz00, you legit invalidating dumbass, writing online and getting viewed doesn’t make a person socially competent. You must not know about Chris chan’s whole case.. You are so deluded in how you view me. No one would agree with anything you say about me, other than maybe I have more potential than my trauma has formed me to believe.

[Braingel]

Here is how people who have directly interacted with me would describe me:
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...3754ff7b58461&

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1213841629371306004/1231365718356791316/IMG_6740.png?ex=6636b1b0&is=66243cb0&hm=5ab4e97103 32e8289c0c1ca393efe0dd4d8c0fe5e9e2cb354e10234800ea 6fb9&

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...d67a67bb8788f&
And their view is correct. I have often in endless troubles online and have been slandered, because of my social incompetence. There are countless people who have slandered myself and misinterpreted me, from being unaware of my emotional impact. I have been bullied by hundreds of people online. This isn’t an exaggeration. I’ve been told to slit my wrists more times than can count.. I have been harassed, people had made harassing gifs out of my autism meltdowns, and I had to contact tenor to remove them.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...21a7a8e8f6a2c&

Wasn’t even socially aware enough that can happen.

And no, that it isnt me just trusting professionals. I’ve had issues socially my entire life. Literally why I never made any irl friend, literally why I end up harassed online.

[Braingel]

I'm not denying that her father may be harmful. The first time I saw him in her first posts here, I already had a clear impression from VI that he's likely to be that arrogant, neglecting, self-righteous macho type who will just laugh at your issues.

My problem with Braingel, and my reason for calling her delusional, is that she seems to build her entire worldview around abuse and health conditions she experienced and exaggerates them to have an excuse for not dealing with life. Everyone goes through some difficult stuff in their lives, but it's her who constantly writes about how much has happened to her. She makes all these little distortions to facts that fit her narrative. I'll write about some I remember (hopefully correctly):
Showing her mental evaluations and diagnoses to prove how severe her case is, without judging their correctness (high trust in professionals when they validate what you want to believe), and I remember her suggesting in the past that her sister is being incorrectly treated for her diseases (low trust in professionals in another case), all without much proof or reasoning.
She knows that her conditions like fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis may be psychosomatic, so she starts writing as they're surely caused by the emotional turmoil she experiences and uses them as an argument while the causal connection is far from certain.
She says how socially awkward and incompetent she is because of her autism, and what I see is a person who has a strong online presence, good at describing her own thoughts and situations, participates in many places, brings attention to herself, writes to many people, has no problem building relations. It irritates me because I struggle way more in this area, but it's her using it as some sort of justification for why she's in a difficult situation.
She writes things like being bullied by hundreds of people, you can't really defend this kind of an exaggeration...

It's all those little things that may not mean much separately, but together show how she's skewed towards believing in her defectiveness caused by outside factors to a greater extent than it really is. To me that's a kind of distorted reasoning that leads her to learned helplessness.

and no, those paperwork’s were of myself primarily when I was an 8 year old, and they didn’t even talk to me. They just observed my peer interactions. They also did some testing, and an 8 year old wouldn’t be able to manipulate answers like that..

[Braingel]

It isn’t an exaggeration. I got put in twelve schools and I got primarily bullied for not wearing a bra… And for awkward body language, and huge athletic incompetence (and I literally got put in 7 sports, broadening this opportunity to happen and to be even make bullied for my boobs jiggling in the sports, competing in tournaments across states). How do you think teenagers are going to respond to that, I got bullied everywhere I went. One time people posted about me online, and I didn’t even have a phone when I was 12, other girls turnt in those people, and it got 200 likes on it.. And one school was contacted by mine, and some of them got in trouvle. It had do with my messy hair and me not wearing a bra. “L’Oréal forever” was one comment.

The bully who choked me even said he was sorry for how “everyone” treated me. I got bullied by everyone in my grade at one school. And then I got put in facilities where there were gang kids and some there in place of juvie and they all bullied me but two girls. I was put around a lot of people who could bully me.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...43b9f9ee244b8&

I got viewed by millions on quora and this is where I faced a lot of online harassment, and anyone would tell you on discord that I faced SEVERE harassment, including flower feast.

Before I had speech and language ABA motivated therapy, which also traumatized me to be clear, I used to go around saying things like, “Is your daughter the one with the big buck teeth?” “I think I have head lice.” I have revealed things about myself online, not socially aware of how they could receive, that got me severely, severely harassed. Both Emer and reality D would know.

[Braingel]

I explained one way I got really disliked by hundreds of people, from being socially oblivious: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...25b0413469971&

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...03474c63a3ea5&

[Braingel]

I'm not denying that her father may be harmful. The first time I saw him in her first posts here, I already had a clear impression from VI that he's likely to be that arrogant, neglecting, self-righteous macho type who will just laugh at your issues.

My problem with Braingel, and my reason for calling her delusional, is that she seems to build her entire worldview around abuse and health conditions she experienced and exaggerates them to have an excuse for not dealing with life. Everyone goes through some difficult stuff in their lives, but it's her who constantly writes about how much has happened to her. She makes all these little distortions to facts that fit her narrative. I'll write about some I remember (hopefully correctly):
Showing her mental evaluations and diagnoses to prove how severe her case is, without judging their correctness (high trust in professionals when they validate what you want to believe), and I remember her suggesting in the past that her sister is being incorrectly treated for her diseases (low trust in professionals in another case), all without much proof or reasoning.
She knows that her conditions like fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis may be psychosomatic, so she starts writing as they're surely caused by the emotional turmoil she experiences and uses them as an argument while the causal connection is far from certain.
She says how socially awkward and incompetent she is because of her autism, and what I see is a person who has a strong online presence, good at describing her own thoughts and situations, participates in many places, brings attention to herself, writes to many people, has no problem building relations. It irritates me because I struggle way more in this area, but it's her using it as some sort of justification for why she's in a difficult situation.
She writes things like being bullied by hundreds of people, you can't really defend this kind of an exaggeration...

It's all those little things that may not mean much separately, but together show how she's skewed towards believing in her defectiveness caused by outside factors to a greater extent than it really is. To me that's a kind of distorted reasoning that leads her to learned helplessness.

There is a lot of reason I believe my sister’s case was incorrectly diagnosed and I was right, because she’s now seeing a naturopath and is improving. Most of her illness is rotted in cptsd and lyme’s. She was incorrectly treated for years, which she even acknowledges now. She got endless diagnoses that were wrong and never showed any improvement..

But in my own case, yes, professionals are correct about my own self. They never caught my childhood abuse, though. But the autism diagnosis first came at 8, and up until 12-13, I would literally say things like, “Is your daughter the one with the big buck teeth?” “I think I’ve head lice.” “Why are you fat?” And it got me in trouble a lot.. And I to this day have never been able to have an irl friend. Me writing and getting viewed online because I can write well, and because I wrote about topics that are more likely to get viewed doesn’t at all make me socially competent. You’ve no idea what Yorker talking about and again, it’s all biased from your own view of me, and maybe your own animosity from how you misperceive me. Almost everything you’ve said is wrong about me. Including your assumption about intuitive exposure in childhood. Complete opposite. Endless sports, not even given a phone until a month or few weeks of turning 14, etc.

[Braingel]

The worst I got bullied was that guy Wyatte who apprised for doing it, choking me, a boy named George plotting to take my life and he got caught and expelled from the school and a juvie record and restraining order, having a beetle put in my ear in a facility, and being whipped with a belt in a facility where staff enhanced and my roommate whipped me.

[Braingel]

Now if my father never abused me, let his brother around me who is in prison now, and k wasn’t bullied, I would’ve never been put up in those facilities, one in which I got bullied emotionally and physically by girls and emotionally abused by some staff, including the therapist who hated me and broke my confidentiality to girls and who always threatened me with a psych ward if she caught me crying and yelled at me for crying in public and took my make up away and had me taken back to the facility from an outing.

That facility was 6 1/2 months, and the way I was taken was bluntly traumatic, I was taken in the midst of night by hired youth transporters and forced to get on the plane to Colorado and then a propeller plane to Laramie from there.

[Braingel]

I got physically abused by a cousin once, but I don’t count her because it happened once only when I was 14 (she was 21 and drunk).

[Braingel]

Now if my father never abused me, let his brother around me who is in prison now, and k wasn’t bullied, I would’ve never been put up in those facilities, one in which I got bullied emotionally and physically by girls and emotionally abused by some staff, including the therapist who hated me and broke my confidentiality to girls and who always threatened me with a psych ward if she caught me crying and yelled at me for crying in public and took my make up away and had me taken back to the facility from an outing.

That facility was 6 1/2 months, and the way I was taken was bluntly traumatic, I was taken in the midst of night by hired youth transporters and forced to get on the plane to Colorado and then a propeller plane to Laramie from there.

Years before I was placed there, a therapist raped a client. And one woman got no charges, but was sued, Patti Thobro. She was clinical director when I had been in cathedral home. https://www.wyomingpublicmedia.org/n...me-sex-lawsuit

She was just as negligent as ever when I was there, hiring the emotionally abusive therapist Lisa and other staff who were abusive and neglectful. When my aunt came see me, she found scissors unattended on the floor. And they let the girls have belts and cd’s, and one former gang and inmate girl wanted carve her initials on me with a CD she’d broken.

[Braingel]

As a minor, I was placed in two other facilities, where I didn’t get abused by the adults, but was bullied emotionally. But on my 18th birthday, I was put in my fourth facility, right into an adult one from a child’s one.

[Braingel]

If you’d even look at my YouTube videos, they aren’t even vastly viewed and don’t receive many likes. My posts here don’t receive many likes. Even my instagram here, not very viewed: https://www.instagram.com/movingmind...&utm_source=qr

I am not as good at communicating or making friends as you believe myself to be.. It just seems like you never will relent your view of me, and consider it is an inaccuracy of how I am, because you believe my view is wrong.

[Braingel]

But for how I got bullied by hundreds of people, so you see how it is indeed possible, I will explain.

I got put in a relatively small public school called El Morro, growing up.. I was bullied at Ambuel, as well, but not by as many people. El Morro is the school where I got put into special ed, which got me bullied ultimately more.

My parents forced me into all these sports, which really, really, really drew attention to my autism, with motor issues, sensory processing issues from over-stimulus and from being unable to wear a bra, as well as forcing a lot of sociability I wasn’t designed to have and even further exposing my social deficits, for instance, when I said, “I think I’ve head lice”, it was on a junior olympics team tournament in Atlanta Georgia.. No one wanted associate with me on my team, for how awkward I was, how badly athletic I was, and I was braless. I was not even good enough to be on that team, but my father being club owner had me put, and I was always benched. I didn’t get put on the court once in that tournament.

My mother told the girls and their parents I’ve autism, as the bra thing was a huge issue and disturbed a lot of people, as my boobs would bounce around, and I’d sometimes have to grab my boobs so they didn’t jump too much. Even now, I’ve boobs that sag from all the abuse they have taken from all that jumping and running without a bra, and whilst they were only developing.

I got made fun of for being special Ed, as well.. No one wanted to sit with me at recess, and my backpack would be taken and thrown into the drinking fountain. When I got put into a private school called St Catherine of Sienna Parish, that entire grade other than two girls bullied me.

I was put in psychological facilities, where in Cathedral Home, I was the only girl with autism, and virtually everyone else there was a foster child, street gang kid, in there in place of juvie, and being autistic and vulnerable, I got mistreated A LOT by these girls.

I faced majority of my in person bullying from sports, Cathedral Home, Center for Discovery, Thurston Middle School, St. Catherine and Laguna Beach High School. I had a girl always pinch me in the locker rooms at Nadadore’s swim.

By the time I reached online, I already was not very socially versed, and with my trauma and abuse, it made me reveal things about myself that hurt my reputation and got me harassed and slandered, as well as developing some outlooks from how I’ve been treated and things can reform and people who disagree with that have slandered me a lot.

I forgot mention it, but I also got bullied for all the knots in my hair. And when I was 5, my mother cut my hair to boy’s length because of how I pulled it put from sensory issues, and I got bullied for having boy’s hair.

But by the time with quora and whatnot, I didn’t realize how stigmatized borderline personality disorder was, and revealed my diagnosis of it.. This got me wished dead, rape threats and worse.. It resulted in myself being repeatedly invalidated about my childhood, my emotions, and people blamed me as the issue of my family, and that I’m a domestic abuser. For how I reacted to things and other means, with the stigma, being socially unaware with screen shots, it got me assumed as a narcissist, sociopath and psychopath.

Then I got into the discord typology community, which has hundreds of people in it, and majority are unhealthful. And they harassed and doxxed me, one guy named Ragnar said he’s there to abuse the fuck out of me, people made gifs out of my autism meltdowns, I got threatened to be raped, people sent packages to my house, people slandered me, I got told to slot my wrists by numerous people, I get trashed talk a fucking lot on servers. Go to any, and you’ll see lots of shit talking.

[Braingel]

It isn’t an exaggeration. I got put in twelve schools and I got primarily bullied for not wearing a bra… And for awkward body language, and huge athletic incompetence (and I literally got put in 7 sports, broadening this opportunity to happen and to be even make bullied for my boobs jiggling in the sports, competing in tournaments across states). How do you think teenagers are going to respond to that, I got bullied everywhere I went. One time people posted about me online, and I didn’t even have a phone when I was 12, other girls turnt in those people, and it got 200 likes on it.. And one school was contacted by mine, and some of them got in trouvle. It had do with my messy hair and me not wearing a bra. “L’Oréal forever” was one comment.

The bully who choked me even said he was sorry for how “everyone” treated me. I got bullied by everyone in my grade at one school. And then I got put in facilities where there were gang kids and some there in place of juvie and they all bullied me but two girls. I was put around a lot of people who could bully me.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...43b9f9ee244b8&

I got viewed by millions on quora and this is where I faced a lot of online harassment, and anyone would tell you on discord that I faced SEVERE harassment, including flower feast.

“The way everybody else treated you growing up”. This already implies I’ve been bullied badly by many, many, many people. I have had more than 50 regular bullies in person, and been bullied regularly in a total of more than 100 in person, but not necessarily regular.

I won’t be able to lost them all, but

-Wyatte (guy who apologized for choking me)
-Kiani (girl who slapped me a few times at volleyball and who chronically bullied me emotionally)
-George (boy who plotted take my life and got expelled)
-Katya
-Niaouli
-Brett
-April (girl at a horse camp who bullied me whenever she was there, and she locked me in the cabin bathroom for 3 hours amid free time once as she stood to the door

Following girls are from facilities:
-Oceyana
-Hope
-Bethany
-Olivia
-Aja
-Lanie
-Mckenzie
-Destiny
-Sidney
-Racquelle
-Brandie

not facility anymore:
-Christiana
-a different Conner
-Kendal
-Alyssa
-Erica
-Brittany (Nadadore pincher)
-Kristen
-Quinn
-Alexis
-Matilda
-Billy
-a different Billy
-Bianca
-Clancy
-Jake
-Griffon
-some girls form my school on ask.fm who were anon
I can’t remember others

Only place I didn’t get bullied was youth group at a church and writing camps

[Braingel]

Michelle was a girl that bullied me from volleyball, Jordan was another regular bully from school that always trashed me and spread stuff but didn’t as directly to my face, other than he said he hates me to myself.. A different Olivia and her sister Claire, Celine from volleyball, Samuel, Annalise, Tamara

[Braingel]

My childhood is a lot worse than of normal, but did you know that this is actually relatively “typical” for autism? https://www.spectrumnews.org/feature...tistic-people/

I share this to make a point how easy it is to get bullied by hundreds with asd. You repeatedly demonstrate ignominious ignorance to autism, @qaz00. The most viewed person and documented person on the internet is Chris Chan, who has autism and communicated and they have autism. Most autistic people face bullying by hundreds of kids. You confuse some of my communicative style as being sensory when it’s straight up on autism itself and also the effects of ABa therapy. And you believe being intelligent and expressing oneself= being “mildly” autistic. You are extremely fucking ableist, whether you like it or not, you fucking are, and not only this, you’re a stubborn jackass and horrible reader of emotions, trauma and of people period. No wonder you got into typology to try and cheaply cover a deficit you’ll never improve in with your current mindset. You selectively pay attention to for your deviated from actuality perception of myself. You base n how someone seems, without grasping any deeper. “What I see”. What you see isn’t what is going on. The irony is with how much you suck as this all, you insist your views as being right. This probably is on your mental Fe polr being a perfection function. The base and polr are perfection-averted. You even try type be pseudo Fe ish methods, and yet absolutely suck and fail at them. This would be called “rigid NiFe”. You have rigid Fe expression-focused typing, you envy expressive people. And you try type by patterns in expression, but not understanding this element well, fail.

But my childhood is way worse than an average autistic person’s is, as I faced abuse from parents and sexual and facility abuse in addition. My parents basically fed me to the lion’s den, with putting me in all those sports and putting me in certain facilities they didn’t bother to research that had juvie and street gang kids. But they’re negligent and also directly abusive, so what do you expect.

[Braingel]

I'm not denying that her father may be harmful. The first time I saw him in her first posts here, I already had a clear impression from VI that he's likely to be that arrogant, neglecting, self-righteous macho type who will just laugh at your issues.

My problem with Braingel, and my reason for calling her delusional, is that she seems to build her entire worldview around abuse and health conditions she experienced and exaggerates them to have an excuse for not dealing with life. Everyone goes through some difficult stuff in their lives, but it's her who constantly writes about how much has happened to her. She makes all these little distortions to facts that fit her narrative. I'll write about some I remember (hopefully correctly):
Showing her mental evaluations and diagnoses to prove how severe her case is, without judging their correctness (high trust in professionals when they validate what you want to believe), and I remember her suggesting in the past that her sister is being incorrectly treated for her diseases (low trust in professionals in another case), all without much proof or reasoning.
She knows that her conditions like fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis may be psychosomatic, so she starts writing as they're surely caused by the emotional turmoil she experiences and uses them as an argument while the causal connection is far from certain.
She says how socially awkward and incompetent she is because of her autism, and what I see is a person who has a strong online presence, good at describing her own thoughts and situations, participates in many places, brings attention to herself, writes to many people, has no problem building relations. It irritates me because I struggle way more in this area, but it's her using it as some sort of justification for why she's in a difficult situation.
She writes things like being bullied by hundreds of people, you can't really defend this kind of an exaggeration...

It's all those little things that may not mean much separately, but together show how she's skewed towards believing in her defectiveness caused by outside factors to a greater extent than it really is. To me that's a kind of distorted reasoning that leads her to learned helplessness.

Even this demonstrates ignorance to how autism fixation results and how much harder trauma is with this. AbleiSiTe Qaz. You don’t even understand why Asperger’s eradicated from the DSM— for the very reasons you assume me as functional. Being intelligent doesn’t = ability to function. There is executive dysfunction that can also severely inhibit a formerly known as Aspie.

[necrosebud]

It seems there is a lack of belief that things affect you the way/to the extent you say they do

[Braingel]

It seems there is a lack of belief that things affect you the way/to the extent you say they do

Yeah, others don’t believe it. Mostly people like Qaz, people who dislike me due to a difference of belief, or people who stigmatize bpd, which I’m not even convinced was an accurate diagnosis for myself. But obviously it affects me, with my defensiveness and reactivity and other defenses I’ve developed that don’t just develop out of nowhere.. Qaz characterized me as a viscerally reactive person. I’m not. I get reactive when I am invalidated, gaslit or when someone doesn’t acknowledge my interior self. This is an adaptive means.. It isn’t as if I were born an emotionally impulsive person. More that my sensitivity developed negatively from environmental assaults and what it made me internalize that damaged my amygdala overtime.

[necrosebud]

another point of contention might be possibly unintentionally giving the impression that others experiences are not quite as bad as yours, or not similar when there might be notable similarities potentially

[Braingel]

Yeah, others don’t believe it. Mostly people like Qaz, people who dislike me due to a difference of belief, or people who stigmatize bpd, which I’m not even convinced was an accurate diagnosis for myself. But obviously it affects me, with my defensiveness and reactivity and other defenses I’ve developed that don’t just develop out of nowhere.. Qaz characterized me as a viscerally reactive person. I’m not. I get reactive when I am invalidated, gaslit or when someone doesn’t acknowledge my interior self. This is an adaptive means.. It isn’t as if I were born an emotionally impulsive person. More that my sensitivity developed negatively from environmental assaults and what it made me internalize that damaged my amygdala overtime.

I am convinced that what I have (aside from autism) is complex ptsd with borderline features, but not direct bpd itself. It’s not as of bpd is way off from myself, as it features many similarities of cptsd, which isn’t in the dsm as of this yet..

I have some traits of it, especially when moving more towards my 2 line.

[necrosebud]

I am convinced that what I have (aside from autism) is complex ptsd with borderline features, but not direct bpd itself. It’s not as of bpd is way off from myself, as it features many similarities of cptsd, which isn’t in the dsm as of this yet..

I have some traits of it, especially when moving more towards my 2 line.

idk if bpd is quite what you are thinking it is either, by drawing the distinction between it and cptsd

idk if/how good we are at detecting more subtle or earlier developmental trauma, but this is contentious apparently although i don't understand why

it calls into question the very nature of trauma or a post trauma like syndrom but perhaps another topic

[Braingel]

My view is that splitting is the dead give away to bpd. And I don’t believe it would isolate to trauma triggers that remind you of abuse. It would globalize, say, a person doesn’t get what they want, then it’s the demonizing of them, or maybe that would be bpd with comorbid npd.. Gain versus throw away is npd. I can tell you rn, that I don’t split outside of ptsd triggers with invalidation and gaslighting.

[Braingel]

Anyhow, me getting diagnosed with bpd at the age of 17 made my life a living fucking hell, resulted in people to invalidate my emotions and traumatic experiences even more, also gave immense stigmatic hate and harassment.. And it fucking sucks. Made me more unstable with what I already deal with in my family annd stabbed into me, a bigger wound with needing be acknowledged by others. And I don’t even believe I would have it full-on. I believe it should be reserved to splitting that proceeds beyond isolated traumatic triggers.