How can you tell if ISTp likes you? How do ISTps express interest?

[Slacker]

Yes

[Topaz]

Cool. I wonder if all ISTps are just as forgiving. The ISTps on this forum are disappearing.

On a side note, that's how I felt about the number of INFjs here.

Anyway, I feel that ISTps are more likely to be interested in tools and something hands-on. So I wasn't surprised that not many of them posted here regularly.

Hmm, I suppose. Some of these topics can be really abstract and such. I'm interested in the practical applications of all this, like how to spot ENFps and manipulate them.


Besides, there's been a lot of drama and hand-wringing here lately, and I'm just not into that.

Hmmm ways to spot ENFPs. Not all ENFPs are the same so some will say this doesnt apply to them but here are some typical outward behavoir of ENFPs that I can think of:

They smile, laugh and chit chat with enthusiams if they are in a group of familiars. Expecially zoom in on facial features. They make lots of faces and sound affects. They may make sweeping gestures or even imitate characters. Conversly, if they say something bizzare, macabre or offbeat, in a deadpan way check off a box in the ENFP column. Also if they are really into the conversation they will face will flit in and out of trance like states because they are looking inward for responses. Make eye contact with people. If someone looks back at you and it looks like they are looking into you, thats possibly and ENFP. It can be intimidating. Dont back down though. Hold the gaze for just a few seconds longer than you normally would and they will probably blush and look away.
If you see someone who greets their friends with a hug thats a good sign. If they tickle their friends check another box. If music is played and they burst out singing or dancing check a box. If you see an adult run to the ice-cream truck and they dont have any kids consider they might be ENFP.
If after talking with them for half and hour you realize they are giving you an informal personality quiz, check a box. They often wear something interesting. If not their entire appearance then look for a hat or something a little offbeat. Look for someone who seems nonchallant and casual no matter what the circumstances and you might be on the right track. I know ISTPs are not all that philisophical but ENFPs are. If someone lauches into a philisophical conversation and adds in alot of humor or obsurdities about the human condition check a box. ENFPs love speaking in sweeping generalities about all kinds of things in order to make a point. They will not like to talk about their deepest feelings unless they know and trust you very well. They will often talk about what they LUV. " I just LUV popcorn at the movies" Theyre voices may be somewhat musical, going up and down with emphasis on the main words.
"I cant STAND waiting in this LINE any longer!" followed by some illogical but amuzing statement like " Ill betcha if I got out of line to leave right now, the WHOLE line would start moving really fast."
ENFPs love to exagerate everything for humor sake. "That was the STUPIDEST movie Ive EVER seen" Then they go on to critisize it in such a way that makes you wonder if they really didnt enjoy the movie. You'll hear them repeat the story many times too. "Did you see that movie so and so? I thought it was Sooooo stupid. Why didnt they get out of the house when they first heard the deep voices? I would have.....blah, blah, blah." ENFPs will exagerate their experiences sometimes because it makes a more interesting story. "It was Sooooo hot in that theater I felt like pouring my soda on my head instead of drinking it"

If you make a fauxpas and want to crawl into a hole and then someone offers you sympathy and understanding or seem to gloss over it thats probably an ENFP. OK thats all for now.

What I want to know is from your point of view how do I notice an ISTP? How will he/or she interact?

[olduser]

ISTps and 'UNDERSTANDING THEM' in the same sentence?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. btw, www.socionics.com, http://the16types.info, www.socionics.org, www.socionics.us, www.socionika.net This is a list of websites with quality information concerning ISTp behaviour, habits, beliefs, career options, etc. If you read these you might understand them. I wouldn't even say might. I would say 'you will' because that's exactly the purpose of the websites and ISTp descriptions.


Ta-da!

[meatburger]

Heath i think Topaz wanted to ask the ISTp's in person on this board. Then he can create an active discussion and possibly even generate some new information.

Topaz that was a good description. Im not quite as zany but there are many ENFp's that are

[Topaz]

Heath i think Topaz wanted to ask the ISTp's in person on this board. Then he can create an active discussion and possibly even generate some new information.

Topaz that was a good description. Im not quite as zany but there are many ENFp's that are

You hit the nail on the head Meaty. Of course Ive read all those descriptions before. I dont know if a real ISTP even wrote any of them even if they agree with what they basically say. Its hard to explain but I get more information by talking to someone in person than hearing about them second hand.
Once I missed a chance to meet Steven Spilberg. I was grumbling about it and a workmate said "So what. You can read about him online. Whats the big deal?" For me though, meeting him in person, even for a few minutes would have given me more of the kind of information I wanted to know than I would probably have ever gained in any other way.
If you look at my previous post you will notice things put in a way that a generic description would not include. These things wont apply to everyone but it underscores some behavior pattersn.

Also Im not as zany as all that either. Perhaps over a period of time you will notice this behavior but not in one shot. To some people I can even seem reserved. Catch me at the right time though and I become very animated. An observant ISTP though should be able to pick up on at least some of these things even if its just a head start. If an ISTP puts themselves in an ENFPs environment or begins to interact with people the ENFP knows (like one ISTP I know) the ENFP will eventually break the ice and try to get to know the ISTP. This is also a good tactic for ISTPs. If you like an ENFP try talking to his or her friends in a casual and friendly way (which is less pressure for you). It will encourage the ENFP to want to be included. (See, not stuff of generic descriptions)

[Slacker]

My husband has two states of being. Content, and Not Content. They are very similar and it's difficult to tell which state he is in at any given point, but with time I've pretty well figured that much out. However, if he is Not Content, it is still very difficult to figure out what is making him Not Content. If I ask him what is bothering him, he will often answer, "nothing" even if there really is something bothering him. So then I have a mission: find out what is bothering and, if I can, fix it. If I can't, then empathize with him. Hopefully, then, he will become Content again.

[meatburger]

My husband has two states of being. Content, and Not Content. They are very similar and it's difficult to tell which state he is in at any given point, but with time I've pretty well figured that much out. However, if he is Not Content, it is still very difficult to figure out what is making him Not Content. If I ask him what is bothering him, he will often answer, "nothing" even if there really is something bothering him. So then I have a mission: find out what is bothering and, if I can, fix it. If I can't, then empathize with him. Hopefully, then, he will become Content again.

Hehe ISTp's are terribly cute. Its funny they make something we normally find so easy seem so hard.

I have noticed lately i still have a small problem with getting close to ISTp's. When im around them i tend to quieten down. I dont feel as greater need to talk but i also have no idea what to talk about.

It seems not uncommon to say to an ISTp "hows work?" and their reply "I dont want to talk about work". To be honest a lot of my conversation is about trivial life matters and then i pepper that with humour etc. They dont respond emotionally to anything much i say. They dont say "thanks for comming out etc".

I do wonder if i had no knowledge of socionics what my feelings towards them would be. I would say totally neutral. It seems to me that feeling comfortable is far easier with them, but i do sometimes miss that real excitement and talking that happens with my other friends.

Hey Benedict, you have an ISTp girlfriend? I would love you to tell us any info about this relation.

[Going B. Zerk]

It seems not uncommon to say to an ISTp "hows work?" and their reply "I dont want to talk about work".

Yea, I don’t like talking about those things either. It’s stressful to think about it more than I have too; especially if I don’t find it particularly enjoyable.

... and then they ask me, “why? was it a bad day?” lol


hmm, just thought of something that might not seem very obvious to some;

Tip 1: when we say “I don’t want to talk about it”, it means - I don’t want to talk about it -.
Don’t go on asking why, or placing your assumptions as to why on us. We just don’t want to talk about it. We may or may not have a reason. So just drop it ok.

(Disclaimer: the above tip is my pov, it may or may not apply to other ISTps as well.)

[meatburger]

Yeah. Im sure all types could say this reply. I suppose if it was me in the situation, i could say "i dont want to talk about it" after a bad day. Generally if its been a bad day i would actually want to talk about it though, to bitch and moan etc.

If i dont want to talk about something due to it being boring i will just say "ahh works boring". No one ever wants to continue that line of conversation if you say that.

I suppose someone saying "I dont want to talk about it" puts me on the back foot and makes me assume they dont want to talk at all. So i go quiet.

[Topaz]

Tip 1: when we say “I don’t want to talk about it”, it means - I don’t want to talk about it -.
Don’t go on asking why, or placing your assumptions as to why on us. We just don’t want to talk about it. We may or may not have a reason. So just drop it ok.

(Disclaimer: the above tip is my pov, it may or may not apply to other ISTps as well.)

I think it pretty much applies to all of them. The truth is ENFPs and ISTPs are very different. Its really nice if something brings them together outside of themselves, like work or school or some organization. Otherwise it can be somewhat of a forced fit. It helps for them not so much to focus on each other but on some outside task or event. The longer they are in contact the more they become attuned to each other.

[benedict]

I have noticed lately i still have a small problem with getting close to ISTp's. When im around them i tend to quieten down. I dont feel as greater need to talk but i also have no idea what to talk about.

that sounds familiar

It seems not uncommon to say to an ISTp "hows work?" and their reply "I dont want to talk about work". To be honest a lot of my conversation is about trivial life matters and then i pepper that with humour etc. They dont respond emotionally to anything much i say. They dont say "thanks for comming out etc".

that sounds familiar too... the good news is that the gratitude for you asking and the emotions are somewhere inside and when they're eventually uttered it's very rewarding.

I do wonder if i had no knowledge of socionics what my feelings towards them would be. I would say totally neutral. It seems to me that feeling comfortable is far easier with them, but i do sometimes miss that real excitement and talking that happens with my other friends.

Hey Benedict, you have an ISTp girlfriend?

Yes, it started before I knew about socionics , but not long ago. So far it has been perfect.

Once I was in a group and some people started arguing. Others got involved too and it became a big thing. Then an ISTP friend of mine stood up and said: ‘I go and play shuffleboard’.
It seems that they sometimes simply don’t have anything to say. I find them very relaxing, no pressure, no expectations, they mean what they say (literally), and all they want is to be treated likewise. But yes, I often have nothing to say to them either, this can be a problem (try playing shuffleboard instead). I guess you need to have some common interests to make it go. In general I talk more easily about anything with Ne and Ni (especially INFJ and INTP) friends and relatives.

[Exodus]

My husband has two states of being. Content, and Not Content. They are very similar and it's difficult to tell which state he is in at any given point, but with time I've pretty well figured that much out. However, if he is Not Content, it is still very difficult to figure out what is making him Not Content. If I ask him what is bothering him, he will often answer, "nothing" even if there really is something bothering him. So then I have a mission: find out what is bothering and, if I can, fix it. If I can't, then empathize with him. Hopefully, then, he will become Content again.

Hehe ISTp's are terribly cute. Its funny they make something we normally find so easy seem so hard.

I have noticed lately i still have a small problem with getting close to ISTp's. When im around them i tend to quieten down. I dont feel as greater need to talk but i also have no idea what to talk about.

Funny, that's how I feel around ISFps. Maybe it's an Si calming effect.

[IcEPiCk]

Reading some of this is scary, its weird how you can figure us out sometimes Topaz. I have total lack of insight in how someone is feeling... This helps me understand though.

You actually just helped me more than you know dude.

[mikemex]

Still, ISTp like ENFp company very much, with shared interests or without. Yes, you might have to "force" things a bit, but it's to be expected knowing that ISTp are often "emotionally down". They are lazy, for example, not because they don't like to do things, but because they often find it difficult to motivate themselves.

Personally, all my relationships with ISTp have always started with something "odd". For example, I met a guy at the army who helped me to get in contact with a general to make my gun. When I got the green light to build it, I was so excited that I went to see this guy. I really didn't have anything to say, and things seemed a bit "forced", but he liked my intention to thank him very much and we became friends afterwards. Point is: ISTp like when people demonstrate their interest in them very much, because, I belive, most of them think that other people doesn't really care about them.

ISTp are suspicious and often think that ENFp do not really care about them, because often ENFp are quite incosistent: they show up, do their magic, but dissapear again. Thing is: how could an ISTp know that they like the ENFp, if they didn't have his contrasting absence? I belive dissapearing is a mechanism of ENFp to allow ISTp time to realize subjetive stuff, because they are a bit slow to process such things.

ICEPick said it himself very well: "I like ENFp because they are the only ones who can take me out of my shell". Force things, ISTp will love you for it. ISTp are like a mechanical system which rusts without their ENFp oil.

[jewels]

This is written in a very creative way, almost like a poem, interesting. I see your point and I think all guys like space to remind themselves why they're into someone.

But you have to tear our hearts to shreds to remind yourself you like us. wow. They don't make greeting cards for that. Couldn't the ISTp be all the good things about being ISTP, except without the hurting us and killing us and ripping us to shreds part? I'm starting to really question the whole ISTp thing...no offense as I'm sure many or even most ISTP rock, but so many, well, don't.

Well said mikemex. If ENFp's don't hurt us (in a way we knew they do unintentionally), we will never understand how much we love them. Same with the phone that we (accidentally) dropped. Same with the bag that we (accidentally) tore. If the ENFp we love does not give us her contrasting absence, we must hurt her and push her away. Only then do we understand the depths of our love for her. Only then do we feel as if we were human, that we could feel guilty, that we were foolish, too foolish to not have treasured someone so emotionally beautiful as such. (But then she wasn't pretty enough anyway. We must kill her and remould her the way we always wanted her to look like. Fucking beautiful. ) The greatest gift an ISTp can ever do for himself, is to tear an ENFp's heart to shreds, and then bring her, his eternal lover, up again, to a height that no one has ever reached before. Together.

So dearest, the only reason why we kill you is to get rid of your ugliness.

You must trust the fact that we can make you look more beautiful than you can ever be without us.

[So gorgeous, may I have the consent to screw around with your mind? And heart? And body? Reply and not reply to your own demise.]

[Slacker]

Aw, jewels, it isn't so bad. Like my husband will say something intentionally to make me angry, I'll yell at him, and he'll laugh at me because he thinks it's funny when I get mad, and it'll be over. It lasts like 30 seconds or something.

[FDG]

Aw, jewels, it isn't so bad. Like my husband will say something intentionally to make me angry, I'll yell at him, and he'll laugh at me because he thinks it's funny when I get mad, and it'll be over. It lasts like 30 seconds or something.

rotfl, i do this with girls too

[Topaz]

I do think words do have their place though, saying something from the heart can have a tremendous impact on someone. Trust me im an ENFp :wink:

So true. ISTPs are very reticent but once in a while its good to hear a compliment, words of encouragement or an I love you. Even ISTPs themselves like reassurance. Its not fair to withhold it completely.

[mikemex]

Even ISTPs themselves like reassurance.

Much more than what you think.

[zenbrat]

I do think words do have their place though, saying something from the heart can have a tremendous impact on someone. Trust me im an ENFp :wink:

So true. ISTPs are very reticent but once in a while its good to hear a compliment, words of encouragement or an I love you. Even ISTPs themselves like reassurance. Its not fair to withhold it completely.

I've found ISTp's to be very complimentary and encouraging in their own unique way (after they're comfy with you). A lot of compliments are non-verbal (touch, smile). Things like "very good", "I'm impressed", "I prefer your hair up [ ]", etc are compliments, ISTp style. Encouragement is iffy since they are a bit skeptical themselves but they won't skimp on being supportive. Offers of practical advice and/or help when I'm spazzing out is their way of saying "everything is ok, don't worry".

You will get an 'I love you' from an ISTp... once or twice.. most likely in writing.

[Mea]

Even ISTPs themselves like reassurance.

Much more than what you think.

Okay! Now I'm curious.
How often do the ENFps here reassure their boyfriends/girlfriends?
Like saying "I love you" << or anything with similar meanings. Umm, directly or indirectly.



So, how often do you guys do that?

[olduser]

ENFps aren't don't display a lot of affection.

[TangoxOfxSin]

ENFps aren't don't display a lot of affection.

I actually show a lot of affection, or at least, a lot of supportive signs so that my ISTp feels comfortable and can't miss any signs because I'm being so blatant. If anything, I do try to hold myself back from being so overwhelming as to scare him off, but other than that, I love to be affectionate.

[Mea]

ENFps aren't don't display a lot of affection.

I agree actually. Well, at least ENFps don't, in comparison to ExFjs

[Topaz]

i was going to say something meaningful but i aren;t don't think i can.

Heath are you writing like that on purpose?

Anyway I like to compliment people and support them directly but if I feel it will embarass them I might do it indirectly. Like asking for advice, or saying what I like about them to someone else in their ear shot. I might tease or joke with them with self depricating humor that makes them look good and me look like a bumbling idiot.

[mikemex]

ISTp is very sensitive to the emotions of others. That's why they feel uneasy in a situation where negative emotions are displayed.

Both ENFj and ENFp have strong Fe, but ENFp have an active Fi which pretty much filters the negative side of emotions. While ENFj has no problems about expressing negative emotions (such as fear, anxiety, disapproval, etc) ENFp seems to display (almost) only the positive ones: smiles a lot, maintains eye contact, has excellent sense of humor... in a few words, it creates a "safe" emotional atmosphere where the ISTp can exercise this so much desired side of him.

Outside this safe atmosphere the ISTp can face annoying questions such as "what's wrong with you? (a typical question from Fe dominants). The reassurance doesn't work (much) with words but it's there. I have the impression that ENFp are much more physical than ENFj.

[Slacker]

ENFps and ENFjs both display affection, but we do it differently. They fill the room with their affection, but we really just give it to the one person we intend it to reach.

[zenbrat]

ENFps aren't don't display a lot of affection.

Admittedly, I'm not very verbally affectionate. If I told you I loved you 6 months ago, I believe it stands until I tell you otherwise. I might be inclined to remind you occassionally but gushiness and 'pet names' just aren't my thing. But, I regularly show affection with subtle praise, proximity, encouragement, attentiveness and touch.

[meatburger]

Probablly been done to death but how do you tell when an ISTp likes you. Especially an ISTp girl romantically. (sorry to dissapoint you guys LOL).

The ISTp guys i know are quite forward when they are going for chicks. Are ISTp girls like that when they like a guy? I hazard a guess they are. Ive had a few prospects lately but they are pretty lame like a girl i talked to in a tute ages ago putting her hand on my chest and smiling as her and her friends walk past. Another one just smiles..

Making moves on girls is really not my strong point. I tend to hide my emotions under a shroud so its probablly pretty unclear to others if i like them or not.

[jessica129]

I was just going to start a 'how to tell if an enfp likes you' thread, haha. It shouldn't be this hard to tell if your dual is into you, darn it.

I don't know about other ISTP's so this only goes for me...I usually think i'm giving more than enough signs but apparently not. Maybe they're too subtle..? I feel bad for the guys that are into me, many have told me they thought I wasn't interested in them when that couldn't be further from the truth. Maybe because I never call them or initiate contact first, i'm not sure. I think maybe most guys are used to a girl who's very outgoing and enthusiastic and clingly..well you're just not going to get that with an ISTP...surely not me. If I don't like you, I won't talk to you..it's that simple. If i'm talking and acting interested and smiling and don't turn down a date offer, i'm interested. If i give you my real phone number, i'm interested. And most of all, if i talk to you on the phone for more than 2 minutes, you can be sure I'm in love with you.

[xyz]

I have no problems being foward with girls.... but I'm usually completely oblivious to when ANY girl shows signs of interest

Meatburger, good luck man. I've seen those Australian chicks. swooooon

[jessica129]

Yeah, well i guess I agree with you, loki. I can be very forward too but try to downplay that as i think it kind of scares men off...whereas i don't think it's a problem with istp guys. Dirty humor and sarcasm doesn't really sit very well on the first date when you're supposed to be 'ladylike'.

[xyz]

Haha, yeah it can send off the wrong signals. Gradually try to do it! I'm sure if ISTp guys were to be dirty and sacrasctic they'd get the longest finger too.

But enough about ISTp GUYS, let's hear some of your ISTp girlfriends.

[XoX]

I'd say that if the ISTp at least semi-regularly talks to you then she is interested.

[jewels]

always an intersting topic. Well, the thing is meatburger, if you're not showing your interest in a girl AND she's ISTP, it seems like it might be difficult to start that up.

Then again, I've been in that situation often myself, as you know. so I'm really not sure how that relation is suppose to get started. There must be some way it works, as I know there are people on here who have done it!

I think it can be difficult because us ENFPs can be quiet at first. So maybe it's a matter of just hanging around w/ the ISTP in a group of friends for a while until they get to know you?

But...if that girl was touching you, talking to you, and smiling, those are all very good things! :wink:

[jessica129]

I think it can be difficult because us ENFPs can be quiet at first.

Yeah, this has me confused. Are you the 'quiet' extroverts?

[Expat]

If I don't like you, I won't talk to you..it's that simple. If i'm talking and acting interested and smiling and don't turn down a date offer, i'm interested. If i give you my real phone number, i'm interested. And most of all, if i talk to you on the phone for more than 2 minutes, you can be sure I'm in love with you.

If that is valid for INTps, then two were "in love with me", but for a Fi-dual-seeking Victim it's a difficult concept

[meatburger]

I think it can be difficult because us ENFPs can be quiet at first.

Yeah, this has me confused. Are you the 'quiet' extroverts?

We can be yeah. I tend to not want to talk just for the sake of talking. This can change on a dime if im excited.

Actually the two examples aren't the real reason for the thread. There's an ISTp girl ive been hanging around with at uni. We walk between lectures etc and ive talked to her quite a bit. We get on quite well like the conversations are easy. I asked her for her msn and she gave it to me etc. She definately laughs at my jokes too. Thats where it ends though. She never says hi on msn (her status is always away) but whenever its online she still says nothing. Last night we were talking (she wanted to know what was in a test) and she said she had to go to dinner but will brb. She never came back lol. She said she had to go to dinner the night before last night too haha. She has never ever metioned she would like anything else but friends. I haven't shown any sexual interest / flirting at all as im trying to gauge where i stand.

Anyway im not a retard. I have now decided that she must just want to be friends. Im just going to compartmentalise my feelings and keep hunting. I refuse to long after someone who is not interested. Actually could you please not quote this just incase i want to delete it soon

[xyz]

Yeah buddy, sorry to tell ya but ISTp or not, it kinda seems like she just wants to be buddies. Hey, at least you're making a potentially cool friend eh?

[meatburger]

Yeah buddy, sorry to tell ya but ISTp or not, it kinda seems like she just wants to be buddies. Hey, at least you're making a potentially cool friend eh?

Haha yeah the proof is in the pudding i think. In the circumstances i dont think friends are possible really. I will just be nice until the end of semester and then we will go our seperate ways :wink: