The one thing in typing that I am completely sure of is that I am a 6w5 on the enneagram. I am extremely anxious and doubting and have taken SO many enneagram tests and have always been typed by others as a 6w5. I think my tritype is 649 or 694 which likely explains why I am unable to figure out my MBTI/Socionics type.
1. What things in life pull you back? (in the sense of things you struggle with)
Honestly, I don’t know what pulls me back in life other than anxiety and sometimes melancholic states. During this pandemic, I have been very cautious and anxious, worrying that a family member could fall extremely ill from the virus. I have always been a pretty anxious person and since I am pretty intuitive, a lot of the time, my anxieties come true. When I was 13, my appendix burst and the whole time, I was convinced I had appendicitis but no one believed me and they didn’t catch it before it was too late. I am also pretty rule-following and hate consequences and the idea of disappointing anyone I love. I am often somewhat outgoing but am very hesitant about telling people certain things about myself since I worry it will change how they view me. That is one of the things I have always feared most: people changing their opinion of me. I never tell any friend who I have a crush on or anything like that since I fear what their opinions will be. There are so many things about myself that I have never told anyone and it is almost like I am physically unable to tell anyone.
2. What stresses you out and upsets you?
So much...health issues, social stuff, pretty much everything. I think a lot of my health anxiety stems from my appendix situation and my dad going through and eventually dying of pancreatic cancer. My mom is at relatively high risk for COVID-19 which is why I have been so cautious and anxious about it. Lately, I have been quite upset about people not social distancing or wearing masks since it is just going to make everything last longer (I live in an area with a lot of cases and some of my friends currently have it). I have social anxiety as well (although not super severe) and get kind of worried my friends secretly don’t like me. In this sense, I can be kind of manipulative. I also get super sad when other people are sad. When I see people that are going through something bad, my heart hurts for them and I like checking in on people to make sure they are ok. However, I feel like I don’t reach out enough because I worry about being seen as clingy. This is random, but my heart breaks when businesses go out of business or when people become less successful than they were before. I just feel so heartbroken for them and wish there was something that I could do, although I often do not act on it.
3. What are you like when you aren’t having the best day?
If I am just at home with my immediate family, I will express it haha. I will be kind of grumpy with everyone. With my friends, I usually do not let on when I am upset. However, I may show it if I reach a breaking point. One example I can think of (this probably seems like a really weird example) is when my friend got “mad” at me for seemingly no reason. I reacted kind of emotionally and I was just set off into a bad mood for the rest of the day and was very short and grumpy with everyone around me. Lately, when I have been having a bad day due to the coronavirus situation, if anyone that I am VERY close with (I would only say this to them) says that it is ok to not social distance or something like that, I will send them lots of data and evidence passive aggressively showing the dangers and explaining the possible negative implications of their actions. On a different note, sometimes I fantasize about sensory experiences (like certain drugs) that could “numb” the anxiety and feelings that I have.
4. How would your close friends describe you?
Supportive, kind, smart, inclusive, self-aware, accidentally funny, intuitive, very curious and inquisitive, sometimes too serious (maybe?), not sure what else!
5. How do you see the world? (E.g. you see it in a bright light etc)
This is kind of a hard question! I want to see the world in a bright light but lately I have become somewhat of a misanthrope haha! I feel like there are so many people who are just incredibly selfish and ignorant and that really depresses me. The world as a whole, however, I love and would love to travel and see all the beautiful places and cultures.
6. Would you described yourself as ambitious? Why/why not?
I would not. Others see me as ambitious but I do not feel like I am. I am a relatively high-achieving person but I feel like I could definitely be doing more with my life. I just have trouble getting going and actually doing things sometimes and especially with anxiety and the current state of the world, I am prone to feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated.
7. What things are you good at and why do you think makes you good at them?
I am really good at learning new things! I have never taken notes in my life and I am not the best at memorization but I am really good at forming mental connections between things and understanding things with ease. I am pretty good at learning languages and am able to easily recognize linguistic patterns and often accurately figure out what a word in a language I am learning will be. I sometimes visualize concepts in my head. For example, I see the different cognitive functions as like a peculiar Venn-Diagram mentally haha. I feel like I am a relatively convergent thinker and connect various ideas together into one. I am also good at being a supportive and inclusive \~close\~ friend. I feel really bad if one of them feels left out or down so I always do my best to help them out. I am often a mediator in situations of conflict and am very non assertive. One time, a “friend” confronted my group of friends and I about issues and even though she was completely crazy, I did not want to say anything mean to her since I worried I could have possibly judged the situation incorrectly and she could become super depressed about anything we could have said to her. I wish I were less anxious than I am as I am often too socially anxious to really help out people I do not know well out of fear that they will think I am weird or overstepping.
8. Why do you think are human relationships necessary in life?
I think human relationships are necessary because what is there in life other than human relationships? Our relationships are what truly will have a meaningful/lasting impact after we die. We are all on this rock flying through space together so we must learn to depend on each other and get along because what would we do if we didn’t?
9. What’s important to you?
This is always a tough question for me to answer but I took a values test not long ago and these were the results: Curiosity, Meaning in life, Family Security, True friendship, A world of beauty, Preservation of public image, Equality, Intelligence, Inner harmony, Humility
10. Would you say you understand yourself and your feelings well?
I would say I do. I usually understand my feelings and why I am feeling something, although probably not 100% of the time. I know what I like and what I don’t like internally even if I don’t show it on the outside. However, I am extremely doubtful (which is why I am doing this in the first place...maybe an E6 thing haha) and don’t really trust myself in certain ways.
11. What problems have you had growing up?
As I have already mentioned a million times, anxiety. Also, I have always been super clumsy and lacking in practical skills. I have never been very coordinated or good at sports/anything like that at all. I am terrible at doing handy work (crafts especially haha!). I am also super absent minded sometimes and forget where I put things. I can NEVER relax and just be in the moment, ever! On vacations even, I can never focus on where we are at the moment as I am always thinking about what we are going to do next. If we are at one beach, for example, I will only be thinking about what the next beach we go to on the trip will be like and will become anxious to go. I have always been pretty disorganized as well and teachers occasionally used to get mad at me for my backpack being such a mess haha.
12. Have you ever felt alienated? Why?
YES!! I have always felt incredibly alienated among my peers. As a young child, I was pretty intelligent and had interests that no one else my age had. I have always just felt a little \~different\~ from everyone else. I have a good amount of friends and close connections but a part of me feels like there has to be something wrong with me haha. People fascinate me. I am always so curious as to what makes each person individually tick. I try to understand people's motivations and what makes them the way they are. I am kind of a "stalker" in that I may look at someone's social media profile to try to understand them better.
13. You have a whole day free, no responsibilities. What do you do and why, considering the day before you weren’t exhausted?
I would probably go on a drive around the area I live and try to see all of the scenic places nearby. I always love going to new places and seeing new things and am looking forward to being able to eventually travel more. I kind of like “collecting” places I’ve been in a way and would eventually love to have gone almost everywhere, haha. If I was not in the mood for a drive, I would honestly probably just stay home and relax...maybe do some research into things I am interested in and just stay in bed all day. I have questioned if I am an introvert or extrovert (since I am pretty outgoing and bubbly at times, especially if I really like a person and in groups with close friends, I tend to be the “leader” as most of my friends are all introverts and there is sometimes awkward silence which I hate) and I am pretty sure now that I am an introvert. Social interaction, if it is not meaningful, tends to drain me. I may be energized from an interesting chat with a friend but any large scale interaction exhausts me.
I'm not sure if the way I was as a child matters at all in typing but I thought it couldn't hurt to add:
As a child, I would describe myself as bright, inquisitive, sensitive, and anxious. I was always very curious and constantly craved learning more. I developed niche interests from a young age, including geography, animals, and rocks/minerals and have always had interests that haven't been entirely "normal." I would draw maps and create countries that would somehow incorporate my other interests. I was (and well, still am) also extremely sensitive as a child and took everything personally. One example I remember is that at some point in elementary school, my crush started using swear words and I thought that was the end of the world and felt personally offended by it since I was always taught that using swear words was like the worst thing anyone could do. I have also been very anxious as long as I can remember. My parents tell me that even when I was very little, basically anything made me anxious.
I am so sorry this was so long!
Thank you all so much!