Guides for dual pairs: attracting an ISFj-ESI

[Ave]

IDK honestly, people and then relationships are far more "complicated" than this description. I've never met a difficult ESI, but that's probably because I'm difficult myself and it takes a lot of time for me to open up to someone, so ESI people seem just as gentle and yet far more proposing than I am, which for me is the best because I'm not usually the one to invite people over, make the first step, engage in conversations.. etc. There are exceptions, sure, but it's always been the ESIs in my life to approach me, first. I was more than willing to let be guided by them because they strike me as confident and just bitchy enough to get what they want, which is something I don't have and envy a good deal in other people.

Confronting the 2 closest people in my life that are ESIs, they're completely different from each other, approach people differently and go after different things because of different likes/dislikes. In no way though I'd feel like suggesting anyone to adopt a strategy to approach this type.
My current ESI bf was very straightforward with me, he was a bit of a bitch with girls and when we met he was surrounded by all these girl friends of him of whom I was jealous. So I had to put it clear that I liked him a lot, but yeah, I think we just both felt like we had something special and it took us 2 weeks to get into a serious relationship... that's not much, is it?

Yeah, I realize the description is pretty subjective, it's written from the pov of the authors who are from some random Russian forum so it's not like there is anything researched here, just opinions.

So I realize my rant was just that: a rant. Tbh I've tried getting with one ESI, but it didn't work out...though I tried. It was complicated because she spoke very kindly to me, and sometimes casually flirty but appearantly not interested romantically. I mean, I'm fine with that but as an Fi dom you guys have to understand how difficult it is for a Te dom to discern what is unspoken...because even the different possibilties enter my mind (for ex: "she is interested, but is waiting for me to make the first move" vs "she isn't, she just doesn't tell me to not hurt my feelings" vs "she's playing games" etc) I can't really determine a person's intent in romantic relations: my own filter/bias/fears fog up the mirrors, so to speak.

I never asked her if she was interested in me romantically, though. One time a third person reported to me that she had said she couldn't date me because she was with her boyfriend at the time. Doesn't tell me anything about her feelings, though.

Actually, I sense deep down this girl did a good job of handling me if she wasn't interested because she was able to make me understand her intent without hurting me, she probably did the best she could to handle the situation.

But that is just one person. I admit my experience with ESIs in this matter somewhat limited, I don't know how accurate the OP "advice" is, and I agree with you that such advice isn't useful anyways, the best "strategy" is to be yourself.

[ooo]

It's good to rant let it out! I appreciate your ESI even more for sticking with the guy and not letting you know how she felt about you tbh... bonus point to moral integrity*** And I've never realized up to now how flirty ESIs can be... but truly, dem lil bitches eheh

[lavos]

I mean, I'm fine with that but as an Fi dom you guys have to understand how difficult it is for a Te dom to discern what is unspoken...because even the different possibilties enter my mind (for ex: "she is interested, but is waiting for me to make the first move" vs "she isn't, she just doesn't tell me to not hurt my feelings" vs "she's playing games" etc) I can't really determine a person's intent in romantic relations: my own filter/bias/fears fog up the mirrors, so to speak.

I'm on the same boat as you on this... I'm usually oblivious to all these subtleties in the relations game. But for some reason, I could read this ESI like an open book. But in general, I read ESIs much better than other people, for some reason.

I never asked her if she was interested in me romantically, though. One time a third person reported to me that she had said she couldn't date me because she was with her boyfriend at the time.

Looks like your ESI had stronger principles than mine.

and I agree with you that such advice isn't useful anyways, the best "strategy" is to be yourself.

That's right. That's what I did, and it worked. Every ESI that has shown interest in me has not been the recipient of any sort of act on my part, just my real self (which may vary at the time though, the way I behaved like as I described was because I was going through a somewhat "antisocial" phase, I guess. During this period I attracted other kind of chicks too). In any case, IMO, it's always best to be yourself in relationships (but this does not completely exclude to play the "courting" game). But ESI's are going to be invariable attracted to LIE's and viceversa. Or at least I'd like to think so. Socionics is true after all, right?

[Ave]

I'm on the same boat as you on this... I'm usually oblivious to all these subtleties in the relations game. But for some reason, I could read this ESI like an open book. But in general, I read ESIs much better than other people, for some reason.



Looks like your ESI had stronger principles than mine.



That's right. That's what I did, and it worked. Every ESI that has shown interest in me has not been the recipient of any sort of act on my part, just my real self (which may vary at the time though, the way I behaved like as I described was because I was going through a somewhat "antisocial" phase, I guess. During this period I attracted other kind of chicks too). In any case, IMO, it's always best to be yourself in relationships (but this does not completely exclude to play the "courting" game). But ESI's are going to be invariable attracted to LIE's and viceversa. Or at least I'd like to think so. Socionics is true after all, right?

I think it is.

I find mysef attracted to ESIs though I dunno how attracted to me they are? I've never had a romantic relationship with an ESI.

[hatesyardwork]

I find mysef attracted to ESIs though I dunno how attracted to me they are? I've never had a romantic relationship with an ESI.

SEE unfolds easier, that is true. because they are very outgoing. ESI don't approach until they decide to. They are the ones who keep a polite distance in social circles. They are hard to know. An unambiguous look of disdain is their calling card. When they like you or trust you they soften somewhat. It's a subtle but stark difference when they like you.

[FDG]

SEE unfolds easier, that is true. because they are very outgoing. ESI don't approach until they decide to. They are the ones who keep a polite distance in social circles. They are hard to know. An unambiguous look of disdain is their calling card. When they like you or trust you they soften somewhat. It's a subtle but stark difference when they like you.

I don't know if you are ILI or LIE, but good luck with an EP temperament partner, me as an EJ I have a hard time with close relationships with perceivers.

[hatesyardwork]

I don't know if you are ILI or LIE, but good luck with an EP temperament partner, me as an EJ I have a hard time with close relationships with perceivers.

I hear you. I say unfolds easier with the SEE. not easier overall. If find they really push boundaries, but initial rapport is easy. LIE