Making duality work
by V. V. Meged
Published in Journal "Socionics, Mentology and Personality Psychology", N 3-6, 2000.
original article: http://socionic.info/t/valia-00.html
Related discussions and links:
Wikisocion - Duality
Duality relations: discussions and observations
Duality Descriptions by Meged and Ovcharov
Full Intertype Relations Chart
Keywords: socionics, psychological compatibility, dual relationships, character.
This article offers recommendations on psychological and emotional compatibility of people based on examples of interaction of dual pairs. This interaction is considered at the most general level, taking into account specific features of respective types and quadra.
We bring to your attention recommendations on psychological and emotional compatibility of people in dual pairs or dyads. Examples of dyad interactions are most useful for understanding the basic principles of socionics intertype relations. This way it is easier to understand the characteristic idiosyncrasies of behavior of a partner for mutual adjustment and adaptation. Sometimes the root of mutual reprimands and frustrations lies in unconscious needs and requirements and does not become openly expressed.
First, we will consider the interaction of dual pairs on the most general level, taking into account only type and quadra preferences. Then, we will examine characteristic aspects of interactions of TIMs in greater depth. As mentioned earlier, in addition to general recommendations, in socionics counseling, many individual factors should be taken into account, which makes the advice more qualified and effective. Maybe our recommendations will serve as Ariadne's thread, which, according to a Greek legend, helped Theseus to find a way out of the maze. In this case – out of the maze of relationships, subtypes, accentuations, psychoforms and temperaments, as all these aspects are present in the descriptions of the interaction of dyads.
||ENTp, ILE (IL) – ISFp, SEI (SE)
||ESFj, ESE (ES) – INTj, LII (LI)
||ENFj, EIE (ET) – ISTj, LSI (LF)
||ESTp, SLE (FL) – INFp, IEI (TE)
||ESFp, SEE (FR) – INTp, ILI (TP)
||ENTj, LIE (PT) – ISFj, ESI (RF)
||ESTj, LSE (PS) – INFj, EII (RI)
||ENFp, IEE (IR) – ISTp, SLI (SP)
ENTp, ILE (IL) – ISFp, SEI (SE)
ENTp, ILE (Ne-Ti): This type is characterized by resourcefulness, an abundance of new ideas and interest in all things mysterious and unusual. His dreaminess, absent-mindedness, inattention, focus on the future, and triumph of interest over benefit do not make him a very practical and industrious partner. He needs understanding and tolerance. In extracting value from his projects or connections, he is looking for support of a diplomatic partner.
IL (ILE) often feels a need in new experiences and changes, lack of which can cause lethargy and a craving for empty entertainment. In such cases, he may take hasty and imprudent actions, if he is not distracted in time with an interesting activity or proposition.
As with any irrational type, he has pronounced ups and downs of energy. In times of recession, his inertia should not cause resentment in his partner. He usually does not plan his activities for the near future, therefore he is quite disorganized and does not like to be controlled and scheduled. At rest, he is relaxed and compliant. But if he is pressured, displays tenacity and stubbornness, even aggression. He needs a lenient, flexible, tactful and considerate partner.*
[*this depends on subtypes of ILE: intuitive subtypes are more flexible, easy-going, warm and naive, and need a partner who is more grounded and critical (SEI-Si) while logical subtypes of ILE are more stubborn and argumentative and need a partner who is light, diplomatic, and flexible in communication (SEI-Fe).]
He is quite open and sociable. Democratic, tries to be on good terms with everyone, but can be too trusting. Shy to show his affection when he doubts that it will be reciprocated. Poor judge of character, doesn't easily discern who might be his enemy. Shows courtesy, but sometimes he goes on the offense and defends somewhat inadequately. Needs timely clarifications from his partner regarding his relationships, where he stands with others.
The "key" to such an unusual person as IL (ILE) is the ability to perceive, manage and direct his feelings and sensations. When he is anxious, relax him with jokes, calm him down, distract him; when he is in apathy – shake him up with sharp wit and biting sarcasm (without losing sense of tact and measure). Let him "wind up", even leave slamming the door. When he comes back, interest him in something new, some interesting proposition or notion, to make clear that, although he is in disfavor, he is still loved and needed and wished well. It is also necessary to involve his senses with pleasing and harmonious sensations: loving touch, delicious food, pleasant music, comfortable conversation. He needs someone who would look after him, his health and his needs.
ISFp, SEI (Si-Fe): Also an irrational type, but this is the only thing that he shares in common with his dual. Both of them live going with the flow, surrendering themselves to opportunity and chance. In the rest, however, they are opposites.
SE (SEI) is a good diplomat, but as an introvert he is prone to shyness and hesitancy. He is cautious and constrained around new people, so prefers to negotiate on an informal basis, at home or in any other relaxed atmosphere. He feels more at ease interacting with a democratic, communicable partner, who is able to quickly bridge the psychological distance.
SE (SEI) is a master of "shuttle diplomacy", a good mediator in dispute, pleasant and genial companion who inspires trust. Feels useful when he is near people who are awkward with relations, who provide for him an opportunity to show his abilities. Likes to give advice, when and what kind of initiative should be shown, how to take care of one's health and appearance. Considerate and caring, but feels offended if he is not needed.
SE (SEI) lives in the real world, while his dual IL (ILE) drifts in the clouds, thinking about distant goals. SE (SEI) is practical and realistic in everyday tasks. He takes care of matters of healthy lifestyle and recreation, solves household problems. He likes to enjoy nature, beautiful things, convenience, good food and knows how to please others with this. IL (ILE) doesn't devote enough of his attention to such things, but SE (SEI) doesn't seek to re-educate his dual, and instead takes these responsibilities onto his shoulders.
He is able to create the desired emotional state to invigorate his dual. However, he is able to accomplish this with tact and without obvious pressuring. He is able to instill optimism in moments of depression, dispel his boredom, drag him out to see a concert or a show, and so on.
For the sake of good relations, SE (SEI) is able to jeopardize professional interests. He generally poorly discerns what benefits there are in any job, and feels happy if his dual can explain this clearly.
Though he is diligent and active in everyday chores and matters, SE (SEI) is often passive in major business endeavors. He needs a partner who would instill confidence in him, make him trust his own abilities and show where the opportunities lie. When he is inspired by his project, SE (SEI) tries to realize it with the help of his informal connections, and with this he renders IL (ILE) a huge favor, who is usually inert in such matters. SE (SEI) needs a partner who can break up work into stages and set deadlines, and also took over the part of work that needs a more objective approach, such as knowing the instructions and regulations, etc.
SE (SEI) is usually not very farsighted. He may be too relaxed and carefree and underestimate or fail to notice upcoming troubles and imminent dangers. His partner needs to mobilize him in time and take the necessary precautions.
Terms of dualization:
Adapting to one's dual takes time and the fulfillment of certain conditions. Initially, they attract each other with their role functions: IL (ILE) – by being a self-assured, self-confident person, and SE (SEI) – by being an easy-going, somewhat reckless optimist, who seems to not have any problems. If there isn't an appropriate situation where these roles can manifest, an interest in one another may not develop. Even if they have warmed up to one another, some patience and time is still required to understand and accept each other's idiosyncrasies and peculiarities.
To achieve harmony within relations of this dyad the following conditions must be considered:
1. IL (ILE) should not criticize the taste and measure of SE (SEI) and SE (SEI) – the theories and ideas of ILE.
2. Distribute responsibilities so that IL (ILE) takes care of issues of planning and economy, while SE (SEI) – of communication and relations.
3. Learn how to cover for each other's weaknesses: IL (ILE) – must show vision and foresight, and take on providing for the family; SE (SEI) – regulates the initiative of IL (ILE) at critical moments, as well as smooths over and eliminates his faux pas and ethical mistakes.
4. Keep in mind some sexual peculiarities: Since SE (SEI) is an introvert, it is better for IL (ILE) to take initiative in these matters. However, because IL (ILE) is a logical type, it is difficult for him to understand the orientation and depth of his feelings. In this aspect he should be guided by SE (SEI), such that he doesn't experience doubts of their mutual love. So that their happiness is complete, SE (SEI) must be skillfully regulate and adjust the moods of his dual.
In this pair, the sensing type is SE (SEI). Even if this is a woman, she should take the initiative for seduction. Since this type of people possesses most nuanced and subtle sensing, they can be artists even in love, and "rouse" even a completely detached, hovering in the clouds IL (ILE).
ESFj, ESE (ES) – INTj, LII (LI)
ESFj, ESE (Fe-Si): A sociable and cheerful person, pleasant and attentive companion, the soul of the company. He knows how to manage the mood of other people, raise it in times of despair, or ruin it for those who have not lived up to his trust or lost his respect. Because of his straightforwardness and passionate temper, ES (ESE) often jeopardizes relationships and so needs a partner who can keep cool and calm, and who will understand everything and give him objective advice.
ESE (ES) is practical and expedient in domestic matters, loves to take care of others. He tries to do everything himself, rarely asks others for help. However, he is also emotional and sensitive, and therefore needs praise, empathy, and participation.
He has a developed aesthetic taste, pays great attention to the beauty around him – from his own appearance to the interior of his living space. Poorly tolerates miserliness in partners. He prefers to earn money and spend it on his own.
Optimistic and careless, ES (ESE) need advice of a partner who is not only farsighted, but one who can succinctly and accurately analyze any situation and deliver a clear and unambiguously worded summary or forecast, leaving no room for doubts and alternatives.
ES (ESE) is inclined to take on too much work and activities, including that which is unnecessary. LI (LII) must monitor his activities, cutting off the excess and assisting only in the essential, which he is able to do gently, in form of clear logical advice.
INTj, LII (Ti-Ne): In this pair LI (LII) acts as a sensible, reliable and intelligent friend, and ES (ESE) – as a vibrant, caring and loving parent, which ensures in general a harmony of mind and senses.
LI (LII) possesses clear logical thinking, trying to explain to others his understanding of things and becomes very upset if no one listens to his opinion. Therefore, he needs a cooperative partner, who has a sense of humor, and who is flexible and diplomatic.
LI (LII) prefers to plan his activities and does not like to change his plan when something else is imposed on him. His partner should listen to his advice, respect his wishes, and try to not disturb his plans.
LI (LII) finds it difficult to constantly think about the pressing needs of the family, because his mind is often elsewhere, sometimes submerged in his work and research. Thus, domestic issues mostly fall on the shoulders of ES (ESE), who requests the help of his partner only if he cannot manage himself. In such cases, he draws LI (LII) into the process not by orders and directives, but with his emotions and enthusiasm. LI (LII) then splits the task into steps and consecutively solves it.
LI (LII) finds it difficult to be pushy and zealous, and often suffers during conflicts due to lack of break-through qualities. It is difficult for him to defend the interests of his case, and to listen later to accusations of inertness and lack of energy – just unbearable. Active, persistent partner, able to achieve goals that he sets earns his respect and gratitude.
LI (LII) experiences great difficulties when it is necessary to take the initiative in a relationship or show his feelings. Because of this, he is often considered a dry and unapproachable person. He needs a partner who will take responsibility for creating and maintaining relaxing, warm and pleasant atmosphere in communication.
Terms of dualization:
1. LI (LII) needs to listen to the advice of his dual, be more friendly and tactful in his relations with others. On the other hand, being under the influence of his emotions, ES (ESE) can ruin relationships, and then his dual can help to stabilize him with his cool logical arguments.
2. When it comes to protection of objective interests of this dyad, initiative of ES (ESE) is undeniable. Energetic, active, informed of a variety of practical issues and tactical methods, ES (ESE) aids his dual in resolving problems in areas that are too complicated for him.
3. Since ES (ESE) is careless and imprudent, poorly sees the possible outcomes of affairs, he needs advice of his discerning dual, especially when it comes to monetary and economic matters. Planing, coming up with strategic goals for the dyad, distributing events in time should be done by LI (LII).
4. In the intimate sphere, the initiative for showing feelings, casting aside all prejudices, should fall to ES (ESE), who acts in this area quickly and with confidence, according to the principle: "Don't love me, but I love you – beware of my love!" Cold, insular, shy, and unsure of his right to be loved LI (LII) with this demeanor unconsciously provokes emotional expansionism of his partner. And here is a sexual secret: without emotional preparation, the sexuality of LI (LII) is generally difficult to awaken. Women who passively wait for the initiative from him are likely to be disappointed.
However, some sociotypes are stimulated exactly by passivity or inaccessibility of their partner. ES (ESE) at a subconscious level strives to be the conqueror and not the conquered – excessive activity of the partner brings satiety and boredom to him. He appreciates seriousness and commitment, responsiveness to feelings. In addition, LI (LII) gives the impression of permanence, which is necessary for peace of mind of jealous-possessive nature of ES (ESE).
ENFj, EIE (ET) – ISTj, LSI (LF)
ENFj, EIE (Fe-Ni): Being an idealist by nature, ET (EIE) considers his life to be in vain if he has failed to vividly express himself through a strong passion, or bring some benefit to people. He feels a constant desire for spiritual growth and development, has an interest in anything novel, enigmatic and unknown. Having set a goal, ET (EIE) is rarely distracted from it and he usually gets his way. Sometimes, his inability to deviate from what he has planned results in reckless action. He needs the help of a calm, strong and sensible partner.
ET (EIE) is able to emotionally affect others, to get them inspired and involved in working on a project or a task. His emotions are characterized by their strength, depth, "obsessive focus", and often dramatic nature, while his internal contradictions and variations are often unbearable even for him. He needs a partner who, seeing the alternations in his mood and judgements, lack of sober realism and sound logic, could resolve his problems with rational and practical advice.
ET (EIE) internally finds it difficult to relax, to feel in harmony with the environment and people. Because of this, he often provokes controversy with others. He needs a sustained, steadfast, and sufficiently resistant to stress partner.
Being a strong-willed and thorough person, LF (LSI) organizes and stabilizes activities and feelings of his dual, stoically enduring through his emotional outbursts. In addition, he resolves all the difficult tasks for his partner: deals with economic and domestic problems, researches necessary information, patiently and unambiguously explains how to do some task, instructs on current regulations, describes the most logical sequence of the steps. He takes on thinking through the details of a problem, splits it into stages and overcomes any obstacles with unwavering tenacity and patience.
In such a conscientious and reliable person ET (EIE) finds his support. With LF (LSI) at his side, he is not afraid of any difficulties. Attention and care, compassion and assistance, detailed logical explanation of any events and phenomena soothe the volatile nature of ET (EIE).
ISTj, LSI (Ti-Se): LF (LSI), as a rule, does not believe in luck but prefers being the "architect of his own happiness." Therefore, he plans everything and steadily moves toward his goals, being distinguished by high capacity for work and absolution from ups and downs of moods. He is responsible, accurate in detail, not afraid of difficulties, both mentally and physically tough.
For all his merits, he has several shortcomings. He is suspicious, poorly versed in the motives and capabilities of other people. Despite the fact that the LF (LSI) can be a pleasant companion, capable of giving compliments and praises to someone whom he likes, he quickly grows tired of this. Then withdraws from the public, submerges into himself. He is not inconvenienced by prolonged solitude. Dispassionate by his nature, he seldom sincerely grows attached to anyone, and for this may be considered an aloof and cold man. He needs an emotive, communicative partner who would be able to affect his feelings, arouse his sociability, fuel and revitalize the relationship with his emotions.
Not everyone is impressed by the tendency of LF (LSI) to make remarks, and more so by his demands of work being carried out, that suffer from over-organization and excessive scrupulousness. He poorly perceives potential and prospects of new undertakings. Due to this, he can be overly conservative on issues that could benefit from unconventional approaches. It takes time for him to absorb, analyze and adapt new notions and ideas. He perceives people who violate the current order as disruptive. Therefore, he needs help of a motivated, obstinate and impassioned partner, who won't try to break him out of his habits, but will bring him to change very gradually but persistently. ET (EIE) possesses the gift of persuasion like no other type. He clearly explains the prospects of any matter, as well as the dangers that lie ahead if one continues with the old methods and attitudes.
Well versed in the capabilities and intentions of people, ET (EIE) alleviates the unnecessary suspicions of LF (LSI) and fills his life with new impressions and experiences. He helps in professional sphere as well, striking up new contacts and introducing new and promising practices. With his foresight and intuition for danger and mishaps, ET (EIE) is able to forewarn LF (LSI) and divert him from making possible mistakes.
Terms of dualization:
1. ET (EIE) should comply with the main requirements of LF (LSI) regarding planning of affairs and maintenance of order. Do not try to break the habits of LF (LSI) or change his established methods and views on life. If it is difficult to adapt to him, you can try to persuade him otherwise over a period of time.
2. LF (LSI) stubbornly imposes on his partner his methods of work and his own worldview. It is best to accept him as he is, be respectful of his pursuits and interests, giving only the necessary advice along the way. Periodically make compliments and demonstrate your affection.
3. LF (LSI) should give more attention to and trust the advice and requests of his dual, especially when it concerns relations with other people and future prospects. ET (EIE), in turn, may rely on his partner in the official-business and domestic matters, gratefully accepting his care and assistance.
4. With regard to psychological, emotional and sexual aspects of these relations, you need to know that LF (LSI) finds appeal in a partner who is passionate, poetic and willingly talks about his feelings, who is able to "melt the ice" with his strong emotions. At the same ET (EIE) should not rush to close the distance, so that his partner would not consider him too accessible and lose confidence in him. First, the right emotional tone should be created, without resorting too much to candid confessions. Then wait for when reciprocal feelings will ripen, and only then go on offensive.
When it comes to intimacy, ET (EIE) should not rush to show his skill in seduction. LF (LSI) likes a sublime yet modest partner, whom he can teach and show "what is needed" to the extent he deems it acceptable. In this pair, ET (EIE) takes lead in emotional life of the dyad, while sensing remains the sovereignty of LF (LSI). Otherwise there will be disagreement and dissonance.
In appealing to ET (EIE), first he must be convinced of your integrity, seriousness and reliability. ET (EIE) shouldn't have any doubts or feel himself in danger. Only then, he won't experience the need to test his partner with unpredictable shifts in mood and uncontrollable behavior.
In sexual behavior of this dyad, ET (EIE) experiences a few problems: he may either be too shy or too direct and frank. His partner needs to show him an optimal style of behavior. Then there will be no need to overcome uncertainty and timidity, nor excessive brazenness and looseness. Without such guidance, ET (EIE) will continue to exasperate and torture himself, and project his dissatisfaction onto his partner. He is in much need of various signs of attention – words, gifts, and gestures – that will confirm the love of his dual.
Relationships in this dyad are built on the principle of "infliction and endurance" ("Kama Sutra"). Therefore, it is sometimes difficult to say who is the "aggressor" and who is the "victim". Both types show obstinacy in relations and often this leads to quarrels. ET (EIE) is able to assert his independence in the psychological play-fighting with his partner, and frequently he wins. However, if he, after all, does not acquiesce and admit to being defeated even a bit, he will have a very difficult time. It is recommended to develop a more harmonious style of communication: ET (EIE) – be more flexible and diplomatic, and LF (LSI) – do not overuse volitional pressure and practice tolerance for weaknesses in another.
ESTp, SLE (FL) – INFp, IEI (TE)
ESTp, SLE (Se-Ti): This is a strong personality that is prone to either overestimate or underestimate his abilities and volitional qualities. In the first case, we have a "superman" resembling the heroes of action movies. In the second case – a rebellious person, constantly and unsuccessfully searching for himself and application of his abilities. If such a search becomes protracted, FL (SLE) becomes the first victim of such unfortunate situation. Then he may resort to substance abuse, engage in risky enterprises, or, at the best, start conflicts with colleagues and relatives, imposing his wishes and values in life.
In this regard, he needs a partner who could help him find a worthy purpose where he could apply himself, and who would evoke strong interest in him with the ultimate goal. FL (SLE) is inspired only by goals that require resourcefulness and courage.
FL (SLE) can and must direct his energy into his career, as well as activities of organizational, economic, and housekeeping nature: improving family welfare, taking care of official matters, resolving the pragmatic aspects of affairs, maintenance and repair, and resolution of other practical problems. A man of this type can ensure realization of the most difficult and dangerous work. He needs a partner who will ensure that his actions and methods are humane and considerate enough when he is attempting to reach his goals.
Despite these natural inclinations, many members of this type are not even aware of their enormous potential and often suffer from lack of confidence, or hold some irrational notions. They need a partner who demonstrates inexhaustible optimism and faith in the success of any endeavor. The main thing is to rid these people of their anxieties, suspicions and doubts – the rest they will overcome themselves.
Most of all FL (SLE) hates treachery and is inclined to find it even in instances where there was none. He may have a highly developed code of behavior, which sometimes takes an extravagant form. Then he condemns in others that which he has justified in himself. This quality complicates his relations with others, so that his partner must be constantly engaged in restoration of good relations, rather than await for FL (SLE) to mend them himself. Thus, his dual plays the role of a diplomat of a king. TE (IEI) can mitigate the suspicion and distrust of his dual, persuading him out of unfounded fears.
INFp, IEI (Ni-Fe): Soft, pliant, emotional, romantic and unpredictable partner. With him it is never boring because often one has to puzzle over his bizarre statements and actions. For his dual, who cannot endure monotony, this is extremely interesting, to have to continuously overcome these small and large challenges posed by his partner.
TE (IEI) can often give advice on who is an adversary and where one needs to send a strike. Often has a harmonizing effect on a group of people, but can also set groups and individuals against one another. TE (IEI) has a good sense of danger – he is insightful enough to gather the necessary information and develop a general strategy of psychological behavior to achieve success. With FL (SLE), he can be part of a great union that combines strength and vision, strategy and tactics. It is only necessary, however, to properly evaluate the abilities of one another.
Weaknesses of TE (IEI), such as excessive laxness, impracticality, passivity and conformism in relations, can be easily forgiven. He's a diplomat, not a fighter. For this reason, he rarely impresses his dual in the beginning, especially on the background of other vivid and strong personalities, the passion for whom in FL (SLE) is eventually replaced by disappointment and irritation.
Besides weak practical acumen and low efficiency, TE (IEI) has another weakness: he tends to get greatly upset over nothing, feels discouraged and starts complaining. He can also be a spendthrift and mismanage his income.
But when his partner assumes the worst and falls in his spirits, TE (IEI) is always able to cheer him up, divert his attention, assure him that everything will be fine. At his heart, TE (IEI) is an idealist and an optimist and believes in a positive outcome. He knows how to patiently wait for what he believes in.
Terms of dualization:
1. Duals are two extremes that only together can find the "golden center" on which rest truth and harmony. That is why TE (IEI) should not be surprised by ability of resolute FL (SLE) to walk towards his goal over the heads of others, putting business above relations. He should help, however possible, to mitigate these tendencies of his partner, explaining possible negative consequences to him. When volitional pressuring turns directly against TE (IEI), don't feel offended – it is best to turn everything into a joke, or expertly manage emotions of your partner and switch his attention to more important issues than fight with loved ones.
2. Interference in each other's spheres of activity not only leads to conflicts, but also reduces the overall efficiency of this dyad. FL (SLE) must constantly be on the lookout that his custody and initiative do not take an offensive to TE (IEI) form, and TE (IEI) should tactfully ignore the excessive pressuring of his partner, demonstrate willingness to compromise and appeal for reciprocity.
3. It is necessary to provide freedom for diplomatic activities of TE (IEI) that are associated with emotional agency, as well as conception of a common strategy, and efforts aimed at intellectual development of the dyad. FL (SLE) has to take on the role of providing for the family, protecting and supporting it, overseeing business matters.
4. Prudence and foresight in dealing with different people, as well as planning for the holidays, evenings, holiday travel and entertainment are the strengths of TE (IEI). Here, FL (SLE) needs to take care of the practical part of the program: obtaining the tickets, preparing the barbecue, driving, etc.
5. As for the emotional-sexual side of relations, FL (SLE) is very impressed by the whimsical, sentimental and diverse in their expression feelings of his partner who also possesses a developed sense of humor and tact, and intrigued by his mystery and unpredictable reactions.
TE (IEI) expects a strong, temperamental, self-confident, proactive in sex partner. Here he is a follower, since he is confident only in romantic side of feelings and relationships. TE (IEI) needs a partner who can help him overcome his hesitation and awaken his sensuality. His partner's desire should not leave any room for doubt for TE (IEI), for whom such doubts are often torturous.
In this dyad, relations are in many ways similar to the previous dyad. Both couples are prone to engage in a kind of "play-fighting". Overbearing nature of FL (SLE) evokes emotional resonance in TE (IEI), who, cleverly playing with his feelings, can endure a lot from such strong and authoritarian personality. FL (SLE) enjoys feeling like a victor, and TE (IEI), enjoys taming his occasionally overly aggressive partner with diplomacy and kindness.
Often, TE (IEI) has a harmonizing form of personality, but there are individuals of predominantly creative type of psyche – musicians, artists, poets, etc. – who are not recommended to pair with a dual of dominant type of personality. They are better matched with a partner of normalizing psychoform – a more calm and balanced person – otherwise their "play-fighting" can lead to mutual destruction or endless drama.
This dyad poorly tolerates monotony, lack of exiting experiences. Their senses and emotions are renewed and strengthened by endurance and suffering. If the aggressive by nature FL (SLE) never wanted to quarrel, then his partner, with his whims and alternations of his moods, will himself provoke a new outbreak of negative emotions, which then adeptly turn into positive ones.
It should be noted that jealousy is often a problem in this pair, especially for the mistrustful FL (SLE). The habit of TE (IEI) to be friendly and interested in everyone, to generously give out compliments, and the variability of his moods, all contribute to this development. Do not taunt for too long: for FL (SLE) there is nothing worse than betrayal.
It may seem that this dyad is distinguished by sadomasochistic tendencies. In actuality, the soft, soulful and sentimental TE (IEI) has a relaxing effect on FL (SLE) and, to a certain extent, suppresses his aggressive tendencies. In the case of a quarrel, the emotional reaction of TE (IEI) can be so original and unpredictable, that it forces his dual, who poorly orients in feelings, to soften and seek compromise. The image of a "victim" has a stronger effect on FL (SLE) than an equal and invincible enemy, who does not evoke compassion.
Due to his flexibility, pliancy and fine diplomacy, TE (IEI) is often able to win over the heart of such a complex personality as FL (SLE), with his ambitiousness and subconscious aggression, who usually considers emotions to be a sign of weakness and does not wish to fall into emotional dependency with anyone else.
ESFp, SEE (FR) – INTp, ILI (TP)
ESFp, SEE (Se-Fi): FR (SEE) is very persistent in achieving what he desires. In this, he sometimes considers that any means are good for achieving his goals. He finds it difficult to keep track of established norms. Because of this, he can easily spring to action without thinking through the consequences. If he doesn't have a good friend-critic near by, he may get into very difficult situations. He needs a wise and perceptive partner who could halt him and dissuade him from risky and imprudent activities.
FR (SEE) finds it difficult to assess the actual prospects and estimate his own abilities realistically. He usually overestimates what he is capable of, and risks gaining a reputation of a person who is unreliable and irresponsible. TP (ILI) is cautious and prudent personality and can dissuade FR (SEE) from taking pointless action.
In order to successfully fulfill his practical objectives, FR (SEE) needs to make connections that would be useful. He's a good tactician and organizer, diplomatic, able to persuade people and build agreements with them. He willingly accepts the responsibility for external relations in this dyad. With a more enterprising partner, this could lead to power struggles and conflicts in the relationship. Therefore, he is better complimented by a more inert and less sociable person, with whom his methods and means of achieving his goals will not overlap.
Inexhaustible zeal and energy of the FR (SEE), in combination with his inability to distinguish the useful from the useless, lead him to waste his time and efforts on unnecessary, fruitless activity and contacts. Here, his partner can help him, as he can discern which activities bring benefit and which are pointless. Dissuading FR (SEE) from taking on unnecessary tasks, which otherwise would lead to his exhaustion and disappointment, is not easy. One must have a large reserve of logical arguments and information, which is characteristic of TP (ILI). Removed reasoning, based on own intuition or experiences of others, will not be convincing for FR (SEE).
INTp, ILI (Ni-Te): TP (ILI) clearly sees realistic and not-so-distant prospects and can predict the dynamics of events. He is able to distract, soothe, remove unnecessary stress and activity. His developed extroverted logic and ability to base his arguments on effective foundation allow him to efficiently distribute his efforts, time, and resources to achieve his goals. He is well capable of organizing the labor process, preparing everything in advance to obtain the maximum results with the minimum expended time and energy.
It is difficult for TP (ILI) to practically implement his plans. He lacks the energy, expediency, optimism, and ability to maneuver flexibly in a changing situation. He also complicates his relations due to insufficient diplomacy in conversation and negotiations. In this dual pair, TP (ILI) helps to set workable, long-term goals and orients his energetic dual in the right direction.
TP (ILI) is often indecisive, conservative and stubborn. To persuade him to take on a new project is not within everyone's abilities. His desire to stabilize everything and to change nothing often leads to stagnation in his life, and this in turn causes lethargy, loss of interest in everything, negativity and bitterness, and a proclivity for hypochondria.
For this reason, he needs a cheerful, energetic and active dual, who will gently but consistently push the TP (ILI) towards dynamic changes in his life, skillfully manage his moods and emotions, polish and improve his rapport with others. FR (SEE) will expand the circle of contacts of his dual, and his numerous suggestions and proposals will provide his partner with constant food for thought, analysis and reflection. Next to his dual TP (ILI) feels secure, loved, needed, and never bored.
Terms of dualization:
1. The main impetus of this dyad is welfare. Pragmatism is expressed quite clearly in both of these types. TP (ILI) should be appreciative of the energy, flexibility and entrepreneurial spirit of his partner. He should not get carried away with excessive criticism of flaws and shortcomings of FR (SEE) and try to relay his observations in an inoffensive manner.
2. FR (SEE) should not criticize such qualities of his dual as difficulty in dealing with people, reserve, caution, pessimism, lack of initiative, vulnerable self-esteem, lack of flexibility and diplomacy.
3. FR (SEE) can expend energy on unnecessary intrigues, or drive himself to exhaustion with fruitless activity. Therefore, he must listen to cautioning and decelerating advice of his dual. In turn, TP (ILI), who is able to work patiently and carefully, with information and paperwork, with figures and facts, scrupulously and carefully working out all the details, and then bringing everything to its logical conclusion, should not require these qualities from his dual. It is best to take these problems onto your shoulders, for the sake of your impatient and hyperactive dual.
4. In terms of sexual relations, the initiator, of course, is the FR (SEE). After all, he is a Sensing type (in tune with the physical) and an Ethical type (sure of his feelings for another person). As an extrovert, he is impulsive and enterprising in striking up relations, sincere and decisive, and easily expresses his feelings. Besides this, FR (SEE) by his nature is a conqueror. Easy conquests for him are of no interest. His love is not something permanent, given once and for all. It must be won anew every day. Only such a mysteriously cold and ambivalent, and yet intelligent and interesting partner as TP (ILI) can permanently keep his attention.
The features of authoritarianism, as well as a tendency for "infliction and endurance" are less pronounced in strong-willed representatives of third quadra than of the second. And yet, they still exist. Without an element of "play-fighting" their emotional life seems to them colorless and bland.
For example, TP (ILI) most of all hates calamities and extremes in relationships. He usually pacifies emotional outbursts of dual, but with his internal contradictions and caprices he at the same time provokes his dual to angry outbursts. However, FR (SEE) does not allow for prolonged break-ups. Emotionally, the relationship of these duals has a pulsating character: first moving away, then coming closer, quarreling and reconciling – thus they maintain the freshness and novelty of their emotional impressions and fuel continuous interest in one another. Such an alliance will never feel tedious and stagnant for both, because they don't feel bored together and each feels indispensable to the other.
Sometimes the temperamental FR (SEE) grows tired of the coldness and seriousness of his dual. In such cases, he takes a "break on the side", but usually this doesn't last long. TP (ILI) is a reliable partner who can understand and forgive, but under one condition: he must see sincere repentance – and who better than FR(SEE) can demonstrate this? Thus, TP (ILI) often manages to stabilize his relations with the easily distracted and impermanent in his feelings FR (SEE).
Union of FR (SEE) and TP (ILI) can be lasting, and FR (SEE) can, in the end, emotionally stir and inspire his dual and ignite love in him. And, the more these feelings find resonance, the more turbulent their relationship becomes: FR (SEE) starts to feel bored and may become involved with something else on the side, and TP (ILI) starts to grumble and sulk, distance and quarrel over trifles. After this, there should be renewal of feelings, their strengthening. The only thing that is not advised to these duals – a calm and restful state. Even TP (ILI), if he reaches this state, can unexpectedly feel boredom and long for a different partner and new impressions.
ENTj, LIE (PT) – ISFj, ESI (RF)
ENTj, LIE (Te-Ni): LIE is energetic, inventive and resourceful. He is distinguished by a critical turn of mind, good pragmatic acumen and intuition for future outcomes of new undertakings. He is inquisitive, responsive to all new, decisive and bold. With inexhaustible enthusiasm he follows the path of trial and error. He is willing to invest in things that do not promise immediate returns. It is more important for him to obtain large return in the future, rather than have a modest but steady income in the present. Distrustful, conservative and cautious RF (ESI) does not share the enthusiasm of his dual, but he cannot abandon a friend in trouble, so by all means he helps him in these bold and precarious endeavors.
Being impulsive, venturesome, and easily captivated, PT (LIE) shows a proclivity for risky, adventurous projects. However, he is intolerant of tricks and gimmicks in others. Outwardly he is a supporter of "playing by the rules", however, he may get carried away and break them himself, then suffer greatly for this. PT (LIE) needs advice of a conscientious partner of strong character and ethical principles. Such a partner can help him avoid getting into difficult situations and regret less about what has transpired.
Unpredictable behavior of PT (LIE), his propensity to unexpectedly change plans and his interests is a common cause of his conflicts and misunderstandings with others. With this he brings out outbreaks of discontent and anger from his strong-willed partner, but takes them with an enviable sense of humor and optimism. The difficulties and failures even mobilize him and inspire to more vigorous activity. This personality is very resistant to stress. He quickly loses interest in a monotonous and characterless partner who is not able to provide resistance.
PT (LIE) hates routine, everything that is inert and stable. Desiring of change, he is impatient, and due to this he often makes mistakes. His life must be full of ups and downs, significant and memorable events, full of romance, impressions, and feelings. He is looking for this everywhere: he enjoys hiking, testing himself, tries to harden himself physically and mentally. At the same time he never loses heart. Next to him should be a strong, morally enduring person, who exerts a stabilizing effect on him.
Trying to lift the mood of those around, infecting them with his optimism, PT (LIE) sometimes doesn't take into account the appropriateness of his actions or expressions – he is not characterized by tactfulness. With this he may offend other people. He needs the help of a tactful person, who knows how to prevent and correct his ethical lapses. He has difficulty understanding what exactly he did wrong. This can best be explained by his dual, who has a strong ethical bent and readily notices the slightest deviations from ethical standards. In addition, possessing astute insight into people, RF (ESI) protects his overly trusting dual, who is poorly versed in people, from disappointments and bad contacts.
PT (LIE) often does not find neither internal balance nor harmony with people around him. The hardest thing for him is attaining a state of rest and peace of mind. He also finds it difficult to care about his health and comfort, chores and basic amenities, and other routine tasks of everyday life. He is very undemanding of his living conditions, and does not understand too much delicacy from others in such matters. Sometimes he overestimates his abilities in this aspect and falls into extremes: starts to dress extravagantly or demands exotic foods, physically tests himself by swimming in ice cold water, starvation, yogic exercises. His dual readily and willingly provides his help on these aspects.
Another problem of PT (LIE) is that often he does not have enough patience or tactical abilities to succeed in his plan. Consequently, he ruins many of his initiations and start-ups, only to take up new ones with the same optimism. In doing so, he earns a reputation of a thoughtless and frivolous person. He needs a reliable, responsible partner, who would compliment him with his thoroughness and diligence, reliability and conscientiousness, and the ability to bring tasks and projects to their completion.
ISFj, ESI (Fi-Se): RF (ESI) is a realist who knows how to properly assess the situation. He sees the distribution of forces and knows which parts are important and deserve attention and which do not – he is able to distinguish the primary from the secondary. He has a good sense of relations between people, skillfully adjusts psychological distance, bringing some people closer and distancing bad people away from himself. Thus, RF (ESI) is trying to protect his "inner circle", his family, or his group of friends or co-workers, from unwanted intruders and harmful influences. He guards his sociable and trusting dual from committing many tactical errors, from potential machinations of adversaries, as well as from simply wasting his time.
This is person demanding in matters of order and ethical values. He condemns the violation of ethical norms in his circle of friends and acquaintances. He does not always speaks up openly about it – more often he is restrained and gentle. However, when exasperated, he can say all that has accumulated in a fairly sharp form, and even break up relations with a person who has lost his respect, trust and sympathy. He needs someone with a sense of humor, who knows how to admit his mistakes and make compromises.
By nature, RF (ESI) is distrustful and prefers his "tried and true" circle of friends to newcomers. He tries to be objective and fair to all. He attempts to understand the motivations of actions of people, the causes of their influences on one another, but often does not see concealed reasons and motives, and for this reasons makes judgements that are too categorical and superficial. However, his inherent qualities – responsibility, thoroughness, fairness, understanding of the needs of others – make him a reliable friend and helper, who contributes to the success of his partner.
Being a man of patience and perseverance, RF (ESI) seeks to achieve the main goal without being distracted by minor things, and knows how to control the chaotic nature of his dual. He is hardworking, strives to preserve stability in relations, oriented at growth and prosperity. He is very active, diligent, and expedient in household matters, manages comfort and food. He likes to take care of his loved ones with his actions, as well as those who need care and attention.
The main thing for him – to feel needed and useful. The purpose and meaning of his existence, RF (ESI) sees in serving the interests of his close ones. He finds appeal in an active, energetic, hard-working partner who needs his guardianship. RF (ESI) is holds his erratic and unpredictable dual "in his hands", guards his from wasteful diversions, from imprudent and untactful behavior, from risky undertakings, too frequent travel and unnecessary endurance tests. Together they can overcome many difficulties.
Terms of dualization:
1. RF (ESI) needs to provide his dual with support in ethical matters and in accomplishing tasks, be resilient and assertive in achieving goals. He must not allow for doubts of his loyalty and reliability. RF (ESI) is quick to take offense, and due to this can lose his sense of fairness and impartiality in wake of his emotions. PT (LIE) with his easy-going character must raise the vitality of his mistrustful dual, readily forgive his angry outbreaks, support warm relations, which is very important for RF (ESI).
2. PT (LIE) should offer RF (ESI) beneficial opportunities and tasks, good material rewards, prosperity and confidence in the future. These duals will quarrel and even separate when there are serious misunderstanding on these issues that are of prime importance for this pair.
3. RF (ESI) is too distrustful of the unfamiliar and the atypical, not inclined to take up leadership positions of responsibility. In addition, he often has complexes regarding his qualities and abilities. PT (LIE) must logically and convincingly explain to his partner the positive prospects of current undertakings, plan activities, freely take on responsibility in joint matters onto his shoulders, be resolute in carrying out their plans. By this, he relieves RF (ESI) from painful feelings of uncertainty and doubts about the potential future negative outcomes, as well as from indecision and uncertainty about making the right choices and insecurity in his abilities.
4. Emotional side of these relations develops along the following scenario: RF (ESI) always keeps at a psychological distance from others, but with his look and actions shows that he has nothing against his partner taking initiative, drawing him thus into a game of "hunt". His dual is an excellent hunter, who doesn't lose optimism and humor under many circumstances. This softens the usually distrustful RF (ESI), and when the ice melts, he becomes caring, sincere, capable of self-sacrifice in love. He guards his love and his home, and breaks up relations only in extreme cases. This makes an impression on the conqueror, and he unwittingly finds himself in the role of the conquered.
Their relations have a pulsating nature, as do relations of other members of 2nd and 3rd quadra, for whom fighting spirit and orientation at victory are characteristic. Fluctuations and contrasts in their relations only serve as a guarantee of their longevity. Although from aside it may seem that their personal life is far from ideal, they themselves do not see it in such a dramatic light. The saying: "Fights of lovers are only confessions of love" – is often about them.
PT (LIE) would have been bored with an always friendly and uncritical of him partner. He would is such a situation distance himself from home, follow the lead of his hobbies and extraneous interests. Elements of "play-fighting" fire up his passion, while a partner who must be constantly won over remains interesting for RF (ESI). He finds appeal in those people whose management and control requires an interplay of diplomacy and willpower. The reward for him is that he always sees the results of his efforts, and this gives him confidence in the feelings of his partner, as well as his strength and capabilities. A stronger partner could have caused feelings of resentment and hostility, and weaker – a feeling of disappointment.
PT (LIE) makes life of RF (ESI) eventful and interesting – he brings elements of novelty, unpredictability and romance, stirs and enlivens emotions, although often this occurs after strong shake-ups hovering on the verge of a breakup. But this is necessary for both of them, to appreciate each other more, and each time to feel the strength of their union that will endure any tests. Quarrels, though frequent, are usually transient because of the inability of PT (LIE) to accumulate and hold on to resentment for a long time.
In sexual terms, the active partner is PT (LIE), while RF (ESI) regulates the relationship, saving it from satiety. He is impressed by a passionate, cheerful, reasonably humble and reasonably obstinate partner, with whom it is never boring. After any quarrel, the expressive gaze of RF (ESI) makes his dual immediately do everything possible to regain harmony.
To improve these relations, we can recommend RF (ESI) to show more sensitivity and responsiveness in response to the erotic initiatives of his dual. Give more praises to his practical and sexual qualities, support his initiatives, skillfully cut away the excess and switch his attention to more realistic and useful things. PT (LIE) should pay more attention to family and domestic issues, care more about material prosperity, be a loyal friend and helper.
ESTj, LSE (PS) – INFj, EII (RI)
ESTj, LSE (Te-Si): PS (LSE) is a very industrious type of personality. He has great business acumen, he is practical and economical, knows how to handle resources. He is a great manager of the house and conscientious worker. Likes accurate and reliable information and is backed by figures and evidence. He appreciates high quality in everything, beautiful things, nourishing and tasty food. Himself rests rarely and abhors lazy people.
These qualities make him a very demanding and uncompromising person. He needs a partner who would correspond to his notions of duty, trustworthiness, loyalty. This should be a diligent, responsive, honest and fair person, who is interested in improving his own skills and qualifications.
PS (LSE) finds appeal in a person who does everything in time, who is judicious and exercises forethought, which prevents many mistakes from happening in professional and personal life, who has high ethical standards and is perceptive of that which is not readily observed.
Straightforwardness of PS (LSE) and his inability to make concessions strain communication with him. If we add to this heightened vulnerability and personal reserve, which suddenly gives way to outbursts of anger, distrust of people, inability to truly relax, it is not difficult to guess that such a person needs a patient, discreet, and sufficiently diplomatic partner.
INFj, EII (Fi-Ne): EII (RI) is characterized by high emotional sensitivity and acute perception of the slightest nuances in the relationship. Always alert, tactful and discreet, he knows how to soothe and relieve emotional tension of his partner. RI (EII) acts as a healer, in time to identifying and eliminating all the factors that can disrupt the peace of mind of his partner – by this he helps PS (LSE) to live among people.
RI (EII) never imposes his feelings and his company on anyone, but he is kind to those who need it. His emotional sensitivity and sincerity are admired by those who know him well. He can give the impression of being too compliant, but this is not true. If he does not accept and forgive something, it is useless to argue with him – he may not say anything, but will keep to his opinion. He does not like to loudly sort out relations, but with his look, tone, and silence can evoke feelings of remorse from his impulsive and undiplomatic dual.
Possessing an outstanding talent of a teacher and educator, RI (EII) is able to develop kinder qualities in people, instill faith in their abilities, and he himself possesses significant creative potential and foresight. He is picky about the ethical qualities of others, but even more so – of his own. He is patient, diligent, and careful in attention to detail. Among unfamiliar people, he seems skittish and unsure. He does his work undemonstratively, as if he takes it for granted.
His flaws are a measure of conservatism, fear of change and of risky ventures, lack of magnitude and initiative in business undertakings, proclivity to doubt and indecision. PS (LSE) is able to build his confidence in himself and in what he is doing, take on responsibility and initiative, and provide effective support in pragmatic matters.
RI (EII), due to his sense of commitment and inability to separate the primary from the secondary, gets stuck in the details of work and overloads himself with too many tasks and requests of other people. It is difficult for him to deny a person's request. He also finds it difficult to assign tasks to someone else and make them do it properly. Excessive diligence can bring him to the point of exhaustion. In the absence of his sharp and straightforward dual, some people may exploit the weaknesses and kindness of RI (EII). PS (LSE) protects the interests of his dual and drives away those who were using RI (EII) to their advantage.
Terms of dualization:
1. PS (LSE) should be more responsive to the advice of his dual, and then RI (EII) will be able to soften his heart and make him more harmonious, personable, and romantic. Without his dual, PS (LSE) seems too dry and strict person. Only selfless kindness can pave the way to the heart of PS (LSE) and help the tenderness and sensitivity manifest in this strong, proud, but inwardly vulnerable person.
2. RI (EII) should not reject the help of his dual. For realization of what has been planned, PS (LSE) will spare no effort and will overcome many obstacles. He only needs his partner to care for his moods, his relations with others and to predict possible developments. RI (EII) intuitively feels potential obstacles and dangers, which can lead the PS (LSE), who doesn't notice them, to become a subject of manipulation or get drawn into violent conflicts.
3. PS (LSE) will give advice on which things are worth doing, and which can be deferred, give all the necessary directions, explain the regulations, provide the necessary know-how. He speaks directly and accurately, cutting off all possible doubts and hesitations, which boosts the confidence of his dual. He should protect the interests of his dual and see to his well-being. In turn, RI (EII) helps his dual in resolving ethical issues and in achieving high quality in work. He makes for a good adviser in affairs, coming up with unusual ways of solving problems.
4. The emotional life of this couple is very distinct. PS (LSE) does not like to talk about his feelings or give compliments and praises. For RI (EII) this is not necessary. He values not words and praise, but prefers that love is shown in deeds. This PS (LSE) accomplishes very well. He is very caring, energetic and active, looks after the material needs of his partner and in time supplies him with everything that he needs for a comfortable existence.
PS (LSE) also does not care for verbal expression of feelings – he does not trust them. He is disarmed only by sensitivity, gentleness, faithfulness and ability of partner to compromise. As for the feelings and desires, RI (EII), implicitly reads them – he can see them in the eyes of his dual, and tries to meet them. He shows his attitude indirectly, but this only inspires his enterprising partner. This dyad belongs to the 4th quadra, which has much in common with the 1st, but unlike the pioneers of the 1st quadra, these types have accumulated in the course of evolution the experience of previous quadra. This experience helps them to select the best and to strive to achieve the peak of mastery in all areas of life, but it also makes them vulnerable, sensitive to the slightest disharmony and not resistant to stress.
Here, there is no talk of any "playful fighting". No one will understand this. Relations develop along the lines of "guardian/instructor–child/student". The role of the guardian is played by whoever is the stronger partner. The caprices of the "child" are not encouraged and catered to, as well as aggression from the "guardian", which both try not to provoke. The foundation of these relations is care for one another, and continuous harmony of thoughts, actions and feelings. Their love gets stronger and becomes brighter only when it does not cause any doubts in anyone. They appreciate the reliability and mutual aid. Together they should feel so comfortable that their trust and affection for each other would soften life's adversities.
If someone needs storms and shake-ups, it is not the representatives of the 4th quadra. They need a quiet haven in a sea of life, and if they don't find it in their family, they feel unhappy, and despite their understanding of family values and their need for stability may, in extreme cases, even break up their relations.
As for the intimate side of life, the PS (LSE) is not a gentle, romantic and affectionate partner. He has a sex drive and appreciates the erotic side of the relationship, but he has little fantasy and is unlikely to be a very creative in intimate relations. While RI (EII) may have more ideas, most of all he wishes to always feel wanted and desired. He will try to evoke the caresses of his partner, which for him would be most convincing.
Spiritual aspects of relations this couple appreciates more than sexual techniques. If they try to improve their sex life, it is only to evoke erotic emotions. Attention to each other and mutual commitment nourish their love more than any words or novelty of the sensation. Therefore, the older their love becomes – the stronger it grows. Sincerity and guilelessness towards one another serve as confirmation of this.
ENFp, IEE (IR) – ISTp, SLI (SP)
ENFp, IEE (Ne-Fi): IR (IEE), thanks to his imaginative inclinations, seems like a lively and nonchalant person. He is actually very inquisitive, trying to gain insight into complex and hidden processes and phenomena, in search of eternal truths. He readily sees the shortcomings of other people and imperfections of the surrounding world, constantly analyzes his own feelings and attitudes and those of others. This is a very insightful man who hates falsehood and hypocrisy. He needs a partner endowed with such ethical qualities that he can permanently keep his respect and sympathy.
He enjoys interacting with others. Often very curious, but does not like to waste time on people who do not bring new information. Admires talented, original, erudite and multifaceted people. He is attracted to insecure people with undiscovered and undisclosed talents. Willingly helps them and instills confidence in their abilities and capabilities, generously gives compliments. His partner must strive to further develop his talents and abilities, otherwise it will be difficult to maintain the interest of IR (IEE).
IR (IEE) likes diversity, change, travel. His restless, imaginative nature constantly needs new experiences, as well as interesting and challenging problems and tasks. He needs someone to inspire, to enthrall with his ideas. Often he doesn't have the patience to finish what he was working on. Therefore, he needs a partner who is responsible, serious, reliable and hardworking.
IR (IEE) cannot easily focus on the primary over the secondary – he gets easily distracted, thus risking to overload himself with his hobbies, work and social contacts. He does not know how to plan and rarely finishes things on time. SP (SLI) plans out his work, divides it into steps, takes over routine operations and works on the specifics. He gives advice to IR (IEE) when, to what measure, and in which sequence he needs to carry out the steps, what needs to be done first and what can be done later.
For IR (IEE) is difficult to fulfill his promises, to do exactly what he has promised and do it on time, to scrupulously engage in tedious, uninteresting, but necessary work. SP (SLI) can provide effective assistance to IR (IEE) on any such job, and even take on full responsibility. IR (IEE) is in need of someone who could smooth and polish his methods and do it in the form of caring and unobtrusive guidance. Without his dual, IR (IEE) can earn the reputation of an irresponsible and frivolous person, if not a shirker. Together with his dual he feels secure and is not afraid of any difficulties.
Another problem of IR (IEE) is that he likes to win over love. Striving to win another person's heart, he aspires to have a relationship of heart, mind, and soul rather than a purely physical one. This leads to many misunderstandings with those whom he has conquered, for he often loses interest in them if they have failed to win his sincere interest and his friendship. Few remain more needed for him than an already read book. He finds the most appeal in a modest, interesting, and discreet person, who would allow IR (IEE) to take the initiative within their relationship.
ISTp, SLI (Si-Fe): SLI is a person who combines qualities of both a pragmatic and an inventive personality and who strives for self-improvement. He is active, mobile, doesn't shy away from labor, enjoys physical activity. Prefers to do things with his own hands instead of relying on others. He dislikes forcing people to do something against their will, believing that this should be up to their conscience and freedom of choice. He is uncompromising with those who try to impose their own vision of things and methods. Enjoys taking care of those who are less adapted to life than him.
As a realist and a skeptic, SP (SLI) often doesn't easily see ways out of difficult situations. In midst of routine, his vitality and productivity diminish, and apathy often overtakes him. Though, in critical situations, he quickly mobilizes and displays remarkable resolve and energy. Consequently he has a need for novel impressions and moral support - his needs a partner who would relieve him from a sense of banality and futility and bring some romance and warmth into the relationship.
Prone to melancholy, SP (SLI) especially needs his companion to be in an optimistic mood, at least outwardly. He is suspicious and afraid of unforeseen circumstances. Therefore, his dual must constantly talk about what's happening around them, what surprising things may occur, how to prepare for them or prevent them, and which worries and fears are groundless. SP (SLI) doesn't easily forecast events, thus he needs to know what lies ahead, what are the possible outcomes of a particular path of action. He himself finds it difficult to see prospects and future unfolding of the events.
SP (SLI) is characterized by a measure of self-doubt and inertia, which may become especially evident in those situations which require him to display his abilities. He needs to be inspired and mobilized for new undertakings, for which he is always ready in his heart. The main thing for him is to believe in the benefit and success of the job, and IR (IEE) is very convincing in such cases. In this dyad, IR (IEE) deals with the long-term goals and potential outcomes, while SP (SLI) methodically and persistently implements the plans, working patiently and carefully. SP (SLI) strives to improve his skills and qualifications, with which he inspires admiration in his dual. Sharp criticism could lead to SP (SLI) simply giving up, because he will not try to prove anything to those who do not believe in him. Sincere praises of IR (IEE) mobilize his partner, give him the assurance that everything is going as it should.
If his partner violates and upsets the inner state of SP (SLI), which is so difficult for him to maintain, his offense can be so great that he will distance from such a person. He needs someone who will create safe space for his emotions, who will try to dispel his doubts and mitigate his internal conflicts, rather than sharpen them.
Terms of dualization:
1. IR (IEE) suffers from a lack of organization and discipline. He is sometimes characterized by an excessive temper and stubbornness. He is often impatient, unobservant of established rules and order, and can react violently to reprimands. His partner should be a lenient and patient person, who respects the independence of another. He exerts influence on IR (IEE) only by his own participation, skillfully coordinating the actions of his partner and coolly perceiving his emotional outbursts. Gently and with humor SP (SLI) dampens the emotional outbursts of his dual, shows benevolence towards his shortcomings, and forgives him a lot due to IR (IEE)'s spontaneity, informality, and a large array of abilities, which are very appreciated.
2. SP (SLI) is so dependent on his sensory impressions, brought about by the imperfection the surrounding world, that in order to find an approach to him, you must first locate and remove these negative influences that adversely impact his mood. His dual is very responsive to another's pain, is able to understand and console his companion. His sincerity predisposes to mutual trust, while his constant readiness to go towards the new and the unknown inspires confidence in the success of joint ventures. IR (IEE) quickly removes the skepticism and lack of confidence in his partner.
3 . SP (SLI) delights IR (IEE) with his ability to solve any practical problems, his practical acumen and ability to arrange everything around hims for rational management, wholesome rest, convenience, for benefit of the health of his loved ones. IR (IEE) complements his partner with his ingenuity, his vision of new prospects and opportunities. He brings to life of SP (SLI) elements of novelty and unpredictability, suggests solutions and ways out of tricky situations. IR (IEE), creates the atmosphere of trust, freedom and ease, which his dual needs.
4. Emotionally, it is quite a contrasting pair: undemonstrative and cool, reserved, unemotional SP (SLI) and temperamental, spontaneous, and forthright IR (IEE). The famous song by A. Pugacheva describes this pair:
"I forget about everything in the world when I am with you,
And jump head first into love as into the sea.
You're so cool – like an iceberg in the ocean,
With your sorrows underneath the dark waters ... "
Fickle by nature, easily carried away by new people, IR (IEE) requires an interesting and mysterious partner, who needs to be won over his entire life. SP (SLI) is that fortress which needs to be conquered by continuous advance. Even when he loves, he often hides his feelings under the mask of coldness. He does not show jealousy, but instructs his lighthearted dual on his own example.
Their main value in life is harmony in all spheres of their lives and relations. And since this is no easy task, they often have a sense of dissatisfaction that leads them to actively seek ways to improve their perceptions. This pair is the most vulnerabl one in entire socion, so great are its requirements and so finely developed the sense of harmony. The slightest dissonance in relationships with each other and others can plunge them into despair.
Routine often reduces their vitality. They both value their freedom and independence in making decisions. They feel well only when they have opportunities for creative work. Striving for perfection and harmony, constant development of their skills – this is their main stimulus in life. If harmony has not been achieved, they tend to react poorly to the slightest negative tones in their relations with others and other inconveniences of psychological and domestic kind.
The area of feelings and relations is the prerogative of the IR (IEE), while SP (SLI) is well-versed in the shades and tints of sensing side of the intimate life of this dyad. For him the one-sided joy of sex is inconceivable. Resonance of feelings and attitudes, ensured by IR (IEE), and of sexual sensations, which are polished and perfected by SP (SLI), enrich their love life.
They become truly happy only when they can also achieve harmony of thoughts, activities, interests and aspirations – harmony of life material and immaterial. Only then their love strengthens. They cannot exist in an atmosphere of conflict and routine. Their love is fueled by mutual care, tact, responsiveness to the interests of each other, mutual improvement and instruction, new experiences in their lives. They need a lot to be happy, but if they can achieve all of it, their love approaches an ideal.