Now I'm not talking about an actual Big5 openness scale, even though it might play some role in this too. I don't know if other IEIs are like this too, but I have noticed that I get easily stuck in my ways. Not because I wouldn't like to try out new things, simply because I lack the motivation to actually go out and seek them. I like to imagine myself in this position of a strong person who takes an advantage of a situation and goes out into the world, trying out different things with different people. I have always been very attracted to this idea of a very free spirited no rules lifestyle, where anything can happen at any moment. Traveling, learning different languages, getting to know new foreign cultures, changing jobs, being on the go, on the move all the time, hell even trying out drugs, partying etc...

The issue is, I live out most of this in my dreams only and those dreams are vivid, vibrant, they make me feel alive, but I need more than that. Stability is something that horrifies me, and I more than often feel like I am stuck and unfree. I believe that I could find my own personal freedom to be who I am want to be and do what I want to do, but it's getting harder and harder for me to get out of my comfort zone and get out, function outside of my circle of friends, a boyfriend, work place.

I know I give up too easily. I am not a fighter, I like to victimize myself, see myself probably weaker than I really am. That's party the reason I find it hard to take an advantage of my environment and actually get myself more out there.

I just wish I could be more outside of myself. I mean... I'm just so drown in my own sense of self, my fantasies, my feelings, that I miss on every exciting thing that is happening around me and I need that sort of an excitement in my life. I see people around me who actually travel, do sports, try out new crazy things every weekend, but I just do the same old over and over and it's killing me inside.

How can an IEI become more open to new experiences in the real physical world? And don't say find a dual, I don't want a dual. I want to find this within me.