Breaking plates means you have to go out and buy more of them, which is not as efficient as simply not breaking them and using the ones you have.Originally Posted by yeves
I would suggest instead that she get a drink and sit down on the bed and we can discuss what is bothering her. That way, we can resolve her concerns and give each other demonstrable evidence of our commitment to work things out.
The ESI is always in doubt and always fears that the relationship is going to fail. She thinks that the LIE will either act irresponsibly, or will spend too much, or will get involved with the wrong people, or will look at other women (all of which we do), and she has few defenses against this, other than to get the LIE's attention, because the LIE cannot not listen to her and has an extremely hard time refusing her requests (the only sure way is to not listen to them, hence the plates to get his attention if all else fails), and the LIE will believe most of what she says, except the crazy and rationally unfounded parts. The LIE must understand what her fears are, and address them one by one, either by complete explanations or by promises, and by this means remove her fears. They can then both see that they are working together toward a goal, and can then make up. A bed is a good place to do that.
It may look like fighting, but it is really a means of simply getting each other's attention so that any differences or concerns can be resolved.
Let's look at the lyrics that the ESI says:
You hit me once (you (the LIE) started this by doing x, which I don't like)
I hit you back
You gave a kick
I gave a slap
You smashed a plate over my head (we argued)
Then I set fire to our bed (and it finally got to the point where sex was in question)
My black eye casts no shadow (I am not hurt by your fighting - LIE's can be fierce fighters, but ESI's are not intimidated)
Your red eye sees no blame (you do not blame me for my feelings - LIE's instead panic when ESI's are upset, and turn their efforts toward fixing the problem)
Your slaps don't stick
Your kicks don't hit (we can't hurt each other)
So we remain the same (and here is proof we are Duals)
Blood sticks
Sweat drips (after all this effort and conflict....)
Break the lock if it don't fit (resolve the problem any way you can, but resolve it)
A kick to the teeth is good for some (some people fight merely to fight)
A kiss with a fist is better than none (we fight because if we didn't constantly reaffirm our strong commitment, our love would fall apart and we'd have nothing)
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