Originally Posted by
Saoirse
I'm not sure for other EIIs, but for me, when I appear austere, yes, it's probably due to Se PoLR, but it's not because I'm trying to avoid being abused or taken advantage of.
When I appear austere, it is in a large group context where I am not friends with anyone in the group. The dynamics of large groups involve knowing when to yield to someone else talking vs. when to talk and make everyone else listen to you. When I'm not close to anyone in the group, I don't know what things I could say that people will find interesting or boring, and I'm very averse to looking really pushy/self-centered/not letting others talk, so I end up not saying much, and this makes me look austere. I think this is indeed due to Se PoLR. I behave this way to protect myself from embarrassment.
However, in my case, it is not due to the other part of what you said--protecting oneself from being taken advantage of--so I would separate that concept from Se PoLR. When I'm being taken advantage of, it's usually in a more personal context, like with a close friend or romantic partner. In this intimate situation, I'm never austere. It is not natural for me to protect myself from being taken advantage of. In the past, I have unconsciously allowed myself to be encroached upon much further than I should have. Only recently have I begun sticking up for myself, which I do not do by trying to appear closed off/austere--this would not be productive in a close relationship. Instead I try to talk things out, speak my truth, what have you.
Bonus ramble: I think a lot of the time that others are encroaching on an EII, it's because they don't even realize it. They themselves would easily speak up if they were the slightest bit bothered, and they assume that all others would do so as well--but EIIs would speak up only if they are extremely bothered, about to literally break down. So, lowering your threshold for speaking up, and simply talking about your feelings earlier, should be beneficial for your mental health (and won't aversely affect your relationships)!