Originally Posted by
Jonathan
@Diana: I don't mean to probe too much, but I thank you for sharing. This is really a great opportunity to understand ISFj (or IxFj) + ENTp much more fully. But I'd be curious...given all the positives you mentioned, what was it that you couldn't stand? ...Surely not the mere fact of oppositeness (which is also present in dual relations). Is it something that can be articulated? Or is it just a vague feeling that never surfaces in any way but just bothers you?
Well, a lot of the positives were also negatives, if that makes sense. He was completely disorganized, unpredictable and impulsive. I could never plan anything whatsoever, because he'd on the spur of the moment completely change things around without letting me know ahead of time. He didn't understand my need to have peace and quiet and time to myself just to think, nor did he understand my need to get out and do something, some kind of physical exercise. I practically had to beg him to watch the kids so I could get out and run, or walk or rollerblade or something by myself. I explained that it was an actual physical need like food or water or air, and I was going to go completely insane. He acquiesed but never did get it. He also didn't understand why I wanted to know how things were going to go beforehand, why I had to plan anything. He would call constantly when he was traveling, and pout if I didn't want to talk right then, so I'd end up on the phone when I had a million other things to do. (Not that I didn't want to talk to him, but it was all the time.) He made it difficult for me to do anything, as he'd interrupt me, or try to get me to put it off. He was very selfish, didn't understand me, laughed at the things I wanted to accomplish rather than supporting me, yet expected my full support for all of his ideas. That's enough. I don't much like talking about the bad parts.
So, looking from one side, it doesn't look too bad, but there's a flip side. There were plenty of positives, but below the surface was a constant tug-of-war. I could either force my way and drag him through to my way of doing things, or he could drag me along to his way.