IEI - SLE Duality discussion and stories (INFp-ESTp)

[Creepy-Snaps]

We do email back and forth lengthy emails sometimes. She sends really long, nice, thoughtful emails when she does respond. She is always very excited about everything, it's cute and interacting with her makes me more of an optimistic person.

That's kind of how things started with my girlfriend too. It was exciting hearing from her and telling her everything, and hearing about her life and thoughts as well.

I have been letting her contact me first and ask me when she wants to hang out now. I've backed off since she has asked to be just friends... and strangely she has been asking to hang out more. She will ask to do date-like things, like go see a movie or get dinner together. I assume she just likes to have a lot of friends since she is extroverted.

Don't assume going to the movies or dinner with you means just friends! It most likely means the opposite. You do mean you go just the two of you? None of her friends as well? Even then, she might just be trying to get to know you better. To be comfortable around you.

With all that said though, I think I ended up making a mistake the last time we got together if there was any romantic chance left. Assuming I had been friend zoned, I brought up another girl that I had went on a date with the previous week and hooked up with and felt guilty about (since I normally don't do the one night stand thing and it is out of character for me). Anyway, she was still nice of course, but after I mentioned that I noticed the vibe between us changed a bit, and she started looking everywhere around the room except for me, and she wanted to head out shortly after. We haven't talked as much after that night as we normally do.

Tell her you're sorry and would like to hang out more! You can't let something like that go. That's very hard on her to deal with. I would be upset and probably just leave too... you'd have to assure her it was a mistake, look her in the eyes, let her know you're interested in only her.

Let her know it won't happen again, and you've learned from your mistake. You have, haven't you? Gotta let her know!

[slownumbers]

Don't assume going to the movies or dinner with you means just friends! It most likely means the opposite. You do mean you go just the two of you? None of her friends as well? Even then, she might just be trying to get to know you better. To be comfortable around you.

Yes just the two of us go. She actually asked me to get dinner last weekend, which happened to be the day before valentine's day.

Tell her you're sorry and would like to hang out more! You can't let something like that go. That's very hard on her to deal with. I would be upset and probably just leave too... you'd have to assure her it was a mistake, look her in the eyes, let her know you're interested in only her.

I did apologize to her in an email the next day. I didn't tell her that I was interested in her still (cause I am still trying to assume she wants to be friends so I don't get my hopes up). I apologized saying that I felt embarrassed for telling her, and felt bad for sleeping with someone I didn't really know that well, and just felt bad in general. She replied with a nice email, saying that she felt bad I was embarrassed and she hoped she hadn't done anything to make me feel that way. She also told me that she didn't want me to feel bad. She then went on to tell me how her day was going, and then wished me a happy valentine's day. In her email she sounded just as enthusiastic as she did in all of her other emails. I wrote back to that one, but then haven't heard from her since, which IS unusual for her... Oh and P.S. yes, I did learn from my mistake, and realize now I shouldn't have blabbered on about it. I guess we just gotta keep living and learning

[Creepy-Snaps]

Oh and P.S. yes, I did learn from my mistake, and realize now I shouldn't have blabbered on about it. I guess we just gotta keep living and learning

I was with ya till this last part. I meant learn from your mistake as not giving in to your impulse and sleeping with someone you don't know that well.

Of course, you might not regret it... but just. Regretting "blabbing" about it and not doing it? So you're not sorry you did it, just sorry you 'got caught'? Had to face consequences?

I don't know if I could date someone who wasn't strong enough to resist their impulses, and might cheat on me. I'm hoping this is just a miscommunication, that you're honestly sorry for it. I hope your told that girl that you're not just sorry for 'going on' and telling her about it, but sorry for doing it...

Actions speak louder than words...

*steps away from SLE lecture stand*

[slownumbers]

I was with ya till this last part. I meant learn from your mistake as not giving in to your impulse and sleeping with someone you don't know that well.

Of course, you might not regret it... but just. Regretting "blabbing" about it and not doing it? So you're not sorry you did it, just sorry you 'got caught'? Had to face consequences?

I don't know if I could date someone who wasn't strong enough to resist their impulses, and might cheat on me. I'm hoping this is just a miscommunication, that you're honestly sorry for it. I hope your told that girl that you're not just sorry for 'going on' and telling her about it, but sorry for doing it...

Actions speak louder than words...

*steps away from SLE lecture stand*

Thanks again for your input Mountain Dew, it is helpful In answer to your questions, I did feel bad about doing it yes, sleeping with someone I didn't know that well that is. I also felt bad for telling other people about it in general. The whole situation generally made me feel like a bad person - and I told her that I was sorry for all of the above. Don't worry, guilt is my middle name.

I am single and not dating anyone at the moment, so I don't think it was a totally bad thing, but it still just didn't feel right and is not my normal way of going about things. Also, I have never cheated on someone, and don't ever intend to.

[jessica129]

When I tell someone I just want to be friends, there's no changing my mind. No amount of hanging out having good times with that person will change it. Once you're friend-zoned, you'll always be friend-zoned with me and it bothers me a lot when the other can't accept it and still keeps up hope then I have to keep regecting them.

[slownumbers]

When I tell someone I just want to be friends, there's no changing my mind. No amount of hanging out having good times with that person will change it. Once you're friend-zoned, you'll always be friend-zoned with me and it bothers me a lot when the other can't accept it and still keeps up hope then I have to keep regecting them.

Fair enough. You must be quite charming to have them keep coming back :-P If someone says they want to be just friends, I typically accept this info, am sad for awhile, then move on. It's harder when the other person sends out mixed signals (or what appear to be mixed signals to me) because I will start holding on to hope if I am really interested.

I have also been on the other end of the situation. Being on both ends (which I'm sure most of us have been) helps you to get a better idea of how to handle things - what to do and what not to do. Rejection is just hard to handle for everyone in general, and I find it can be tricky to remain friends right afterward sometimes.

[Beautiful sky]

No. Go out, have fun, meet other mature and ready to have a relationship dual.

I was with ya till this last part. I meant learn from your mistake as not giving in to your impulse and sleeping with someone you don't know that well.

Of course, you might not regret it... but just. Regretting "blabbing" about it and not doing it? So you're not sorry you did it, just sorry you 'got caught'? Had to face consequences?

I don't know if I could date someone who wasn't strong enough to resist their impulses, and might cheat on me. I'm hoping this is just a miscommunication, that you're honestly sorry for it. I hope your told that girl that you're not just sorry for 'going on' and telling her about it, but sorry for doing it...

Actions speak louder than words...

*steps away from SLE lecture stand*

Stop analyzing. you shouldn't care, you're an E type remember? You're reconciling with values which is a part of rationalizing.