IEI-LSE Conflict Relations (INFp and ESTj)

[marooned]

One big hahahahaha @ ur post. I think my mom is ESE and I agree. ^_^ She used to always bump into me. She wears herself out so much that her idea of fun is having a bubble bath...yuck.

Thankfully she's an E2 and gets a kick out of doing the work for herself and doesn't like me getting involved--and I don't want to. It's probably given me an even more unhealthy view of what it means to do chores, though--AHHH. Watching the LSE complete chores efficiently compared to hers is a refreshing treat.

As far as the Ne HA I could never leave the house or go on a trip without a thousand "just-in-case" things, resulting in being used to lugging around large packages of "luggage" for each said trip I had to make. Now I am purging myself of the resulting pack-rat obsession she engendered in me.

Oh, and as for talking anything of theory or religious debate with her it's like talking to a wall. She gives that sweet, haughty smile and says "Well..." and thats the end of any real conversation. You THINK you're talking to her but you're really just bashing your head against the wall of her "ethics."

And when she asks me if I'm happy or having a good time, you know, I just don't know what to say to that. "Yeah..." is usually the answer. I'm thinking..."relative to what?"

I just learn to avoid and ignore her about getting all huffy about schedule. She prods and prods creating tension about "being there on time" but then just takes an hour longer to get ready anyway, so there's really no point. I just learned to ignore it and read a book, lol.

I relate so much to most of this!

[Kristiina]

The only person I know who I think is LSE is my uncle. But I don't notice many conflicts between us. He tends to schedule everything to precisely specific times like on family trips and that creates stress and tension for me. Also he'll have it planned out what exactly we'll do and even what restaurants we'll eat at (all spontaneity is completely snuffed out)... if things don't go according to plan he becomes tense... And he can go on about things I find boring for quite a while... which creates tension for me because I don't know how long I'm going to have to continue to "endure" it. But I don't consider him to be insensitive at all.

However, he has had issues at his job where others perceived him as "insensitive" (these were mostly people that he supervised). This is interesting to me because I know he is not at all insensitive. But probably in a work environment he would be very focused on efficiency and ignore Fe. I could imagine him behaving very formal and emotionless and caring the most about accomplishing tasks within given time frames in a work environment... He had to attend workshops about how to interact with people better so that they wouldn't perceive him as insensitive. What's interesting is I think my aunt (his wife) is EII. And they work very well together. The only way I could really see him and I conflicting is if we were trying to accomplish a task together... but this is very unlikely to happen ever given our relationship. Also he's more open with his feelings around family than he probably would be in a job setting.

That could be a description of my LSE dad (except for the EII wife). Among other things he's a travel organizer and he has trip descriptions on his travel website, "Day 6. 9.5km and 400m rise. The day begins at the valley and we walk on a rocky hillside for 3 km, then we will reach a small lake which is unsuitable for swimming. It is a very beautiful natural lake." etc. I'm not exaggerating at all. He has 20-day trips planned out like this.

[Satan]

I don't really like busy people either.

My way of dealing with busy people:

Always be sure of yourself. Never have any doubts, concerns, problems, worries or anything. Everything is always fine. Everything will always work out. And you already have answers for everything. And what you don't relys on outside people who you can't reach yet. And will be able to reach, after a certain time. Because they're "working" or "unavailable" for an important reason.

That said, I can be kind of "busy" myself. And I don't really like it. But it seems to have an effect on other people too. What happens for me is sometimes when I move, do things etc, and don't have much time it seems to push people to react faster/quicker. To either stress about responding, or not respond. Get out of the way, or create a problem etc.

It seems that when I'm busy, some people seem to talk faster, do things faster, and feel like they need to do something or they seem to get kind of confused.

So it's like I do this "pacing" technique, where I try to make sure there's some kind of baseline, to add a degree of coherency. Although some people seem to feel that I'm imposing on them, even if there's a reasonable amount of distance between me and them, when it's like that.

Anyway, I don't really like busy people. And I don't like myself when I'm busy. Although at the same time quite a lot of people seem to respond by helping me, or otherwise being of assistance. It's weird - like sometimes I can initate reasonably simple tasks and other people will just kind of spontaneously help me. And then I can look at other people, who seem to "push" others into doing things. Or "ask" them to help or something. Whereas I just start doing things, and other people can start wanting to be a part.

And yet, at the same time, I've seen girls that can pull that off better; although they seem to be attractive. And yet, I can somehow sometimes do it without really having anything going for me at all!

I just learn to avoid and ignore her about getting all huffy about schedule. She prods and prods creating tension about "being there on time"

I reckon you should just be late.

Anyway,

From all of what you said, I was thinking. And it's like, I don't care if I lie to people like that.

Like I was thinking of how you have to protect yours and others privacy with people like that. So you can make up things, like stories about a friend who got stalked. (or just find a real example of someone stalkerish; )

Anyway, pretty much where I stand on such is that you should just be yourself over anything else. And if she's creating problems, tell her to go fuck herself. ANd don't let her get to you. Mmmkay. ?

[implied]

what I see from one IEI and LSE, the IEI doesn't understand why the LSE is always giving new tasks to her. She has everything planned and knows what she has to do and then the LSE multiplies the workload and takes it for granted that she does everything asked of her. After all, she agreed to help, even though she agreed when it was still a small task. Then the IEI says, "he's so insensitive and doesn't understand how this is such a difficult and time-consuming project. I already agreed to help so I can't say I won't help him. I wish he was more considerate with what he asks of me."

now that sounds more like the conflict between myself and my mother. and you know she's not LSE.

[redbaron]

Loki, where do I start? I'm married to an ESE and your post hits almost every single one of our issues. That said, I love him and we get along pretty well on the whole. We're both tolerant of each other and my husband isn't as bad as the person you describe. Let me go through your post again, it's so long, and try to pick out the specific things we deal with. Great observations.

[Blaze]

damn loki that post is a little harsh on ESE. i guess i see how you could experience her that way....it's just that i wouldn't, i don't think.

my daughter is ESE and the only thing that bugs me about her is that she's totally disorganized about everything. i'll have to ask infpman if she irritates him the way your coworker irritates you.

supervision relations can be hard....i try to be pretty tolerant, after all, we all have a supervisor lol.

[redbaron]

The tasks that she busies herself with could be accomplished in a lot less time if she wouldn't do everything one at a time... but she can only look at one task at a time and then barrels it through to completion. Sometimes can't seem to sit still even for two seconds because she's always having to get up to work on more things. She doesn't know how to distribute her workload throughout time... it's like all the things that need to be done in the near future are in the same pile in her head as all the things that need to be done later on, such that she feels she needs to do everything immediately. And then since she concentrates on the perfection of the specific details of everything and tackles one thing at a time, she's in a perpetual state of ceaseless busyness... even though she could save lots of time by waiting to do certain things closer to when they need to be done when she would have all the pieces available to get them done in less time.

Yes. This is familiar. On the weekends my husband has this list of things he needs to get done in his head. And he absolutely cannot relax until they're done. And they have to be done FIRST and WITHOUT BREAKS which drives me nuts. I can do tasks but I need to reward myself with breaks in between each task. I like to savor the feeling of accomplishment first before jumping into something else. "why does it need to be done now" I ask him. The reply I get is this: "because if I don't do it now, it will never get done" which is completely crazy. I just can't even form a response to this because it's so outlandishly illogical.

Her constant busyness for some reason creates a subtle tension around her (as I perceive it) and it makes me tense. Also when what she does overlaps with what I do, that's where the conflict arises. She feels that everything that comes up has to be tended to at once. I don't feel that way. I feel a lot of these things are often trivial anyway and they can wait until later (and some of them would be better dealt with later)... I may have things of higher priority that need to get done first. But because I don't act immediately on certain things this can send her into a state of freaking out and feeling like she needs to do something about it right away. But I feel helpless here because she always feels she needs to be doing something about everything, and it's not my fault she's addicted to doing things all the time... Whenever I try to explain to her why we don't need to deal with something immediately, she doesn't even hear me... she can't be deterred from dealing with it at once because she's always caught in her sense of urgency. I think one difference is that I'm confident and calm about time... I know it's all going to get done at the right times... I have it spaced out throughout time... If there's an issue getting it done it's due to how much I don't feel like doing it... With her, she feels like doing everything all the time as near as I can tell, but something about her and time doesn't work. She probably picks up on how I don't feel like doing detailed tasks, or really don't like doing them, and maybe that causes her to be concerned.

When my husband sees me NOT freaking out about whatever it is that he wants to see done, he accuses me of a) not caring about his priorities b) leaving it up to him because I know that he'll do it if I just wait long ehough c) being stubborn & lazy (he wouldn't use the word 'lazy' but it's all there in the subtext)

I also find her to be excessively nit-picky about what I think of as trivial irrelevant details. Everything needs to be done "just so." There are processes to be followed about how to do things... that should be followed for everything even if they're inefficient in a particular case... We follow the processes for the sake of following processes. If I paid as much attention to details and processes as she does I would go insane. And when she tries to put pressure on me to be more detail focused I feel like screaming.

OH yes. Take loading the dishwasher for example. It has to be done a particular methodical way (i.e. HIS way) so that the maximum number of dishes can fit and so they all get clean and nothing flips during the cycle or else it's not "right" and will re-do my loading job if he doesn't like it.

The Ne HA isn't a problem for us.

She also has an emotional outburst reaction to many things (Fe)...

The way this manifests itself in our relationship is that he's very very sensitive to things that I say. He over-reacts emotionally a lot. It sometimes feels like he's trying to pick a fight. It's not always that way, just occasionally. But when he does over-react, I get annoyed and react back. Then suddenly we're both annoyed with each other. I find myself wishing he would be more steady emotionally.

Then there's her Si. She's constantly monitoring how much people are enjoying themselves in a very invasive way, and taking action to enhance their enjoyment or comfort (*even if they don't want her to*). She can't take no for an answer. I personally don't feel comfortable when a bunch of questions are directed at me about whether or not I'm enjoying myself... I don't really think in this way... I don't know... I don't know how to answer these sorts of questions... I try to do what I want... maybe I find it enjoyable sometimes, maybe I don't... I don't know. I tend to give short brisk answers so she'll stop asking me. She does really light up though when people around her are enjoying themselves and I think this makes her feel good. Anyway I think I'm really resistant to her creative Si.

Well I'm not totally resistant to creative Si. I actually think it's sometimes nice. But I do get a little bit annoyed with the post-sex question of if I enjoyed it or not. I mean, what do you think? Was it not obvious? I don't fake it! sheesh. And it's every single time he asks....blech. on the other hand, it's nice that he cares and aims to please. He tends to go overboard with the whole "I'm such a good guy--you're so lucky to have me" lines. I don't mean to sound ungrateful.

I'm okay mostly with her as long as she isn't trying to impose her structures on me... but unfortunately she does try to impose them. And since I work with her, escape is not always possible. I have managed to work out some issues with her... but it's slow going. I don't try to get her to change her ways... I mainly just try to work things out so that she tries to impose her ways on me less.

If I had to nail down the one overarching problem that we have, it would be him imposing his structures on me and me resisting it. Otherwise, our marriage is perfect! LOL Seriously though, it's not that bad. The stuff in this post is the absolute worst stuff we ever see. We have a lot of good times, very similar values and enjoy many of the same things, etc. So I hope no one thinks I'm bashing him. I think you did a good job of articulating the issues and potential issues between IEI and ESE here.

[cracka]

OH yes. Take loading the dishwasher for example. It has to be done a particular methodical way (i.e. HIS way) so that the maximum number of dishes can fit and so they all get clean and nothing flips during the cycle or else it's not "right" and will re-do my loading job if he doesn't like it.

lmao... I Sooooo do this...hahahaha. I'll look at the dishes and be like... the water won't reach this part of this dish... it won't get clean... I have to fix this.

Well I'm not totally resistant to creative Si. I actually think it's sometimes nice. But I do get a little bit annoyed with the post-sex question of if I enjoyed it or not. I mean, what do you think? Was it not obvious? I don't fake it! sheesh. And it's every single time he asks....blech. on the other hand, it's nice that he cares and aims to please.

When I was with my ex and did this once or twice, she put me in my place and said not to do it... it's irritating...lol. So I made sure not to anymore. Have you ever told him that you just don't like that question. I'd bet money on it that he can tell anyways and just asks to hear it just to please his own ego...haha.

He tends to go overboard with the whole "I'm such a good guy--you're so lucky to have me" lines. I don't mean to sound ungrateful.

haha, cocky a bit ain't he. I may think this in my head about myself at some point... but I can't imagine I'd ever say it out loud...lol.

[redbaron]

When I was with my ex and did this once or twice, she put me in my place and said not to do it... it's irritating...lol. So I made sure not to anymore. Have you ever told him that you just don't like that question. I'd bet money on it that he can tell anyways and just asks to hear it just to please his own ego...haha.

I guess I usually just answer the question so he'll let me go to sleep. LOL Sometimes with him it feels like we're in reverse gender roles, like I'm the man who just wants to go to sleep and he's the woman who wants to talk afterwards.

haha, cocky a bit ain't he. I may think this in my head about myself at some point... but I can't imagine I'd ever say it out loud...lol.

he's partially teasing I think. Jabbing me. But yeah, he is always rubbing it in about how much he does for me and how easy I have it. I think he must really see me as mooching off of his need to get things done and sitting back and relaxing all the time. I think it's hard for him to grasp that I'm not taking advantage of him, I'm just being myself. Trouble is, he's being himself also and that's where the conflict arises. But again, I think a bit of compromise goes a long way. I do often work on his tasks when he wants them done so that he knows I care. And he lets me relax without too much griping.

[redbaron]

Same as Loki--I have an uncle who's LSE. My uncle was a career air force colonel, now retired. He wipes down his car so that it's sparkling every day (no exaggeration) and keeps to a vigorous schedule. My INFj aunt is like a saint, catering to his every need. I don't know how she can maintain this but she seems to be very devoted to him. He's borderline OCD, he'll always notice if one little thing is out of place by an inch and he moves it back to its right location. He runs 10 miles per day. He talks on an on and on about whatever he's excited about and at first it's kinda cute to listen to his excitement but yeah, I get really bored eventually and wish he would just be quiet. We get along but that's because I will listen to him and act amused. I think he wouldn't be interested in anything about me other than stories about my kids. Ultimately, we could never be close, just as others have said in this thread. Doesn't really matter since we live far apart. Mainly, for me, it's the constant unrelenting structure and extreme orderliness that tires me out. It saps the joy out of life. And recently listening to my aunt recall the moment when she realized that his way of life (always putting things in their place, being ready early for everything, keeping a meticulously clean house, etc) was a better way of life, made me literally want to gag.

[UDP]

And recently listening to my aunt recall the moment when she realized that his way of life (always putting things in their place, being ready early for everything, keeping a meticulously clean house, etc) was a better way of life, made me literally want to gag.

Than your own? Better than what lifestyle?

Good for your aunt, if she likes her husband's lifestyle. If she actually means it, of course. Obviously it sounds like your uncle is a bit OCD about some things, but, a healthy version of that is what I might strive for*. It sounds quite rational... minus his excessive rambling. I know I do that sometimes, but I really do try to be aware when people aren't interested. Just because I cannot stand listening to people when I'm not interested, so, I know what its like.

But keeping INFjs happy is a very good thing, mmm.



* just look at my sig quote...

[UDP]

I think, with one INFp, I am becoming a "Te jerk", as Expat said once. It's sort of strange, like I feel it happening, and its like I'm not trying to do it. But the IEI is saying I'm interrogating, when I'm not. And its like, when things are good they are ok, but as soon as there is a dent or knick in the flow of conversation, the IEI gets defensive and distances, and of course my reaction is to chase and ask more questions. The IEI just sort of shuts down. I am trying to be sensitive to the IEIs needs, but, at the same time, we have to meet in the middle.

[redbaron]

Than your own? Better than what lifestyle?

Good for your aunt, if she likes her husband's lifestyle. If she actually means it, of course. Obviously it sounds like your uncle is a bit OCD about some things, but, a healthy version of that is what I might strive for*. It sounds quite rational... minus his excessive rambling. I know I do that sometimes, but I really do try to be aware when people aren't interested. Just because I cannot stand listening to people when I'm not interested, so, I know what its like.

Sure, good for her! I'm just glad I'm not married to him. Better than what lifestyle? Better than a more laid back approach where I'm not walking on eggshells having to make sure that everything is spotlessly clean. Good grief, my mom and I visited them once and we were told to wipe down the shower every time we took one. No.thank.you.

I prefer the rambling to the OCD stuff.

[Sabo]

I think, with one INFp, I am becoming a "Te jerk", as Expat said once. It's sort of strange, like I feel it happening, and its like I'm not trying to do it. But the IEI is saying I'm interrogating, when I'm not. And its like, when things are good they are ok, but as soon as there is a dent or knick in the flow of conversation, the IEI gets defensive and distances, and of course my reaction is to chase and ask more questions. The IEI just sort of shuts down. I am trying to be sensitive to the IEIs needs, but, at the same time, we have to meet in the middle.

Actually, I've noticed this a lot with beta NFs and Te types. The Te type tries to make conversation by asking questions, and to the INFp, the Te type's questions can just seem like "Who? What? Where? When? How? Let's get the facts straight here!" At this point, the ExTj, with weak Fe, might start asking more and more Te-ish questions, which can just make things worse.

[UDP]

Yeah. And when people shy away from this it makes me more demanding and persistent, so I have to realize when they start pulling away.

[Blaze]

This happens a lot with my mom. When I visit her for a weekend or something she has a long line of stuff to accomplish and can't sit down and talk with me until she's gotten through all of it.... she gets lost in this storm of busyness... and all I can really do is wait until it's passed. She doesn't think it can wait... because nothing can wait unless she's physically exhausted... and then she often starts falling asleep.

that's simply EJ temperament. since my LSE mom does the exact same thing. heck there's one in every quadra i say without them nothing would ever get done consistently, lol. not if you leave it to ole impulse-dominated me. lol. but hey you know ESE and LSE...they try to be perfect. we irrational types, know there ain't no such thing as perfection.

[Blaze]

True. :-)

yeah... and that way we get to mostly relax, too.

[cracka]

yeah... and that way we get to mostly relax, too.

and the ESE would bitch about you relaxing but do whatever needed to be done anyway... then ask if you felt like grabbing a bite to eat or a drink afterwards...lol.

[redbaron]

and the ESE would bitch about you relaxing but do whatever needed to be done anyway... then ask if you felt like grabbing a bite to eat or a drink afterwards...lol.

Exactly. My husband: "Now that the house is cleaned up, wanna order some sushi?"

[Blaze]

and the ESE would bitch about you relaxing but do whatever needed to be done anyway... then ask if you felt like grabbing a bite to eat or a drink afterwards...lol.

a time for work and a time for play and ESE knows the diff and parties hard when the time is right, snap lol

[cracka]

a time for work and a time for play and ESE knows the diff and parties hard when the time is right, snap lol

there's been times at work where i will go nuts on someone for not doing their job or really messing something up for no good reason, and then a couple hours later ask if they will be goin out with the rest of us after work or chatting it up about the upcoming weekend...etc.

I've been told that it's not the best way to go about it, but all the guys I work with pretty much know how I get things accomplished...lol. They all know fairly well that this is a rather large part of how I work. As one guy said, "Just let Nick bitch at you when you've done something wrong... you can't really take it in a bad way, that's just what he does." I was somewhat floored when I heard this but when I think back, it's so true that i laugh about it now. It doesn't happen too often though, for the most part my guys are all pretty damn good at what they do... So when it does happen, it's something like a person didn't get something done because they weren't paying attention to something that reeeally needed to pay attention to and screwed it up...lol.

[Mariano Rajoy]

o go off at certain times to tell when she has to be an hour early... I don't fully on me less.

The more important question: Is she single?

[Creepy-bg]

yeah, ESEs just need to bitch sometimes, especially when they're having to take the slack for somebody elses fuckup. Generally they're in the right though, and arguing just prolongs/multiplies how pissed they'll get, so it's easiest to just roll with it and say "dude! I'm totally sorry..." then get hammered together or something to make sure things smooth over. haha, but you should expect to catch shit (in a joking buddy way) about it for the rest of your life

[Mariano Rajoy]

yes... but... she's probably much too old for you...

Nice.

[UDP]

Not only is it Te, but it's also Te and Fi, probably the absolute worst combination of delta rationality, in it's complete assholish glory.


PS: disgusting slob -- is that Si remarks as well? Oh noes

[Lotus]

Um UDP, how are you and that guy identicals?

[UDP]

Is that a remark about my type or about the video?
I would hope I wouldn't be that unhealthy and abusive to my son, at least.

[Lotus]

Is that a remark about my type or about the video?
I would hope I wouldn't be that unhealthy and abusive to my son, at least.

It was just a question. I don't see you as anything like that, even a healthy version. Consider it a compliment.

[strrrng]

LOL -- "TWISTED SISTER??!!?"

Perfect delta couple depiction lol

[strrrng]

Yeah, UDP, you're just not ESTj, sorry. Regardless of how much of a douche he is, the patterns still don't match up.

[UDP]

Here's another example of an ESTj asshole:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GgWrV8TcUc

This one makes me feel sick.

They bother me very much. Using "authority" to make themselves feel good.

He's talking down to a kid : /

[Lotus]

I dunno, the kids handled that guy all wrong, tbh. The situation didn't have to end up like that at all.

[UDP]

I dunno, the kids handled that guy all wrong, tbh. The situation didn't have to end up like that at all.

"The kids" handled him wrong?
Sure they may have been punks, but I don't think trooper Riviera was acting in a way that is going to make everyone proud of their police force.

(It actually eerily reminds me of myself, how he accused people of being defensive, etc, when actually he was becoming more defensive and angry.)

[Lotus]

"The kids" handled him wrong?
Sure they may have been punks, but I don't think trooper Riviera was acting in a way that is going to make everyone proud of their police force.

(It actually eerily reminds me of myself, how he accused people of being defensive, etc, when actually he was becoming more defensive and angry.)

That's not what I meant at all.

I meant those kids could have easily gotten out of that and had his ass fired. Instead they got bitched out. Shrug. I would have handled that differently, but that's just me I guess.

[UDP]

Oh, yeah. That makes more sense.

Did you hear him at the end?
"Is that camera on?"

It sounded like he was going to say "This better not end up on YouTube" heh, the very least thing he said.

[strrrng]

"The kids" handled him wrong?
Sure they may have been punks, but I don't think trooper Riviera was acting in a way that is going to make everyone proud of their police force.

(It actually eerily reminds me of myself, how he accused people of being defensive, etc, when actually he was becoming more defensive and angry.)

I think you're right about him getting more agitated as he told them they were being defensive, but he's just a little over-zealous. The kids were punks and instead of keeping their dumbass mouths shut and just ending the situation quickly, they kept saying "dude" and making excuses. It was probably good that he came down on them; they seemed like insouciant little brats. Heh, I'm usually the most against the typical righteous delta cop, but that guy was just doing his job, and they were being immaturely evasive, so he handled it accordingly (to his personality, respectively). It would have been different if the kids were being more respectful, or perhaps kept quiet and the cop had egregiously harassed them or tried to incite a reaction to pick a fight. I don't think that was the case here.

[jessica129]

Here's another example of an ESTj asshole:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GgWrV8TcUc

This one makes me feel sick.

Oh wow. Personally I don't know how those kids remained so calm. I surely would have ended up in prison had anyone ever talked to me like that.

[Lotus]

Bleh you people all would have done it wrong. That guy is easily reactive. If he was even provoked a tiny bit he would have made a mistake and gotten himself fired. He can't control himself. INFps think being quiet and reasonable is going to work, but that guy would have found excuses to yell at you—just watch the video. There's no way you can reason with that. You have to remain calm, but still piss him off just enough to get himself in trouble. It's not that hard.

[strrrng]

Oh wow. Personally I don't know how those kids remained so calm. I surely would have ended up in prison had anyone ever talked to me like that.

Yeah, well the only reason the cop got the way he did was because that kid was being a little fuck. IMO he deserved to get his ass kicked.

I watched the beginning portion again, to make sure I didn't miss any details, and wow. The one kid was respectful, getting his friend to take the headphones out. The cop was simply telling them not to skate there, and the kid -- "whatt?? yea..." -- responding like a little brat. The cop was right to tell him not to get defensive. "I know... I couldn't hear you" -- ugh, even more fucking attitude. The kid is a punk who doesn't understand his place. So, the cop was correct again to tell him not to get defensive because "he's not his father," which I think should send a good message. "I don't have a father" -- UGH. Fucking disgusting.

[strrrng]

Bleh you people all would have done it wrong. That guy is easily reactive. If he was even provoked a tiny bit he would have made a mistake and gotten himself fired. He can't control himself. INFps think being quiet and reasonable is going to work, but that guy would have found excuses to yell at you—just watch the video. There's no way you can reason with that. You have to remain calm, but still piss him off just enough to get himself in trouble. It's not that hard.

This is wrong and it is not type related. Did you watch the beginning of the video? The cop was not agitated at all. He told the kid very normally that they couldn't skate there. Then he asked the other kid clearly if he could hear him because of the headphone issue. There was no reactivity there. It only began once the kid started being evasive and defensive, making excuses. This isn't about being quiet and reasonable; it's about knowing your place and not acting like a brat when a police officer is doing his job. If the kids had just said "ok, I understand, sorry," it would have been fine. Remaining calm without being direct makes a person look just as guilty as getting all fired up.