Attachment style vs Duality showdown!

[Adam Strange]

@Emily, I do not regret passing up on these non-dual offers. One was from a warm, intelligent IEI-Fe (she just texted me best wishes for the Holidays) and the other was from a warm, intelligent LSI who was (usually) fun to be with and was the best sexual match I’ve ever had. But the IEI is my Supervisee and while she generally looks up to me, as I did with my SLI Supervisor ex-wife, there is some mismatch. The same with the Mirage LSI. Mirage for me is a Dual in bed and in one-on-one interactions, and an Extinguishment in public and in life-planning. Neither Supervision nor Mirage are good long-term bets.

From your writing, I can tell that you are highly intelligent and exceedingly self-aware. There aren’t that many people of any type who can match you at that level, but some do exist. (I know an SLE with an MBA and a PhD, but he’s unfortunately gay.)
For the record, my ex-wife was seven years older than I was, and it was never once an issue. They say you can go up to eight years difference if everything else clicks*. For me, she was attractive, intelligent, and a good mother, so she had my essentials. (What didn’t click with us was Supervision, but she never tried to tell this e8 what to do and I respected her opinions and gave her space, so we lasted for a fairly long time. In retrospect, I should have played EII-Fi to her SLI-Te, but that’s really hard, and I didn’t know Socionics when we were having problems.)

You are already ahead of the game by knowing what the rules are and where the edge of the field is and what the best strategy is. You should have no problem eventually finding a Secure SLE. Just remember that age really does not matter if most everything else aligns.


*The eight-year age difference comes from the idea that anything greater than that causes a drift in the cultural markers. You both were impressed by different social influences, like remembering Pearl Harbor or the destruction of the World Trade center. You remember different songs and different social trends.
However, I believe that this is a fundamental error in understanding what makes a compatible marriage.
An LIE, unhappily married to an LII (Extinguishment), warned me that in marriage, you will eventually run out of stories to tell each other. Stories, presumably, which the other can relate to.
But, like his marriage, I think his view is very flawed. Maybe in a seriously unmatched relationship, you have to tell each other stories.
But Duals interact by effectively supporting each other in daily tasks. No stories are needed.