I was supposed to see a guy last weekend and he cancelled because he had to go to A&E. And then he asked me when I was free next and I told him and now he’s not replying. Maybe that’s why he’s 38 and single. Because he doesn’t understand that people have lives and it takes two people to make a plan of action. What do you want from me lol. Anyway I’m talking to someone else who seems less scared of having a conversation.
I just came from a date with a SLE -Dominant subtype. (tinder first date) She told me the same. Sometimes guys ask her on Tinder if she wants to meet, she says yes, but then nothing happens. Kindof strange because she has nice looks. I guess there's something about that last step, to make the date happen. I can feel it myself: That it takes that extra effort to suggest a time and place, maybe make some adjustments and make it a reality. When you do it doubts might occur, dark thoughts like, "why bother?", but you just have to ignore that and take the risk. But it could also be that people have multiple contacts going on and it's just a numbers game and they decide to meet someone else.Originally Posted by Bethany
The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.
(Jung on Si)
yeah I’ve had a few bad experiences and they don’t really leave you…you learn from them but it makes you worried it’s gonna happen again. It must be hard to be on dating apps for years.
he actually messaged back (so now I’ve gotta message both of them..they’re both cute. A new problem)
what you say makes perfect sense though.
also, Estps do this thing where they manipulate the situation so that you’re asking them out.
A cute Estp once arranged to meet and then I think I said something stupid that put him off. When I showed my friends his pics, they straight away noticed a pic where his friend was holding some sort of gun and they were like ‘he’s not for you..’ so sometimes it’s probably just not meant to be (that one was a tinder date.)
i want to say that the actual asking out part..shouldn’t feel too awkward…and if it does then that’s not a good sign, but I’m not sure
making the arrangements does suddenly add stress, you start imagining the date…and it’s normal to be stressed I guess- you don’t know the person but you’re hoping there will be chemistry based on what you’ve seen so far and it’s won’t be a disaster- so yeah bit stressful
It shouldn't feel awkward, but there's something unconscious about it. It nails you to reality. To make things happen. It has felt complicated for me to suggest a time, place etc. Not impossible but I really have to think about what to say. It's a necessary challenge though, men have to learn this.
A funny thing happened to me with another girl today. We have never met but we matched a year ago. I then suggested that we meet, but no reply. And just last night, a year later, at 1 am, she replied "sure, why not". So in the morning, I wrote "great, what about tomorrow night?". And now... no reply. Maybe she will take a year to reply again. With this pace we will maybe have our coffee together 5 years from now. Anyway, she is very attractive, like really nice looking, probably SEI-Harmonizing based on her pics, with a small chance of IEI. We'll probably never meet.
Just meet both of them. No problem. Decide later.he actually messaged back (so now I’ve gotta message both of them..they’re both cute. A new problem)
Last edited by Tallmo; 07-31-2022 at 07:47 PM.
The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.
(Jung on Si)
Lol, I love that you played it so cool after a year.It shouldn't feel awkward, but there's something unconscious about it. It nails you to reality. To make things happen. It has felt complicated for me to suggest a time, place etc. Not impossible but I really have to think about what to say. It's a necessary challenge though, men have to learn this.
A funny thing happened to me with another girl today. We have never met but we matched a year ago. I then suggested that we meet, but no reply. And just last night, a year later, at 1 am, she replied "sure, why not
Just meet both of them. No problem. Decide later.
And it's very attractive (to me) when a man has a good plan of what he wants to do without being a steamroller. Like, "okay great. If it sounds good to you, how about dinner at 'x' at 7? I can pick you up if you're comfortable, or meet there." Because you know he has a plan and has confidently said what he wants, but won't be all hurt and touchy if you don't go along with everything. I feel like this is good regardless of the romance style.
Not being a steamroller is attractive indeed, but then it's hard to find balanced ones who aren't too passive instead.
Absolutely
I just copied her style. Seems pretty cool to me to just casually reply like that after a year, like she did.
yes, it's a masculine virtue to be like that. Confident, but related to the feminine side. Some people will have it naturally and others will take years to learn it. Probably depends a lot on the type. When I was young and inexperienced I was totally unable to even suggest a date with anybody. It was completely lacking from my consciousness. So the girl had to do it. Luckily some girls did. Later I learned to go outside my comfort zone and make arrangements to meet someone. Basically developing weak functions.And it's very attractive (to me) when a man has a good plan of what he wants to do without being a steamroller. Like, "okay great. If it sounds good to you, how about dinner at 'x' at 7? I can pick you up if you're comfortable, or meet there." Because you know he has a plan and has confidently said what he wants, but won't be all hurt and touchy if you don't go along with everything. I feel like this is good regardless of the romance style.
Last edited by Tallmo; 08-04-2022 at 03:11 PM.
The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.
(Jung on Si)
"A masculine virtue," I like that.
It seems like Ixxp men have good skills to deepen and sustain/stabilize a relationship once they're in it, but it's more difficult to get something going. To get past initial hurdles, inertia, and caution. That's my experience trying to date other Ixxps. Seems to be the opposite for types like SLE, LIE, etc. In a sea of online dating "options" (or the illusion of options) it's often the upfront types who get more immediate results. But if you want longterm results, you have to develop skills to actually sustain something as well
If she had plans tomorrow night, or wasn't totally sure she's free, that would make it harder for her to reply. It's much better to just ask when they are free and get them to agree to hang out one of those days. It's easy for a person to feel pinned down to make a decision on the spot when someone else chooses the day for them to meet up, and it's way easier to not reply than to make that decision right on the spot like that.It shouldn't feel awkward, but there's something unconscious about it. It nails you to reality. To make things happen. It has felt complicated for me to suggest a time, place etc. Not impossible but I really have to think about what to say. It's a necessary challenge though, men have to learn this.
A funny thing happened to me with another girl today. We have never met but we matched a year ago. I then suggested that we meet, but no reply. And just last night, a year later, at 1 am, she replied "sure, why not
Just meet both of them. No problem. Decide later.
Yes true. I agree. Although in reality it depends on the chemistry, her life situation etc. I do both, ask when she is available or suggest a day right away. I dont have any clear rules for this. I am seeing the SLE again today and I just wrote her yestetday that there's a concert today if she wants to join me. And she wanted.
Edit: i also think it's good to sometimes do spontaneous or risky mooves in dating. After all, this is supposed to be exciting, not some business meeting
Last edited by Tallmo; 08-03-2022 at 08:06 AM.
The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.
(Jung on Si)
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