ENFp-IEE Uncovered

[Mea]

>>Sand and Stone
>> TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
>>THROUGH THE DESERT.
>>DURING SOME POINT OF THE
>>JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
>>ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
>>SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
>>IN THE FACE.
>>
>>THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
>>WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
>>SAYING ANYTHING,
>>WROTE IN THE SAND:
>>
>>TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
>>SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
>>
>>THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
>>UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
>>WHERE THEY DECIDED
>>TO TAKE A BATH
>>
>>THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
>>SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
>>MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
>>BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.
>>
>>AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
>>THE NEAR DROWNING,
>>HE W ROTE ON A STONE:
>>
>>"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
>>SAVED MY LIFE ".
>>
>>THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
>>AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
>>ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU,
>>YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
>>YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?"
>>
>>THE FRIEND REPLIED
>>"WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
>>WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
>>IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
>>FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
>>BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
>>SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
>>WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
>>WHERE NO WIND
>>CAN EVER ERASE IT."
>>
>>LEARN TO WRITE
>>YOUR HURTS IN
>>THE SAND AND TO
>>CARVE YOUR
>>BENEFITS IN STONE.
>>
>>THEY SAY IT TAKES A
>>MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL
>>PERSON, AN HOUR TO
>>APPRECIATE THEM, A DAY
>>TO LOVE THEM, BUT THEN
>>AN ENTIRE LIFE
>>TO FORGET THEM.

I got this email, and it made me think about when I am in a rare conflict with my dual... Just thought I would add this.

hope things work out for u.

[IcEPiCk]

ENFp have Ni memory. They can only remember properly things which, after being processed, have become internal representations. For this reason they do not keep a detailed track of external and concrete things.

Mike you should start your own site for enfps at least... maybe delta you have very good insights avec beacoup de sujet mon ami

[Topaz]

ENFp have Ni memory. They can only remember properly things which, after being processed, have become internal representations. For this reason they do not keep a detailed track of external and concrete things.

Mike you should start your own site for enfps at least... maybe delta you have very good insights avec beacoup de sujet mon ami

showoff :wink:

[Reuben]

I like the story.

[flower]

I don't think it's good for an ISTp to write an ENFp uncovered. Uncovereds are purely negative. The uncovered written by an ISTp would probably go like:

Well, let's see here...negative things, negative things...ah yes! Ok, then, ENFps are sometimes a bit too capricious and flighty, making them seem superficial, but they are really deep at heart! Oh hell, ENFps are perfect!

Well, I will try one thing, ENFp's sometimes pretent to care about something when with in the presence of others, if they think the other people expect them to care.

Hmm, cant think of anything else, aww, I cant help it, their perfect

[Reuben]

Cone wrote:
I don't think it's good for an ISTp to write an ENFp uncovered. Uncovereds are purely negative. The uncovered written by an ISTp would probably go like:

Well, let's see here...negative things, negative things...ah yes! Ok, then, ENFps are sometimes a bit too capricious and flighty, making them seem superficial, but they are really deep at heart! Oh hell, ENFps are perfect!

Laughing Laughing

Well, I will try one thing, ENFp's sometimes pretent to care about something when with in the presence of others, if they think the other people expect them to care.

Hmm, cant think of anything else, aww, I cant help it, their perfect Laughing Razz

<<<3

[IcEPiCk]

ENFp Uncovered
by David Rosenfield

Like the ENTp, the ENFp is driven by an overwhelming desire for attention and to be liked. Unlike the ENTp, the ENFp is not naturally rational and objective in his outlook. Where the ENTp calculates and plots to get what he wants, the ENFp acts on impulse and gut feeling. While this gut feeling is often correct, especially when it comes to their near-psychic ability to understand the feelings and motivations of others, it leaves them utterly without direction and purpose: ending relationships, burning bridges, and finding "greener pastures" whenever their current situations becomes frustrating. And when the ENFp is not the center of attention, or is not completely loved and adored, they become very frustrated.

The ENFp has an uncanny ability to make new friends, learn new skills, and thrive in unfamiliar situations. But usually this ability only applies superficially. He's great at making new friends, but he won't know how to deal with the first challenging obstacle in a relationship. He's great at learning the rudiments of a new skill, but when it comes to diligently mastering the finer points, the ENFp becomes bored and frustrated. Thus, he tends to be ping-pong ball, bouncing from job to job, career to career, relationship to relationship, possessing a large circle of acquaintances but few, if any, truly intimate friends.

Because the ENFp has come to be thought of, and to think of himself as, a jack of all trades, a renaissance man, and the life of any party, he has little patience for criticism - either professionally or in relationships. When criticized, he will tend to pass the blame on someone else. In the interpersonal sphere, he'll use his amazing gift for communication to "rally support," gaining sympathy from all of his friends and turning them against YOU. In extreme cases, where weaseling won't absolve him of criticism, he'll disparage himself, telling everyone that he is good for nothing and really to blame for every problem in the relationship or the company. This is actually his strategy for easily getting out of situations that no longer feed his ego. If he can get fired, dumped, deported, or excommunicated, it will be his perfect excuse for jumping to the next new! exciting! thing that has grabbed his attention.

If you have an important ENFp in your life, you must take all care to make him feel like the most important person in the world. You must keep life constantly evolving, constantly exciting. The exotic possibilities are always going to be more interesting to him than the mundane realities. You also must allow him to get "on stage" as much as possible: whether that involves taking him out for karaoke, encouraging him to join the local theater troop, or, in the case of female ENFps, allowing them to participate in "amateur night" at the gentleman's club. If you don't like high-maintenance people, you should probably stay far away.

**ENFp Uncovered: written by an ENFp (supposedly)

--FROM www.SOCIONICS.Com

Sounds like a stupid exadgeration to me but I am more likely to defend my dual!

[jewels]

Okay I'm going to give my two cents to the ENFP uncovered. For me, parts of this are true and parts aren't. But every ENFP is different of course!

Yeah, I do like attention, but I like giving other people attention too. If all of the attention is on me all of the time, I feel weird. But other times, when I get attention I feel like a plant that is getting some great sunshine and I'm alike "ahhh...good times."

I probably did used to focus too much on being liked in the past, but I think that's because I put so much stock in other people's opinions.

I don't really calculate and plot which is true, but I can be logical sometimes (I can debate and stuff). But I admit I can jump to some ridiculous conclusions on occasion, if someone doesn't point it out to me. Usually that happens if I pick up a "vibe" from someone and don't know what it means and assume it's something bad.

I try not to burn bridges, but admit I do tend to quit jobs and relationships more than my friends of other types do. It doesn't mean it's easy to do, or frivolous. A lot of those situations just don't feel right to me and I feel like I have to leave if I'm being treated like crap. It's still really painful to leave and stressful, but people seem to think it's easy, which it isn't. Sometimes I dwell on those things a lot. And sometimes I never think of it again.

While it's true I do like aquaintances, the close friends are really the more important ones. If I had to trade, I would pick one true friend over all the other aquaintaces. But then I'd hope that friend would be okay with going out and meeting some people here and there just for fun.

Actually, I disagree that the ENFPs blame other people for things. I tend to take too much responsibility and blame myself, even if it IS someone else's fault. That can actually make it easy for people to manipulate me, which sucks.

I do like exciting possibilities of course And being the center of someone's attention is important in a close relationship to me, but it goes both ways. I did used to really like acting and dancing and performing stuff. But I don't know about karaoke. Gentlemen's club? definitely not.

I'm not sure if the high maintenance thing applies. I don't think so, but I don't know if I can objectively say that about myself.

Any other ENFPs want to give their two cents?

ENFp Uncovered
by David Rosenfield

Like the ENTp, the ENFp is driven by an overwhelming desire for attention and to be liked. Unlike the ENTp, the ENFp is not naturally rational and objective in his outlook. Where the ENTp calculates and plots to get what he wants, the ENFp acts on impulse and gut feeling. While this gut feeling is often correct, especially when it comes to their near-psychic ability to understand the feelings and motivations of others, it leaves them utterly without direction and purpose: ending relationships, burning bridges, and finding "greener pastures" whenever their current situations becomes frustrating. And when the ENFp is not the center of attention, or is not completely loved and adored, they become very frustrated.

The ENFp has an uncanny ability to make new friends, learn new skills, and thrive in unfamiliar situations. But usually this ability only applies superficially. He's great at making new friends, but he won't know how to deal with the first challenging obstacle in a relationship. He's great at learning the rudiments of a new skill, but when it comes to diligently mastering the finer points, the ENFp becomes bored and frustrated. Thus, he tends to be ping-pong ball, bouncing from job to job, career to career, relationship to relationship, possessing a large circle of acquaintances but few, if any, truly intimate friends.

Because the ENFp has come to be thought of, and to think of himself as, a jack of all trades, a renaissance man, and the life of any party, he has little patience for criticism - either professionally or in relationships. When criticized, he will tend to pass the blame on someone else. In the interpersonal sphere, he'll use his amazing gift for communication to "rally support," gaining sympathy from all of his friends and turning them against YOU. In extreme cases, where weaseling won't absolve him of criticism, he'll disparage himself, telling everyone that he is good for nothing and really to blame for every problem in the relationship or the company. This is actually his strategy for easily getting out of situations that no longer feed his ego. If he can get fired, dumped, deported, or excommunicated, it will be his perfect excuse for jumping to the next new! exciting! thing that has grabbed his attention.

If you have an important ENFp in your life, you must take all care to make him feel like the most important person in the world. You must keep life constantly evolving, constantly exciting. The exotic possibilities are always going to be more interesting to him than the mundane realities. You also must allow him to get "on stage" as much as possible: whether that involves taking him out for karaoke, encouraging him to join the local theater troop, or, in the case of female ENFps, allowing them to participate in "amateur night" at the gentleman's club. If you don't like high-maintenance people, you should probably stay far away.

**ENFp Uncovered: written by an ENFp (supposedly)

--FROM www.SOCIONICS.Com

Sounds like a stupid exadgeration to me but I am more likely to defend my dual!

[IcEPiCk]

ya I dont think they are GOLD diggers... However comfortable living like most people is on the agenda. ENFps who end up truly happy end up with a job in which they are given the 'sunshine' of attention. That is why teaching attracts them so much I suppose. Ya the friend thing is huge with ENFps, they tend to have a ton of 'friends', and then one or two friends that they truly truly care about. They always seem to have good intentions with other people's emotions, but this can sometimes backfire in my observations.

Their main weakness is they want everything but dont know what they want at the same time. Their mind plays tricks on them and this can cause the 'good intentions' for otherse to be conflicted with other impulses that every human has. I think it is the ISTp who provides the clarity, just as the ENFp is the provider of mutual love to the ISTp.

The only bad thing I can think of for ENFp uncovered is their need for attention can is simply for self validation... I dont understand it when they are so good at seeing peoples motivations and intentions. Oh well ...

ENFps are still bad ass

[TangoxOfxSin]

I can agree with the whole attention thing. It's really tough but it just makes me feel good when I get it! I wouldn't say I give attention, though, just to recieve it, I just like giving attention. It just feels extra good when I get it back. What really strikes me is how it's both an ENTP and ENFP thing. I have an ENTP good friend who said she just doesn't like not being liked and it really bothers her, and I feel the same way, it just twists me inside to think that someone may dislike me for being me, and there's nothing I can really do about it. But it creates problems because I make people feel like I'm super close to them without them putting in as much "effort" into the relationship, and when someone else who looks like they'd give me more I move on to and the relationship kinda fades. I almost never burn bridges unless I really feel like I was trampled upon where I can be rather extreme in my behavior at first. And I still like the people I make friends with, but I guess how I think is that if I'm putting in all this effort and they want it but don't want to try and match it, then is it really something I want to stick with? In retrospect it's a bit unfair because I'm holding someone to ideals they are unaware of, but at the same time you don't want to just demand things of people. I guess that's all jumbled up in attempt to not be quick to defend myself but not seem like this ungrateful person at the same time So I guess ENFPs, or at least in my case as an ENFP, deserve that whole "you better be constantly interesting and pay them a lot of attention if you want an ENFP" thing even if I don't want to admit it. I would like to think I could grow past it, I guess it would just take someone who wants to be patient with me.

Critisim is a really big issue for me. There's always that feeling of "But...!" and I believe it stems from just not wanting to lose peoples' favor? I know that I take things personally and when I'm given the space to dwell on it I usually get over it and it doesn't bother me. But when it comes to me on the fly or in an arguement I tend to get defensive just to be defensive. It might be because of the strong presence of the Fi function, because when I'm not given time to actually think about how I feel, I just spout off whatever I think I feel and whatever I think needs to be said to save myself. It has been noted to me that I tend to victimize myself and I've thankfully noticed that in my behavior to watch for it, but I instinctively become self centered and feel like I've been put in this plight. And I'm siting this as it relates to what has been said, it's not every arguement or critisim that I've recieved. I also disagree with ENFPs, or at least myself, blaming people for their own faults. I tend to feel incredibly guilty and upset with myself when I feel at fault in an arguement, and (as it was said) tend to end the arguement by taking all the blame and going into some sort of extreme behavior to show that I'm upset, sometimes getting reclusive. One thing is that ENFPs will almost never ask for comfort or what they need to be emotionally qualmed but desparately need it. I think when it comes to arguements that are on the spur, the moment that is really the best time to approach an ENFP is afterwards when the spinning has stopped in their head.

One thing that's hard for me is this odd dualty of keeping my deep emotions to myself but having the constant want/need to express them. But because everyone sees me as this happy-go-lucky person, and it would be me supporting other people when they are upset, no one really knows how to react if I was to start crying or need the comfort I've been giving to them. Sometimes I feel like it's a burden to them and it's almost my responsibility to be that type of support. I don't think anyone has ever really asked me about sharing my feelings because they feel like I'm an open book already. I've also been told I seem a little fake because of this "mask" or whatever, as it seems like I don't have any depth, when in fact it's a private place I don't really share with people who don't inquire about it.

As for being high maintence... I don't completely agree on it. After saying all that it seems like ENFPs, or at least I am, a lot to handle, but in a relationship, everyone once in a while there's just a need for an "I love you silly." and go out and do something that's mutually enjoyable on a romantic sense. And that kind of "charges the battery" or whatever and then I don't really worry about anything when getting used the relationship. I don't think ENFPs need to be waited on and constantly entertained, as they are usually entertained by entertaining.

Sorry if this seems rather jumbled, I was trying to be the least defensive I could be while trying to type out all my thoughts before they ran off without me

[flower]

I have noticed ENFp's have the tendancy to just splurt out random stuff constanty when in the company of others when nothing is happening. eg at work, or if a group of you are waiting for something.
They just come up with random stuff, sometimes just weird stuff, sometimes something about someone or something that happened recently, sometimes rude.....etc etc Its like their not comfortable with being quiet for very long when around people (and I mean like 1 min), either that or they see it as an opportunity to have the spotlight focus on them, Kinda like ESTp's do by spewing out rude jokes to be the centre of things, but instead of just being crude and raw, simply just being the one to constantly being talking and initiating conversation.

Any thoughs ENFPs?

<<<3 :wink:

[Mea]

I have noticed ENFp's have the tendancy to just splurt out random stuff constanty when in the company of others when nothing is happening. eg at work, or if a group of you are waiting for something.
They just come up with random stuff, sometimes just weird stuff, sometimes something about someone or something that happened recently, sometimes rude.....etc etc Its like their not comfortable with being quiet for very long when around people (and I mean like 1 min), either that or they see it as an opportunity to have the spotlight focus on them, Kinda like ESTp's do by spewing out rude jokes to be the centre of things, but instead of just being crude and raw, simply just being the one to constantly being talking and initiating conversation.

Any thoughs ENFPs?

<<<3 :wink:

Err. Yes. That sounds kinda accurate.
I do spurt random stuff especially when I meet new people, because I don't really know them, and don't really know what to say. And sometimes, everything might just sound weird to the other party. I think.

I don't always feel uncomfortable with silence. It depends who I'm with.

Sometimes, I talk too much about myself when I meet new people.

Anyway, I'm been thinking about this ENFp uncovered.
And I think ENFps have the tendency to start many projects and not finish them (or finish them at a later date). Or they have many interests, learn many things, but most of the times, never master them. So what they know are somewhat incomplete.
(New things interest me, however, those interests usually don't last long.)

And ENFps tend to only put effort in projects that interest them. Even so, putting effort depends heavily on their mood. Not in the mood? It'll most likely be done half-heartedly. They may put lots of effort in what interests them, but this interest might not last long. O. And not to say ENFps don't put any effort in what they don't care for. They try, especially if it's doing something for someone they care about.

I've realized that I'm not too good at keeping promises. But it's not so much I don't wanna keep them. If it's something I don't enjoy doing, I tend to put things off till the last minute. And sometimes I forget, till the very end. And IF there's still time to fulfill whatever promise, the results aren't usually that great.

[jewels]

Yes I agree w/ this. Both what flower and Mea said.

I have noticed ENFp's have the tendancy to just splurt out random stuff constanty when in the company of others when nothing is happening. eg at work, or if a group of you are waiting for something.
They just come up with random stuff, sometimes just weird stuff, sometimes something about someone or something that happened recently, sometimes rude.....etc etc Its like their not comfortable with being quiet for very long when around people (and I mean like 1 min), either that or they see it as an opportunity to have the spotlight focus on them, Kinda like ESTp's do by spewing out rude jokes to be the centre of things, but instead of just being crude and raw, simply just being the one to constantly being talking and initiating conversation.

Any thoughs ENFPs?

<<<3 :wink:

Err. Yes. That sounds kinda accurate.
I do spurt random stuff especially when I meet new people, because I don't really know them, and don't really know what to say. And sometimes, everything might just sound weird to the other party. I think.

I don't always feel uncomfortable with silence. It depends who I'm with.

Sometimes, I talk too much about myself when I meet new people.

Anyway, I'm been thinking about this ENFp uncovered.
And I think ENFps have the tendency to start many projects and not finish them (or finish them at a later date). Or they have many interests, learn many things, but most of the times, never master them. So what they know are somewhat incomplete.
(New things interest me, however, those interests usually don't last long.)

And ENFps tend to only put effort in projects that interest them. Even so, putting effort depends heavily on their mood. Not in the mood? It'll most likely be done half-heartedly. They may put lots of effort in what interests them, but this interest might not last long. O. And not to say ENFps don't put any effort in what they don't care for. They try, especially if it's doing something for someone they care about.

I've realized that I'm not too good at keeping promises. But it's not so much I don't wanna keep them. If it's something I don't enjoy doing, I tend to put things off till the last minute. And sometimes I forget, till the very end. And IF there's still time to fulfill whatever promise, the results aren't usually that great.

[mikemex]

And I think ENFps have the tendency to start many projects and not finish them (or finish them at a later date).

It is a virtue if you want to look at it from a different perspective. ENFp have this amazing sense of time in which past, present and future are always connected, so they find it natural to start something now and finish it months, years or even decades later. There is really no need to hurry. ENFp, call it being static or whatever you wish, can resume from where they left without effort.

So perhaps you're focusing too much into young ENFp. Older ones probably finished a lot of things through short bursts of effort into each thing. But it takes a whole life to realize it and most other types have smaller "time windows" to notice.

Being an ENFp myself I can tell you that people sees me as lazy, a constant procrastinator, one who never finishes anything, etc. But if I look backwards, I've done many, many things. For example, I wrote this ballistics simulator program years ago and when I wrote it it was the most complex JavaScript program in the world. I think that there is no software comparable to it, even today:

http://www.geocities.com/mikemex_ask.../cometa_e.html

[Mea]

Hey mike, I was trying my best to put things in a negative perspective. lol. It's ENFp uncovered afterall (socionics.com standard).
I could give a 101 reasons for how it's positive, thus I agree with you.

O well, I would to state some other negative things about ENFps.

I have this INFp friend, who said some pretty negative things about ENFps. Don't get me wrong though. He likes ENFps a lot. But he gave some examples (after much persuasion from me) about the negatives of ENFps. He said ENFps often see the many sides of a certain situation. So, if they were in a situation there was a quarrel, they would see that both sides are wrong, how and why, and would not put blame on just one party. Just like how they would view any other situation that does not involve them. He said this can be bad, because it would make themselves sound like they always think they are right. Which is actually not the case, because all they are seeing is just different sides of a situation, different points of view. He told me (sadly) that I too came across to him as always thinking I'm right, because of this point. I'm not sure why or how, because I certainly, in any argument, never perceive myself to be absolutely right. However, I see cases for my point of view and the other person's point of view, that's all. He could see this (he's a very good friend of mine), yet others might misunderstand.

Also from his NiFe point of view, he said that ENFps can come across very distant, uninvolved and cold. He said (in his experience) that ENFps seem to care a lot for someone, yet not care at all (I'm not sure how to explain this, but I could understand what he was trying to say). They are really warm for awhile, then disappear for months, come back like nothing has happened. He said this is not the point. But it's how they "charm" a person, show so much warmth, yet not as warm (and he specifically said it's the Fe kinda warmth), so you could never tell if an ENFp is actually serious/interested about you.

[Topaz]

That makes some sense Mea. I was thinking about this the other day. ENFPs come and go as they see fit but to others it may seem like we are too self involved and not really as interested as we first seemed to be. Its very hard for me to be around someone and be aloof. If I have to interact with someone I usually ask them their name and try to learn something about them. This is unusual for many people who tend to remain distant. So they begin to think that you are interested in a deep, committed relationship or that you are going to be their best friend when all you were doing was passing the time in a pleasant way and making a new aquaintence. Once I started realizing this I began to go easier on how I approached people. Not ask so many questions and not make as much eye contact, play down a connection. I dont like people putting all these expectations on me when Im not really going to be that involved in their life. Funny, many ISTPs I know in RL seem immune to this. Every time you interact with them its almost like starting from scratch. Whats up with that?

Sometimes I tell myself to be more giving and focused on other people and buy presents and write get well cards, visit them when I really dont feel like it etc. But I seldom do. The truth is I often wait for people to call me or initiate further contact past the first meeting. Or if I want to contact someone I make up some reason to talk to them. Like "I was on my way to that new store that opened up around the corner and I remembered you said you lived over here so I thought Id stop by and say hi"
Something lame like that.
I also noticed that with all my friends that I will usually meet them on their turf but I seldom like them visiting me. I'll go to their house and hang out and listen to their music and if they want to go somewhere thats cool. I am totally with someone when I am with them and I dont leave them for someone else. However, I rarely will invite people to my place. I dont like the burden of trying to entertain them. I really dont like them looking at my stuff. They might think Im strange. I feel uncomfortable about what I have to offer them. When Im at someone elses place Im pretty relaxed and I dont need alot to keep me entertained. We can talk or watch TV or listen to music , just whatever.

I suppose what Im saying in some way is that I dont find people who I think can accept me for just me entirely without some sort of buffer. Thats kind of sad in a way but I guess its partly true. I just think that in some ways Im too ecentric for many people to grasp and it would be better if they only saw so much of me. So in that sense I am kind of like and ISTP. I only let people get close up to a point. Not many can make it to the inner sanctum where they see the entire spectrum of myself. Mostly people get bits and pieces or reflections of themselves.

[Mea]

That makes some sense Mea. I was thinking about this the other day. ENFPs come and go as they see fit but to others it may seem like we are too self involved and not really as interested as we first seemed to be. Its very hard for me to be around someone and be aloof. If I have to interact with someone I usually ask them their name and try to learn something about them. This is unusual for many people who tend to remain distant. So they begin to think that you are interested in a deep, committed relationship or that you are going to be their best friend when all you were doing was passing the time in a pleasant way and making a new aquaintence. Once I started realizing this I began to go easier on how I approached people. Not ask so many questions and not make as much eye contact, play down a connection. I dont like people putting all these expectations on me when Im not really going to be that involved in their life. Funny, many ISTPs I know in RL seem immune to this. Every time you interact with them its almost like starting from scratch. Whats up with that?

Sometimes I tell myself to be more giving and focused on other people and buy presents and write get well cards, visit them when I really dont feel like it etc. But I seldom do. The truth is I often wait for people to call me or initiate further contact past the first meeting. Or if I want to contact someone I make up some reason to talk to them. Like "I was on my way to that new store that opened up around the corner and I remembered you said you lived over here so I thought Id stop by and say hi"
Something lame like that.
I also noticed that with all my friends that I will usually meet them on their turf but I seldom like them visiting me. I'll go to their house and hang out and listen to their music and if they want to go somewhere thats cool. I am totally with someone when I am with them and I dont leave them for someone else. However, I rarely will invite people to my place. I dont like the burden of trying to entertain them. I really dont like them looking at my stuff. They might think Im strange. I feel uncomfortable about what I have to offer them. When Im at someone elses place Im pretty relaxed and I dont need alot to keep me entertained. We can talk or watch TV or listen to music , just whatever.

I suppose what Im saying in some way is that I dont find people who I think can accept me for just me entirely without some sort of buffer. Thats kind of sad in a way but I guess its partly true. I just think that in some ways Im too ecentric for many people to grasp and it would be better if they only saw so much of me. So in that sense I am kind of like and ISTP. I only let people get close up to a point. Not many can make it to the inner sanctum where they see the entire spectrum of myself. Mostly people get bits and pieces or reflections of themselves.

lol. I totally relate. Especially the last paragraph.

[FDG]

I suppose what Im saying in some way is that I dont find people who I think can accept me for just me entirely without some sort of buffer

I'd say that this is true for almost everybody. Of all the acquaintances and friends I've had during my life, only 2 were able to see and stand the wholeness of my personality. I have lived for 20 years with my parents, and I love them, but I am allowed to express only 1 percent of myself around them. It's not their fault, just the way it is.

[TangoxOfxSin]

I'd say that this is true for almost everybody. Of all the acquaintances and friends I've had during my life, only 2 were able to see and stand the wholeness of my personality. I have lived for 20 years with my parents, and I love them, but I am allowed to express only 1 percent of myself around them. It's not their fault, just the way it is.

I definately relate to this, especially whe it comes to my family and relatives. They rarely experience anything that resembles how I act when I'm out with other people. I think my IxTx side comes out a lot more, and I just become overall more conservative. But then when I go out it's wild child!

[timeofurlife42]

hahahhaa, this thread makes me laugh cuz its revealing all my little secrets... bastards, lol

i guess i'll join in on the bashing of my type, but dont despair, i'll also offer suggestions on how to counter this bad behavior

1. i completely agree with the enfp uncovered that was posted by someone, and the comments made by other enfp's. i have noticed a tendancy in myself to trash people who i dont like, or who put me in an uncomfotable position. i also have a tendancy to burn bridges without even realizing it. the solution to this is, dont get too close and piss me off, you might not have any friends next week

2. when im bored at work or something, i'll often start a conversation with someone and by the end it will probably get fairly intimate by the other persons standards. they may see it as a new close friendship starting up, but to me im just fucking around tryin to pass some time at work. so i guess to sum up this point, enfp's have no problems starting up new relationships but if your not interesting i'll disapear, i have a fairly short attention span when it comes to people and once i lose interest in you i may disapear til i regain interest. now on the other hand just because i disapear doesnt mean i lost interest, im most likely just busy with someone else. for example, i had some really close friends in middle school who i did everything with, for no reason in high school i started hangin out with new people, it took me about three years to get back in touch with my original group, but when i came back i treated it like i never left, to me it was like nothing had happened. i have to say, theres rlly no solution to this except that if you notice an enfp friend starting to lose contact, call them up and suggest something to do, enfp's rarely turn an invitation down, it takes effort on your part, but if you dont want to put effort into a relationship, dont be friends with an enfp.

3. i hate silences. i dont know if this is a bad thing, except that some people like to just sit and watch something on tv, or something like that, if im with people i can wear them out because i need to be doing something/talking/interacting in some way, or i get bored. solution, if you need quiet time, dont have us over

4. if theres no way i can get out of taking the blame for something that happened, i'll usually go overboard on blaming myself so that people feel bad and end up taking the blame themselves. s'my little trick, im perfect and i hate being blamed for shit :-P
theres no counter for this, suck it up and get over it

[timeofurlife42]

hahahhaa, this thread makes me laugh cuz its revealing all my little secrets... bastards, lol

i guess i'll join in on the bashing of my type, but dont despair, i'll also offer suggestions on how to counter this bad behavior

1. i completely agree with the enfp uncovered that was posted by someone, and the comments made by other enfp's. i have noticed a tendancy in myself to trash people who i dont like, or who put me in an uncomfotable position. i also have a tendancy to burn bridges without even realizing it. the solution to this is, dont get too close and piss me off, you might not have any friends next week

2. when im bored at work or something, i'll often start a conversation with someone and by the end it will probably get fairly intimate by the other persons standards. they may see it as a new close friendship starting up, but to me im just fucking around tryin to pass some time at work. so i guess to sum up this point, enfp's have no problems starting up new relationships but if your not interesting i'll disapear, i have a fairly short attention span when it comes to people and once i lose interest in you i may disapear til i regain interest. now on the other hand just because i disapear doesnt mean i lost interest, im most likely just busy with someone else. for example, i had some really close friends in middle school who i did everything with, for no reason in high school i started hangin out with new people, it took me about three years to get back in touch with my original group, but when i came back i treated it like i never left, to me it was like nothing had happened. i have to say, theres rlly no solution to this except that if you notice an enfp friend starting to lose contact, call them up and suggest something to do, enfp's rarely turn an invitation down, it takes effort on your part, but if you dont want to put effort into a relationship, dont be friends with an enfp.

3. i hate silences. i dont know if this is a bad thing, except that some people like to just sit and watch something on tv, or something like that, if im with people i can wear them out because i need to be doing something/talking/interacting in some way, or i get bored. solution, if you need quiet time, dont have us over

4. if theres no way i can get out of taking the blame for something that happened, i'll usually go overboard on blaming myself so that people feel bad and end up taking the blame themselves. s'my little trick, im perfect and i hate being blamed for shit :-P
theres no counter for this, suck it up and get over it
________
ROOR BONG PICTURES

[Mea]

ROFL!
I totally agree with 2,3,4.
Not all of our traits are something to be proud of.
But this thread is really entertaining.

[Mea]

ROFL!
I totally agree with 2,3,4.
Not all of our traits are something to be proud of.
But this thread is really entertaining.

[Going B. Zerk]

I'd say that this is true for almost everybody. Of all the acquaintances and friends I've had during my life, only 2 were able to see and stand the wholeness of my personality. I have lived for 20 years with my parents, and I love them, but I am allowed to express only 1 percent of myself around them. It's not their fault, just the way it is.

I definately relate to this, especially whe it comes to my family and relatives. They rarely experience anything that resembles how I act when I'm out with other people. I think my IxTx side comes out a lot more, and I just become overall more conservative. But then when I go out it's wild child!

Ditto.


I almost posted a rambling 4 paragraph essay about my experiences with this subject. But decided not to since it’s got nothing to do with ENFps, and basically screams ME! MYSELF! and I!.

So consider yourselves fortunate!! :wink:

[Going B. Zerk]

I'd say that this is true for almost everybody. Of all the acquaintances and friends I've had during my life, only 2 were able to see and stand the wholeness of my personality. I have lived for 20 years with my parents, and I love them, but I am allowed to express only 1 percent of myself around them. It's not their fault, just the way it is.

I definately relate to this, especially whe it comes to my family and relatives. They rarely experience anything that resembles how I act when I'm out with other people. I think my IxTx side comes out a lot more, and I just become overall more conservative. But then when I go out it's wild child!

Ditto.


I almost posted a rambling 4 paragraph essay about my experiences with this subject. But decided not to since it’s got nothing to do with ENFps, and basically screams ME! MYSELF! and I!.

So consider yourselves fortunate!! :wink:

[Topaz]

I'd say that this is true for almost everybody. Of all the acquaintances and friends I've had during my life, only 2 were able to see and stand the wholeness of my personality. I have lived for 20 years with my parents, and I love them, but I am allowed to express only 1 percent of myself around them. It's not their fault, just the way it is.

I definately relate to this, especially whe it comes to my family and relatives. They rarely experience anything that resembles how I act when I'm out with other people. I think my IxTx side comes out a lot more, and I just become overall more conservative. But then when I go out it's wild child!

Ditto.


I almost posted a rambling 4 paragraph essay about my experiences with this subject. But decided not to since it’s got nothing to do with ENFps, and basically screams ME! MYSELF! and I!.

So consider yourselves fortunate!! :wink:

youre sucha tease

[Topaz]

I'd say that this is true for almost everybody. Of all the acquaintances and friends I've had during my life, only 2 were able to see and stand the wholeness of my personality. I have lived for 20 years with my parents, and I love them, but I am allowed to express only 1 percent of myself around them. It's not their fault, just the way it is.

I definately relate to this, especially whe it comes to my family and relatives. They rarely experience anything that resembles how I act when I'm out with other people. I think my IxTx side comes out a lot more, and I just become overall more conservative. But then when I go out it's wild child!

Ditto.


I almost posted a rambling 4 paragraph essay about my experiences with this subject. But decided not to since it’s got nothing to do with ENFps, and basically screams ME! MYSELF! and I!.

So consider yourselves fortunate!! :wink:

youre sucha tease

[Going B. Zerk]

youre sucha tease

LOL!!

Oh Shoot! You're on to me!

[Going B. Zerk]

youre sucha tease

LOL!!

Oh Shoot! You're on to me!

[zenbrat]

Yeah I'm afraid there's some truth in that.

But for me, it's about forgetting to pick up my daughter from preschool (luckily they have an after school daycare), and I always forget to set up a birthday party for her until it's so late that only a few kids don't have other commitments. Not this year though - her birthday party is going to ROCK.

There's the underlying guilt after you do this stuff that IMO is a hallmark of ENFp. Other people might forget stuff, but only we would go into a chasm of guilt afterward because we felt so badly that we forgot it.

When I stopped working, I was put in charge of paying bills. That didn't last long. We now have everything on "auto pay" because I can't handle it and my husband doesn't want to.

I can relate to this. The constant guilt. My intentions are always good - very good - but I suffer from CRS (can't remember sh**). I always forget until the last possible minute. Then I get stressed out and mad about all of the "obligations" that I can't seem to keep up with.

I'm pretty good about remembering friends birthdays (reminders) but I forget to send the card

[ScarlettLux]

How come I can never fully read any post an ENFp has ever posted? It all seems a jumble to me.. a ramble.. blahblahblah. It's not even written well. It seems that ENFps are always rushed. They never use proper grammar, punctuation, spelling.. it doesn't matter to them as it would to say, an INFp, INTj or INTp. I've noticed that these three types tend to really love appearing "elegant" (INFp) or just very structured and well-thought out (their posts - INTj & INTp) ..

ENFps really ARE a mess. *Shakes head*

[zenbrat]

That was quite a ramble. I was in such a rush that I could not find the time to read the complete post.

"How come" is an example of extremely poor grammar. The sentence including this phrase uses an incorrect mix of tenses. The punctuation is... also... very... odd.

[cracka]

That was quite a ramble. I was in such a rush that I could not find the time to read the complete post.

"How come" is an example of extremely poor grammar. The sentence including this phrase uses an incorrect mix of tenses. The punctuation is... also... very... odd.

lol, I like the phrase "how come?" Only after reading this post did it make me remember that I never use it anymore (most likely for the reason you pointed out), I shall make it a goal today to use the words "how come" here at work.

[Creepy-bg]

lol I think it's funny you guys actually care about grammer. I must drive you nuts sometimes

[cracka]

lol I think it's funny you guys actually care about grammer. I must drive you nuts sometimes

haha, not at all... I always notice grammar, spelling, and things like that but never bring it up unless i'm talking shit to someone...lol

[Blaze]

hey zenbrat who did you used to be?

[zenbrat]

I've never posted under any other name.

[Going B. Zerk]

Funny, many ISTPs I know in RL seem immune to this. Every time you interact with them its almost like starting from scratch. Whats up with that?

Topaz, I’m glad you brought that up. I do that all the time. But I wont be much help cuz I never thought about it ‘till you mentioned it, so I dunno why exactly myself. I think (at least in my case) it has smthing to do with being vigilant. I’d have to really think of why I’d be vigilant with someone I’ve met before in the first place.
Any ISTps out there have ideas why we do this?

[zenbrat]

Detachment. forms relations with people through empathic understanding and concern, which is the ISTp's inferior function.

I would venture a guess that ISTp's form attachments through more than anything. They attach to memories of physical sensations and comfort with a person rather than through empathic concern. then rationalizes that this person is "ok" based on memories, but being an organizational function, it requires a consistent series of data before it becomes fact.

[Going B. Zerk]

hmm... makes sense...

When meeting someone new, I unconsciously sorta analyze whether that person is ok to deal with, I make the decision based on how comfortable I am with them. I think on the first meeting I’m rather distant, but not out of not liking that person, but cuz I’m rationalizing whether or not they’re ok. But it takes more than just one meeting for the green light to really shine for that person. The more I interact with someone, the more comfortable I get, and the more open I’ll be. And, if I haven’t seen the fellow for some time, even if I had already opened up with him/her, I’ll once again reassume my distant demeanor, cuz I’m once again unconsciously analyzing, based on how comfortable I am with them. And the process begins once more.