Would it?Originally Posted by anndelise
Would it?
I have a friend who is ESE and one who is IEE they get along really good and always help each other. They were roommates for years and their own problem was the IEE's problem with cleaning and paying rent. They're still good friends today.
I can share my experience with a friend whom i have typed ESE.
We met each other working in the same group at work about 4 years ago. We got along beautifully.... she lifted my lonely spirits and we resonated over many things and could talk and joke and laugh together for HOURS and have awesome heart-to-hearts.
However i do not consider her a close friend, and i'll tell you why (I think this is a mutual feeling between us, btw). Her lifestyle is just too wild for me. She regularly goes out clubbing until 4am, drinking, partying, even on weekdays. She's invited me more than a few times... I once actually did plan to go, but i had to face reality that I physically can't pull an allnighter, and i wasn't about to make myself sick for a silly reason like going out to party (which wouldn't be that enjoyable for me to do anyway). I prefer doing something quiet, talking (like we did at work/lunch/occasional one-on-one outings), things like that. Normal waking hours is good.
Anyway, so even though we were two peas in a pod whenever we'd meet and talk, her normal default outside of work seems to be the wild n' crazy, which ultimately caused us to drift apart. we're still quite fond of each other, but at this point it's come to "OMG we're so overdue for a get together, we should do it soon!" We've been saying that for like 2 years now.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
Yea my ESE friend is just like this, the whole 4am non-stop partying is too much for me too, but I try to do 2-3 days a week still.. I guess I just like theFeeling old... ^_^
They are fine. Very flirty.
-
Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
That is true, my ESE friend is VERY flirty...
She also has impeccable style and is a pro at posing herself in the most flattering angles for pics.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
I didn't want the thread to be here >:[
Lol at the ESE's out wilding the IxE's
Now this is a story all about how, my type got changed, turned upside down. Just wait for a minute and watch chatbox right there, & I'll tell how Gem became the moderator with blue hair.
In typology central friended and praised, on the picture thread was where she spent most her days. Chilling out, selfies, relaxing all cool, And all typing some people and getting them schooled.
When a couple of girls who were up to no good, Started annoying her & her friends in the forumhood, She got in one little flame war & got pissed off & said 'I'm moving in with that exboyfriend in the forum with the socionics toffs.
So Gem pulls up to the forum for a year without being a hater, And yells to typocentral 'Yo creeps! Smell Ya later', Became a mod in her kingdom she was finally there, To sit on her throne as the mod with blue hair.
InvisibruJim
I also wanted to mention that when we were working together (we no longer do, because she went off to grad school after about a year), my ESE friend signed up for a community production of Vagina Monologues -- she was Angry Vagina. Our group from work all went to see her perform, and honestly speaking I have to say she was the best one in the show. Her acting was AMAZING. I'm serious.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
Here's one I had many years ago with a guy I was dating. He was a nice guy. We had fun together. We couldn't really talk about anything serious, or that I considered important. I am looking for the conver we had about "respect" as an example. Will post it or rewrite it later. For now:
IEE 649 sx/sp cp
is william the ese?
this is a cliffhanger
Back to the title, heh.
I had written about this somewhere in this forum, but can't find it.So it won't be as well written memory-wise as my post above.
Before the above incident, this guy and I were having a few difficulties. Mostly in that there was no connection intellectually. He was also accidently hitting some of my ptsd triggers. I'd been trying to inform him of them, but nothing seemed to penetrate into his mind. Like he couldn't make the connections between his behavior and the triggers I was struggling with. And something recent had happened at his work, and then again with a friend of his, which showed me that he wasn't considering what another person is experiencing or why they experienced it, but was more concerned about a positive environmental interaction, rather than a mutually psychologically positive interaction. (i didn't have socionics back then to help me figure out what it was, but basically it was valuing Fe>Fi.) I don't remember the specifics anymore. The conver below isn't the best reconstruction, but the gist of it is still there, as is the repetition of that one word, without elaboration on his part.
(I gave him a hypothetical scenario of a girl he wanted to be in a relationship with having been raped, and she was struggling with developing and maintaining relationships because of it.)
NeFi: How would you treat her?
FeSi: I would respect her.
NeFi: How would you respect her?
FeSi: I would just respect her.
NeFi: ok, what actions would you do to show you respected her and what she was emotionally struggling with?
FeSi: I would respect her.
NeFi: .....ok, ...what does "respect" mean to you?
FeSi: well...it means...respect. (He honestly did try for this one.)
NeFi: (splayed hands gripping the table to constrain self) Ok, would you give her time to process? Would you be ok if she refused sex for a while? Would you try to figure out what was triggering her negative reactions? What would you Do?
FeSi: *shrugs* I would respect her.
NeFi: *head down in defeat* I have a headache, I think we should call it a night. I'll message you in a couple of days.
IEE 649 sx/sp cp
From my perspective, it sounds like you're not willing to trust him to respect, which is going to make this individual wary of your questions and not want to answer because any sort of answer could be wrong and increase that distrust. It also doesn't sound like you're communication the problem directly, such as "don't do this", or "don't do that". His dual would be more direct with this sort of comments. ESE like direct and frank people.Back to the title, heh.
I had written about this somewhere in this forum, but can't find it.
Before the above incident, this guy and I were having a few difficulties. Mostly in that there was no connection intellectually. He was also accidently hitting some of my ptsd triggers. I'd been trying to inform him of them, but nothing seemed to penetrate into his mind. Like he couldn't make the connections between his behavior and the triggers I was struggling with. And something recent had happened at his work, and then again with a friend of his, which showed me that he wasn't considering what another person is experiencing or why they experienced it, but was more concerned about a positive environmental interaction, rather than a mutually psychologically positive interaction. (i didn't have socionics back then to help me figure out what it was, but basically it was valuing Fe>Fi.) I don't remember the specifics anymore. The conver below isn't the best reconstruction, but the gist of it is still there, as is the repetition of that one word, without elaboration on his part.
(I gave him a hypothetical scenario of a girl he wanted to be in a relationship with having been raped, and she was struggling with developing and maintaining relationships because of it.)
NeFi: How would you treat her?
FeSi: I would respect her.
NeFi: How would you respect her?
FeSi: I would just respect her.
NeFi: ok, what actions would you do to show you respected her and what she was emotionally struggling with?
FeSi: I would respect her.
NeFi: .....ok, ...what does "respect" mean to you?
FeSi: well...it means...respect. (He honestly did try for this one.)
NeFi: (splayed hands gripping the table to constrain self) Ok, would you give her time to process? Would you be ok if she refused sex for a while? Would you try to figure out what was triggering her negative reactions? What would you Do?
FeSi: *shrugs* I would respect her.
NeFi: *head down in defeat* I have a headache, I think we should call it a night. I'll message you in a couple of days.
If you asked him he would "respect" you I assume.
I had a teacher in High School who used to tell us stories about the Vietnam War. When my teacher got out he couldn’t go into grocery stores because walking down the food isle sent him into a state of panic and he crawled out on his belly at one point if I remember correctly.
Perhaps his dual could have come and helped him out?
Lulz.
Man grows used to everything, the scoundrel!
-Raskolnikov
I don't think the dual could help out with the PTSD except maybe as support, communication fluidity can help resolve some mental issues probably but I don't know that.
I have PTSD myself because when I was a child, a bomb blew up a bunch of people in front of me, so I have some problems myself, I don't think anyone could help me with them except to understand and support me. I think a PTSD afflicted LII may be able to express their issues more directly and get the support they needed from a ESE however.
I highly doubt typology has anything to do with it… He had a wife who loved him and therefore went to the grocery store for him because she knew him and understood him better than anyone else could; he had written her letters while away.
He was an awesome teacher. He would always start out just telling everyone the story of a soldier who was shot up and left for dead in a body bag in a pile of corpses. All the students were always shocked because then he’d rip out his dog tags and say “and here he is today”
^ they derp?
Man grows used to everything, the scoundrel!
-Raskolnikov
This was a final attempt of mine to resolve the issues of him triggering some of my ptsd flashbacks.
I had already tried a direct approach of telling him that when he does X, then Y happens. His response was always "well, i didn't mean to do that", but then he would do the same thing. I would tell him again what that action does to me, he would say he didnt intend that....and then do the same f'n thing, often that same day/night.
On top of that, he would describe to me some of the interactions with a couple of his coworkers and ...some girl..family? Friend of friend? I don't remember why they were interacting, but I do remember being horrified by how he was treatng her. (I think it was his reaction to one of her reactions to a mutual friend of theirs after she had been raped.) He couldn't understand why these people were now avoiding him. (again, I no longer remember the details he'd given me.) He didn't intend to hurt them, he didn't intend to dismiss their feelings, he didn't intend to 'silence' them.
Don't get me wrong, he was a nice guy, sincere and honest. But he most definitely valued emotionally positive social interactions over what the other individuals involved were experiencing psychologically. And he definitelly had a difficult time understanding abstractions. He also had a tendency to take a concept, and use the terms involved, but without understanding what they...meant. (Of course, you have only my word since I don't remember the details anymore, so I understand scepticism of my views about him.)
But these types of interactions with him were a constant cycle, and one of the reasons why I knew we couldn't have anything longer term than friends with benefits, as per my previous post about him.
And of course these descriptions are given as from an IEE's pov. I'm sure he has his own ESE side to describe.
Edited to add: and you're right, his dual might have been better at communicating to him. But there would still be the underlying values conflicts of Fe/Ti vs Fi/Te between he and Fi/Te valuers.
IEE 649 sx/sp cp
My guess he was just drawing blank because the actions are supposed to be dynamic in response to actual situation particularly what he felt the person was feeling. Thinking up guidelines for human interaction is not an ESE thing. Neither is leaving people they presumably care about alone to sort their emotional issues, which what ann's questions were begging.
The previous quotes by ann were ESE digging to find the feelings not an effort in to relationship. lol
(as she I am sure knows now)
Last edited by Esaman; 11-15-2013 at 06:34 PM. Reason: the quote..
cool pic
^ they derp?
i'll watch dark city
edit : i decided not to watch dark city
Last edited by Kalinoche buenanoche; 11-20-2013 at 12:13 PM.
My personal experience with ESE's is they just want to know that everything is ok in a relationship. They are not so interested in how you got there or why, they are more focused on harmonising, not even so willing to look into what work needs to be done. Though this does not mean they are not willing to work on it because actually they can be super hard workers and relationships are no exception. But rather that they would prefer to be told what needs fixing and what they should do in order to achieve that. The understanding how and why does not seem so important. Also they tend to be upset/unerved in uncertain circumstances, they desire clarity.
Now this is a story all about how, my type got changed, turned upside down. Just wait for a minute and watch chatbox right there, & I'll tell how Gem became the moderator with blue hair.
In typology central friended and praised, on the picture thread was where she spent most her days. Chilling out, selfies, relaxing all cool, And all typing some people and getting them schooled.
When a couple of girls who were up to no good, Started annoying her & her friends in the forumhood, She got in one little flame war & got pissed off & said 'I'm moving in with that exboyfriend in the forum with the socionics toffs.
So Gem pulls up to the forum for a year without being a hater, And yells to typocentral 'Yo creeps! Smell Ya later', Became a mod in her kingdom she was finally there, To sit on her throne as the mod with blue hair.
InvisibruJim
Observing ESE - IEE relationship problems
Hey guys so I've been observing the relationship between an (possible) ESE (female) and an (possible) IEE (male)
They are married, but are quite unhappy, it seems to me.
Basically, based on my observation, there is a lot of resentment built up by the ESE towards the IEE. And most likely the other way around. Most of their conversations have some sort of tension towards them, the IEE will make jokes and I have even see the ESE come to tears over them, as she feels unappreciated.
The IEE thinks the ESE is lazy with no hobbies, sloppy, does not like when the ESE is makes suggestions to him. Does not talk to her much, rather talk to his friends, play music, always is looking for a "day off" so to speak.
and the ESE has resentment towards the IEE for not showing enough love, being carefree, not listening, etc... The ESE is the breadwinner (nurse) while the IEE (musician) is unemployed while he watches their daughter at home. He does not seem very caring of the daughter, the ESE I believe wishes he was.
I'll keep updating the more I observe, I wonder what your guyses take is on such a relationship, obviously there are other factors and stressors not related to personality type, but I was wondering from someone who has more knowledge of socionics how this would happen and how it could be solved? I can answer more questions if you have them about it
My mom is an IEE and my dad is an ESE and their marriage didn't work out.
A lot of what you described is accurate.
What drove my parents apart was the simple fact that they had such different beliefs, and lifestyles. My dad (ESE) likes to plan everything out in advance, is highly religious, traditional, and likes certain customs. My dad rarely visits friends, or has any interests apart from family.
My mom is a non-religious spiritual believer, makes plans but doesn't always follow them (which drove my dad nuts), and prefers to spend time with friends as well as family. She has a wide arsenal of interests that she develops apart from work and family, and isn't traditional at all.
I wonder what they were smoking when they got married.
I don't have anything against ESE, we just never seem to communicate well.
One ESE friend married a guy (not IEE) with the unspoken expectation that as soon as they were married he would suddenly turn into the kind of husband she wanted him to be. Going from a guy who left many of his jobs and drank a lot to a guy who would stop drinking and be the major bread winner so she could stay home with the kids. He also had never shown an interest in "men's chores" such as taking out the garbage, fixing broken stuff, etc. But as soon as he said "I do", she expected all that to change. They were having a difficult start to their marriage, then she had the first kid. She expected that as soon as the kid was born that he would then make the changes and become a perfect father. But of course he refused to change diapers, didn't get a regular job, etc etc. When she was going through her separation, I was helping her with the court paperwork and such. She kept wanting the courts to Order him to be her ideal husband, to order him to do all the things she expected of a husband, even without them living together anymore. I had helped her with two other legal things before, but this one nearly destroyed our friendship. She just couldn't grasp that the courts couldn't...wouldn't...make those kinds of orders.
I have an ESE neighbor. We walk together, and loan stuff to each other, but I never feel as if I can really talk with her. She cuts you off if you dare enter into some undefined territory that she doesn't want to talk about. She dismisses half of what people say, instead turning it around to fit her own world view, even if it means ignoring some of the possible consequences. If she doesn't think about them, they won't happen, right? I'm sure she has lots to complain about me, too, lol. Like if I would just apply myself more, if I would ignore the books and various topics I like to study then I could be as happy and productive as her. I'm sure she sees me as lazy and flighty, and would criticize my house-wifeyness. And be legit in her complaints! But she prefers to be more positive in her thoughts so would never directly criticize, only "gently nudge". She's quite passive-aggressive.
IEE 649 sx/sp cp
Really guys, is this just to taunt me into my ESE-Suck rage again?
MU..S...T... R.e.s.i.s.t...t...h..e....t....e....m..p..... (dies from having to restrict his righteous fury)
Aww, they don't suck.
I do think they have what I call the "Reset Button", where they tend to revert back to their original thoughts/beliefs pretty quickly. But I think that is related to the ...what's it called...Vortical? style of thinking. It's not like that's something they can really help. And for ESE I think it's part of what helps them be overall generous, caring people. I mean, imagine being able to just wipe out a bunch of ill-feelings or bad memories and just focus on what you want to focus on. You know something's really wrong when all they're obsessing over are the negatives.
IEE 649 sx/sp cp
ESE can be identified by their presence, I think. They can be larger-than-life in their laughter and way of action. It's the type with the highest emotional pressure, while at the same time among the most inconsistent besides IEE.ESFj is the one type i cannot Identify. I have the other 15 types downpat.
ESE is weak inso they are naturally hard to categorize unless LSI/LII manages to do so, and they reject
, aka 'being/acting one type of way towards one type of thing', favoring
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