Experiences with Conflicting Relations

[Ningyo]

Thank you Ningyo, for your contribution to this thread and your thoughts and observations are very insightful; especially that LSE and ESE are much alike and in other ways both are quite judgmental and harsh about what people should be like and because neither really understand individual human characteristics, neither can step away from their judgements without good insight into alternative situations. Because of their judgements they are convinced that the way they are doing things is the right way and other ways are not necessary.

Pretty much. Was thinking about that this morning actually. Glad I could be of service etc.

Here's another example that goes with that you were saying. Actually, this isn't even relevant, I just have to get it off my chest: my mom is either SEI or ESE, and today I came home from work to find that she's adopted a kitten. We already have THREE cats and have gone through about ten cats in the last six years or so due to her inability to not collect every cute kitten she sees. The ones that were there before inevitably run away or get taken to the pound so the "cute" ones can stay (usually happens after the landlady finds out how many she has and reminds her of the limit on pets). Last time she replaced one cat that had gone missing with three, I had to talk her into taking two of them back.

As soon as I sat down, she excitedly led me to my sister's room (my sister and I fought and haven't been speaking, but forcing me to enter her small room is just characteristic of my mom's do-as-I-say-because-I-say-so attitude) and showed me the kitten. I just shook my head and told her what a mistake she was making, and that I thought she should take the poor thing back or find it another home. Her response was something like... "Well, for criticizing me, you don't get any of my salad." I reminded her that I'm horribly allergic to cats, already can hardly breathe as it is, and she told me it's not her problem and went downstairs.

And now I have a migraine, can't breathe through my nose any longer and am just waiting for the ruckus that's going to ensue when the other cats start trying to make their escape and mom keeps obsessively dragging them back.

[redbaron]

Oh geesh! I'm sorry about the cats! Kind of surprising that she keeps bringing them home when you're allergic!

[Beautiful sky]

Yeah, no kidding. I think it's such selfishness at that level. Sorry to be judgmental about that, however that action is unreasonable. I understand that she cares, but she should also care about you and not say "well, I can't do anything about that so it's not my problem." I do see, however that she may think that that problem, being allergic, is one that can easily be remedies while not saving cats can not be.

[Ningyo]

*<3s for both* Thanks for your concern. Yeah, she and the LSI both are of the opinion that I can take medicine to get through it. That can get pretty expensive, though, obviously.

Anyway, apologies for derailing the thread. I can't think of many more examples I've observed of relations of conflict besides the IEE and her LSI boyfriend. I know an SEI who can't stand LIEs but I find hatred/intolerance to be a pretty petty way of reacting to any type.

[redbaron]

I know an SEI who can't stand LIEs but I find hatred/intolerance to be a pretty petty way of reacting to any type.

yeah, I was talking with Blaze who just discovered that one of her very good friends is conflict (ESI)! I just find that socionics is so interesting because in the long run it really does describe what happens between two types when they try to function at a close psychological distance. And it doesn't matter if you "believe" in socionics or even have never heard of it. That doesn't take away the descriptive properties of the theory.

[Ningyo]

yeah, I was talking with Blaze who just discovered that one of her very good friends is conflict (ESI)! I just find that socionics is so interesting because in the long run it really does describe what happens between two types when they try to function at a close psychological distance. And it doesn't matter if you "believe" in socionics or even have never heard of it. That doesn't take away the descriptive properties of the theory.

Yep, exactly. Reading about supervision made my falling out with an LIE friend make sooo much sense. I always wondered why spending too much time with her made me feel "defective."

[Suz]

thank you for making this thread, actually, Maritsa... I was thinking of making one about conflictors relations as well, as I find myself now having to work frequently with a boss whom i suspect is an ISTj. I noticed myself and him often having a hard time understanding each other, and i find him quite intimidating, though this is may be slowly changing because he is a nice guy overall (i think.. from what people say). I do however feel the beginnings of some neuroses when it comes to trying to do things to his satisfaction, and i tend to feel like i am letting him down most of the time. Also, i feel like he doesn't value what i say most of the time, and two days ago, i actually made him laugh with something i said, but it wasn't the "oh how cute" laugh, it was the "omg she's so annoying" laugh, i'm pretty sure.

And today, to put the cherry on top, i realized he is pretty much Bear Grylls twin.

It makes me wonder now though... what should i do to avoid making our interactions degenerate into some bad mutual misunderstandings? Per my limited knowledge of socionics, I've been of the impression that avoiding interaction is the best way to remain on good terms with a conflictor. I'm not sure how do-able this is going to be. Can anyone recommend any other pointers to keeping us, as conflictors, on good terms?

[Pookie]

Redbarron, because LSE are time watchers, they start to use their PoLR function when a decisive time is given; does that make sense?

You planning the lunch time before hand instead of feeling the sensations of time and action (concentrating force in time) gives the LSE the ability to work with their will on their own program..which is watching the time on their own until lunch hour comes up.

This is a major issue I have with SLE/LSI; I can't concentrate force/will in time. I can not run to extinguish fires and flames as they happen. I need to know which one is coming and prepare my energy (in a conserved way of holistic Si) for that event.

Wait, really?

If there was a random fire in your house, you wouldnt do a thing about it? Because you had no time to prepare?

But, what if you had kids? lol.

[redbaron]

thank you for making this thread, actually, Maritsa... I was thinking of making one about conflictors relations as well, as I find myself now having to work frequently with a boss whom i suspect is an ISTj. I noticed myself and him often having a hard time understanding each other, and i find him quite intimidating, though this is may be slowly changing because he is a nice guy overall (i think.. from what people say). I do however feel the beginnings of some neuroses when it comes to trying to do things to his satisfaction, and i tend to feel like i am letting him down most of the time. Also, i feel like he doesn't value what i say most of the time, and two days ago, i actually made him laugh with something i said, but it wasn't the "oh how cute" laugh, it was the "omg she's so annoying" laugh, i'm pretty sure.

And today, to put the cherry on top, i realized he is pretty much Bear Grylls twin.

It makes me wonder now though... what should i do to avoid making our interactions degenerate into some bad mutual misunderstandings? Per my limited knowledge of socionics, I've been of the impression that avoiding interaction is the best way to remain on good terms with a conflictor. I'm not sure how do-able this is going to be. Can anyone recommend any other pointers to keeping us, as conflictors, on good terms?

You know, Blaze believes that the best use of socionics is for the workplace (and I think I agree with her) because you do have *some* distance. i.e. you're not living together and it's not an intimate relationship and so it makes sense to consciously try to kind of control the functions you're exhibiting with various superiors and whatnot. I need to let her articulate it, she just hasn't had the chance yet.

[Beautiful sky]

Wait, really?

If there was a random fire in your house, you wouldnt do a thing about it? Because you had no time to prepare?

But, what if you had kids? lol.

Actually, you raised a very interesting question. I work with an LSE veterinary technician at work and one day we had an aggressive pit bull in the office, well this dog saw another one and started to attach them. Now, I'm very small and there's nothing I can do about situations like that when it happens except to try to stay back and hope that the dog doesn't go for me too. The LSE I was standing next to froze when this happened and didn't mobilize or react; I was reacting and I gave the LSE a little loud statement saying his name and trying to get his attention to act; I did and he, with one quick step, walked up to the pit and lifted him up and away from this other dog. Afterwards, I asked him what happened to him, why did he freeze. He said he was watching what was happening (the dynamic movements) and trying to think about and understand this dog's movements, while I was reacting. So, i do think there are situations where certain types just freeze and not react because they are trying to make sense of things.

[shakealittle]

thank you for making this thread, actually, Maritsa... I was thinking of making one about conflictors relations as well, as I find myself now having to work frequently with a boss whom i suspect is an ISTj. I noticed myself and him often having a hard time understanding each other, and i find him quite intimidating, though this is may be slowly changing because he is a nice guy overall (i think.. from what people say). I do however feel the beginnings of some neuroses when it comes to trying to do things to his satisfaction, and i tend to feel like i am letting him down most of the time. Also, i feel like he doesn't value what i say most of the time, and two days ago, i actually made him laugh with something i said, but it wasn't the "oh how cute" laugh, it was the "omg she's so annoying" laugh, i'm pretty sure.

And today, to put the cherry on top, i realized he is pretty much Bear Grylls twin.

It makes me wonder now though... what should i do to avoid making our interactions degenerate into some bad mutual misunderstandings? Per my limited knowledge of socionics, I've been of the impression that avoiding interaction is the best way to remain on good terms with a conflictor. I'm not sure how do-able this is going to be. Can anyone recommend any other pointers to keeping us, as conflictors, on good terms?

My boss is a LSI and one of the ladies I work with is an IEE. Well I have been told in cd onfidence by him that she has told him she loves him, flirts with him etc. They have worked together for 2 years, I would've thought she would've picked up that they're conflictors :/ It's funny though, she will complain to other people that she doesn't get what he means when he gives her work, so she just makes innuendos/flirts etc! Anyway he is pretty much oblivious to that part and as long as she regularly shows affection, he will tend to favour her.

[JWC3]

Conflict relations are someone who you know means well. Like, they really do. Mean well. They're a great person, truly. They're just doin' it all five kinds of wrong.