In this thread, there was an interesting discussion on the stages that Duality goes through, and I'm interested in looking at it from a specifically Alpha angle. For those of you who have had experience with some or all of these stages of Dualization, in what order did they play out, and in what way? I'm curious if there's any consistent pattern for the different types and dual pairs, as the article suggests. I'm especially interested in getting an ESE perspective on this, if there happens to be any of them hanging around here, say after having returned from a long absence...

I'll post my own (somewhat limited) experiences below.

Quote Originally Posted by G. Shulman View Post
Socionics researchers studying the development of dual relations found it had eight common stages.

Not always occurring in the same order depending on the Quadra and which dual pair.

As not to be confused with the way other relationships develop, refer to these common characteristics.

It is especially important because the dual contact is worthwhile.

So be attentive to it.





1. The sensing a necessity to meet again. You notice this afterwards, after your first contact. It is something unconscious, perceptive and mysterious. An inevitable feeling as if you need to meet this person again. Unexpectedly, they attached to something within you. Suddenly you begin to understand that you really need to see this person. If you do something, your thoughts are about this person.



2. A Persons who for the first time in their life finds themselves in dual contact tries to remember: “Where could have we meet with before?!” (Of course, it is uselessly). Nevertheless, both are sure they have known each other for many years.



3. The sensation of safety appears for both duals. You observe this sensation and you cannot mix it with something up. A sensation of amazing and undisturbed composure describes this. It happens in the moment, a forming of common atmosphere; it can be easy felt, you intuitively know.



4. Both duals begin to feel simultaneously and equally the “impossibility” to be separated even for short time. It is very an exact and very real sensation of dual contact.



5. Both duals feel something like an internal joy, that fills up the soul. The smile on your face appears like a quiet happy smile of conciliation and rest.

The joy as behavior reaction is one of most accurate characteristic of dual dyad. This joy can appear without any certain reason. (Duals can laugh even without any certain reason just looking to each other. This joy arises like from sub consciousness – J.S.)



6. Little by little, both duals begin to feel, the need for maximum and close contact. If persons are not married, then it’s a good start for relations. If both duals have their own families, it is hard to keep their families. It is interesting that it is just natural evolution of the situation. It happens spontaneously like a “matter-of-course”…



7. The leveling of dual energy. This phenomenon appears almost immediately. The duals should just to be together, just to seat close by, sometimes even without touching each other. The maximum term for leveling of dual energy – 40 minutes (it is a result of investigation) and after that duals renew their energy. It does not depend on the depth of the “energy hole”.



8. This is most interesting stage. Duals cannot describe their feelings. You feel so comfortable, so at ease, it is as if you feel nothing at all…Sometimes it is impossible to notice the presence of your dual. Sometimes you completely forget about your dual all, then suddenly you see your dual!!! (How could I forget about them???)
For my part, I've known at least four ESEs with whom I've experienced at least a few of these stages of Duality: a choir instructor of mine, an aunt, a former co-worker, and a girl from church. For whatever reason, they're all female. Perhaps attraction plays a role, even in cases where there is clearly no possibility of or desire for a pairing? I've also known some other ESEs with whom I've never been close enough to experience any of these stages.

In my experience, from a distance the ESE appears admirable and fun, but too busy and popular to pay any attention to me. After interacting a bit, however, the first stage to appear is Stage 3 -- a strange feeling of safety, like this person is "on my side". I feel like I know and understand this person in a way that nobody else seems to. I've never had the "Where do I know you from" feeling of confusion that Stage 2 describes, but there is this peculiar feeling of understanding -- like I can just glance at this person and know what she's thinking, or if she's struggling to explain something, I immediately understand and can finish explaining for her. There's this subtle "us against the world" feeling, well before the relationship is remotely close enough to warrant it.

The next stage to appear, I think, is Stage 7, the leveling of Dual energy. This seems to happen after somewhat longer periods of one-on-one or mostly one-on-one interaction, say 5-10 minutes or more. It's this relaxed feeling of calmness and stillness, where I no longer feel internally stretched and drained from the stress of social interaction and Super-Ego-related worry. I feel stronger and more able to take on the world.

This is followed naturally by Stage 5, the feeling of internal joy. I've reached this stage with only two of the four ESEs under consideration. It's pretty great. I've been known to dance a jig afterwards.

Somewhere in there, Stage 1 occurs -- the sensation of a necessity to meet again. It's subtle at first, but it grows stronger and stronger, until eventually, at some point after the internal joy thing, it turns into Stage 4, the feeling of the "impossibility" of being separated even for a short time. I've experienced this with only one ESE, and it's been quite unpleasant, as the feeling of separation being impossible even for a short time does not actually prevent separation, even for a long time. Also, despite what the article says, it seems that this "impossibility" is not necessarily simultaneous or equal in both duals. Ah, woe is me.

I haven't really experienced stages 6 or 8 in any significant way, so far.

So yeah, I'm particularly interested in how ESEs experience all this, since as an LII I find it nearly impossible to tell what other people are really feeling. I'm also interested in how ILE and SEI experiences compare -- while there's obviously a personal element to my interest in all this, I am also genuinely interested in the underlying mechanisms. So what say you?