IEE-ESE Benefit Relations (ESFj and ENFp)

[jewels]

I really like ESFjs. They are more "social" than I am, better at hosting a party and organizing -- all things that I can do, but don't always enjoy figuring the details out.

They can sometimes be judgemental, but it really depends on the ESFj. I have an aunt who isn't that way at all. I have a friend who judges everyone -- even when she makes similar mistakes, she'll really scold people. She's given us a hard time for being late, when she's late just as often, etc.

I like that they are fun, and keep everything going along. They also like to research restaurants, events, ect., and enjoy the details of those things, where as I will do it, but don't really enjoy it.

As for the male ESFjs, it really depends on the person. Usually I'm not overly into dating them. I think mostly it's the Fe/Fi difference, and sometimes it can feel they are smothering me a bit with the caregiver thing. But that may have just been those individuals...I dunno.

I did have a guy ESFj hit on me once at a casino. I actually liked his approach, even though I didn't end up going out w/ him. I was looking for my friends, who'd gone to play the tables. I couldn't find them, so sat down at a machine and started texting. So he comes over and sits down and is like "Hi, so I know exactly what's going on here. You lost your friends...I saw you all before and your friends are also hot. And now you're texting them. Am I right?"

I found it sorta funny. We wandered around for a while, and he had to go to the restroom so he put a hundred into a machine to make sure i wouldn't leave while he was gone, lol. But in the end he sorta tried too hard to impress my friends by doing some little dance or something. Nice guy though, but not really a match.

So those are some random rambling impressions of ESFjs.

[meatburger]

I do feel the dynamics of the Benefit relation when i am dealing with ESFjs. I admire them often. They are confident and sharp people, who typically seem calm and controlled. They are also good with people. In a way they are what some part of me wishes i was (hard working, confident, able to stand up for themselves, active and good with people).

Still, when i take a step back from it all i dont feel inferior or anything. I realise that i am equally good at dealing with people, just in a different way. While they appear typically more capable than me with the day to day life matters, i do see where my intuition is valuable. An ESFj disarmed me quite well by explaining how hard she found psychology statistics and failed it a couple of times. I was suprised because i find it really easy. I think its a subject?

All in all they are lovely people and i enjoy being around them and watching them. They make me want to work hard and better myself. I honestly think that the two managers and the coordinator at work are all ESFj's lol. They are probablly the best managers i have ever had. Relaxed about the job, directive yet polite and understanding. Still, i know that if i screw up they will not hestiate to let me know so i try not to. I do find it slightly hard to get really close to them though, the relation is warm but they seem so independent i cant seem to tap into that inner part of them yet. With that being said im only really dealing with ESFj's on a regular basis for the first time so time will tell.

Hows that Thunderhorse?

[Sirena]

Hey guys!

Well I doubt I'm ENFp, but on the off-chance that I might be, I'll still go ahead and answer the question since my relationship with some ESFj's in my life has been a topic of thought for me lately. For some reason, I seem to have been surrounded by them my whole life, mostly not by choice since they've been family. There's something about our interactions that has always driven me pretty insane, especially two ESEs in particular, who I've known for a very long time. Where to begin? I find them overbearing, extremely judgemental, naggy, smothering, too demanding of my attention. We've been completely incapable of connecting in any real way. I often find myself tuning them out, only to feel bad about it later. What's worse, sometimes I can act outright rude to them, which in retrospect I realize I just take them for granted since no matter what I do or how I act, they'll always be there. I feel zero need to impress them. I just don't get how they go about in doing things. It seems to me like they overfocus and even obsess over what to me are unimportant details. It always leaves me feeling so frustrated, especially because they try to push things on me and meddle. I wish they could just let me be, but it's like they're incapable of doing so. It's always felt like a sort of sick dependence; like the more negatively I react to their "input", the more they can't just let me go. They seek me out all the time and bombard me with what in my opinion are totally ridiculously mundane questions until I explode with frustration, like "why the hell do you need to know what I ate and at what time and whether I'm wearing a jacket and did I call so and so". Ugh. I really do try to be patient, but there's something about ESEs that just makes me snap at them. I mean, I know they mean well and all that and I always feel guilty afterwards, but I just can't stand it. So, the end result is usually a hurt ESE walking away, muttering about how I'm always in a bad mood and can't even stand to be spoken to, how they'll just keep their mouths shut from now on since their presence is so unbearable to me. It genuinely makes me sad that they always seem a little anxious and on edge around me since that is never my intention. I can tell that often times they find themselves watching every word they say to me out of fear of aggravating me, so they'll start off by phrasing things as "I'm not trying to tell you what to do or anything...". TBH, I sometimes find myself fighting the impulse to tell them "I can't believe you are this stupid." It's horrible! Makes me feel like a horrible person. I think I look down on them because they just seem so superficial. They're sweet people though, at least the ones I know. God, I suck.

[07490]

Hey guys!

Well I doubt I'm ENFp, but on the off-chance that I might be, I'll still go ahead and answer the question since my relationship with some ESFj's in my life has been a topic of thought for me lately. For some reason, I seem to have been surrounded by them my whole life, mostly not by choice since they've been family. There's something about our interactions that has always driven me pretty insane, especially two ESEs in particular, who I've known for a very long time. Where to begin? I find them overbearing, extremely judgemental, naggy, smothering, too demanding of my attention. We've been completely incapable of connecting in any real way. I often find myself tuning them out, only to feel bad about it later. What's worse, sometimes I can act outright rude to them, which in retrospect I realize I just take them for granted since no matter what I do or how I act, they'll always be there. I feel zero need to impress them. I just don't get how they go about in doing things. It seems to me like they overfocus and even obsess over what to me are unimportant details. It always leaves me feeling so frustrated, especially because they try to push things on me and meddle. I wish they could just let me be, but it's like they're incapable of doing so. It's always felt like a sort of sick dependence; like the more negatively I react to their "input", the more they can't just let me go. They seek me out all the time and bombard me with what in my opinion are totally ridiculously mundane questions until I explode with frustration, like "why the hell do you need to know what I ate and at what time and whether I'm wearing a jacket and did I call so and so". Ugh. I really do try to be patient, but there's something about ESEs that just makes me snap at them. I mean, I know they mean well and all that and I always feel guilty afterwards, but I just can't stand it. So, the end result is usually a hurt ESE walking away, muttering about how I'm always in a bad mood and can't even stand to be spoken to, how they'll just keep their mouths shut from now on since their presence is so unbearable to me. It genuinely makes me sad that they always seem a little anxious and on edge around me since that is never my intention. I can tell that often times they find themselves watching every word they say to me out of fear of aggravating me, so they'll start off by phrasing things as "I'm not trying to tell you what to do or anything...". TBH, I sometimes find myself fighting the impulse to tell them "I can't believe you are this stupid." It's horrible! Makes me feel like a horrible person. I think I look down on them because they just seem so superficial. They're sweet people though, at least the ones I know. God, I suck.

I have been thinking this relationship ever since I have gotten to learn Socionics. I am their comparable, and I feel the "comparable relation may see each other as selfish" and that "if both individuals are on the same level then they can co-relate peacefully" is true. The problem is, although they are very friendly with me in the beginning, I find them so controlling once they deem that you are inferior to them. Generally I get along well with the Enneagram 2 and 3 ESFj, but the ESFj 6 is the biggest problem to me. their nervousness cope with counter phobic energy and the need to control the environment is what bothers me. I can do a billion things for them but if you do one thing wrong they can leash out on you depending on their mood, which in turn makes me feel so betrayed. like Sirena said, they ask a billion of non-sense questions, if they think they can control you, they will be merciless. Without any sense of inner principal to go by, but willing to adapt a principal of their current environment which often is just the popular culture or the hip standard.

[The Greeter]

Ummm it seems like a lot of people have bad opinions on the ESE's.




Sometimes I wonder if people who come here to learn Socionics even want to understand the different types of individuals, how to get along with them and even appreciate them on a deeper level. Sometimes it seems we're all here to only find a self-confirmation of some kind: to somehow justify why we don't like a particular person and why little to no effort should be put in trying to get along with those who value different things.