Originally Posted by
applejacks
I'll be completely honest. I met my dual SLI husband on Match.com. We wrote emails to each other several times back and forth before we met, and this gave us time to discuss our values and morals. We were able to bypass many of the introductory stages of getting to know someone, and by the time we met, I knew that his values and morals aligned with mine. That made me more open to then watching and learning to see if his behavior and lifestyle were true to them.
Had we we met in person, I often wonder if we ever would have been together. My initial impressions of him might have been shortsighted. He doesn't speak his mind, and I dare say he can come across as unapproachable and arrogant, but it would have been a terrible overlook of what was truly going on between his mind and heart. He just doesn't always voice what's going on, nor does he always give nonverbal cues that help provide insight.
My husband also told me that he'd often watch a girl for years before ever making an initiative to ask her out. He admitted he had asked a girl for her number two times in his life- once being me. Although I'm not even sure I'd count that.
From personal experience, I think breaking through initial layers of who a person is and getting to the core values is critical to advance this relationship. The SLI needs to know the IEE is a safe person to confide in, but that takes time. The IEE needs to know what the SLI stands for before moving on to another's prospect, and that also takes time.
But I can see how this can be one of the most harmonious duals. We rarely fight. There's such a sense of being on each other's team, that one steps up naturally when the other is in need of help. What's unspoken between us is understood as if we could read each other's minds. My sense of knowing my husband is almost uncanny. I know his routines, interests, and what's at his heart. I see where his faults or weaknesses are, and grace is easily applied as I help meet where he is lacking (and vice versa). But this too has taken time.
IEEs like to make all experiences "big" and "memorable", and part of the progress of this relationship is understanding that this strength is not found in the SLI. So early in the relationship when expectations are high and unmet, it can lead to conflict. And yet somehow, I've found both of us to grow a bit in each other's strengths.
Example: I always wanted a big and memorable Valentine's Day. That was never important to him, and each year it led to conflict. Years down the road, I started to find contentment in the daily strengths and joys of our marriage, instead of waiting for Valentine's Day to see some crazy display of affection. And yet this past Christmas Eve, my husband carried a couch downstairs in front of the wood burning stove, brought a table, a rug, and two glasses of wine. He even put on some Christmas music, and we spent Christmas Eve together in front of the fire with our dog. This is what I had been expecting for Valentine's Day all along. And what I thought him to be incapable of, he actually accomplished extremely well after growing with me in our marriage.
With time, our this relationship becomes stronger.