What are SEE's drawn towards in romantic partners?

[Adam Strange]

@Accipiter, ILI’s have minds that actually work. A mature SEE is going to value that above everything else. Also, SEE’s want to be the only one on stage, and an ILI is happy to let them get all the attention. That is not going to be true of any other type, and the SEE will eventually come to painfully realize this.

Sometimes, people have to screw up in every possible way before they eventually come to a final conclusion. On the other hand, I was talking with a gay male ESI about his choice of a gay male ILI, and he said that while the relationship had many drawbacks (two introverts just tend to sit and wait for the other to do something, and there are some jarring mismatches in how they treat each other and how they understand the world), he said that he had to consider the whole picture. And compromise.

I, like you, have found that my ESI Duals do not often orient towards me. I find ESI’s with other introverts, like ILI’s (very common) or SLI’s or other ESI’s, or they have EII’s or IEI’s as close friends. If they are Sx-first, they might go for a Sensor like an SLE. Almost never do they seem to find LIE’s. At least, that has been my experience. It could be that I’m just late to the party and missed all the dual hookups or I have the wrong set of friends. IDK.

I’d just recommend being yourself. Sooner or later, if you circulate, you are going to meet a great SEE who sees your true value, and you have the added advantage of knowing that they have the potential for being a great match.

A few hours spent with you and they will begin to see that you can bring some much-needed order and clarity to their chaotic lives. And that you are easy to get along with. And who doesn’t like that?

[BeamerBoy]

@Accipiter, ILI’s have minds that actually work. A mature SEE is going to value that above everything else. Also, SEE’s want to be the only one on stage, and an ILI is happy to let them get all the attention. That is not going to be true of any other type, and the SEE will eventually come to painfully realize this.

Sometimes, people have to screw up in every possible way before they eventually come to a final conclusion. On the other hand, I was talking with a gay male ESI about his choice of a gay male ILI, and he said that while the relationship had many drawbacks (two introverts just tend to sit and wait for the other to do something, and there are some jarring mismatches in how they treat each other and how they understand the world), he said that he had to consider the whole picture. And compromise.

I, like you, have found that my ESI Duals do not often orient towards me. I find ESI’s with other introverts, like ILI’s (very common) or SLI’s or other ESI’s, or they have EII’s or IEI’s as close friends. If they are Sx-first, they might go for a Sensor like an SLE. Almost never do they seem to find LIE’s. At least, that has been my experience. It could be that I’m just late to the party and missed all the dual hookups or I have the wrong set of friends. IDK.

I’d just recommend being yourself. Sooner or later, if you circulate, you are going to meet a great SEE who sees your true value, and you have the added advantage of knowing that they have the potential for being a great match.

A few hours spent with you and they will begin to see that you can bring some much-needed order and clarity to their chaotic lives. And that you are easy to get along with. And who doesn’t like that?

I agree with Mr. Strange that typically SEE's just want the spotlight. The 3 SEE's in my life are very interested in people who can help them avoid walls in the way to their goals. If someone is willing to let them steer the ship and lead them, they will slowly start to like the person. It can rub some people like myself the wrong way but they have an ability to attract people who provide them with information for their endeavors. They don't wanna be told what to do but what are possible pitfalls on their path so they can adjust and avoid them.

I suspect that a lot of Fi-leading types are shaped by the cultures they grew up in. It can cause trouble for an LIE because they are inclined to question the deeply held customs of a new culture. A lot of ESI's take that very personally and instantly write off that kind of person in their minds as a possible troublemaker. So they can have a harder time getting with someone who doesn't fit their specific cultural expectations of an ideal person.

[End]

@Accipiter, ILI’s have minds that actually work. A mature SEE is going to value that above everything else. Also, SEE’s want to be the only one on stage, and an ILI is happy to let them get all the attention. That is not going to be true of any other type, and the SEE will eventually come to painfully realize this.

This reminds me of a quote that basically sums up the entire ILI/my mindset. "There is no limit to how far you can go so long as you don't care who gets the credit."

People like me would rather accomplish our ends the details be damned. Who gives a fuck if our GF or whomever we're involved with gets all the credit and accolades for a given feat so long as that feat was accomplished and it had the result I desired? Better to be forgotten by all (except perhaps some hardcore autistic history professor) and achieve thy goals than to be remembered by everyone who lived thereafter for utterly failing to accomplish your stated goals or worse. I'd rather be forgotten yet successful than remembered by all as an utter failure.

[calm]

@Accipiter, ILI’s have minds that actually work. A mature SEE is going to value that above everything else. Also, SEE’s want to be the only one on stage, and an ILI is happy to let them get all the attention. That is not going to be true of any other type, and the SEE will eventually come to painfully realize this.

Sometimes, people have to screw up in every possible way before they eventually come to a final conclusion. On the other hand, I was talking with a gay male ESI about his choice of a gay male ILI, and he said that while the relationship had many drawbacks (two introverts just tend to sit and wait for the other to do something, and there are some jarring mismatches in how they treat each other and how they understand the world), he said that he had to consider the whole picture. And compromise.

I, like you, have found that my ESI Duals do not often orient towards me. I find ESI’s with other introverts, like ILI’s (very common) or SLI’s or other ESI’s, or they have EII’s or IEI’s as close friends. If they are Sx-first, they might go for a Sensor like an SLE. Almost never do they seem to find LIE’s. At least, that has been my experience. It could be that I’m just late to the party and missed all the dual hookups or I have the wrong set of friends. IDK.

I’d just recommend being yourself. Sooner or later, if you circulate, you are going to meet a great SEE who sees your true value, and you have the added advantage of knowing that they have the potential for being a great match.

A few hours spent with you and they will begin to see that you can bring some much-needed order and clarity to their chaotic lives. And that you are easy to get along with. And who doesn’t like that?

Can you explain the part I bolded?

[Adam Strange]

Can you explain the part I bolded?

Yes, perhaps. @calm.

The problems are most obvious in the different levels of attention that they both give to and expect from each other. The ILI is oriented towards making their SEE partner work hard for a little attention, while the ESI doesn’t want to work that hard. The ESI is oriented towards an LIE’s level of attention, which is fairly responsive. If the ESI doesn’t get a positive response, they just assume the partner isn’t interested and they get mad and resentful and give up. This confuses the ILI. It just becomes an ongoing mess.


You can read more about this in Stratiyevskaya’s description of ESI-ILI relationships. She’s correct in her description. I’ve seen this with several ESI-ILI couples firsthand.

In the couples that I’m familiar with, it’s not a big enough problem to break up the relationship, but it is still far from ideal.

[Sol]

I've found three great bars that have the demographics that are perfect for me

Girls in bars mb not what you'd want. Types are interesting for long relations, while those girls has generally not serious attitudes.

Visit other places which you like. Where you feel good there. Concentrate on your pleasant state of harmony and then seek women with similar state near you. Such you'll find a similar soul. Which may also came there to meet you.

Don't overesteemate your typing skills to understand types correctly, especially quickly and of unknown people. Choose by friendly feelings - people which inspire this in you irrationally. And then by feelings of positive inspiration (instead of feelings of doubts in yourself and being tired) when you communicate closer with them. This may help to find good IR pair better, than if you'd tried to suppose types directly. Even your own type is questionable.

> I'm uncomfortable trying to make friends at a bar after drinking

while you should be in comfortable state to find a pair comfortable for you

You may meet a good girl in any among public places. Or be connected by other ways. Concentrate on your good state and this leads you to what you want.