INFj-ESTj duality descriptions by Meged, Gulenko, Agusta (EII-LSE)

[eunice]

What are your thoughts?

I don't like it and I feel that such a relationship would stifle me if I am at the receiving end. Parts of the descriptions which I strongly dislike and don't agree with:

If love contradicts logic, they reject it.

They cannot love, if they think that their feelings are unreasonable. They cannot love someone, about whom they have doubts, whom they don’t trust, which causes problems. They can’t love even those who are too independent and so have no need constant aid and guardianship.[ -- ] In the sphere of feelings they don’t feel up to taking the risk: they can desire those who don’t desire them in return, but they can’t love those that don’t reciprocate their love.

They worry about their partner, give them instructions, correct and regulate their activities. They do with pleasure all that the partner can’t do – if the partner really cannot, instead of not being willing to do it. More precisely, they try to overcome difficulties that prevent the partner from taking effective action. They really don’t like it, if the partner falls under the influence, and listen to the advice, of others.

Since this type has the developed and even nagging aesthetic taste (in the behavior, dictated by the second function rather than the first, people are always more nagging), they are inclined to dictate to their partners their own concept of beauty. They are always confident that they know what is beautiful and what isn’t [ - -], and they don’t regard it as too important whether or not it pleases other people or if it’s fashionable. They find it much more difficult to live with someone who has their own taste than with someone who needs them to solve all aesthetical problems, who yields in this field, who listens to their indications.

This girl (or man) is happy to live according to the aesthetic tastes and desires of someome else, not so much because she doesn’t have her own, but because she desires the complete harmony of interrelations, complete confluence of will [ - - ] The girl wants what pleases him and to adapt to it.

Aushra either had a very poor opinion of INFjs, or she didn't understand INFjs at all. Based on the description, INFjs seem to be at a disadvantage imo.

[UDP]

they can’t love those that don’t reciprocate their love.

No, I believe that to be quite true for me. It is impossible for me to "love" - that is, have romantic feelings of interest - someone with out there being reciprocation. I just can't do it, because it is not real to me.

I do not need, like, someone to be totally dependent on me, especially in the modern day world. But having reciprocation is important. I cannot much last, going into a situation and just "hoping" people will change.

And absolutely cannot love someone if there are lies involved. Nothing makes me distance myself further from people than lies, vagueness, deception, and dishonesty.

They cannot quickly fall in love, they fear to be deceived, to mistake their wishes for reality. If love contradicts logic, they reject it. This is one of those types that are considered courageous.

I don't know if I have to say it is courage or not, but, it is absolutely a factor for me.


IMO, what that quote means is this: if you find someone who is acting in ways that is not indicative of being in love with you, or someone who is acting in ways that are not clear about their relationship for you, then all emotions become suspended. I cannot love someone who treats me wrong, or who lies to me, it erases my feelings for them. It is like, well, I can't believe you did that, or, I guess I was wrong, I misunderstood who you are, etc. I can still be "friends" toward people, but as far as emotional involvement goes, I cannot have it there.

And I will always, always push for the truth in whatever situation I am in. Another take on that quote may be "they cannot love, when there is uncertainty about the feelings of the other person", or "they cannot sustain a feeling of love when there is logical and factual reasoning that someone is not reciprocating it." The lack of reciprocation makes my own feelings of love unfounded, and then I feel like I am lying, or believing in something that isn't real, so it quickly begins to scale back my emotional involvement.

See, it's not that I have no emotions or cannot get emotionally involved. I do, on both accounts. It is just that the depth of my involvement is directly related to how much the other person is accepting with it, and consequently, not accepting (love, or deep relationships) from anyone else. I can show initiative and lead and do all these things that show I want to be in a relationship and love someone, but, unless the person 'wants it', well, it is all for naught.