IEI - SLE Duality discussion and stories (INFp-ESTp)

[Rebelondeck]

IEI.............when socionics sources say that IEI is my soulmate, it's interesting......

Duals are not soulmates; their information processing is what your information processing needs in order to make the best possible integrated system for a broad range of life experiences. Given that their accompanying sets of baggage are not overpowering, duals will usually be able to tolerate each other simply because they don't focus on the same things so will not tread on each other's toes while at the same time, will probably stay on the same path even though they'll often disagree. They are what each other needs like eating one's vegetables rather than having a second dessert. It's not as romantic a concept as implied by the word 'soulmates'. It's about being able to work together over the long term - but too many people simply prefer to have dessert and will rationalize away any potential future consequences.

a.k.a. I/O

[ostevestarko]

Interesting. then I hope one of those, "duals" can tolerate me lol. Now that I realized Socionics doesn't engage in those stupid romantic plays, I like socionics more.

[ostevestarko]

Duals are not soulmates; their information processing is what your information processing needs in order to make the best possible integrated system for a broad range of life experiences. Given that their accompanying sets of baggage are not overpowering, duals will usually be able to tolerate each other simply because they don't focus on the same things so will not tread on each other's toes while at the same time, will probably stay on the same path even though they'll often disagree. They are what each other needs like eating one's vegetables rather than having a second dessert. It's not as romantic a concept as implied by the word 'soulmates'. It's about being able to work together over the long term - but too many people simply prefer to have dessert and will rationalize away any potential future consequences.

a.k.a. I/O

Interesting. then I hope one of those, "duals" can tolerate me lol. Now that I realized Socionics doesn't engage in those stupid romantic plays, I like socionics more.

[Expat]

Now here's the confusing part. He broke up with me after a month stating: "You're amazing, smart, funny, interesting, beautiful and I'm very attracted to you, but...there is something intangible missing when I'm with you." I then learned about his past loves and they all seemed to stem from an intense passion and lust for the woman. He's been "in love" five times, but only two of those were relationships. The others were unrequited loves.

Is this common for estps? For them to only view love in a fast and furious way? I tend to let my feelings develop, based on trust and friendship

There's always the possibility that there was something else going on and what he said about "something intangible missing" was just plain bullshit.

However, going for plain socionics based on the available information, one possibility is that while he's indeed ESTp, you're actually INTp rather than INFp, and the ""something intangible missing" was the Fe (extraverted feeling).

Take the above with a pinch of salt since it's a hunch based on very little information.

[pandagirl]

Yes, it could very well something else. But barring another woman in the picture, I believe he was telling the truth about the "passion" thing. I didn't feel it either, but I was OK with that.

[Joy]

Duality is not as exciting as some other intertype relations.

[Ms. Kensington]

Duality is not as exciting as some other intertype relations.

thats what i was going to say.

i feel the most passionate when there is some tension, but some complimentary exchange as well. I don't have to do anything but be in the same room as an INFp (not my dual) to feel physically attracted.

Panda, you'll see if he still thinks theres something missing after some time with you. I particularly find this occuring in ExTp and sometimes ExFp. Also, 30 is not past the age where one acquires maturity in many cases.

[pandagirl]

exactly, i noticed that, too. usually the duality relationships start without thrills. probably this guy was after something extraordinary and it sounds normal to me. but i believe he'll know what to choose when he will want to settle down.

This sounds about right. No thrills, but plenty of happy, warm fuzzies.

He's seems very eager to start a friendship with me, called me yesterday and wants to hang out. Me? I'm playing it cool. I feel like he's almost trying to create drama.

[calenwen]

Hey guys, first time poster here. I was hoping if you could provide any insight to me on my confusing break up.

I was dating a guy for a month. He is definitely an estp: charming, hilarious, hyper social, whipsmart, thrill seeking. We met on a dating site; don't think i would ever meet a guy like him in a regular social setting!

I was amazed at how comfortable we were together. It's like we had known each other for years. Close friends know I'm sarcastic, funny and smart, but it usually takes awhile for that side to come out. This guy brought it out of me immediately. Plus, there was amazing sexual chemistry, we couldn't stop touching each other, kissing, etc. He said to me that he was able to open up to me more than most girls. I forced him in my own way to be honest with me. He said, "OK. I dont do that with girls...but for you, I will."

Now here's the confusing part. He broke up with me after a month stating: "You're amazing, smart, funny, interesting, beautiful and I'm very attracted to you, but...there is something intangible missing when I'm with you." I then learned about his past loves and they all seemed to stem from an intense passion and lust for the woman. He's been "in love" five times, but only two of those were relationships. The others were unrequited loves.

Is this common for estps? For them to only view love in a fast and furious way? I tend to let my feelings develop, based on trust and friendship.

Sigh. Is there anyway to change his mind? I feel like he gave up on something that could've been great.

Could you really envision yourself with an ESTP long-term, though?

I don't know... I dated an ESTP once and while it was fun (charming, hilarious, hyper social, whipsmart, thrill seeking, etc.) I couldn't see him a.) sticking with one person for too long and b.) us being on the same page for very long.

[pandagirl]

Now that I've thought about it: no, I can't really envision myself with an ESTP long-term at all. He is definitely the type of person who is like: "onto the next girl!" He is really resolute and resilient and 100% sure that what he think is right. And not exactly the sensitive type of guy who could/would fulfill my emotional needs. In fact, he said a lot of unintentionally rude things to me that hurt my feelings.

But, oh...he is so seductive and charming.

[marooned]

He is definitely the type of person who is like: "onto the next girl!"

...

In fact, he said a lot of unintentionally rude things to me that hurt my feelings.

I know this is only one ESTp... but honestly I want nothing to do with the "onto the next short-term relationship!" people... and I don't know how well I'd be able to put up with someone accidentally hurting my feelings consistently either... hmm, well I don't think I would be able to put up with it.

though IEI might have more of an outward reaction when their feelings are hurt than ILI, and maybe that would have an effect... or alter the dynamic...

But the way that ESTp is (Fi PoLR) it seems that it would sort of be in its nature to be insensitive to how others feel.

[pandagirl]

He's the type of person to date a lot of people, and not stick with one, because he knows EXACTLY what he wants/is looking for. So, if a girl doesn't fit into this ideal, in his mind it's over.

That being said, he is a good guy, just brutally honest. He told me his past girlfriends have claimed he is "emotionally distant" and it's because "most of the time, I'm thinking something they don't want to hear." ha!

[ESTP]

Help.

[Satan]

Help.

my condolences. what is your heart doing getting involved in a black hole.

[ESTP]

That he's super intelligent, he calls me out on my bs, it seems he has my best interests at heart even when I dont....I dunno, he's just everything I thought I never wanted, but really it's all i've ever wanted.

We have awsome conversations about anything and anything, never ending. He calms me down, my crazy ways have gotten toned down a lot since meeting him.

[buckland]

LOL why not marry him this year?

And, im about 90% sure he's intj...in MBTI i'm pretty positive he's INTP...

Maybe you're attracted to him because he is socionics INTp.

[strrrng]

I'd be willing to bet he's really just an INFp with a high Ti focus.

[ESTP]

This part doesn't really sound like supervision, assuming your relationship in its current form has reached the stage where you act normally around each other.

An LII would probably make you more likely to act hotheaded, because you'd disagree with his non-concrete, sometimes purely axiomatic (no ) logic. Unless it was something obvious and mundane, but that doesn't sound like the kind of relationship you have.

Yes, that stage was reached fairly quickly.

[ESTP]

I wonder if its possible to change the title of this thread to "I heart an INFp" and move it to Beta??

Because quite frankly...I think I might have fooled myself with MBTI and trying to transfer over to socionics...Not only that, after reading more and based on our interaction and whatnot...I believe he is INFp.

WHAAA I believe this is my first encounter ever (that im aware of) with a dual.

[ESTP]

Heyyyyy

What are some behaviours INFp exhibits when they super-duper like you?

Just outta curiosity...

edit: or ...when they heart you eheh

[strrrng]

Heyyyyy

What are some behaviours INFp exhibits when they super-duper like you?

Just outta curiosity...

edit: or ...when they heart you eheh

Not sure what the standard is. I'll never be especially direct, but usually can communicate a lot through subtle looks or interactions. If it was with an ESTp, I think those sort of antics would mesh perfectly, because they always seem prone to go directly at the object of attraction. But, I would say, if you notice him looking at you a certain way when he thinks you aren't paying attention, or injecting subtle comments at intervals in conversation that tend to incite a reaction from you, chances are he's sizing you up because he likes you

[intjguy]

my condolences. what is your heart doing getting involved in a black hole.

Lol! Word.

[ESTP]

Lol! Word.

WTF why are ya'll saying that??

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Hearting an infp isn't the problem. Infps are pathetically easy to like and enjoy. Infps have a problem with commitment and simply, 'just being there.'

[ESTP]

Infps have a problem with commitment and simply, 'just being there.'

want to elaborate a little further

[betterthan]

Hi,
, yay, im so happy for you.
Urh. I don't know why but when I think about hanging out with the ESTps i know, i want to say this too. I haven't worked out why, but the only way i'd change my mind and get into a relationship is if they told me; 'i really like you but if you dont want to be with me its too hard to hang out with you, so if you do want to be with me then be with me,coz your the one i want' or something like. but if they were like; 'ffs be with me or fuck off' lol then id just, be like .
lol ?

[ESTP]

Hi,
, yay, im so happy for you.
Urh. I don't know why but when I think about hanging out with the ESTps i know, i want to say this too. I haven't worked out why, but the only way i'd change my mind and get into a relationship is if they told me; 'i really like you but if you dont want to be with me its too hard to hang out with you, so if you do want to be with me then be with me,coz your the one i want' or something like. but if they were like; 'ffs be with me or fuck off' lol then id just, be like .
lol ?

AHAHAH I'll keep that in mind...if there ever comes a time when I feel the need to say to him "shit or get off the pot" i'll be a little bit more sensitive about it

[ESTP]

I posted this on another forum... and figure, that I try to read up on INFps and behaviours but hardly find the kind of info that I'm looking for..if I do it's breif or not just quite what I'm trying to find. Not say ya'll dont post good stuff...you do, it's just probably the questions I have haven't been posted or asked.

So...here's a little bit of info on how I view things...as far as the type of relationships I have/want/need in reference to shallow vs. deep.


Depends, do you want an immidiate shallow sexsual connection or something lasting?

I can't speak for all ESTPs (like no one type can speak for all of that type....) but I'll give you the downlow on both.

Shallow sexsual connection:
Be super alpha-male, not condescending. Show a lot of control, and don't be afraid to innitiate physical contact. Give seductive stares, pretend like the ESTP is the only person in the world. Make the person feel super sexy, and like they are the only thing in the world...like you want to devour them. Give a lot of physical compliments. Be a little bit melodramatic. We love that shit, but know its nothing worth while to eventually persue, due to the fact that we don't want to associate with these types of people long term. It'll work, because we like immidate satisfaction. And the bigger the show, the better the encore. So ya...that about does it if you want something shallow.

Lasting worth-while connection:
Show the person immidiately, you're super intelligent. Have meaninful conversations about real world issues. Show you have direct goals, are grounded, and aren't afraid to show your emotional sides. Be upfront and honest about EVERYTHING. Even if we don't like it...we will respect you more in the long run (even immidiately because you're showing the respect of honesty). Don't give shallow compliments that you don't mean, and don't exadurate them. Be realistic about situations and advice. Don't be overly obsessive...show us attention for a bit, then pull back. It'll make us go "WTF?" but if we seek out your attention again..it's a good sign. If I didn't care, I wouldn't bother. Remember details our conversations, particularly if we say something is important..even better if you recollect information that's seeminly small...it will surprize and amaze us that you care enough to remember mundane details. Don't objectify us, we're so use to it, that we expect it. When you refuse to do so, it'll bewilder us. Stave off sex until there's a better understanding between "us". Don't wait too long however, because we base alot on physical pleasure and satisfaction. If you refuse to have sex, we'll take it as a personal insult of our physical selves. If you aren't ready for it, verbalize it...say something like "I really like you, but I just don't think we don't know each other that well. I really want to know you before that step is taken." Another thing is...don't go after it too soon either. VERBALIZE everything. You need to make it clear what you want, need, hope for, etc etc. Personally, I need to hear something before i believe it. Action alone is not enough. It's great...but personally, although I recognize actions and know what they mean...I would rather someone tell me because it just makes it that much clearer. I'm not one for assumptions...so I try to steer clear of them. If you're super busy and don't have time...don't just put it off until you do. It being a call, email, whatever...if you really care about someone you WILL make the time. Even if it's just a quick phonecall, or a text, email...whatever..to just say "hey been really busy, ill call you ___(insert when you'll do it)". It's important, because if we get that feeling of uncertainty, we'll be fleeting, give you the brush off...mostly to just see how hard you will make up/persue us. Just to see what it's worth to you. Depending on most situations...my belief of "if you were sorry you wouldn't have done it" is really strong. So avoid instances you know you'll be appologetic for...either that or appologize in advance of something you know will come up. Talk, talk talk. If you have a strong feeling for this ESTP, give us something to be responsible for you...give us a responsebility which means a lot..ask us to do things for you. If we do and aren't careless with it, it's a great sign. Be willing to do things we know you don't want to do, if you agree, more than likely we won't make u do it, unless it means a lot to us. Just knowing you were willing to put yourself in a position you don't want to be...is huge. In return, we I'll say "that's ok...but thanks".

It's a lot of work. If you want cues from us..listen to things we speak of the future and if it involves you...you're in. We're not very future oriented...so its a HUGE bonus. Also, if you're involved with family meetings, functions, diners, whatever...its big bucks. I don't ever bring anyone home that I don't see being a huge part of my life...including some of my closest friends. If you have a relationship with my family...it means you're probably there to stay.


edit: OH MAN...i forgot the most important thing: call us out on our bs..if you see it, call it like it is. Don't let us get away with our stupid games we sometimes play. I see it as someone looking past my front, and when I see that in people...it's a huge +

[Satan]

it's the lasting impression that's really complicated.

it's like you're having difficulties articulating it. i think you need someone to rewrite it for you.

But hey,

A few things:

Pay attention / don't pay attention. But don't do it in just a "simple" game playing way. But in a more complex way. Like y'know you actually have other things to do, don't just pretend to have things to do. Even if that means doing things you wouldn't normally do.

Blah blah, I'm not you and I don't care enough. Relationships are too complex for normal humans to do.

[ESTP]

it's the lasting impression that's really complicated.

it's like you're having difficulties articulating it. i think you need someone to rewrite it for you.

No, maybe youre just not reading it right. Its written how it is.


OH on the relationshp comment...quite frankly, most people are fucking hypocrite bullshitters from hell. The majority of them. Everyone bitches on how it's SOOOO fucking complicated...how about just not making it hard or complicated. Why throw in all the fucking spices when a plain old' steak will just do fine. LIKE WTF!!!!!!!?????

Honestly...why can't everything just be face value?

[Satan]

No, maybe youre just not reading it right. Its written how it is.


OH on the relationshp comment...quite frankly, most people are fucking hypocrite bullshitters from hell. The majority of them. Everyone bitches on how it's SOOOO fucking complicated...how about just not making it hard or complicated. Why throw in all the fucking spices when a plain old' steak will just do fine. LIKE WTF!!!!!!!?????

Honestly...why can't everything just be face value?

cos some peple like it spicy, and don't just want bland meaningless interactions that mean nothing.

come on, don't you want a nice fat juicy steak you can taste, not just some lump of meat that's been sitting around for too long.

[sigma]

If you're giving information....
Could you please elaborate about what a SLE would require in the following fields:

AID: what kind of aid do you require?

COMFORT: how do you see the best way an IEI could create comfort for you?

ACCEPTANCE: What should an IEI accept about you?

[Rastermind]

I had this duality relationship with and IEI for 4 years.

But in the end, it didn't really work out. I felt so bored and frustrated and imprisoned. And I also got really tired because I finishing my bachelor's degree, working almost fullt time, paying the rent alone and supporting him because he coun't keep/find a job nor finish his education (highscool dropuot).

So I ended it. It took me a month to process the desision in my head. I had these dreams where I would leave him (and not the nightmare kind).

I just wanted to be free again and let him free. So after the breakup I ignored him (his calls and when I saw him in person). I know it must have really hurt, but for me it seemed to be the right thing to do.

It's been 3 months now, and he has a new girlfriend and seems to be doing well enougth and has gotten over me.

Here's the question for you fellow IEI's:

What would he think if I called him up and said that I wanted to be friends with him. Would he be even interested and forgive the hurting and betrayal and all that's said and done? Or is he most likely moved on and doesn't wan't to deal with me anymore?

I just kinda miss having him around. Not MISSMISS, but just a little bit. I think a little effort from both sides and it could be neat friendship.

[Animal]

I agree with strrrng. My gut feeling is that this is a bad idea. I'd let him go, and move on - for both your sake and his.

[IEI]

I had this duality relationship with and IEI for 4 years. But in the end, it didn't really work out. I felt so bored and frustrated and imprisoned. And I also got really tired because I finishing my bachelor's degree, working almost fullt time, paying the rent alone and supporting him because he coun't keep/find a job nor finish his education (highscool dropuot).

.

My female SLE friend lived with a guy (ENFP) for 4 years then split up and they are still friends (she was sick of supporting him and his moaning). They get along brilliantly now (although he now complains she talks too much!). After the split he went travelling with his new girlfriend for a year and they kept in touch over email (there was a need to keep in touch as they had bought the flat together and had to sort out the legal side of things). Anyway generally the first few months of a new relationship are very intense in my opinion. The pros of getting in touch just now is the new girlfriend can adjust to you being there at the outset however on the downside she may get really jealous. I would suggest sending an email rather than calling as it will give the IEI time to think things over then hopefully if he is open to friendship continuing with email for a while until a bit of time has passed.

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[strrrng]

^^ Reality check. It's pretty much that you won't capture the evanescent hope that's streamlining in front of your eyes; -- the winds have already permeated your minds, out, out! -- keep picking at the scar, it isn't healed.

Consider: why are you questioning this on an internet type forum? Peoples' decontextualized responses aren't assurance; they're the result of your self-fulfilling band-aid prophecy.

My old golden retriever was awesome, just lit up my heart. But she had a cancer, something similar to whatever gradual problem seemed to be detracting from your relationship. We put her down, disseminated her ashes over Lake Tahoe -- beautiful.

Just let the purity remain intact before you vitiate whatever -was- there, to begin with.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I agree it's a bad idea. If you have to ask strangers if it's a good idea or not, then it's a bad idea. If you have a good feeling about it, then you would just go ahead and do it, without asking anybody for permission.

That is the flipside when somebody asks for advice, because we all innately do not like being told what to do.

[crazedrat]

I'm amazed an INFp has a new girlfriend so quickly, but not surprised he had trouble holding out a job of any kind.

[Rastermind]

I definately don't wan't to ruin his new relationship nor take him back. I'm glad he's happy again. We weren't. I personally believe that if a relationship didn't work then there were very good reasons for it and hoping for a different outcome is naive.

He is good friends with his ex before me and even I got along with her. But they weren't duals.

I really want the friendship thing because he did bring out the best in me and moved things in me i didn't know existed. And we had so much fun



PS: Europe is the location.