So much to respond to - so many different angles; you are all over the place. Yes, you could well be your self-typed IEE! Assuming she is SLI, my advice might be helpful; I am a girl IEE married to a guy SLI.
I completely fell for him before he "fell" for me (though, I don't think you can describe SLI's as really "falling" - but they do get to the point where they know you are theirs; where they are "all-in". Anyway, I was once in your shoes, thinking in every way about what he was thinking, guessing (often quite accurately), and one of the things in my quest for knowledge of dear SLI who was not being a complete open-book like me was to read lots on his MBTI type - ISTP - and then I found Socionics and realized
why I was so crazy for him. I found female SLI's opinions on how to act with my SLI extra helpful, too. Woman just know these things. Jessica is a SLI here - maybe she will be helpful.
One of the main things I learned is you have to be patient in waiting for your SLI to truly return your feelings and commitment. Don't press her for commitment and really be careful about expressing your undying love too strong too soon - without enough hints from her - because that really is pressure. Hints are okay; and realize she hears and remembers everything you say, and thinks about it. Its pretty amazing. Take your time. (I gave my SLI very soft hints of this but mostly just stayed engaged with him). And I was very very sure in my intution he returned my feelings, but I just had to accept my own thought there and wait for him to confirm it, the confirmation I so wanted. SLIs take longer than us IEEs. We just KNOW, and are ready to act when we know.. I forgot to say it was extra hard for us because we were separated in location. But I did date two different SLIs in college and it was lovely and mild and deep - but circumstances prevented these relations from getting off the ground, and did nto realize the gold I had or I woudl have made sure they hung on, ratehr than letting them go. I instead married a man who was not good for me.
So just be cautious and be sure she is ready to say she returns the feeling. Your IEE intuition will know. You see she is noticing you. That seems very SLI. SLIs like best to be friends first, to get to know you, to know you are a safe friend. So reach out as a friend, and do friend-things together with her.
Don't worry about her Fe PoLR. Her ESE/ESFj friend will annoy her way before you will. Or really you probably won't ever annoy her in that way. LOL, ESFj is in the Alpha Quadra, and SLI is in Delta - but I know what you mean. Of course ESE stands out socially - they are tireless social butterflies. Don't worry about the ESFj - they are socially adaptable. Realize ESE is your benefactor an in the end won't really appreciate your gifts. Have confidence you really are the best thing in the entire world for the SLI.
I was just Googling to find a Socionics article for you, "When Duals Meet". But I did not find the article, but I found an old conversation I vaguely remember having some time back PerCafe, somehow in the middle of this thread on a website I never posted on. I don't know why its there. I cannot take the time to read it now but I know that back when I wrote it I was in your same situation - trying to understand SLI so I could know how to approach this relationship that was not real a relationship yet. So
here that is. Maybe it will help. Since i am in a very different place now plus right at this time I cannot focus on this much because big things are happening here IRL. (I never did find that article but its quoted on this page, so maybe it will be helpful). Oh here it is (applies to any Dual pair, not just the one on the title page:
https://dualization.wordpress.com/20...-by-g-shulman/
Well I cannot take more time with this. Lots going on here, a family issue we are assisting with, a legal issue, and a house-building project with a snare that needs my attention. But I hope you will be very encouraged to keep trying. SLI and I are now very happily married, and I know we will always be happy. It is a 2nd marraige for us both; we are older. But you are young with a family to start yet, and you have this Dual woman you love and seems to return interest. What a wonderful possibility, that she may be your lifelong partner, that you start a family with! Please, go for it! She needs you to be the extrovert and show her your sincere interest! Accept her much-milder early returns of affection as the very precious offerings they are. Her affection will grow, and her love will be true and steadfast. its a wonderful thing. There may be what seems to you a prolonged period of silent stillness while she decides to give her heart. Be patient, impulsive ENFp. Stay calm. It won't be that long*. SLI's hidden agenda is "To Love". And SLI, while not being any gushy romantic, gives true and loyal and deep love. Worth so much more than the silly fluffy stuff.
*At one point, before my SLI declared his love, we were sort of making life plans together, and I said (wrote) that I really cannot talk about this, I need to know you feel as I do, and when he wrote back vaguely affirmative that he did, I said, please don't - I really need to hear your voice say it and see it in your eyes, face-to-face. And we dropped this line of talking all together, and chatted about all other things like good friends. When I saw him a couple months later, he made sure, when we took a walk, to stop me, and face me, and declare his love and intention to be with me always. He did this very simply. Not poetic, no fireworks, but firmly and surely and it was just what I needed. (though he has written some brief poetic things that showed his love). Also it was unexpected; I had no hint he was going to say any such thing. So I share that to say that at some appropriate point in your wooing, when you feel sure she returns the feeling, you may need to tell her what you need to hear. And give her time to think, maybe she'll need to cogitate before she speaks. She might need to get back to you on that.
And it will be eloquent and simple and direct, not wordy. But you will know just how she feels.
P.S. Don't worry about the height. If she loves you she will just love everything about you. My good friend ISFp college roommate was very in love with her ENTp Dual. (She knew nothing of Socionics). They had HUGE unusual obstacles but they did marry and they have had a wonderful life together. As - no,
more in love with many big hurdles, experiences and 3 kids later. And this friend is 5'1" and her hubby 6'3". And her hands happen to be extra-tiny, and his, extra-big.
Very sweet.