My interaction with dual is stressful - is this normal?

[mu4]

I think different dual relationships have different levels of DRAMA.

I know this one SLE-Se/IEI-Fe relationship where there was a lot of "You can't talk to this person", "You can't talk to that person" going around and it spilled over to everyone.

But they are now having a child together, but have distanced themselves from other people they used to know.

Meeting and having interaction with a dual isn't like a magical experience, but it will probably change you.

[Creepy-Snaps]

I know this one SLE-Se/IEI-Fe relationship where there was a lot of "You can't talk to this person", "You can't talk to that person" going around and it spilled over to everyone.

Sadly true... My IEI and I have both gotten very jealous of each other's being friends with certain people, or talking to certain people.

I'd like to say we're kind of getting past that.. we know we're very much committed to each other.

To be honest... I think the vast majority of this thread, is thinking of "dual relationships" in terms of "romantic relationships"... therefore, a lot of the "stress" can be just taking a romantic relationship seriously, trying hard to make something work, trying to 'be your best' for the person you like...

So I think the better question for the rest of this thread would be... how stressful are dual relationships with friends?

[FDG]

My own dual relationship's stressfulness (going on for almost 4 years now, thus the number of observations should have surpassed the edge of significance) follows a quickly decaying negative exponential distribution, with frequency on the x axis (and degree on the y axis). Thus 98% of the time it's stress-free, 1.5 % of the time it's slightly stressful, 0.5 % highly stressful. Generally, stressors are related to differing expectations towards life-matters (ex. differing goals, mostly due to inbuilt NTR differences: I don't want to live in a cold, damp place, whereas she wouldn't mind if she managed to land an interesting job position).

trying hard to make something work, trying to 'be your best' for the person you like.

That's a sick way to look at romantic relationships.

[Creepy-Snaps]

That's a sick way to look at romantic relationships.

Why must ENTjs always correct me...

That's not 'how I view' romantic relationships. Was just saying some people might try to impress the person at first, like slownumbers did when first 'hanging out' with his dual... which I think we all do, to some degree, try to show our positive qualities at first.

Of course a relationship can be fun and enjoyable. And you can open up and be fully comfortable, not just 'being your best' or having to push to 'make it work'. Of course it should be enjoyable.

I still think realistically, relationships can be work to maintain, that everyone's natural tendencies is to drift away... that's all I was saying. But I'll probably get criticized for that again. =\

Doesn't mean keeping the relationship alive can't be fun also...

[Slacker]

My dual relationship now is pretty without drama or argument, and we really have nothing to argue about as we agree about most stuff, I'm home with the kids so we have no arguments there, no money problems, agree about religion and politics, none of the common issues that couples have. The first few months or so living together though were at least somewhat an adjustment. We had that one big fight. Then no more fights for like 10 years, and then one other fight. It really is pretty darn drama free. Of course a dual relationship involving an SLI might look different than a dual relationship involving an EIE. LOL.

But anyway, this is a dual relationship 10-15 years later. A dual relationship at the beginning is going to take a bit of work because any time you stop putting yourself and your individual needs first, it's an adjustment. Living together is another adjustment initially, because you have to come to agreement on a trillion little things. We didn't have trouble coming to agreement except for that one fight, but we did have to find agreement on stuff like what time to eat, who does the cooking (when we were both working), who does the laundry, how do you sort laundry - as you take it off or all at once on laundry day, bathroom cleaning, how to best load the dishwasher, not leaving clothes on the floor. I mean there are millions of these issues, most of them pretty small but each one involved a discussion and agreement. Our one fight was over priorities - if work and home conflict, who wins? The Delta answer is "home", however I was not raised by Deltas and I thought "work" is what anyone would choose.

[applejacks]

My dual relationship now is pretty without drama or argument, and we really have nothing to argue about as we agree about most stuff, I'm home with the kids so we have no arguments there, no money problems, agree about religion and politics, none of the common issues that couples have. The first few months or so living together though were at least somewhat an adjustment. We had that one big fight. Then no more fights for like 10 years, and then one other fight. It really is pretty darn drama free. Of course a dual relationship involving an SLI might look different than a dual relationship involving an EIE. LOL.

But anyway, this is a dual relationship 10-15 years later. A dual relationship at the beginning is going to take a bit of work because any time you stop putting yourself and your individual needs first, it's an adjustment. Living together is another adjustment initially, because you have to come to agreement on a trillion little things. We didn't have trouble coming to agreement except for that one fight, but we did have to find agreement on stuff like what time to eat, who does the cooking (when we were both working), who does the laundry, how do you sort laundry - as you take it off or all at once on laundry day, bathroom cleaning, how to best load the dishwasher, not leaving clothes on the floor. I mean there are millions of these issues, most of them pretty small but each one involved a discussion and agreement. Our one fight was over priorities - if work and home conflict, who wins? The Delta answer is "home", however I was not raised by Deltas and I thought "work" is what anyone would choose.

You just perfectly described our marriage! Drama free, comfortable. I don't know how to explain it, but sometimes I feel as though we have some strange ESP going on. More often than not, we both might be thinking the same thing, but we won't say it. Finally, when we need to clear the air or open the communication line, we find out that we both feel the same way. Yet I have a sense for his thought process all along.

Our early dual beginning... I wouldn't say there was any stress involved for us at all, but other dual type mileage may vary. I do remember wondering why he liked me, because he would never really say why and we seemed so opposite, but I loved that about him. I felt it allowed me to shine in my strengths, and he in his.

I will say, though, that had we not met online and had the opportunity to write and talk over the phone before meeting, I'm not so certain we would have decided to date. I could be wrong. He definitely intrigued me, but I'm not 100% certain that I would have invested as quickly in him if we'd been strangers or introduced as acquaintances, simply because I would've doubted that we would've had anything in common.

[aisa]

You just perfectly described our marriage! Drama free, comfortable. I don't know how to explain it, but sometimes I feel as though we have some strange ESP going on. More often than not, we both might be thinking the same thing, but we won't say it. Finally, when we need to clear the air or open the communication line, we find out that we both feel the same way. Yet I have a sense for his thought process all along.

Our early dual beginning... I wouldn't say there was any stress involved for us at all, but other dual type mileage may vary. I do remember wondering why he liked me, because he would never really say why and we seemed so opposite, but I loved that about him. I felt it allowed me to shine in my strengths, and he in his.

I will say, though, that had we not met online and had the opportunity to write and talk over the phone before meeting, I'm not so certain we would have decided to date. I could be wrong. He definitely intrigued me, but I'm not 100% certain that I would have invested as quickly in him if we'd been strangers or introduced as acquaintances, simply because I would've doubted that we would've had anything in common.

wow, I can very much relate, although we're different quadras (SEI-ILE marriage in my case).

I met my husband through acquaintances and it was a much longer process and yes, he "knew" right away, while I couldn't see how it was supposed to "work". It took him a long time to convince and prove me otherwise.

[Beautiful sky]

My dual relationship now is pretty without drama or argument, and we really have nothing to argue about as we agree about most stuff, I'm home with the kids so we have no arguments there, no money problems, agree about religion and politics, none of the common issues that couples have. The first few months or so living together though were at least somewhat an adjustment. We had that one big fight. Then no more fights for like 10 years, and then one other fight. It really is pretty darn drama free. Of course a dual relationship involving an SLI might look different than a dual relationship involving an EIE. LOL.

But anyway, this is a dual relationship 10-15 years later. A dual relationship at the beginning is going to take a bit of work because any time you stop putting yourself and your individual needs first, it's an adjustment. Living together is another adjustment initially, because you have to come to agreement on a trillion little things. We didn't have trouble coming to agreement except for that one fight, but we did have to find agreement on stuff like what time to eat, who does the cooking (when we were both working), who does the laundry, how do you sort laundry - as you take it off or all at once on laundry day, bathroom cleaning, how to best load the dishwasher, not leaving clothes on the floor. I mean there are millions of these issues, most of them pretty small but each one involved a discussion and agreement. Our one fight was over priorities - if work and home conflict, who wins? The Delta answer is "home", however I was not raised by Deltas and I thought "work" is what anyone would choose.

@Smilex