lol, maritsa, where was the hole?

i can only speak for myself (though my ex i type esi wasn't remarkably different than this)

my "flirting" would be better categorized in my mind as testing the waters. i feel super shy about playful banter stuff because i'm not great at coming up with cute remarks off the cuff so if i engage in that i'm probably not particularly concerned with how i'm coming across (so likely not interested). its more like a hand on the arm or a certain kind of eye contact or a stand-alone compliment or statement. not intended to be obvious or "hitting on" him but just to gauge his reaction to see if i feel safe being more direct later. and once i've established that, i have a history of being sort of unsettlingly direct because in my mind its like: okay, time to suck it up and let him know, here goes. not extremely suave but i just feel like it has to be done. a frank: "i'm into you and i wanna go out with you" thing. subdued and clear and usually not flirty. it might not be typical for all isxjs but i could attribute it to se-creative getting nervous about ambiguity and the future and just wanting to get it on the table and clear and simple. sometimes he catches on and asks me out first which is convenient but it's nice to not feel like i'm sitting on a secret. which is why i kinda suck at the games girls are supposed to play, or whatever.

in my ex's case he did the testing of the waters and then kissed me. from the outside it was sorta funny how the kiss was seemingly spontaneous and "aggressive" but not exactly unexpected.