I usually never think about these things, but I suddenly started think of all the ways I am physically inept because it is high time I got new clothes.

I HATE even thinking about clothes, I detest clothes shopping so much. Even when I start to read the lifestyle sections on clothes I feel squeamish already... It's very hard for me to tell if something looks right or feels right on me and I usually need assistance. I asked my bf but he doesn't know how to help me at all... When I was younger I looked straight up like a homeless child that grabbed some clothes out of a dumpster randomly. I also keep forgetting to drink enough water, some mornings I might forget to brush my teeth, and also my eating habits are pretty strange. My posture is also so bad that my shoulders form a triangle and I am constantly slumped forward, which makes me feel ugly.

I laugh out loud at the fact that SEI are labeled as caregivers when this is the level at which I operate... The mere idea of trying to help somebody else with these things makes me feel uncomfortable and stressed. I don't feel like myself when I over focus on my health and body, it doesn't feel right at all. I have to plan out what I will eat and make sure it is healthy and set reminders so I can remember all these little things. I'm at least decent with my health because at least I run a lot and never overeat/eat anything super unhealthy so outwardly I am skinny. I also avoid sunlight or use sunscreen so my skin doesn't age as fast. When I have the money to buy my own groceries I will plan out the meals so I can get all the nutrients I need and try to remember to drink water with every meal.

I just feel uncomfortable in my own skin if I begin to try to focus on such things so I usually don't and I pretty much try to avoid even reading or thinking about such things, but since I don't want to appear disheveled in front of other people I have to put some effort into these things. I simultaneously love and hate being sp last, on one hand at least I won't overspend or spend too much time on material things but on the other hand I suck so hard at these things that I feel ashamed and physically inept compared to other people. I absolutely hate it when people criticize my ineptness or don't understand how I can suck so badly at these things. My ILE feels worse in his own skin than I do so I'm not the only one like this.

I would be sad to not have a physical form since I wouldn't ever get the chance to experience tight embraces and other affectionate things, but every once in a while I feel like my body is a burden. I want to look pretty but sometimes I feel like I need just a little help with it.

Fortunately I try to ignore such matters mostly so it doesn't bother me too much, but does anyone else feel physically defective sometimes or squeamish when hearing someone talking about their body or their health in either a positive or negative light?