I wish there were something hopeful I could say about ESE-LII duality beyond distant supportive companionship. God forbid the ESFj woman you take a liking to is of a different ethnicity and/or elevated social stature. Dear LII guy, you will naturally feel emboldened because you can speak and interact with them like nobody else can. You will feel encouraged by their responsiveness, the way they validate you with their glare. You will note the way they pout to get what they want. You
will follow orders. If you're lucky, you'll reach a stage where they accept your need for space and forgive your peccadilloes. They never cease loving you, even long after you "disappoint" them. However, none of this actually means you get the girl. That's the truly sad part of ESE-LII duality. The stars must be perfectly aligned.
A deep cynicism sets in, because you will notice when interacting with a beautiful ESFj girl for a period of time, they do something you always felt was impossible: they know
exactly how to care for you. You will find other types of women haven't the foggiest idea of your wants and needs. ESFj women do it with ease and sincerity. They are perfection. But again, there had better be next to no mitigating circumstances, because otherwise you can forget actually having them. From the compendium of duality descriptions posted here I noted one (albeit poor) translation reading: "
Ethical extroverts, women flee from their complement, losing hope and wanting to break off is not clear for them to bond. Logical introverts start chasing, but usually not at once and therefore almost always late."
Relatedly, when you look at the MBTI side of this dyad, specifically the
instinct theory, there are other signs your sexual compatibility will depend on social stature as well. LII/INTj/INTPs fall under "sexual-secure" or "secure-sexual," while your ESE/ESFj/ESFJ love is a solid "secure-social." You may experience a sense of relief because you need not try as hard to connect with your partner. They get your sexual subtlety, your secure-sexual side - which, lets face it, has a feminine/domestic resemblance. However,
be mindful, if you don't yet have the trust and rapport, and let too much stress and sexual frustration build, the poles become inverted: your sexual-secure side can frighten them. What's more, those traits of passion and playfulness that attract other types of girls do not persuade your partner as much, who is likely to bond/marry for the security.
Now, this is not to say that my own disappointing experiences are diagnostic of this dyad. Things are likely to work splendidly if the partners have grown up together. I found myself ignoring whispers of ESE-LII duality fizzling out due to obstinate/result type behavior. You don't court the woman of your dreams with a social theory in mind, you just go for it. There are
some signs of hope from surveys on dual relationships. One suggests ESE-LII is the only dualization pair that has a
tendency towards fidelity.
I have interacted with many ESFjs over the years, at work, online, and elsewhere. Women I fancy do tend to find me attractive too. I try to dress nice, comport myself, cut loose, cajole them, liven things up, etc. But here I sit, still no ESFj dream girl to call my own. You always see them with some guy who could probably make do without them.