Quote Originally Posted by Kim
With misunderstandings I mean actual misunderstandings: I make a joke and he is not sure if I am actually joking (ENTjs can be slow that way). And vice versa, actually. With my dual, we teased each other and always knew it was teasing.

I had fights with my dual because of that frustration thing you talk about, but they were not based on misunderstandings.
Yeah, that makes sense. I put "misunderstandings" in quotes in my post because they aren't actual misunderstandings... more like a lack of information? It's hard to describe. They're like, "So what's the problem?" when they recognize that you're not looking at something in a healthy way or not handling a situation as well as you could. Essentially it's because your dual is expecting you to use your ego functions, and if you've suppressed them due to past relationships or upbringing, it's difficult to reconcile with yourself sometimes, to let go of the "supposed to's" you've been taught and allow yourself to believe that it's okay to just be (as opposed to always trying to be something or another). Your dual recognizes when you're not being yourself and calls you out on it, and in doing so forces you to face issues that you've avoided for a long time.

Contrary is constant push and pull for me. It's stressful. But when it's good, it's great. But there is almost constant insecurity on both sides.
We didn't feel insecure about fidelity kinds of things, and we almost never fought, but both of us felt very neglected, and it literally took all of our energy just to keep the relationship together. It was like he was living his life and I was living mine, and we had to meet somewhere in the middle to spend time together, and any closeness we experienced was only in that meeting place.