To all my lovely SEIs

[MidnightWilderness]

The pain of being a SEI is as deep as the Mariana trench.

I don't enjoy cooking, I rarely bother to clean, I hate shopping for clothes, I don't like to draw, I don't like to garden, I can't paint, and I don't bother with makeup at all.

And yet I am a SEI.

I would give almost anything to not have to be a SEI, I would die a 1,000 times just to have a mere scrap more of intuition. Just to be able to paint text with a brush of vagueness, to be able to write such beautiful poetry with lots of symbolism and metaphors, to imbue it with a deeper meaning, to change one person's mind, I would give away my arms and legs, I would give away my sight for that.

I could stand here and chose a life of illusions and mirages and blind myself to reality, denying all who call me a sensor, and wearing a mask of chiffon. But I would achieve no higher position in life than that of a Jester. Or worse, to become a mime and shrink into the shadows, giving myself no higher purpose in life, wasting away my precious time with trivial matters and dying cold and alone with no higher purpose.

I must fight still against the bitter stinging wind that is life, fight against the barbed wire and roadblocks, fight all who oppose me with a fierce, unyielding steel soul. Use what little time I have on this Earth to give it something back, to make someone question and wonder, to give 110% out there.

Just a minute ago I wanted to die... I did not want to be this type... I wanted instead to drown myself in tears, choke, and drown, and sink to the bottom to sleep... But I realized the universal fact that life is bittersweet, it gives you sh*t and it gives you honey, and that eventually you will have one moment of pure joy one day, of pure bliss so sweet that you will laugh at the demon that insists you cannot achieve what you want from life, that you will stay stuck in your ways forever and never blossom. You will spit in its face and fly above the constraints that other people push on you.

You want to become the greatest poet of our day and age? Improve your logic? Do intellectual activities? Become intelligentsia? Start a mass rebellion? Block out every single one of the naysayers that says, "Oh but you aren't XXX type, you will never be the greatest at it", "you are SEI, you should only like sensory things", "You are a useless SEI", "I bet you only like baking cookies and sleeping like a cat ." Even though we SEIs do not like to argue we should! We should call them all out on their pigheadedness and destroy all these stereotypes about us! Then more people will start realizing they were SEIs all along, we will have a bigger online community, and can successfully dispel any myths that we are shallow and lazy and only care for sensory pleasures! We can band together and become a unstoppable force and start telling other SEIs that being a SEI doesn't disqualify you from success, that there is no need to despair because you were born a sensor, and that you do not have to live at the whims of an ILE.

We can be successful and independent, we can have hopes and dreams, and goals, and through hard work and perseverance we can achieve them, even if we have to suffer and strain towards them. Indeed, living life as a type that struggles to realize their dreams and is seen as lazy is like having weights on your legs and and walking up a steep hill with dense trees whilst bratty schoolboys shoot spit wads in your hair, hiding in the trees. But we must remember that the hill ends, at the end of the hill there is a saw, then the weights can be sawed off, the schoolboys will drop their straws when they see that you have reached the end of the hill, with hard work and steel will, macheting off every branch that hits you in the face, and succeeded in realizing your dreams when they could not themselves.
I give my love to all those who struggled with their typing and those who continue to struggle.
SEIs of this forum unite and stand strong against the roaring tide of sensor hate and discrimination!!!

[MidnightWilderness]

No I am being quite serious here about my feelings, but I can see why it would look dramatic and silly to an ILI. I just have some struggles with being SEI as everyone seems to expect that I have sensory superpowers. Also I don't know what alpha humor is anyway, but I guess it would be random due to the Ne.

[Rusal]

I would give almost anything to not have to be a SEI, I would die a 1,000 times just to have a mere scrap more of intuition. Just to be able to paint text with a brush of vagueness, to be able to write such beautiful poetry with lots of symbolism and metaphors to struggle.

Why though? It’s said in one of the type descriptions for one of the intuitive types that it’s ‘understading’ outwardly tends to sound cliched. Imagine that put in writing. To a healthy representative of a quadra, works too much permeated with a more distant understanding of another quadra should fail to scrap the real essence of meaningful experience in this world, so you shouldn’t even feel attracted to some type of intuition in writing (and ‘vagueness’ as a value in itself is just…well, bad art). It’s good that people enjoy self-expression but remember many times we’re grasping in the air for a synapse and art’s role is to dig holes and fill them up again.

[MidnightWilderness]

Yes but it can be fun to determine the meaning of something in art... Besides I didn't have a very good emotional state when I wrote this and that's why it sounds silly. Basically my boyfriend and I had some arguments. Also I feel that art should have meaning and purpose to it... It feels shallow to just make it for entertainment.

[MidnightWilderness]

But probably I don't need to be another type to do that.

[Rusal]

Yes but it can be fun to determine the meaning of something in art... Besides I didn't have a very good emotional state when I wrote this and that's why it sounds silly. Basically my boyfriend and I had some arguments. Also I feel that art should have meaning and purpose to it... It feels shallow to just make it for entertainment.

You mean entertainment vs meaning. Who said anything against meaning? Please, read again.

[MidnightWilderness]

I just got tired of my boyfriend trying to push me to be a housewife and stereotyping me and so forth and I didn't want to pour all my feelings onto him because I know he would have just thought it was so stupid so it was better to put all my cringy feelings into the void.

[MidnightWilderness]

Ah well sorry I am super dumb so I can't understand sometimes other peoples writings... I take it that I should just be myself and not to worry? Or if you could elaborate it would be nice.

[Rusal]

I just got tired of my boyfriend trying to push me to be a housewife and stereotyping me and so forth and I didn't want to pour all my feelings onto him because I know he would have just thought it was so stupid so it was better to put all my cringy feelings into the void.

Gulenko is partly to blame for that (and his intentions are clear). As for your boyfriend, tell him you’ll do housework the day he brings in his first non-Si ego produced Million from the rat race. About the rest, I'm implying your youth shows, only that-I could never do otherwise since I'm likely SEI myself-

[MidnightWilderness]

Ha my boyfriend is going to become a Computer programmer and actually make very good money off it and besides his plans are so solid I can't argue with them. Just I wish he could do the chores sometimes and then let me get a job or something so that it feels like we are a team and that we don't have strict roles.

[MidnightWilderness]

But maybe if we meet in real life I will naturally become more of a caretaker, but at this point I am so unsure in my guesses that my head actually hurts... I just don't really like that he brings Socionics up all the time because you can't just use Socionics to justify love. (Also I think Socionics is kind of bulls**t no matter how many times my boyfriend tries to explain it because somethings just don't seem to line up) The problem is that I feel some kind of awkward distance between us, but my guess is that long distance relationships don't work well for Si types.

[MidnightWilderness]

Oh well I do not have that feeling as I genuinely picture myself writing all day only stopping to get up and get a sandwich sometimes. It's just kind of hard for me to get the ball rolling but once I do I will feel confident after achieving something. Edit: (And I have considered if it is just something I feel the need to do because of a silly ideal, but no I enjoy writing a lot and making up stories and characters in my head and imagining their world. It would be a shame not to put it on paper because maybe one person will want to read a story about a guy with low self esteem who feels alienated from the rest of the world and detached from it and feels like no one understands him but then discovers a portal in the forest which goes to a spaceship where he meets people like him, and they live on a spaceship and are rebelling against the evil bureaucracy/gangsters while trying to help the biorobots (basically people who are sent into very dangerous missions with little protection from the government without telling them what the job entails exactly until they are stuck in a bad contract) and now I have made this toooooo long

[MidnightWilderness]

But also doesn't everyone find it mildly sad that they won't experience the world the same as another type out there and that those possibilities are forever closed off? I hope in heaven they give you the choice to change it just to see what it is like, or maybe we will reach a stage of all our cognitive functions being equal... And if it turns out that heaven doesn't exist then I guess there really isn't a meaning to life and that all of your actions are pointless and that in time we will all die anyways and that history will pass over us all and eventually our universe will stop expanding and collapse in on itself or maybe something else and that we are helpless to change the flow of time. If I could have a superpower to make time stop I would, so that I could experience most of everything before I die, so that I don't miss out on anything. It just bothers me to think that there are things I will never do and never know...

[Bethanyclaire]

Huh? You seem like a good writer from your post. Don’t worry, there are stereotypes of all the types. Read around, you will see. It’s not just sei who get stereotyped. It’s good to speak out though! Break down the stereotypes..If you’re not motivated, join a writing group or something. Also, do other things that make you feel happy too- help people, socialise, read etc. It might help you feel more energised and connected to your audience. Might help with writing, I dunno haha. Look up enneagram too. It doesn’t put you in a box so much as socionics.

[MidnightWilderness]

I don't trust tests anymore because I know that I will answer wrong and misunderstand the questions and have some cognitive bias, but I scored a 99% match for a type four, I think I lean 4w5. And looking at the other types I don't believe I could be any other one. Not sure what it means if you put it in the context of socionics but I guess I will look into it.

[Bethanyclaire]

I don't trust tests anymore because I know that I will answer wrong and misunderstand the questions and have some cognitive bias, but I scored a 99% match for a type four, I think I lean 4w5. And looking at the other types I don't believe I could be any other one. Not sure what it means if you put it in the context of socionics but I guess I will look into it.

I just see it as a different system. Figure out your instinct and your tritype. I get the feeling you could be a 4 but with 6 and 9 in your tritype though obviously I might be completely wrong haha. It’s known as the ‘seeker’ tritype and someone with many doubts. There are only really a couple of resources- Katherine Fauvre videos and one set of descriptions. I can share if you like. There is enough in the descriptions though, for me to recognise myself in it. For example, I’m 9 with 4 and 6. I see this tritype as being romantic, simple, poetic It may be yours too, but if you are lead e4 then you might be more creative

Anyways, I liked your writing

[MidnightWilderness]

Well actually now that I think about it some types have flaws that would be quite bad. And about an ESE, usually the problem is that their intuition is quite weak since it is their worst function... Having it as a role function means I can kind of use it to avoid things but for example my boyfriends brother is ESE, he went into sports with no backup plan and got stuck being a soccer teacher for little kids after he got kicked off of the team because they found someone better than him. It's very sad sometimes if you get stuck in a bad situation and you can't see the future, a bit like being on a plane with autopilot where you don't know which direction to steer the plane. I can for example say: What if I don't make it in writing? Well no problem I will learn another language before I do that and get a degree in translation or language so that I won't be a bum. However such insight isn't totally useful in the case of me going to live with my boyfriend. In such case I will learn Russian and then try to learn general writing techniques to improve. If he dies then his family will take me in most likely. But being that my intuition is role I don't have superpowers when it comes to the future either. Being an EIE I can't say much about since I don't know a single one but I imagine most of the struggle is to take care of yourself and others since they have weak sensing... So it depends on what you would sacrifice. And as for people around you, that depends on how friendly of a EIE or ESE you are, you have different friends and therefore different struggles. Besides being ILI you can actually do practical matters quite well and manage to avoid bad future situations with varying success. We all have struggles and being ESE or EIE would not make life that much easier.

[MidnightWilderness]

People need to stop complimenting me and give me constructive criticism on my writing (though I will just go write to writers and wait for the juicy stinging criticism) but thank you

[ContractedCriminalboy]

Tl;dr I'm battletyping you IEI

[MidnightWilderness]

I keep getting IEI on all the tests even when I am being vague in answering Ni vs Si but my boyfriend is an ILE and he insists that I am a SEI however I don't trust his typings of anyone as I think he doesn't think too deeply on it. However he believes I have no intuition and he says I sound like a SEI and not at all like his IEI friend. However maybe he just doesn't want to let the idea of us not being duals enter his head as he loves me very much and doesn't want to give me up. I have spent the last few days trying to understand all the problems of why I don't seem to line up well with either type in some aspects.

[MidnightWilderness]

But yes fight me if you want, I will do my best to explain why I can't be a IEI

[Adam Strange]

But yes fight me if you want, I will do my best to explain why I can't be a IEI

So many IEI females with ILE males.

I read once what the attraction is, but I've forgotten it now.

[MidnightWilderness]

I mean who doesn't like smart guys? Except females that feel secure about their logical understanding of the world I guess.

[MidnightWilderness]

Yummy white logic and the Se is at least Role so that might explain why they go for ILEs... Compared to LIIs they can look more confident and less weak but I am just theorizing as I am most likely SEI myself.

[Adam Strange]

Oh well I do not have that feeling as I genuinely picture myself writing all day only stopping to get up and get a sandwich sometimes. It's just kind of hard for me to get the ball rolling but once I do I will feel confident after achieving something. Edit: (And I have considered if it is just something I feel the need to do because of a silly ideal, but no I enjoy writing a lot and making up stories and characters in my head and imagining their world. It would be a shame not to put it on paper because maybe one person will want to read a story about a guy with low self esteem who feels alienated from the rest of the world and detached from it and feels like no one understands him but then discovers a portal in the forest which goes to a spaceship where he meets people like him, and they live on a spaceship and are rebelling against the evil bureaucracy/gangsters while trying to help the biorobots (basically people who are sent into very dangerous missions with little protection from the government without telling them what the job entails exactly until they are stuck in a bad contract) and now I have made this toooooo long

This shows promise. I'd read that.

I read a lot, and some of the most engaging authors are IEI or SEI. For example, Dating Dead Men was written by Harley Jane Wozak and I think she's an SEI.

[Adam Strange]

it sounds like he is spinning up complexes inside your head and trying to define your identity for you in a way you don't like... and that mb you can't simply let it go bc he constantly is bringing it up, keeping it alive... capitalizing on your doubts?

i'm not trying to turn him into the villain of the tale, but i...

I know and have dated an IEI who was married to an ILE. She said that the ILE was always putting her down and didn't think that woman needed an education. Lol. After she divorced him (because he was telling her daughter the same thing), she used her PhD in Astrophysics to become second in command at a tech company.
She is fantastic with people and a powerhouse at getting new contracts. She told me that her mother made her get the degree; she wanted to be an actress. So every time she listened to someone else tell her who she was, she got further from herself.

With her strong Fe, she could have easily become an actress. Personally, I think she's using her acting skills in her job, every day.

[MidnightWilderness]

Actually it's because my boyfriend needs a lot of physical attention and he gets kind of mad because he thinks I am not physical enough and that I do not pay enough attention to him... And it's true that I can get into a loop of worry quite often and I try to pay attention and be more realistic and less whiny

[Adam Strange]

Actually it's because my boyfriend needs a lot of physical attention and he gets kind of mad because he thinks I am not physical enough and that I do not pay enough attention to him... And it's true that I can get into a loop of worry quite often and I try to pay attention and be more realistic and less whiny

Hmm. Usually, the ILE needs a lot of mothering, which SEI Caregivers do naturally.

SEI: "Oh, hi! It's nice to see you. What brilliant project are you working on now?"
ILE: "Don't bother me, I just came in here to look for some string and a soldering iron."
SEI: "The string is in the drawer, and I cleaned up your soldering things last night. They are in a drawer, under the cookie jar."
ILE: "MMMMmmm Cookies." Takes a handful, grabs the soldering iron and string and leaves without saying goodbye.

IEI's are Victims, and don't really necessarily have to do much initiating, because SLE's keep after them pretty consistently.

SLE: "Take you pants off and get on the floor."
IEI: "No. I'm mad at you."
SLE: "What for?" Grabs the IEI, rips off her blouse, her brave vibrations now each way free.
IEI: "You were rude to Carol the last time you saw her."
SLE: "Carol's a dumb bitch." Throws the IEI on the floor. Etc.

One of these days I'm going to do a seduction scene between an ESI and an LIE, if I ever get laid again. Laid by an ESI, that is.

[Bethanyclaire]

I don’t think you are IEI btw. (It’s just an impression, I don’t really like to make assumptions :s) But definitely imaginative! Maybe high ni or something. I’m sure there are more than a few awesome famous SEI artists out there..Sometimes I think Leonard Cohen is? There is this great book called Stoner by author John Williams, reading that is like going into the mind of an SEI so he might be. I think the director of Spring Breakers (Harmony Korine) might be too Incredible movie

[MidnightWilderness]

He just needs me to pay attention more to his physical needs and then he would stop complaining about it... He lives with a LIE for a dad and an IEE for a mom and a possible ILE for a sister so no sensing for him... He can get quite cranky if he doesn't get enough sensing in his life...

Now the relationship is quite weird because I get the sense that he doesn't quite like me and now he brings up that he read an IEI with a good subtype is better than a SEI with a bad subtype...

He believes in a subtype system called psychosofia and he got first will, second logic, third physics and fourth emotions and I got first will, second emotions, third logic, and fourth physics... However I think there are obvious flaws with this system as even then it states we should have 90% good relations and that is not quite the case. However there are two factors 1. Immaturity and 2. Long distance relationship where we have never met in real life... Now he says even with ESI he would be happy if he had God... (But if I said what about a LIE? he would panic ) I think that he respects me but there are some weird feelings still but you know he is just that attracted to me that he wants to keep it going and the only way I can see it being a total failure is if in real life I suck at doing the sensory things correctly... Otherwise he would let me do my writing and such stuff he just really really needs sensations. I think he's fed up with me talking about my goals and I am fed up with him over planning everything and changing his plans and that we simply must evolve out of talking about this and be more silly in our interactions and that I should be more caring...

[MidnightWilderness]

Hahaha no actually I can come up with plans for what to do in s*x to make it random and exciting and I don't think I would give him cookies as he doesn't like sugary things and it isn't good for long term health. More like this: He would just say when he wants it and then I would be like "ok" or whatever because we will be married... He likes the way I kiss a chair staring at it and then charging towards it and he says it's just like how he imagined it. I don't imagine liking being thrown down with pain or whatever...

[MidnightWilderness]

Ah well the art I tend to like doesn't really have many SEIs I don't think but I enjoy science fiction and post punk best of all. Well anything with some dark but light themes because I like that clash best of all, when things can feel bittersweet. I don't watch too many films but me and my boyfriend like gangster films and I like anything new and strange.

[Adam Strange]

He just needs me to pay attention more to his physical needs and then he would stop complaining about it... He lives with a LIE for a dad and an IEE for a mom and a possible ILE for a sister so no sensing for him... He can get quite cranky if he doesn't get enough sensing in his life...

Now the relationship is quite weird because I get the sense that he doesn't quite like me and now he brings up that he read an IEI with a good subtype is better than a SEI with a bad subtype...

He believes in a subtype system called psychosofia and he got first will, second logic, third physics and fourth emotions and I got first will, second emotions, third logic, and fourth physics... However I think there are obvious flaws with this system as even then it states we should have 90% good relations and that is not quite the case. However there are two factors 1. Immaturity and 2. Long distance relationship where we have never met in real life... Now he says even with ESI he would be happy if he had God... (But if I said what about a LIE? he would panic )

I think that he respects me but there are some weird feelings still but you know he is just that attracted to me that he wants to keep it going and the only way I can see it being a total failure is if in real life I suck at doing the sensory things correctly... Otherwise he would let me do my writing and such stuff he just really really needs sensations. I think he's fed up with me talking about my goals and I am fed up with him over planning everything and changing his plans and that we simply must evolve out of talking about this and be more silly in our interactions and that I should be more caring...

I have an IEE bookkeeper who married an ILE when they were very young and now she's divorcing him because "he never grew up" and she is looking for a guy who is mature (an SLI) and when she talks about her ILE husband she sounds a lot, a very dangerous lot, like what you said above in bolded text.

Please read what you wrote. When I was trying to decide whether or not to end my marriage, I came to the conclusion that I could salvage it if I were willing to put up with her bullshit and simply never address the problems that she and I had, because there were no solutions to them.
But that was me. Your mileage may vary. It may be that you guys can work everything out.

[MidnightWilderness]

Well you guys are conflictors and so you will always feel that they are immature... His mother thinks the same thing too but honestly he's just brash and doesn't care too much for politics or anything. And there are worse ILEs out there because he went into a forum of them and said that they sounded like him at 13 and he started being a little glad that he was raised in a different quadra. Maturity is overrated if you can work out all the problems in your relationship healthily and are able to have a stable job.

[MidnightWilderness]

Simply I am only unsure of being able to provide sensory things but the only way now to find out is to meet in real life and see how it goes and if it still doesn't feel right, jump on a plane and get out.

[MidnightWilderness]

Oh boy never mind we broke up... I guess I refused physical things one too many times due to not being in the mood for it... Darn why do I always have to be dramatic and moody and spoil everything... Does anyone know if there are ILEs out there that can actually cook and clean for themselves sometimes and also not always changing their plans and not expect me to be affectionate 100% of the time? Or should I quit socionics and become a crazed maniac that lives by myself so that I don't feel the need to always question every single interaction between me and someone else in the terms of socionics? Because I don't feel like wasting time trying to find the perfect ILE out there... Better to just keep in mind what you want and let things happen naturally...

[marooned]

this is a socionics satire

[MidnightWilderness]

Why? I am being 100% serious and definitely not joking or trolling, I am just a very weird SEI

[MidnightWilderness]

Besides my lame reaction to me and my boyfriend breaking up is because we do it all the time...

[FreelancePoliceman]

I haven’t noticed much, if any, intuitive bias on this forum, and I haven’t seen anyone here talking about SEIs like you say you’ve seen in your OP. It looks to me like you’re comparing yourself to other people too much, instead of just being yourself. It’s easier said than done, but why not just try to focus on doing what you like, and try to ignore whatever you think strangers think about you?

No one is perfect, and no one can do everything. If you don’t like to or can’t paint well, for instance, just focus on doing what you can do well. And if you don’t think you can do anything well, so what? The only person you have to prove anything to is yourself. There’s no need to do anything to justify your existence. If you’d just like to sit in the sun in all your free time, that’s just as valid a lifestyle as composing poetry or whatever. Just try to do whatever you’d like to do, and when you don’t feel like doing anything, don’t! There’s no need to feel guilty or inferior to anyone for living as you’d like to live.