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Thread: Rankings/Ratings of Intertype Relations

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    &papu silke's Avatar
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    I'd put duality, activity, semi-duality, mirage, and mirror relations as ranking at the top, followed by benefit and then everything else.

    --- Favorable Intertype Relations ---

    Dual relations - when it works out most often there is a feeling of surprise at how naturally things have come together; those used to "trying to make relationships work" may feel disappointed and even apprehensive due to an expectation that there should be something more to it, there has to be, but there isn't, so then it feels like "and now what? what is supposed to happen? ... is this even real?". Most often duality is appreciated for a feeling of calm and "de-neurotization", as well opportunities to learn from one another and improve one's confidence and self-esteem (even if it lasts a few months, not a lifetime). This dual calm will alternate with arguments, which give these relations a certain spunk; however, these conflicts are typically not destructive and instead help keep things perceptually interesting and afresh.
    Often times "Mirage" relations are mistaken for "Dual" one due to that same feeling of calm, ease, relaxedness, and smoothness of interaction they provide, where both people become submerged into a kind of a pleasant dream-like state where they become disinclined to fight and argue and can talk about anything. To contrast, in "Dual" relations agreements and conflicts alternate, which gives Dual relations certain liveliness and a sense of being engaged, as opposed to Mirage where feelings of boredom and non-caring start to settle in. Conflicts between duals are usually not scathing but reformative; there is often a deep visceral understanding as to where your dual is coming from even if you happen to disagree.

    Semi-duality - generally attractive, each appreciates the other's "main bearing", "core attitude", way of being, behavior and lifestyle; this is predicated by compatible temperaments and suggestive-base attraction; however, periodically unresolvable arguments arise between semi-duals' *creative* and *activating* functions, where the activating function of one semi-dual, the way of evaluating the world around them, poses an antagonistic attitude to the creative function of the other person, effectively rubbing them the wrong way; given greater familiarity, one of the semi-duals eventually "flips out" and criticizes the activating function of the other semi-dual from their own creative-activating worldview (ex: EII's Ne criticizing LIE's Se-hidden agenda for giving too much attention to external appearance and other external static qualities, that in EII's view should be dismissed in favor of intrinsic personality-based factors); it seems like there is some latent pull that draws you together, but in conversation your creative-activating functions periodically extinguish each other: when one partner gives their assessment of the situation, their semi-dual can criticize and shoots it down in favor of his own interpretation. in one of the articles it was mentioned that semi-duality is less than half a duality and this seems to be true. Semi-duals experience difficulty with providing situational advice that the other will listen to and resolving each other's problems on hidden agenda, which leads to absence of feeling of camaraderie and lapses in sense of humor due to different quadra values.
    Semi-duality nevertheless is still an attractive and enduring relationship type that helps keep both people "on their toes", not relaxing, and improving themselves as well as achieving common goals. Romantic "semi-duality" is more frequent among Rational types than Irrational ones, because it's only among Rationals that one semi-dual is "ethical" type and the other is "logical" type (ex. LSI-ESE pairs are more commonly encountered than ILI-SLE couples).
    Most often Semi-dualiy is mistaken for Duality, in part due to superficial similarity of partners on creative functions and the wish to meet someone similar to oneself. One way to tell Semi-dual relations from Dual ones is that in Semi-duality both people will either be positivists or negativists, while in Duality these traits are balanced (positivist type semi-dualities seem to be more frequent).

    Activity - the other person is pleasantly energizing, zesty, funny, attention-drawing; there is some strange desire to tell them what to do and give them instructions on how to adjust their behavior on their 1-dimensional dual-seeking function where you can see their lapses, but they seem strangely unresponsive to your guidance, so the advice coming from your creative onto their d.s. is intensified in your semi-futile attempts to get through to them and again these attempts don't hit their mark; thus it becomes difficult to influence and modify activity's behavior on situational basis, they seem to be somehow un-malleable and impenetrable; activity's leading function seems like it's "too strong" and "overloaded", there's a desire to "soften it" and "pull it down", but this desire is never realized and becomes a source of hidden concerns for the other activity partner; plentiful lapses in communication due to Rational/Irrational differences and conflicting cognitive styles; difficulty in explaining yourself in the way that your activity is convinced; on this basis suspicions may arise, but even in case of arguments it's usually easy to forgive one another.

    Mirage / Illusionary - Oft mistaken for Dual relations for their peace, calm, and relaxation, unlike Dual realtions, however, here you won't be inspired to do anything great and won't feel a certain emotional "activating" zest. In a way these relations feel more comforting and smooth-running than Benefit, Activity, or Semi-Duality, and even Duality relations, but that comfort just as easily turns into apathy, boredom, and indifference for oneself and the other. Mirage types find it incredibly easy to make contact and converse just about anything, and it's just as easy to go your separate ways, with the other person seeming like a light, non-obliging, non-threatening yet potentially interesting friend. On the bright side, Mirage relations make for a great "safe harbor" for those who are feeling stressed, who suffer from excessive anxiety and neuroses, since the temporary quiet and relaxation they induce can be very beneficial to someone who is lacks in this.

    I'd rank mirage higher but it feels like nothing happens in these relations, like there is no outcome, no advancement anywhere; Mirage partners could be compared to two ice cubes that melt down and sit there in a puddle until they evaporate; the average "positive span" of mirage relations is longer than that of benefit relations imo: 5-7 years before indifference begins setting in, leading one or both of the partners to question their commitment. Victor Gulenko, however, includes Mirage relations in the group of four highest ranked, most beneficial, and most suitable for long term partnership relations; his group also includes duality, activity, and semi-duality.

    Benefit - I remember reading somewhere that one's Beneficiary and Benefactor types are closest to one's dual, likely so because they share the same cognitive style and two of the IEs; there is usually a sense of partial understanding of where the other person is coming from, they seem to be engaged in something interesting and beneficial overall, but what the are saying seems to need adjustments from one's base+creative; the beneficiary resists these adjustments, feels like they are a devaluation of a sort; in general, Benefit seems to be a very frequent combination for friendship and romance, and much more common than duality; typical cycle of benefit relations goes something like: initial strong interest spike that lasts 1-2 years (and it's not true that it's always the Beneficiary pursuing the Benefactor, sometimes it's the reverse), this is followed by a cooling period, some arguments where one or both may reprimand the other for not being more like their dual, disenchantment, the rose-colored glasses melt away, here relations may fall apart forever, though just as often they become rekindled later on when one person seeks out the other to get in touch again; for lasting relations, it's best to take breaks from one another same as in Supervision.
    ** One advantage of Benefit relations over Semi-Duality, Activity, and Mirage is that partners have similar expectations of how to approach relationships and communication based on being "on the same side" of Process/Result dichotomy.

    Business - it's easy to find a common language due to shared creative functions - not so when it comes to agreeing on the key content; there's general lack of understanding when it comes to understanding each other's "main" orientation towards life and periodic friction over "program" functions that pull Business types in different directions; this opposition of program functions is initially hard to notice, such that things may start on an amiable and friendly note, later, however, the chills running through conversations as things profess further; Business partner is perceived as pleasant but somewhat boring relation sharing some of the key weakness of one's temperament, which is why imo there's a need here for a significant external incentive for Business partners to get serious in getting together; not much danger in hitting each other's polrs but no help provided for resolving ha/polr area either, here Business partners may only sympathize with one another, which is emotionally reassuring but in practical sense it's a dead end. Business romantic pairings are more frequent among Rationals than Irrationals.


    --- Less Favorable Intertype Relations---


    Supervision - there seems to be some kind of yo-yoing love-hate effect in place here that is similar to the love-hate that happens in conflict relations, which for the most part is felt by the Supervisee; this can be alright if there is enough space to yo-yo around (ways to distance), but in close quarters, daily and hourly contact things get progressively worse; some socionics authors claim that Supervision is worse than Conflict, however, ime this isn't true as there are valuable exchanges of information/energy happening under Supervision that don't occur in Conflict - Supervisee learns from Supervisor, Supervisor is supported and energized by presence of Supervisee; so at best both support one another; however, it's crucial that both have a way of departing and recharging with new impressions and energies somewhere else for this relationship to be endure; for family relations, russian socionists usually advise that either one or both take frequent vacations; in my experiences Supervisee starts feeling a lot of discomfort within just 2 weeks of cohabitation, which makes Supervision especially heavy in close family relations where it's impossible to part frequently for long periods of time.

    Extinguishment - I found these relations to be much more attractive than would be expected from how they are usually described; Extinguishment friendships are quite common - most likely because one's Extinguishment partner has the same cog. style as one's Dual, that is, one's Dual and Extinguishment types have the same "mental framework" and same temperament, but completely different values; thus there's often a short-term romantic spark and mutual interest of Extinguishment types, as well as feelings of surprise and bemusement; good for doing research, delving into shared hobbies, but things periodically will get awkward; there is occasional undermining of one another's initiatives and points of view, difficulty with taking each other seriously; arguments lead to mutual deflation similar to quasi-identity; feelings range from fascination to slight aversion. The few Extinguishment marriages that I've seen seemed to be strained and their union felt fragile (ripe ground for divorce and/or cheating).

    Identical - the best part of these relations is the learning potential; one's identical is often nearly idealized if they happen to seem more advanced and have many insightful and useful points to share; however, there is also a build-up of internal tensions the more time is spent together as one's internal issues are not resolved; Identicals aren't equipped to provide each other with resolutions and useful criticisms, thus each keeps to their own previously solidly engrained attitudes and ideas not receiving the much needed balancing or correction from the other; feelings of pleasant surprise mix in with mild irritation when Identical says something you were just thinking about; interest that alternated with coldness and indifference; similar deficiencies as in kindred relations but brief attempts to compensate and "play dual" for one another are usually welcome.

    Quasi-identical - somewhat attractive relations, at least initially; similar to Extinguishment relations, Q-I is good for sharing information and researching common areas of interest as being on the same side of Democratic/Aristocratic dichotomy and same club quasis have some intersecting interests and view points; there's a sense of familiarity; however Quasi-Identicals propositions and arguments seem to be difficult to grasp, it's like they are saying many words but what do they mean? there's certain "mutedness", difficulty to completely engage each other, eventually may come a sense of dismissiveness, a perception that most of what quasi-identical is saying is not really worth the effort to figure it out; prolonged interactions feel moderately draining, like you've invested a lot of time and effort explaining your view point but you didn't "get through" to them; arguments flare up here and there, but most of it is forgiven and forgotten the next day or week; similar to extinguishment there is difficulty with taking one another seriously and periodic discreditation of the other.

    Superego - I've never seen two people misinterpret and misunderstand one another so thoroughly, from half a sentence, as in these relations; communication lapses, bumps, and hiccups everywhere; of all the intertype relations this one is where the partners are most "muted" to each other; being unable to get through to each other, they start thinking that the other isn't listening to them, raising their voices while explaining themselves over and over again, even shouting at the other to make their point; due to differences in quadra values, attempts at diffusing the situation, jokes and friendly prods, are often misunderstood and an inappropriate reaction follows; from a distance, however, one's Superego usually seems more attractive and likable somehow than one's Kindred; I'd rank superego slightly higher than kindred relations due to higher degree of complementation over all functions; and unlike Conflict relations, there is no active undermining of each other's initiatives here.

    Kindred - all too similar kinds of needs and deficiencies with almost total inability to resolve each other's problems; in conversation Kindred's may try to provide advice for each other's HA/PoLR area clearly seeing the each other's lapses and mistakes here; while at it, each feels like he/she is giving valuable advice from their creative function, and is then perplexed to find out that all of it fell on deaf ears, since Kindred's advice falls on the PoLR and typically sounds inapplicable and/or incomprehensible, and ultimately boring and beyond the point; ime my Kindre's advice has been useful, but it takes a lot of mental energy to think around it, reinterpret and adopt it in the "language" of my HA; periodic "hitting" of each other's PoLRs that leads to a build-up of grudges and hurt feelings; once things hit a low point, the arguments go round and round with no resolution; the good point of these relations is the similarity of general wordviews, but no agreement on how to proceed further from there and handle daily situations; it's like two people who see the same object but "grab it" from different ends and each thinks that his end is more justified while the other's way is wrong, faulty, and ultimately deceptive, which is where the merry-go-round arguments usually start; more respectful at a distance, but in the long run quite meh.

    Conflict - this relation oscillates from admiration for their seemingly unusual areas of competence and way of thinking to a desire to scream and yell at this person to make them stop doing all those annoying things that they are doing; respectful contact at a distance and within some kind of routine where both do their parts separately; at closer contact there is unintentional undermining of each other's initiatives and opinions; lashing out and actual conflict are actually rare, but do occur if Conflictors have to interact closely and for a while, such as living together as family; nevertheless, according to Russian socionics forums, there are socionics "Conflict" marriages that have lasted for over 20 years though not with much happiness.
    Last edited by silke; 01-19-2017 at 03:27 AM.

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