Quote Originally Posted by Minde View Post
... Could she take a picture of the valve so you could see it? Or call a plumber if you got there and it wasn't the right one? I feel like there are a few more options than what was considered and eliminated, lol. Maybe she was flustered and they didn't occur to her.

I'm not an ESI, but when I was single one of my plausibly deniable flirting techniques was to ask for advice or help. I had a very similar interaction to the one you describe with my now-husband a few months before we started dating. My car brakes needed replacing and I made a FB post asking for advice from anyone who cared to answer. Of course, the kind of person who would answer and be actually helpful is the kind of person I wanted to interact with more, and I figured it could be a great opportunity to build up some relational strength/ties. My now-husband answered with not only advice but an offer to help me do it if I could bring my car out to where he lived. It turned out those particular brakes were the more complicated kind, and I ended up determining that it would be more practical and efficient to just take it into my regular mechanic, especially since he lived 45 minutes away and I would have been cold the whole time. I wasn't that motivated. So I never actually utilized the offered help.

Fortunately he still invited me to group things he organized and included me on a few email list kinds of things and appeared at mutual friend gatherings, so I had more opportunities to explore his potential and create connection.

So, anyway, different dynamic than your particular types, but I thought the similarity in situation was kinda interesting.
Thanks, @Minde.

She probably is flirting, but panicked when I suggested meeting her at her place. She is so Avoidant to close relationships that even if she did want to date, I doubt if I'd be into it. I first met her five years ago and she's been "You stay on your side of the planet" since then. I have a need for a shorter feedback loop.

I first saw my ex-wife at an astronomy club meeting and I resolved to talk to her after the meeting, but she got up and left at the halfway point. I met her again on a field trip that the astronomy club took to Yerkes Observatory, and after that, she asked me if I could come to her apartment to help align her sister's telescope. I said, "Sure."

Total time, less than one month. And my ex was both sx-last and pretty Avoidant, too. I really don't need a woman who is 60X to 100X more avoidant than my ex.

I mostly posted that vignette so that people could see an ESI, albeit an Avoidant one, in action.