Experiences with Identical Relations

[Joy]

I'm beginning to see how identical relations are being a very healthy and helpful thing. If the person is doing well, it's easy to see what you should be doing differently in order to do well, and if they're not doing well you can see where they're messing up. I think that finding an identical who is where you want to go (or for those who don't think in those terms, one who you admire or see as successful in the areas of life that are important to you, whatever that is), and either reading about that person or observing them can teach you a lot.

Recently I've spent a fair amount of time around identical who is pretty much exactly where I want to be in 5 years. I think this is about the best thing that could have happened to get me back on track... not that I'd lost sight of my goals, but I have been feeling pretty frustrated because of many various factors and needed a reminder that I am indeed doing what I should be doing to get where I'm trying to go. It's just not easy, that's all.

I definitely see the PoLR in him, but I see ways that he's successfully dealt with it, and that's very helpful. It makes it seem like it doesn't need to be all that difficult.

The first and second functions are obvious, and it was nice to talk to someone who looks at issues the same way I do. He also made some good points that I wouldn't have thought of, points I attribute to his having been around longer. This is a very valuable thing because he doesn't even need to explain his reasoning, just say what he thinks about it and I automatically see his point, and it's like I'm able to readily utilize knowledge he's gained through experiences that I haven't had.

I also have a much better understanding of the Role function now. I think it's something that is, in a way, a lot stronger than we make it out to be when we talk about it on the forum. It's something that we're very aware of, but don't value. Combined with our first function, this awareness proves to be a very useful thing. It's like... you can see why others behave the way they do, and you know how to deal with them better as a result. It feels like you're able to see why they're doing what they're doing, but the downfalls of it, the things they didn't consider, are apparent to you. You can use your awareness to do what you need to do to get along with them and give them what they want without making the mistakes they're making (which you're actually seeing with your first function). Of course, as with anything else in socionics (and perhaps life), it's all a matter of perspective. Everyone values different types of information and styles of thinking, and no one is really right or wrong, just seeing different things.

I remember someone here saying to me that talking to another person from your quadra, especially your dual, makes you think, "Wow, there's another sane person in the world". I don't know if I'd use the word sane, but I definitely see what he was talking about. It's like they "get it", and there are very few other people who do. I've never known an identical all that well. There were a couple that I sort of knew, and I did get along really well with them, but they were where I was and headed in the same direction rather than already being where I am headed.

The best part of all of this for me right now is seeing how an identical successfully overcame his PoLR. Dealing with my PoLR has been much more of an issue for me than I've realized, and I have been letting it have way too much of a negative effect of my life. At this point I know of some things I can do to make a big difference. They're things I already *knew*, but now they seem much more realistic. There's no absolutely reason I can't do them.

[Jarno]

I've indeed read that you learn fastest from an Identical.

although it can be boring too.

I've met some Identicals but have no need to speak to them again.

[Ms. Kensington]

I've indeed read that you learn fastest from an Identical.

Do you have a source for that?

[Joy]

It makes sense.

[misutii]

Does anyone here have an identical as a sibling? (or know siblings that are identical?) Where are they (to you) in terms of birth order? How are your relations with said sibling?

My little sister is my identical (she's INFp-Fe subtype, I'm the oldest and she's the youngest of four children - seven years younger than me). Her and I get along really well, we're closer to each other than my other two siblings (ESFp male and ESFj female) who also seem to be closer to each other. Often I feel sympathetic for my mom because she's ESFj and has to deal with double supervision, lol. My sister and I seem pretty good at justifying each other's actions, good or bad, and work almost like a team so that when anyone in the family criticizes our behaviour, without any proper explanation, we put them in their place - specifically if the criticism is directed at one of us for not "acting normal"/acting like everyone else for the sake of acting like everyone else. This is the first time in the past 5 years that I've lived in the same house as her for an extended period as I was away at school but I can't imagine not having her around. I find that we provide each other with a certain degree of psychological comfort; in the sense that we both experience "reality" in a similar way, but both feel that our way of experiencing "reality" is very much separated from the majority's viewpoint. So whereas without each other we might fall victim to being accused of being abnormal, and thus giving in to hypochondriac tendencies and conforming, together we can logically conclude that the probability of there being something inherently wrong, and manifesting itself in the exact same way, in two siblings of the opposite sex, is so low that the probability of there being something wrong with the person accusing us is higher and thus we're right, they're wrong, lol. We never get into serious fights or criticize each other of anything, and so always support each other - I think we both know that it's in neither of our interests to expose the other's weaknesses to others as, really, by doing so we'd only be exposing our own.

I was also curious as to what the prevalency of having an identical sibling might be in the general population as I don't think I know anyone else that does. Anyways please feel free to share your own experiences/thoughts on this issue!

[redbaron]

I think two of my kids are identicals--INFps like I am and the other daughter is identical to my husband, ESFj. Lots of supervision flying around. It's really interesting to watch the twins (an INFp and an ESFj) interact because they often mirror the interactions of my husband and I. But anyway, back to your question. The two INFps (okay so actually my son might be ISFp, I am not sure. He's either INFp or ISFp) get along really well. They do seem closer than any of the other combinations, even closer in some ways than the twins. We'll see how things go as they get older. They often make up games and spend hours together quietly playing whereas the ESFj gets bored easily with that and would rather find a good book to read or walk around the house asking what we're going to do next.

[misutii]

The two INFps (okay so actually my son might be ISFp, I am not sure. He's either INFp or ISFp) get along really well. They do seem closer than any of the other combinations, even closer in some ways than the twins. We'll see how things go as they get older. They often make up games and spend hours together quietly playing whereas the ESFj gets bored easily with that and would rather find a good book to read or walk around the house asking what we're going to do next.

that's like me and my little sister, especially at social occassions we stick together and try to get out of the area of "densest noise", so to speak, which is funny enough the area where our other two siblings (ESFp, ESFj) are concentrated.

do you know of any other people that have children identicals? or people whose siblings are identical? I suppose it's quite rare in western society because most families have less than three children but I'm interested and the lack of response from others seems to confirm this

[theMime.]

Do you feel bad when you find out that someone you really don't like is the same type as you? Does it make you smile when you find out that someone you really admire is your identical?

I was LOLing at myself because I do this all the time. "Aw crap she's an ISFp? That sucks." "NO way! SHE's an ISFp?? Sweeeeeet."

[xyz]

Yeah, mostly because I can see my own stubbornness and deep seated beliefs. I don't hate it when it happens, in fact it's quite revealing, it's just unnerving.

I've yet to find my own type that makes me smile

[strrrng]

being INFp, I come across the occasional pussy emo fag...but other than that, I like em.

[Elro]

I hate myself.

[Rubicon]

Yeah - it goes either way for me. I've met people who seem to embody all that's awesome about SEIs - and also people who just magnify all our faults and make me ashamed to be SEI. Lol.

[reyn_til_runa]

Do you feel bad when you find out that someone you really don't like is the same type as you? Does it make you smile when you find out that someone you really admire is your identical?

I was LOLing at myself because I do this all the time. "Aw crap she's an ISFp? That sucks." "NO way! SHE's an ISFp?? Sweeeeeet."

how can identifying with liking or disliking a person make your type any more appealing or unappealing?

[Khola aka Bee]

I tend to be sexually attracted to my identicals. Then again, I tend to feel that way about nearly anyone that I can identify with in some way. I must be retarded.

Is that an answer?

[FDG]

Nope, it actually makes me feel good that even if I am the same type, I have been able to become a better person than the guy.

The moment I feel slightly worse instead happens in correspondence with the reverse: if I see an identical that is clearly "better" than me in most ways.

[ScarlettLux]

Isn't it fabulous? I have nearly relinquished my desire for finding a dual because of being in an identical relationship. It is above and beyond any relationship I've ever had so far in terms of psychological closeness, understanding on every level, and intensity. My best friend is also my identical and our friendship is the "realest" friendship I have ever experienced, besides my Activity partners at a close second.

Anyone else have similar experiences with their identical? Share here! Let us band together and take down these fanciful tales of duality! I can't even see now how duality could be better than identity anymore... well, I shouldn't speak too fast because I had a terrible experience with an alleged SLE whom I will never forgive.

The truth is, I can't see myself really understanding an SLE. The ones I've met are really just not in the same "zone" I'm in ... for everything. On the other hand, if you're with your identical, you always know where you stand, and you have constant guidance, support, and a place to vent because the other person will always feel the same. I also believe identicals CAN and DO help each-other develop strengths/weaknesses. I don't exactly see how they could not. Some descriptions I've read say that identicals can not help eachother because they are too similar. Really?

I have just recently read a lot of people bashing their supposed "duals" and I would just like to challenge the status quo by stating that perhaps identical relations could be better, haha.


PS: I may still be an EIE, lmao, so this might really be about Mirror relations, but I doubt it.

[BurntOrange]

My identicals generally annoy me.

I still find a lot of my identicals attractive though, and attractive people rarely annoy me.
So I guess I like my identicals too.

THANK YOU! haha I see why we're annoyed by each other. It's true though, pretty much the only time I really click with my identicals is if there's a strong sexual attraction, and most ILEs I recognize are dudes haha. I just relate to the competition/weirded out stuff too much. LII guys are probably easier for me to get along with than ILEs. In group situations there's always just this like EP competitive dynamic and we have to escalate shit until we end up doing something completely stupid. I could see how it could be great in a real relationship though; certainly as a type that doesn't have this dynamic. It might be great for me too though, I can't say as I don't think I've ever actually had a serious relationship with my identical.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

In some circumstances I believe Identicals and Duals can be difficult to tell apart. A celebrity persona is going to seem to ebb and flow between appearing like their dual and their identical, I would imagine.

In cutsey/married duals, they might even mold to look the same and literally "Become One." Their differences become much more readily apparent when you tear them apart and place them both in a more physical/high-strung environment, methinks. (Which goes back to the popular belief 'duals ignore each other around other people in public social situations.')

[betterthan]

Do you feel conflict/competition with them? Do you feel attracted to them? Do you get along with them? Do you find them boring? Is it a good relationship to have, one with an identical?

Please share your thoughts & experiences.
x!

[redbaron]

Do you feel conflict/competition with them? Do you feel attracted to them? Do you get along with them? Do you find them boring? Is it a good relationship to have, one with an identical?

Please share your thoughts & experiences.
x!

A couple of my oldest friends are IEIs. Occasionally I do feel a smidgen of competitiveness with them but not usually and I don't express it to them. No conflict whatsoever. Yes, I feel attracted to them because I know they'll understand me. Whenever I have a problem, I go to either one of my IEI friends OR my LII friend. Those three give me the best understanding. And the LII has the benefit of giving me the straight logical view, helping me to see things more as they are and taking the emotion out of them (which is helpful to me). No, I certainly don't find them boring. I mean, they don't bring in a lot of new stuff into my life I guess. But we share interests and have great discussions. I would never describe being with either of them as boring, nope.

When I was 16, I fell in love with an IEI and we were together for well over a year, and in love for close to two years. His parents forced us to break up because they thought we were too young to be so serious (and they were right but their "rules" only stoked the fire). Anyway, yeah. So that was the only identical romantic relationship I've ever had. I'll say this: in the end I did find it annoying that he was being indecisive (over following his parents or his own heart) and it made me realize that I wanted someone generally more decisive. I know that immaturity had plenty to do with it. But it was also, you know, being IEI. I guess there are things about myself that drive me crazy, that I wouldn't want to deal with in a romantic partner. But for friendship, there's nothing like an identical!

[xyz]

They're cool.

[jessica129]

They're cool.

..

[xyz]

..

haha. Cmon, did you really want me to babble on and on about how cool my identicals are, or would you rather me shut the fuck up and take you to go to a concert or something?

[ZTCrawcrustle]

It is not the best realtionship, as both of you feel that you play the same role. I remember a class with a teacher who was my identical, which was interesting and entertaining, but we probably both thought of each other as asses, although we got along great. However, we fought constantly. If you can decipher this, cheers!

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

They're okay. Best type to have conversations with, and to see what I need to improve upon. I notice that all IEIs kinda use their intuition too much, and might believe everything they read or hear about, but if they get some direct evidence to it- they can change their mind. However, Te is our weakness, so if this is displayed to us IRL it would probably annoy us a great deal, so I think... we have to read or watch it from a third party source so we're not directly involved in it. Word-of-mouth stories that might seem pleasant, I think we can be too gullible for these.

Two IEIs can be very romantic/loving with each other.

[cracka]

I get along rather well with the one or 2 people I've thought may be my type.

[DirectorAbbie]

It's great having an ESTj as an English Instructor. He's so easy to understand! I think he's a Te subtype, too. He uses big words, which is fun, 'cause I enjoy doing the same. The assignments are also the types of things I can handle, none of that annoying "work in groups to make a persuasive movie" stuff I get from my ESFj government teacher.

I also have a friend who's an ESTj. When we talk, it's mostly about school and how our classes are going. We get along because we think on the same wavelength, but don't hang out together. I don't know what she thinks of me, but she's kinda boring.

[jessica129]

I also have a friend who's an ESTj. When we talk, it's mostly about school and how our classes are going. We get along because we think on the same wavelength, but don't hang out together. I don't know what she thinks of me, but she's kinda boring.

You sure that's a friend?

[crazedrat]

Two days ago I met my identical in a gamestop, and it was a female. I really wanted to bone her, and I could tell she wanted to bone with me, but we didn't.

Once a friend, always a friend. We ate lunch together in Middle School. She invited me to a celebration in honor of the sixteenth anniversary of the day of her birth.

now night arrives with its purple legion. retire now to your tents and to your dreams. tomorrow, I return to the town of my birth. I want to be ready

[sarinana]

I am dating my identical right now. We are both SEE's. We fight everyday mostly because we are both very dramatic and manipulating and it doesn't work here like it works with other types. But after 5minutes of fighting we always have a good laught. When I firs saw him I thought "oh so maybe there is someone who is just like me!" now it sometimes bothers me that we are so much alike but still i've been dating my dual just before him and I wasn't that happy about our relationship like i am now..

[Simon Ssmall]

It is easy to have a relationship with an identical due to complete understanding. However in time it gets annoying, you start to compete after some time and most of the advices/help you get is like "duh! I know that much, why are you telling me this and why you think I don't know that already". Id prefer to keep my identicals as friends.

[sarinana]

It is easy to have a relationship with an identical due to complete understanding. However in time it gets annoying, you start to compete after some time and most of the advices/help you get is like "duh! I know that much, why are you telling me this and why you think I don't know that already". Id prefer to keep my identicals as friends.

what if your identical friend is very sexy?

[tiny_dancer]

haha You know, I think even if I found an IEE incredibly attractive, I wouldn't want to have a relationship with them either. For me, the mental stuff always nags at me and eventually takes over. Physicality wouldn't trump mental compatibility for me.

[Simon Ssmall]

what if your identical friend is very sexy?

Happened before and she is the reason I prefer my identicals as friends ever since.

EDIT: well of course never say never, since we are talking about people and its not like i'm thinking "oh she is ENFp, I shouldn't date her" but at least I'm aware how it can turn out.

[07490]

Scarlettlux, I still think you're an EIE, I can fairly tell the difference between EIE,IEI only becuase thats the type I have focus alot of my energy understanding it. And you seem to have a rich romance world, and very experienced in that walks of life, or maybe too much that you only want more? Who knows, only to say that I would rather be a sexual instinct first, like you.

[betterthan]

=) Omg lol!

What?! I am so confused! I thought you were with an ESTp, I read a while back you were with an IEI...I thought you swapped him for an ESTp?!

[Jarno]

The descriptions says that the relationship becomes boring quickly.

has anyone experience with this?

[The Exception]

I have a male friend who I think is my identical. We've been friends for a few years now but we'll never be romantically involved with each other. Both of us find the thought of that utterly creepy.

[Blaze]

The descriptions says that the relationship becomes boring quickly.

has anyone experience with this?

haven't been in a romantic relationship with another ILE. have lots as friends though....and they make for fun, supportive friendships. i've never been romantically attracted to my identical though. i kind of think if you over intensify an identical relation it would become boring, you already know what they're going to say. i would say understanding is really good though, you speak the same language.

as a slight contrast, lookalike relation, while not quite identical, is better in that there is a intuition and sensing repartee, plus the connection of the creative function. in a weird way you halfway meet each other's dual seeking.

[redbaron]

as a slight contrast, lookalike relation, while not quite identical, is better in that there is a intuition and sensing repartee, plus the connection of the creative function. in a weird way you halfway meet each other's dual seeking.

yeah I've been very attracted to my lookalike and found it not boring.