Can you help? Am I ENFp or INFp?

[ToTheMoon]

I agree with EII, just from impressions from your video, and yes, IEE would be second guess. Not really seeing IEI.

Welcome to the forum, btw! You seem like a really nice and interesting person.

Thanks for the welcome and your kind words .
EII/IEE it is, sounds like it! I'm going to leave IEI out of the running.

[Beautiful sky]

Yes she’s very calm and gentle like me

[Beautiful sky]

Fi recognizes relationships and are able to have relationships on all kinds of levels and areas.

[The Reality Denialist]

EII confirmed. Something you do not have is the definitive Model A Xi creative which comes to a definition of their own view. It is like reversed aka expansion of it.

[ToTheMoon]

EII confirmed. Something you do not have is the definitive Model A Xi creative which comes to a definition of their own view. It is like reversed aka expansion of it.

Okays, thanks! I'm not sure I get what you mean by your last sentence.

[The Reality Denialist]

Okays, thanks! I'm not sure I get what you mean by your last sentence.

Clearly or maybe abruptly stating things from their POV. Seeks clarity but is not very clearly defined may cause great deal of confusion in others. Exxp quality.

[Beautiful sky]

She shows great patience for difficult people and she wants to keep peace. She did not trump on her mother ‘s authority

[Beautiful sky]

IEE afterall :Love: still very Delta qualities. Patience

[Eliza Thomason]

Hi!

Warning, long post ahead...

I've been into reading about cognitive functions for a while ...

...https://youtu.be/HqmtX7iFxdM

Thanks for reading and/or watching! I'd appreciate any and all questions and suggestions and answers.

I will get back after actually reading this. I read up to where I cut it off. And I thought, she will be ENFp not INFp... then i looked at the first 1min., 57 seconds of video, and immediately thought: she is ENFp. I am ENFp, and we are often quickly intuitive and accurate in naming types (I am not just talking about myself but it's in ENFp description somewhere)... I don't guess everyone that fast, but so far, when I have, it's been right. But I could be wrong. I will tell you if my opinion on your type is changed or is the same/reinforced sometime later after I get a chance to actually read what you wrote and watch what you said. So sorry about that but right now I need to make a marinate as well as make tonight's dinner... and I'm not sure when i will get back online, and have a chance to read, so I thought i would share now: it looks like ENFp, and when I guess that quick, I am usu. right!

Part of it, from the minute of video I watched, is the way you took the questions truly seriously. ENFp is SERIOUS, after all (vs. Merry). And we tend to be sincere, and you were searching inward for your more intuitive-type answers to be sure you were describing your inner experience in the truest way. You went from not being able to look at the camera because you were thinking, and you didn't look much when you did, to instantly giving full, almost intensive eye contact -- a not a threatening intensity but instead friendly and sincere, as well as direct - and I think that is ENFp-like gaze. (furthermore, I completely agree with what you said about beauty and how things go with other things and balance - it's all important, IMO, too!)

As to the few words I read from your post above, you warned, "This is going to be long" and, hey, that's ENFp!

[ToTheMoon]

Hahah, okay, I've been reflecting upon how it felt to be here and what those feelings mean, and here's my conclusion. This is what the whole situation looks like this from my perspective.

ToTheMoon (TTM): "Hey guys, please help me put myself in a box. I'm either box A or box B."
Others: Proceed to put TTM in various boxes, A and B and C and D, to her growing delight.
TTM: "It's amazing to have the possibility to try being all these things! And the people here are genuinely nice and want to help and seem to care and they give me so much of their time! How wonderful!"
Others: "Okay, you've had your fun, you're definitely in box A."
TTM: "What, but why, give me all my other boxes, don't put me in a box! I don't like this box, it's too confined and I'm going to be alone in it, where are my other boxes, why did you suddenly stop wanting to play?"
Others: "There, there. It's a fine box. You'll get used to it."
TTM: Feels terribly alone and acts childish about it for a while but with time will come to the conclusion it was the correct box and will indeed get used to it. In the mean time will go looking for new contraptions to put herself into. Perhaps buckets or vases or jugs.

If that doesn't confirm ENFp, I don't know what will. And here I was hoping I would turn out to be someone with the potential to be so much deeper and more nuanced, *~*~*with that mysterious quality I sometimes think I have but no one sees it so maybe I don't really have it but maybe I do but it's just hidden deep in the depths of my soul...*~*~* (this is mockery directed at self, in case you couldn't tell)
I'm not silly, though, I know I can wish all I want but I am what I am and you guys are correct about it. Smarter to avoid ego fixations.

Anyways, thank you all for contributing so far! I love reading your thoughts and learning and talking to you. If anyone has anything to add, feel free of course .

[Memento Mori]

Hahah, okay, I've been reflecting upon how it felt to be here and what those feelings mean, and here's my conclusion. This is what the whole situation looks like this from my perspective.

ToTheMoon (TTM): "Hey guys, please help me put myself in a box. I'm either box A or box B."
Others: Proceed to put TTM in various boxes, A and B and C and D, to her growing delight.
TTM: "It's amazing to have the possibility to try being all these things! And the people here are genuinely nice and want to help and seem to care and they give me so much of their time! How wonderful!"
Others: "Okay, you've had your fun, you're definitely in box A."
TTM: "What, but why, give me all my other boxes, don't put me in a box! I don't like this box, it's too confined and I'm going to be alone in it, where are my other boxes, why did you suddenly stop wanting to play?"
Others: "There, there. It's a fine box. You'll get used to it."
TTM: Feels terribly alone and acts childish about it for a while but with time will come to the conclusion it was the correct box and will indeed get used to it. In the mean time will go looking for new contraptions to put herself into. Perhaps buckets or vases or jugs.

If that doesn't confirm ENFp, I don't know what will. And here I was hoping I would turn out to be someone with the potential to be so much deeper and more nuanced, *~*~*with that mysterious quality I sometimes think I have but no one sees it so maybe I don't really have it but maybe I do but it's just hidden deep in the depths of my soul...*~*~* (this is mockery directed at self, in case you couldn't tell)
I'm not silly, though, I know I can wish all I want but I am what I am and you guys are correct about it. Smarter to avoid ego fixations.

Anyways, thank you all for contributing so far! I love reading your thoughts and learning and talking to you. If anyone has anything to add, feel free of course .

This was the most self aware and honest Delta NF self-spoof I've seen hahah, well done. In the MBTI community there's a running joke/stereotype, cause there's a TON of NFPs mistyping as NFJs in MBTI, and Your own reasoning largely highlights why.

That said, I'm glad You're coming to a sense of resolution on the matter, and that the thread's been helpful. I still don't see how You're IEE, that is to say Program Ne over Program Fi, but so be it. I recommend reading the articles on this site on both types, as well as PoLR Ti vs PoLR Se (along with the Program Ne/Fi obviously) for further clarification.

Gonna reiterate a few things here:

You said that when You were young that novelty was seen as an attack on Yourself. This doesn't really make any sense for a Program Ne AFAIK. The way it was also experienced so personally as well speaks to Fi. The video lines I transcribed as well:

""Valuing myself... is a value.... in itself. Thanks to valuing myself, I can.... be independent of others, of their influence, and I can be safe in myself to connect with others, without the need to, sort of, 'blend' with them. But, that connection is.... incredibly important to me; I mean, without feeling connection to other people, I wither away and die. So, I guess, being close to others, being authentic with others, being able to be open with others, that is what is important to me."

I'm still adamantly agree with Beautiful Sky. You're an EII. Just my two cents. If You're truly IEE then You'd be IEE-Fi.

[ToTheMoon]

This was the most self aware and honest Delta NF self-spoof I've seen hahah, well done.

Thanks

In the MBTI community there's a running joke/stereotype, cause there's a TON of NFPs mistyping as NFJs in MBTI, and Your own reasoning largely highlights why.

I can sort of see why. And since it's a stereotype, like you said, and my spoof was also a stereotype, it might be useful to stress that I actually believe I do have incredible depth of insight, especially into myself but also to others, it's just not something I advertise and no way will I ever let anyone near those morasses and cesspools of my inner world. I have, it was not pretty for both parties, I'm not ready to trust anyone like that. Don't know that I ever will be.

That said, I'm glad You're coming to a sense of resolution on the matter, and that the thread's been helpful. I still don't see how You're IEE, that is to say Program Ne over Program Fi, but so be it. I recommend reading the articles on this site on both types, as well as PoLR Ti vs PoLR Se (along with the Program Ne/Fi obviously) for further clarification.

I'd say PoLR Se sounds pretty spot on. PoLR Ti sounds like me too but didn't give me the same emotional reaction.

Gonna reiterate a few things here:

You said that when You were young that novelty was seen as an attack on Yourself. This doesn't really make any sense for a Program Ne AFAIK. The way it was also experienced so personally as well speaks to Fi.

I gave a possible explanation for this state in my youth in another post, let me find it... it's on the bottom here.

The video lines I transcribed as well:

""Valuing myself... is a value.... in itself. Thanks to valuing myself, I can.... be independent of others, of their influence, and I can be safe in myself to connect with others, without the need to, sort of, 'blend' with them. But, that connection is.... incredibly important to me; I mean, without feeling connection to other people, I wither away and die. So, I guess, being close to others, being authentic with others, being able to be open with others, that is what is important to me."

It does sound like Fi dominant. Hum. Were I to give myself more time to think about things, my answer could not have been this. But I didn't want to make people wait for me in the vid and I actually was startled at that question so I answered with what felt like the easiest thing to talk about.

I'm still adamantly agree with Beautiful Sky. You're an EII. Just my two cents. If You're truly IEE then You'd be IEE-Fi.

[/QUOTE]
Beautiful Sky changed her view on me based on further VI. She decided I was ENFp.

Hey, thanks for thinking about this stuff, I appreciate it!

[ToTheMoon]

I've been reading about information elements and functions and Ne/Ni as lower functions struck me as something familiar but I have a hard time putting my finger on it.

I generally dislike exploring ideas like 'what would it be like to walk on the Moon?' or 'what superpower would you choose if you could have one?'. Topics like that irk me. There's no connection to reality, or to me personally, I would not be able to experience that so WHY BOTHER THINKING ABOUT IT, YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME. I don't usually get angry at topics of conversation but these mildly irritate me and I see them as childish flights of fancy for some reason. I find that weird because I recognize these are innocent questions and there's nothing wrong with imagining things. But these are just... what's the point? It's not entertaining, it's not interesting, it's gibberish and excessive. (Whenever I a man asks me one of these questions, and that happens a lot to me somehow, I throw up a bit in my mouth.)

I also dislike it when I talk with my best friend about her problems and at the end of the conversation she says things like 'this could play out in so many ways... the future could bring anything...' and she's very prone to generalizations like that. I mean, if you wanna talk about different scenarios, sure, I can help coming up with them, I have no problem with that, although I think that's just excessive worry generation and bad for you. Again, this irks me. Why would you try to somehow charm the future by trying to predict it? Why not concentrate on things that are currently happening within you and trace them back to things that brought you here and see them for what they are and then make a conscious decision as to what you want to do instead of letting 'the world' happen around you while you just adjust yourself to it? I guess that's my calling for her agency --something we both lack so that's why it irritates me so much .

Sounds Ignoring/Demonstrative Ne or am I misunderstanding things?

[Eliza Thomason]

This was the most self aware and honest Delta NF self-spoof I've seen hahah, well done. In the MBTI community there's a running joke/stereotype, cause there's a TON of NFPs mistyping as NFJs in MBTI, and Your own reasoning largely highlights why.

That said, I'm glad You're coming to a sense of resolution on the matter, and that the thread's been helpful. I still don't see how You're IEE, that is to say Program Ne over Program Fi, but so be it. I recommend reading the articles on this site on both types, as well as PoLR Ti vs PoLR Se (along with the Program Ne/Fi obviously) for further clarification.

Gonna reiterate a few things here:

You said that when You were young that novelty was seen as an attack on Yourself. This doesn't really make any sense for a Program Ne AFAIK. The way it was also experienced so personally as well speaks to Fi. The video lines I transcribed as well:

""Valuing myself... is a value.... in itself. Thanks to valuing myself, I can.... be independent of others, of their influence, and I can be safe in myself to connect with others, without the need to, sort of, 'blend' with them. But, that connection is.... incredibly important to me; I mean, without feeling connection to other people, I wither away and die. So, I guess, being close to others, being authentic with others, being able to be open with others, that is what is important to me."

I'm still adamantly agree with Beautiful Sky. You're an EII. Just my two cents. If You're truly IEE then You'd be IEE-Fi.

And yet that whole post you responded to made me say: "More PROOF she is ENFp!"

ENFps are very introverted Extroverts, it has been said.

[ooo]

love your haircut ^^

[ToTheMoon]

love your haircut ^^

Hahah, thanks! Freshly cut yesterday .

[Adam Strange]

I get SEI impressions of you from your video, @ToTheMoon.

I don't see where people are seeing extroversion. When you consider an answer, you pause indefinitely while diving deep inside for an answer.

[ToTheMoon]

I get SEI impressions of you from your video, @ToTheMoon.

Interesting. How did you get these impressions, if I may ask? I'm intrigued because in my mind, I'm sooo not a Sensor. I can see Si either as a Vulnerable or Mobilizing Function for me.

Si as Vulnerable Function (EIE, LIE)

Individuals who possess introverted sensing as a PoLR function tend to be negligent of its effect and have the view that Si aspects are of less importance than others for achieving their goals. They put a low priority on the physical, short-distance, here-and-now in relation to longer-distance and longer-term considerations. A typical manifestation of Vulnerable Si is high need for activity and change, inability to feel the "heaviness" of one's internal physical state as well as surrounding world, poor capacity to relax and take it slowly, a lack of concern for one's comfort and relaxation, as well as aesthetic details, since a greater focus is given on the opinion that, in the longer term, taking care of this is a never-ending and pointless exercise. Weak sensing also manifests as a relative lack of awareness of the immediate makeup of surroundings, as in noticing and remembering locations of objects, even if you don't have to deal with them, and denoting their characteristics granted their internal physical qualities. A lack of concern for small aesthetic details is more visible in the LIE; in the case of the EIE, the low focus on Si is more noticeable as a dislike for performing low-level upkeep activities and practical chores, which are set aside in favor of activities of informational and immaterial nature (reading, writing, debating, theoretical discussions, browsing the net, etc.) Due to individuals who possess introverted sensing as a 4th function believing that Si aspects are of less importance, they tend to be thrown off course by neglected and newly emergent Si matters.

Si as Mobilizing Function

The individual has some difficulties being in tune with internal physical states and discerning the physical properties and potentialities of people and objects, which leads to mishaps and errors of judgement in situations where he has to deal with the physical world. This leads to tension and anxiety, as the individual desires for supportive and harmonious environment, but he is unable to create such an environment himself and dislikes having to put in regular and extensive efforts into maintaining the kind of lifestyle. While he takes care of his basic needs he greatly prefers someone else to take the lead in dealing with the material world. The individual tends to periodically get wound up and uptight, he may engage in overanalysis that is mostly based in theory, while being unable to resolve his internal perceptions and take concrete actions to improve his state. He needs someone to help him resolve these issues, provide him with advice, direction, and evaluation of his own efforts in this area, sensitively discern his needs, resolve and eliminate possible sources of tension that has built up. The individual tends to go into extremes in this area, either neglecting it or trying to overperform.

I don't see where people are seeing extroversion. When you consider an answer, you pause indefinitely while diving deep inside for an answer.

I guess ENFp are the introverted extroverts so that could maybe explain it? I would have a hard time placing myself on this spectrum except to say that if I'm an extrovert, then I'm not the 'extroverted extrovert'. I don't really seek outside stimuli. I have enough of them on the inside. Which doesn't in itself mean anything because surely there are people with even more inside stimuli than me (I'd like to meet one!). I personally prefer to focus on the functions stacking rather than ascribing Introversion/Extroversion.

[VenusRose]

yeah the point about harmony i couldn't quite place...didn't make that much sense for Ne, but I only skimmed the content here before answering, since the choice was between IEE and IEI. Si could make sense. She does seem Ne valuing though.

[ToTheMoon]

yeah the point about harmony i couldn't quite place...didn't make that much sense for Ne, but I only skimmed the content here before answering, since the choice was between IEE and IEI. Si could make sense. She does seem Ne valuing though.

Again, if I'm certain of anything about cognitive functions, it's that I'm not a Sensor. I could imagine being a Thinking type but a Sensor I am not. It's just beyond my understanding and recognition.

My point about harmony wasn't really about physical, tangible experience (which is actually quite unattainable to myself somehow) but more of the abstract nature of things. I'd say harmony is like illumination, where all aspects of self come together to form an aware and grounded 'me' that can navigate the world in an engaged yet detached manner. Something I sometimes experience and dear me, if I could just stay there for more than a day or two...

But I think I understand where you're getting the Si vibes from: I gave the example of clothing matching the body in a harmonious way. Which is obviously Si-related. I did that to approximate my idea and I now realize I've failed because I oversimplified in order to not have to use big words and appear pretentious. Again, I'm quite unable to put it into words, but for me, the experience of looking at someone dressed in harmony with their essence is something beyond the tangible, external world. It's spiritual. Like becoming lost in a piece of art, particularly music (because of the time continuum --a person in clothing is not a static item, it's a process). Yes, it is an aesthetic experience, but more so it is spiritual. The best word to describle it that comes to mind would be numinosum.

...Aaand I just made myself pretentious in my own eyes.

[ooo]

relating 100% with that kind of "Ne" annoyance. but I don't think that's a Ne characteristic, at least not necessarily. Ne has always this aura of "everything that's farfetched and beyond the realm of the here and now, Star Trek and Doc Who and all the G.Lukas saga", but actually you can only -find the potential- (=Ne) of something if you're somewhat interested in a specific area... or what would you know?

Ne paired with Fi is closer to human matters, perhaps Ne paired with Ti is closer to the nerdy mental flights you've described.

[ToTheMoon]

relating 100% with that kind of "Ne" annoyance. but I don't think that's a Ne characteristic, at least not necessarily. Ne has always this aura of "everything that's farfetched and beyond the realm of the here and now, Star Trek and Doc Who and all the G.Lukas saga", but actually you can only -find the potential- (=Ne) of something if you're somewhat interested in a specific area... or what would you know?

Ne paired with Fi is closer to human matters, perhaps Ne paired with Ti is closer to the nerdy mental flights you've described.

Huh, you're probably right. Too much of a generalization. Just in case, I was going by descriptions from this link I received earlier:
http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...s-by-Functions

[VenusRose]

the 'vagueness' seems characteristically Ne. I know you wanted to not reveal too much as well, but I feel like for instance Se types would be less comfortable being that vague while talking about something. They seem to try to almost force something to be either black or white, not grey. In my eyes, at least.

Anyways, I am kind of bad at distinguishing Ne or Si but I can tell when they are in general, valued. Si because it's lower dimensional for me. Ne because that's just what I do as well so how do I tell the difference. With Si types you kind of start slightly merging and the Si-Ne is hard to separate. Hence why it becomes hard for me to separate in practice as well, haha...

EIIs have 2D Si...what do you think of EII as compared to IEE?

This is kind of what I was referring to with regards to Ne:

The individual is skilled at generating intellectual interest and curiosity in others and using others' curiosity to get them to do things. He easily sees parallels between different situations, areas of knowledge or skill, and people, and likes to establish contacts across different fields of knowledge and social groups, which allows him to be part of many things at once. He enjoys considering differing viewpoints and perspectives and seeing if they can be reconciled. He enjoys the beginning stages of just about anything - new projects, acquiring new skills, experiencing new people and relationships. Preparing for and launching something new is seen as having greater value than the process of experiencing what one already has and finishing what one has begun. The concept of "finishing" seems foreign to him. Instead of taking care to finish things and tie up all loose ends, he tends to drop things when he can't handle them any longer or realize that he has neglected them for too long (this might be equally related to suggestive introverted sensing).

[ToTheMoon]

[QUOTE]

the 'vagueness' seems characteristically Ne. I know you wanted to not reveal too much as well, but I feel like for instance Se types would be less comfortable being that vague while talking about something. They seem to try to almost force something to be either black or white, not grey. In my eyes, at least.

My vagueness, I think, often stems from my childish tendency to think that others can easily read me and already know what's in my head, or actually in my heart because I only have this tendency about my feelings (I can easily explain things when it comes to knowledge and don't experience any stress about it if my knowledge is well based). I feel that I have everything written on my face so people know anyway. If they already know, then to explain too much would be excessive and even more embarrassing. It's very awkward for me. Some part of me thinks I'm way more expressive than I really am, and being expressive about my feelings is ungggghhhhh let's just not. Just got an illumination here. Is my PoLR Fe? That would point to ISTp and INTp. Interesting. And not entirely impossible, really, if I think about it from the perspective of: the more I know, the better and more confident I feel but the more I feel, the more confused, afraid and overwhelmed I am (illumination here being mostly this: I have so many feelings all the time but I actually don't feel good with them most of that time!), and always turning to thinking/analyzing to cope.

Anyways, I am kind of bad at distinguishing Ne or Si but I can tell when they are in general, valued. Si because it's lower dimensional for me. Ne because that's just what I do as well so how do I tell the difference. With Si types you kind of start slightly merging and the Si-Ne is hard to separate. Hence why it becomes hard for me to separate in practice as well, haha...

Those dimensions you speak of are beyond my comprehension for the time being . I need more time to learn about this.

EIIs have 2D Si...what do you think of EII as compared to IEE?

I'll take your question from a specific angle. The beef I have with EII is that it has Ni as Demonstrative function and I can't ever see myself not valuing and ridiculing Ni.

[VenusRose]

[QUOTE=ToTheMoon;1315991]

My vagueness, I think, often stems from my childish tendency to think that others can easily read me and already know what's in my head, or actually in my heart because I only have this tendency about my feelings (I can easily explain things when it comes to knowledge and don't experience any stress about it if my knowledge is well based). I feel that I have everything written on my face so people know anyway. If they already know, then to explain too much would be excessive and even more embarrassing. It's very awkward for me. Some part of me thinks I'm way more expressive than I really am, and being expressive about my feelings is ungggghhhhh let's just not.

Oh, I understand. It's not that I don't. I was coming at it from Se-Ni perspective and they might find it "vague"; I find it perfectly comfortable and understandable.

I think I do ridicule Fe more than I do Ni
It's interesting to think about (demonstrative vs. ignoring).

I think you may be F>T based on my impressions.

[ToTheMoon]

[QUOTE=VenusRose;1315998]

Oh, I understand. It's not that I don't. I was coming at it from Se-Ni perspective and they might find it "vague"; I find it perfectly comfortable and understandable.

Ah, okay.

I think I do ridicule Fe more than I do Ni
It's interesting to think about (demonstrative vs. ignoring).

I ridicule Fe too because I feel I've mastered it enough to be able to see when it's overdone and I don't like it overdone.
I don't think I've ever ridiculed Ni. I mean, I don't even ridicule TV fortune tellers because, you know, they actually might know something others don't. True story.

I think you may be F>T based on my impressions.

Hmm, okay, I'm not sure exactly how dynamic socionics is but I was wondering a thing. If a person is focused on developing their lower function and brings it into consciousness, that surely has to translate to the way they appear to others. On the other hand, it doesn't mean the integrated lower function will ever feel as natural and comfortable to the person as their top function(s).

Side note: how do we actually judge our own function stacking and development? We need to use a function to do that so which one is it?
Let's say it's Fi and we ping our emotional register to see how we feel about something (since many descriptions of functions focus on how a function feels to the user if it is in a respective position). The way I understand it, our Basic function is supposed to feel the most natural and comfortable for us to use. The Creative function may feel a bit uncomfortable but as we age and grow, it gets integrated with the basic function and I would presume it doesn't cause much trouble --or definitely not as much trouble as the Vulnerable function would.

I've never had troubles with my T - I may be messy or bad at maths but it doesn't feel like a problem for me. If someone criticizes my knowledge or points out inconsistencies, I can usually take it pretty well and I'd rather learn more than assume I'm stupid and unable to improve. I accumulate knowledge easily in areas that interest me, I quickly become the 'expert' when I get into something. I can also easily convey that knowledge to others, without feeling any stress.

On the other hand, I've been a very socially inept child and was constantly bullied for this and ignored by my peers and it felt like living hell. When I was about 15, I started to really work on this aspect of myself because I knew that otherwise I'd be alone forever and it felt terrifying (still does). I found a group of (solely male) nerdy friends that I was able to connect with through my strong T. I continued and still continue working on my F through all my life and I'm now objectively pretty good at it but I still don't feel confident about it. I still don't know how to behave in new situations, I'm awkward meeting new people, I am bad at expressing my feelings, I'm rarely calm when I experience feelings. I react like a child and feel hurt and like I can't ever get good at this when someone criticizes my F-related inadequacies. I'm developed enough to know where I'm inadequate and that's where I apply myself to improve my state. But it's still a lot of very hard work.

I've never had to work on T-related stuff this much. It just came in and if I found I wasn't good at some part of it, it didn't matter much because I knew I was good at other parts and that would be enough.

To sum it up, I don't think that lead-F means you appear emotional and lead-T means you don't. I think it's the way you handle these emotions and how you orientate around your feelings that's informative of your functions. I'd say it's logical to assume that someone who's comfortable with their F (inducing F top functions) would appear calm and collected while those who aren't as comfortable with it would appear, well... less that. That is assuming the situation called for F-related expertise vs T-related expertise. I guess if it were the other way round, then the T-comfortable person would appear calm and collected and the F-comfortable person could appear less so.

Again, I'm not sure how dynamic this theory is but if I spent about 20 years of my life developing my inadequate F, I would think I would aready have it visible in the way I behave. Would it be possible that this is what you're picking up on?

[Blue]

From first video, I think EII. Fi and Si valuing. Ni Demo, not Ignoring. Unvalued Se. You remind me of Mia Wasikowska.

[Chthonic Daydream]

Romanticizing people you've never actually met before as these otherworldly, intetesting beings but then having your expectations fall flat on their butt after you're disappointed by the first conversation with them, realizing that it's mmmmaybe not exactly as you hoped it would be?

Sign me up.

[ToTheMoon]

Romanticizing people you've never actually met before as these otherworldly, intetesting beings but then having your expectations fall flat on their butt after you're disappointed by the first conversation with them, realizing that it's mmmmaybe not exactly as you hoped it would be?

Sign me up.

Hmm. No. Romanticizing people you've met and refusing to see that you're disappointed by them and working hard to make things better because it's life and nothing's perfect and you know it. Holding those ideals high for years (I mean like 6 years or 10 years) only to have scales fall off your eyes after too much has happened and you can't ignore reality any longer. Leaving because you finally see what's good for you, and doing so with a feeling of sadness more than anything else (little to no anger and resentment) but most of all, with a strong belief that you're doing the right thing and are on the right track. That's more like what I've been doing. And I mean that about real relationships as well as platonic/unrequited ones.

[Chthonic Daydream]

You've beat me to it. Longest I went for was two-ish years and I didn't even leave willingly, it was the other person who did.

And yeah, when I said "romanticizing" it was more in the "idealizing" sense.
This is something I experience with strangers and people I don't know too well; I want to take a bite from everyone (not literally, ew) and get to meet everyone but I sort of fail in the initiating contact department.

[ToTheMoon]

You've beat me to it. Longest I went for was two-ish years and I didn't even leave willingly, it was the other person who did.

I certainly hope for your own sake that you're reasonable like that and don't drag along a relationship that's already dead . Altho I do get how hard it could be to acknowledge the reality of death of a relationship to a N-strong person.

And yeah, when I said "romanticizing" it was more in the "idealizing" sense.
This is something I experience with strangers and people I don't know too well; I want to take a bite from everyone (not literally, ew) and get to meet everyone but I sort of fail in the initiating contact department.

I see. Personally, I have no expectations of strangers. I'm wary of them but will let them be who they are and will be nice to them so that they can open up and let me see who they are. Then I'll decide if I like them or not. No disappointments there, becasue there were no expectations in the first place. It did take me some time to get to this place, that's true. I used to be terribly scared that I'd make a bad first impression on someone. Which meant I did idealize them in some twisted way or at least I symbolically, in my head, gave them enough power over me to feel judged by them.

[Chthonic Daydream]

I certainly hope for your own sake that you're reasonable like that and don't drag along a relationship that's already dead . Altho I do get how hard it could be to acknowledge the reality of death of a relationship to a N-strong person.

I refer to that friendship as "The friendship that could (but shouldn't have happened)" nowadays. It was bad, bad, bad. The wrong circumstances, the wrong people, the wrong time. Everything went wrong and looking back at the messages I've exchanged with that person now feels embarrassing because I've been huge prick towards them back then. It's perfectly understandable they chose to walk away-- They weren't exactly pristine and flawless themselves, not in the slightest, and the fallout was due to how much we clashed. But I never really admitted things are wrong because, in my perception, /they weren't/ it was "nothing that I can't overcome" in a friendship at that time.

How wrong I was, lmao.

AAAnyway, it seems like me and @squark were talking about, just like they said, interesting people that you could meet, not committed relationships. You lured me into that territory but i can't really complain hah.

[ToTheMoon]

I refer to that friendship as "The friendship that could (but shouldn't have happened)" nowadays. It was bad, bad, bad. The wrong circumstances, the wrong people, the wrong time. Everything went wrong and looking back at the messages I've exchanged with that person now feels embarrassing because I've been huge prick towards them back then. It's perfectly understandable they chose to walk away-- They weren't exactly pristine and flawless themselves, not in the slightest, and the fallout was due to how much we clashed. But I never really admitted things are wrong because, in my perception, /they weren't/ it was "nothing that I can't overcome" in a friendship at that time.

How wrong I was, lmao.

I was in a very similar situation/relationship years ago. I remember how embarrassed I was when I read some of my messages to the other person. It's a good thing through which we grow, though. And all those relationships we go through --they help with that process of growth. If you didn't write these things and didn't read them afterwards and didn't experience that embarrassment, you probably would not have had any reason to review your behaviour and change it to better suit who you want to be/present to the world. So, in a way, this relationship did happen and something good came out of it. Even if it felt bad.

AAAnyway, it seems like me and @squark were talking about, just like they said, interesting people that you could meet, not committed relationships. You lured me into that territory but i can't really complain hah.

Doesn't that happen to anyone tho? I don't necessarily idealize people. Some I just like because of, say, their looks, but when they open their mouth to speak, I get this 'okay, I'm sorry you just did that!' but it doesn't mean I'm disappointed. When I said disillusioned, I meant, well... having an image shattered. Which is something I am okay with because it was just my idea of a person. That's not exactly the same for me as disappointment which infers feelings of being misled or lied to --that's what happens when someone promises me something and doesn't carry it through/does the opposite thing/forgets etc. Probably just a difference in personal definitions and distinctions.

[ToTheMoon]

I mean, in relationships I'm like "I made this decision to be with you. I'm going to follow through. I'm willing to go through a lot of things even though I might and will be disappointed along the way. It's a responsibility I've taken upon myself to make this relationship work, even if I don't like it too much anymore. I'll try to make it the best it can be. And I'll keep doing that until I make sure it's not possible to make it better. I won't leave you until I'm 120% sure I've exhausted myself and my resources to make us work. Beyond that point, I will leave you because I can't give you anything anymore and you can't give me anything anymore. That's when you're better of without me and I'm better off without you. It makes sense to leave. Let's not waste anymore of our time on earth and let's not play pretend anymore --that would be the biggest waste."

[FarDraft]

Based on this - LII seems as possible: both base Fe among favorite types. EII - neutral, IEI - orderer (they are expected to give a sympathy). Against ILE - EIE at the top.

> When I made your test, I noticed my strong negative reaction to IEE, to my surprise. I didn't have this strong a reaction to any other type (except INTp who were just... eww. So disheveled. Kinda scary at that).

This fits to LII possibility as IEE are subrevisie. ILI are quasi-identity - antipathy is possible.
All that comparably reduces the chances for IEE. Also 2 betas at the top reduces the chances for being delta.

On the forum is @FarDraft - LII (as I think his type) which assignes himself ILI. Mb it would be interesting for you both to interact in pm - how much of similarity in thinking you'd notice in each other. He did IR test and also got both base Fe at top 4, and before that I assumed LII for him based on the videointerview.

Try to identify people near IRL. This will give the final info in case you'll notice good fiting to one of the types. Also this will show that you got the typing skills on the initial level. Use intuitive impressions from people and what you know about their behavior - the both ways (N and T) are useful.
If you'll get the prove for LII, then IR test have worked good on you.

@ToTheMoon I'd be up to PM if you wanted. I'm still open to the possibility that I'm LII (I have had some arguments with @Sol about this), but I relate far more to gamma values than alpha ones. It would probably be a useful, and perhaps interesting, conversation for both of us.

[ToTheMoon]

@ToTheMoon I'd be up to PM if you wanted. I'm still open to the possibility that I'm LII (I have had some arguments with @Sol about this), but I relate far more to gamma values than alpha ones. It would probably be a useful, and perhaps interesting, conversation for both of us.

Hi and yes, please! It sounds like our cases are very similar. Write me when you can.

[Eliza Thomason]

Tothemoon, I wanted to tell you that I read this and, like what I saw of your video, everything about you says ENFp to me! Everything you say I exactly understand and relate to. I feel sure you are ENFp. To explain how I relate to what you say, I am finding it too hard to summarize, and instead have to comment on all you said! So I am going to give that a go here.

Some folks her are saying INFj for you, but I think not. INFjs often have a very solemn placid face when they aren't flashing a thier beautiful smile at select times (specifically, when there is an actual reason to smile) (This may be a subtype particular to INFj, because I do see differences in more-solemn/less solemn INFj's. Here, Minde would be a more solemn placid everyday face type, like two INFjs I know IRL, while Maritisa, like another INFj I know, seems more smiling). (Probably because they are "I", and they are experiencing-inwardly when their face is not being outgoing and smiley). ENFps tend to project a bit of a smiling face even when they aren't smiling, like you. Also, you have a candid earnestness and sincerity that I associate with ENFp.

Hi!

Even the enthusiastic greeting looks ENFp to me! (Other types will do this as well, like ESFj).

Warning, long post ahead...

I have written the same thing here many times. Usually when I am going to analyze something I think or feel about a thing or about my reaction to things. And it's always true to my prediction - long!

I've been into reading about cognitive functions for a while and am still learning about different approaches and trying to pick a way of understanding things that would suit my inner mental workings best. I generally type as ENFP in different MBTI tests and I was given a NeFi assessment on Cognitive Typology, based on a video I made, and I was pretty much in agreement with typing these until I took the socionics test and it kept turning out INFp. I looked at the mirroring/inverted stacks of both types and then started to read about shadow functions and now I'm totally stuck wondering if I've lived most of my life as an unhealthy ENFp locked in the shadow or if I'm really an INFp/INFJ who is uncharacteristically happy and inviting. I would appreciate any help distinguishing between the two. In my mind, when I read the descriptions of both types, they don't seem that much different at all... but I must be biased.

I used to test INFp often, and it was often a close second for me (and my original guess for myself). In MBTI, it's helpful to understand what is REALLY meant by I and E. In Socionics, it's helpful to look at Quadra values because it is quite different to be Beta and Delta. See here: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...cs-Four-Quadra I think you will find you are Delta, and therefore, ENFp.

Okay, so I'll try to tell you about myself in relation to my view of my functions and how I operate within them.

I'm definitely an intuitive and a feeler, that much is clear to me.

That's clear!

I love company and feel great when I'm around a group of friends from my studies --even years after I graduated, I still am a part of the group and I still know the people who have just started studying. There is some kind of amazing unity and harmony that I feel when I'm with them, that I gravitate towards. It's like the group is giving back to everyone in it, myself included, and that is something I'm a total sucker for. It's like being noticed within a group and not outside of it, which is a rare experience for me and one that I long for.

That is a good feeling.

Naturally, I love meeting my close friends one-on-one and talking for hours about a specific topic. I'm often consulted for advice by my friends and I've chosen the approach of learning as much as I can about what the person wants to do and then supporting them in making a decision to do it. I try not to impose my personal view too much. I sometimes do (usually when I'm tired of giving help over and over again) and usually don't feel good about it afterwards. Personally, I don't feel at ease with talking about my problems. I usually try to work them out alone, in me head, writing them down or talking them out loud. I can get in a dangerous loop when I have problems and don't reach out for help. At first, I don't notice a problem at all and just keep doing what I'm doing, distracting from it. I will unconsciously withdraw from people and can see just one person or two for weeks or months. I usually get sucked into a passion (like it is now with MBTI/socionics/etc. and I get so lost in my head that I don't notice it when I get to a point when I'm feeling suffocated by my loneliness. I'm then forced to confront the reality of being alone and in a bad place and scared for my life. I then cut myself out even further because at that point I don't believe anyone can help me and I don't really want help from anyone but one idealized person... who isn't there to help me anyway (I seem to always set myself up for that disappointment). To get myself out of that loop, I need a cathartic experience like talking about my feelings to someone (and them not responding usually) which kind of sobers my up and lets me get back to functioning normally, being able to work and see people etc.

I also love one-on-one with close friends, or anyone. At a party, rather that be in the middle entertaining everyone like my ESE friends, I am active engaged socially as well, but for me it looks quite different because it's one-on-one, and it can get very intense, that private conversation in the middle of a crowd. I am an active listener, and I like to find questions that draw a person out to talking about what they care about, and I love, love, love the wonderful discovery of a person and their uniqueness this way. It's like finding treasures for me, and it's rewarding.

I also I get consulted for advice and feedback by friends, especially when they are stuck, and I prefer to engage in the same sort of advising that you like - and I think those seeking feedback also do - the kind, like you described, where we find what it is they really desire and I help generate ideas that manifest that. And I am fine with ideas that are rejected because my feeling is that there is a way for them, and I am just joining them in the mystery of finding that way, and if it's the right way, it's one they are all-on-board with.

I, also, definitely do not feel at ease talking about my problems. That is so very true of me. The only time I am at ease is after I have struggled with it alone, and I've already found a solution or direction and am out of the weeds, or surely on the way out. Also the loop and the withdrawal you describe sounds very familiar to me pertaining to the times I have been stuck. I have never described it that way, but I feel it could be described that way.

I feel that this "not being at ease talking about my problems" is a manifestation of the difference of Fi use between EII and IEE. All the EII's i know are very in touch and aware of what their feeling reaction is to a thing, even in the moment. I, instead, can be quite unaware. While I am only too acutely that I feel something, very strongly, I know I have not figured out exactly what i am feeling and why. If its anger or annoyance then I try double-hard (and generally succeed!) to hide it, and keep it to MYSELF, til I can get alone and figure it out, and ponder everything related to it. I want to work it out alone, understand my own feelings ALONE, and then I will share. That is how Fi manifests for me (whereas SEE's manifest their Fi quite differently: they do know what they feel, and they feel free to express it right out!). My experience with how I work out feelings fits with a Fi function description for ENFp, too. Also for me, too, in big moments or turning points in my life, it is cathartic to write or talk about my feelings after all that inner figuring. Sometimes I have done that here on this forum, which of course some types find quite boring, but it has been cathartic for me!

When I was younger, I used to be terribly judgmental. I would be very closed off to novel ideas, other points of view and treated them as attacks on myself. I would judge everyone and for just about anything: the way they looked, the clothes they wore, the way they spoke, what they liked... I would also be quite open about those judgments to the extent that some people closer to me started telling me I was nasty and they didn't feel good around me. That prompted me to finally check what I was doing and why I was doing it. I then proceeded to work my way to being able to drop these defense mechanisms and I became much more in harmony with myself and with others. I was always conflict-avoidant but where I used to be judgmental, I switched to being a total people pleaser. I was over-accommodating and matching myself to others without question, just to make sure they accept me. I went overboard with this as well. I'm currently working on balancing myself: having the room to have my own opinions and giving myself the right to voice them when I want to, while still remaining accepting of others and their views.

I think I may have been more judgmental when I was much younger but I don't remember. I do remember learning many times in my life, through experience, not to judge, always after times I discovered that an original judgment I made on a person was wrong. It's always humbling to be wrong! The most recent time was meeting a woman at work whom I deemed in my mind to be the dullest, most boring person ever. A real drag of a person. But I decided everyone has something interesting and made an effort to talk to this unapproachable dull person more. Many short talks later, we were in a moment where there was more time than usual to talk, and I found she had prematurely lost her husband, very quickly and unexpectedly, to cancer, only months before. They had been unusually close; he was her whole life, and she was simply still grieving and in shock when I met her. So I learned a judging lesson there.

Over the course of my life (I'm currently 33), I have changed my occupation many times. I studied photography and cultural anthropology. I still take photo assignments from time to time but never worked as a photographer full time. I never tried pursuing a career in anthropology. I used to be a graphic designer for about a decade (I learned everything on my own + took a course or two). Then switched to bespoke sewing for a couple of years (again, learned everything on my own + took a course). These artistic pursuits actually drained me and made me feel like an impostor, and working with demanding clients made me emotionally unstable which led to me finally hating the thing I was doing. In between, I was teaching theory of photography in workshops and was tutoring English from time to time, both of which I enjoyed immensely. Then, about a year ago, I finally decided to drop the idea that I have to be creative/artistic for a living and am currently running an online vintage shop and I think this is finally something I can do to sustain myself. Working in retail without direct face-to-face contact with my customers feels liberating and safe, and I can even work with the routine I managed to devise for myself. I normally can never do anything routinely, I get bored very easily and can never see a point of doing the same thing over and over. I work in random bursts of energy.

You are the perfect age! I passed that perfection a while back... Before I graduated in teaching and started in that field, I also changed my occupation as well as my college major as many times as could possibly be done in the span of time I had to do that in; I wanted to try and consider everything. The obvious field for me was artist (I teach it now), but from the very beginning of even imagining myself in a career I detested the idea of serving my artistic inclinations to fit with the demands made of it. I guess art is for me a creative expression of an artistic vision, and it can be painful to bend it to someone else's vision, or, even more horrible to imagine: spending time creating something that is boring or ugly because I have to. I have always known I could make things to sell, but I can never settle on what to make. I feel I could make anything. What I like is carving clay, or watercolor painting and oil or acrylic painting, chalk pastels, nature-inspired designs, and objects that are both beautiful and useful. Harmonious color, beautiful form, lovely texture, luminous light, lyrical line and judicious use of negative space are all super important to me. I will create art more someday, I know. Right now it's all about teaching, as that is what I have invested in.

(After time off taking care of my Mom till she died, I considered a change of careers, to a therapist maybe. I would love the challenge and the newness and the learning of plunging into a completely different career. But I realized that in entertaining this I was not looking at our finances realistically, and that actually, financially, what was needed was for someone to pay ME to go to school to get educated in another field. I'd have gladly done that, but alas, it doesn't generally work that way. So I am sticking with what I am educated and certified in already).

I'm a messy person because I'm not bothered by things being "out of place". I just somehow don't see them. I'm not detail oriented like that. I'm not great with money... was actually living with a long time boyfriend up until a couple months ago and he was earning enough that I didn't have to worry about money at all. I'm now on my own and I'm learning to manage it and am often surprised at how I can't estimate how much I need.

I could say the same about me but it's a tendency I have worked MUCH to overcome, so some would say I look quite organized. I would say I am a secretly messy person who works like crazy to be organized so it appears as if I am. But my husband knows about my drawers and closets... which also are the focus of my New Year's resolutions... But in order to juggle things in my life including career (one that includes a lot of people and a lot of stuff and the messes young folks make with the stuff), in order to hold it all together and be comfortable being all I am supposed to be in that setting, I have found it necessary for myself and my peace of mind to be extra-organized. I am one of a small minority of tidy and organized art teachers, while most art rooms display marked untidiness. And I have seen (and cleaned) a lot of art rooms.

I often forget about my body needs, especially when I'm occupied with something that interests me: I forget to drink and eat and I don't notice that I'm sitting in an uncomfortable position until the pain is really loud. Never did any sports although I can ride a bike and enjoy it as it allows my mind to wander while there are landscapes changing before my eyes. For the same reason I enjoy hiking or just walking --I can do that for hours and never get tired. I like to experience nice things, though, I love good food (but can do without, I mostly just eat sandwiches when I'm alone because cooking is boring), I love seeing beautiful things and places, I like art, music etc. I usually attach personal meanings to things that I see, sort of like superimposing an idea over the real world, I definitely don't have my two feet firmly planted in the world.

I am just the same in forgetting about self when I am absorbed/immersed in something that can go on and on and on. I did bits of teams sports (usu.because someone talked me into it) but never shone at them, or had passion (or understanding!) for them. I also always much like bike riding and hiking. But dance was a passion in high school and college, and I long to revive that.

My memory is terrible. I only remember vibes of times, I can rarely remember any details. I started keeping a diary at a young age and still write it to this day. I enjoy writing about my feelings and thoughts and it has recently occured to me that I never write about real-life occurrences, even when they would appear to be important (like breakups, births or deaths in the family etc.).

Try B12 if you have memory issues. A lozenge is best. Often comes cherry flavored. My memory could be bad, but, it has had to be good, as teaching you have to be on top of everything. In the past, whenever it seemed to be be slipping it was always my signal I was not doing whatever thing last my Naturapath said I needed to be doing, and doing that restored me every time. [Also carbs affect memory very directly; when you feel it is bad on a particular day, recall the carbs you last ate. Since my husband and I have been eating very-low carb/high healthy fat, a complete diet makeover that we have been practising some months now, my memory issues have been none-at-all]. (The brain is fat, and thrives on it.)

The need to keep my mind sharp all the times was really the primary reason why I turned to naturopaths and holistic practices many years ago. Perhaps IEEs are prone to needing healthy assistance for keeping a sharp mind because our minds are going all the time, and things are upped when you add the Fi.

Any journals and writing I do, like you, are about my thoughts and feelings, and like you, I also don't write/record important real-life coccurances. My husband, my SLI dual (and you must get to know SLIs!) wrote journals, for years, which was wonderful for me when I met him 5 or so years ago, because I could see how he spent his days and years! He, instead of writing about thoughts and feelings like me, wrote about his real-life occasions and how he spent his days. He wrote a LOT of entries, all very short and factual, unlike mine: long, long entries, and only very sporadic (I wrote only when the notion stuck).

When thinking about a problem or learning, I like to see as many points of view as possible at first, to recognize my options, and then to work my way to some synthesis that makes sense to me.

Me too exactly.

I kind of make categories that have characteristic flavors or vibes and that's how I navigate around them. When new information comes, I check what 'flavor' it has and whether I can add it to some category I already have in my mind, or is it a new category altogether. If so, where does it fit? Which 'flavors' does it borrow from and between which 'vibes' can I place it? That mental map of feelings about things helps me easier access different things at once. I think quickly that way and can easily grasp concepts thanks to that intuitive way my mind works. It's sort of 'oh, this is similar to something I already know, so I can draw from this source to quicker grasp the new data'. It is hard for me to settle on one understanding though, and I like to add to the categories that I make in my head, expanding the whole theory.

That's like how I think, and even more, it sounds very much like holographic panoramic. See this on that: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...Victor-Gulenko It is also how LII thinks, and you were entertaining the idea of LII for yourself. (But you are WAY too much, "I feel" and "I love" to be LII). Also SLE, INFp's Dual, is Holographic Panoramic. [INFp uses Vortical-Synergetic Cognition, like our Dual, SLI. It's an interesting thinking style, but it's not ours.].

Phew! That was long! But it would take 4x as long to edit it down, so there it must be. You can see why I did not finish reading at first, I could tell right off it would take a lot to process a response. Basically, I wanted to say, "Me too!" to everything, but did not want to put across that I am "just like you". I don't feel that. But I do feel that you are just the same type as me.

[ToTheMoon]

Tothemoon, I wanted to tell you that I read this and, like what I saw of your video, everything about you says ENFp to me! Everything you say I exactly understand and relate to. I feel sure you are ENFp. To explain how I relate to what you say, I am finding it too hard to summarize, and instead have to comment on all you said! So I am going to give that a go here.

...

Phew! That was long! But it would take 4x as long to edit it down, so there it must be. You can see why I did not finish reading at first, I could tell right off it would take a lot to process a response. Basically, I wanted to say, "Me too!" to everything, but did not want to put across that I am "just like you". I don't feel that. But I do feel that you are just the same type as me.

Wow, thank you for this long post, @Eliza Thomason! It's nice to see that someone relates. I do feel like I have a strong ENFp vibe that I give out especially when I'm around people. And, to be honest, that's also the way I see myself --those moments I spend with friends have been the basis for my definition of myself... Turns out when looking for definitions, I match the ENFp one well and then find it very lacking. The ego I described in my OP is a state I can't stay in for a long time and I will disengage from it after a while. A couple of times I went sailing with a bunch of friends, I soon depleted my reserves of extraversion and had to go introvert somewhere. The boat was rather small and with no place to hide, I sort of got irritated whenever someone disturbed my 'solitude', asked to play games with them etc. They were a bit surprised because they didn't know me from this side. So there's that part too. I just very rarely see people for longer periods of time so I rarely have the possibility to notice how I behave. I've just realized that in the past three months that I've been living on my own, I only saw my boyfriend regularly (we don't live together tho) and I met with a friend or a family member maybe once a week or two. I'm totally okay with that. I should mention I work from home and have done so for the last 10 years, so again, no way to test how I behave around people when I have to meet them daily.

I wonder how you'd see some other parts I wrote about. Those more hidden parts that I'm sure all of us have and maybe to some of us it just doesn't occurr to write about them in our first post? Can I take more of your time? If you don't mind, I'd be curious to hear your thoughts. I'll just paste a couple of the descriptions I posted before so you don't have to look.

____

Being more precise about what I mean by harmony
...My point about harmony wasn't really about physical, tangible experience (which is actually quite unattainable to myself somehow) but more of the abstract nature of things. I'd say harmony is like illumination, where all aspects of self come together to form an aware and grounded 'me' that can navigate the world in an engaged yet detached manner. Something I sometimes experience and dear me, if I could just stay there for more than a day or two...

But I think I understand where you're getting the Si vibes from: I gave the example of clothing matching the body in a harmonious way. Which is obviously Si-related. I did that to approximate my idea and I now realize I've failed because I oversimplified in order to not have to use big words and appear pretentious. Again, I'm quite unable to put it into words, but for me, the experience of looking at someone dressed in harmony with their essence is something beyond the tangible, external world. It's spiritual. Like becoming lost in a piece of art, particularly music (because of the time continuum --a person in clothing is not a static item, it's a process). Yes, it is an aesthetic experience, but more so it is spiritual. The best word to describle it that comes to mind would be numinosum.

...Aaand I just made myself pretentious in my own eyes.


About Ne/Ni
...I generally dislike exploring ideas like 'what would it be like to walk on the Moon?' or 'what superpower would you choose if you could have one?'. Topics like that irk me. There's no connection to reality, or to me personally, I would not be able to experience that so WHY BOTHER THINKING ABOUT IT, YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME. I don't usually get angry at topics of conversation but these mildly irritate me and I see them as childish flights of fancy for some reason. I find that weird because I recognize these are innocent questions and there's nothing wrong with imagining things. But these are just... what's the point? It's not entertaining, it's not interesting, it's gibberish and excessive. (Whenever I a man asks me one of these questions, and that happens a lot to me somehow, I throw up a bit in my mouth.)

I also dislike it when I talk with my best friend about her problems and at the end of the conversation she says things like 'this could play out in so many ways... the future could bring anything...' and she's very prone to generalizations like that. I mean, if you wanna talk about different scenarios, sure, I can help coming up with them, I have no problem with that, although I think that's just excessive worry generation and bad for you. Again, this irks me. Why would you try to somehow charm the future by trying to predict it? Why not concentrate on things that are currently happening within you and trace them back to things that brought you here and see them for what they are and then make a conscious decision as to what you want to do instead of letting 'the world' happen around you while you just adjust yourself to it? I guess that's my calling for her agency --something we both lack so that's why it irritates me so much .


Related to another video I made.
...My vagueness, I think, often stems from my childish tendency to think that others can easily read me and already know what's in my head, or actually in my heart because I only have this tendency about my feelings (I can easily explain things when it comes to knowledge and don't experience any stress about it if my knowledge is well based). I feel that I have everything written on my face so people know anyway. If they already know, then to explain too much would be excessive and even more embarrassing. It's very awkward for me. Some part of me thinks I'm way more expressive than I really am, and being expressive about my feelings is ungggghhhhh let's just not. Just got an illumination here. Is my PoLR Fe? That would point to ISTp and INTp. Interesting. And not entirely impossible, really, if I think about it from the perspective of: the more I know, the better and more confident I feel but the more I feel, the more confused, afraid and overwhelmed I am (illumination here being mostly this: I have so many feelings all the time but I actually don't feel good with them most of that time!), and always turning to thinking/analyzing to cope.


This last part I was hoping to get a more general answer to... it's something that makes total sense to me but I don't know how it works within the system of socionics.
...Hmm, okay, I'm not sure exactly how dynamic socionics is but I was wondering a thing. If a person is focused on developing their lower function and brings it into consciousness, that surely has to translate to the way they appear to others. On the other hand, it doesn't mean the integrated lower function will ever feel as natural and comfortable to the person as their top function(s).

Side note: how do we actually judge our own function stacking and development? We need to use a function to do that so which one is it?
Let's say it's Fi and we ping our emotional register to see how we feel about something (since many descriptions of functions focus on how a function feels to the user if it is in a respective position). The way I understand it, our Basic function is supposed to feel the most natural and comfortable for us to use. The Creative function may feel a bit uncomfortable but as we age and grow, it gets integrated with the basic function and I would presume it doesn't cause much trouble --or definitely not as much trouble as the Vulnerable function would.

I've never had troubles with my T - I may be messy or bad at maths but it doesn't feel like a problem for me. If someone criticizes my knowledge or points out inconsistencies, I can usually take it pretty well and I'd rather learn more than assume I'm stupid and unable to improve. I accumulate knowledge easily in areas that interest me, I quickly become the 'expert' when I get into something. I can also easily convey that knowledge to others, without feeling any stress.

On the other hand, I've been a very socially inept child and was constantly bullied for this and ignored by my peers and it felt like living hell. When I was about 15, I started to really work on this aspect of myself because I knew that otherwise I'd be alone forever and it felt terrifying (still does). I found a group of (solely male) nerdy friends that I was able to connect with through my strong T and N that helped me get to my 20s without feeling left completely alone. I continued and still continue working on my F through all my life and I'm now objectively pretty good at it but I still don't feel confident about it. I still don't know how to behave in new situations, I'm awkward meeting new people, I am bad at expressing my feelings, I'm rarely calm when I experience feelings. I react like a child and feel hurt and like I can't ever get good at this when someone criticizes my F-related inadequacies. I'm developed enough to know where I'm inadequate and that's where I apply myself to improve my state. But it's still a lot of very hard work.

I've never had to work on T-related stuff this much. It just came in and if I found I wasn't good at some part of it, it didn't matter much because I knew I was good at other parts and that would be enough. When my mum got me tutoring in maths, chemistry and physics all through high school, I thought it was just a bother and a waste of money because I knew I wouldn't get better at those subjects and I never really applied myself to them - and I was okay with not being good at them.

Again, I'm not sure how dynamic this theory is but if I spent about 20 years of my life developing my inadequate F, I would think I would aready have it visible in the way I behave. Would it be possible that this is what you're picking up on?

____

If you ever had time to check these out and tell me how these resonated with you, let me know please! And again thanks for writing down all your thoughts before.

[Eliza Thomason]

I wonder how you'd see some other parts I wrote about.

I will be happy to give more thoughts, and I will, later, when I know I can take the time to finish... which is easier on weekends... Meanwhile, I hope you please don't mind that right now I will go off on a side topic concerning my own thoughts I have been having, that were inspired by your unusual word!

...The best word to describe it that comes to mind would be [/COLOR][I]numinosum.

...Aaand I just made myself pretentious in my own eyes.

LOL, this reminds me of how I sometimes get inspired by the current perfect application of some word I heard once some random long time ago.

When you wrote "numinosum", I had to look it up, but before I did, I asked my husband what it meant, because I knew he would analyze the root words, and I wanted to see what he came up with. Maybe I could challenge him. But I haven't stumped him yet, and I didn't this time, either. Sure enough, after the expected, "How do you spell it?" and then weighty silence, he came up with a suggestion which turned out to be, as usual, perfectly accurate. He said, "Well it basically means Godlike, divine". Sure enough, the first definition is, "Numinosum is the term Jung appropriated from Rudolf Otto's The Idea of the Holy" (so maybe you came across this in Jung study?). My husband's next comment was, "I haven't heard it with '-osum'; that's different" [but he is not likely to be reading Jung]. And also noted when I looked it up: "Numen, pl. numina, is a Latin term for 'divinity', or a 'divine presence', 'divine will.'"

So hopefully you don't mind me making a side comment on that which inspired a current focus of mine: changing my inner awareness so that I am mindful always of the reality of the divine presence of God, who is everywhere, all the time. I know God is here all the time, and also His angels and saints, who desire to assist us to do the will of God - I just want to feel that awareness, or at least live in a state of that awareness. So I have been aiming to be more mindful, throughout the day, in the moment, of the comforting loving presence of God [which helps so much, because who cares if I am not seen, validated, liked - when I am basking in being the beloved of God? and it makes me mindful not to disturb any other eof God's beloved (meaning everyone)] and also the important question to me lately, am I anywhere near living in His divine will? That should be the purpose of my life on earth, so, it matters in my everyday and every moment.

I know His divine will can't be a very contemplated thing, because if it were, that would be anxiety-producing! I also know that to be in the will of God is most often right in the place God has us in right now, particularly among the people He has given us to love: our family, the people He has in our life, and in our work (though if any of those is causing us a great deal of stress we need to rethink if that is where God wants us to be). I am at peace that in that respect, that where I am is where I am supposed to be.

So I am focusing on one aspect of His will, with full confidence this is enough for now, and this I know is true of His will at all times: that He wants us to be at peace. He does not want us to fill ourselves up with anxieties, because it is when we are at peace that we hear His voice, that we feel His presence, and we feel the reality of Who he is: love and mercy. He wants to be with us, and we don't have room for him when we are filled with anxieties.

So I am focusing on not being anxious from the time I get up. I am getting ready purposefully, but without the usual stress or anxiety for being the possibility of being late. And same for driving to work and all the rest of the things that seem to produce anxiety concerning getting the day at work started. I work with young people and also colleagues who all have many reasons to be anxious, and for me to be a peaceful and accepting presence - just that in itself is helpful to them.

God tells us so many times to "Be not anxious". And we know that Jesus' greeting was so often, "Peace be with you." He tells us, "Be anxious for nothing" even when He knows: there is so much to be anxious about! I know I do not even need to "produce" this peace in myself, just simple ask for it, and He gives it, because He promises to fill us with peace, any time we ask. I have so many times asked for and received His peace, this peace which is "not as the world gives" -- because the world gives a peace that makes sense, like when you feel great when all is going your way -- but His peace is different, it is the "peace that passes all understanding", a peace that makes no sense, a peace that is heavenly because it makes no sense in the world at the moment to be at peace! Yet even knowing this by experience, I can still allow anxiety to settle in places, like, in my morning routine, habitually thinking that it's the stress that gets me out the door on time and properly established in my day. But that can't be His way for me. If am going to dwell in His presence I need to guard that peace, being mindful of my state, and asking for help when I am not in the state which He wills me to be in.

So that is what has been on my mind, and your comment got me thinking more about it.

[ToTheMoon]

I will be happy to give more thoughts, and I will, later, when I know I can take the time to finish... which is easier on weekends... Meanwhile, I hope you please don't mind that right now I will go off on a side topic concerning my own thoughts I have been having, that were inspired by your unusual word!

(...)

So that is what has been on my mind, and your comment got me thinking more about it.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me, Eliza. Very interesting. I sadly can't relate because I'm not religious and the idea of God is very foreign for me, being brought up in an atheist family. I had a yearning for some larger power when I was younger and tried to feel a connection with it through paganism and other non-systemic religions and practices but could never really feel it or believe it --turns out I need a tangible experience to actually trust in something like that. So it's always interesting to me to read others' reflections on the topic and to wonder how it's possible to just trust in something outside of self (and others) and find peace in it. It sounds good. Just not accessible for me. And I'm okay with that, btw.