ISTps and relationships

[jewels]

No one says duality is perfect... most comfortable.

Most comfortable = most efficient

So the question would be not whether its the greatest, but whether you would want to settle for anything less than the maximum level of comfort in a relationship?

That doesnt mean I dont prefer friends of other types... In fact many of my closest friends arent my duals. Just for finding a close relationship... It spares a lot of the lack of understanding.

Yeah, I agree. Having a basic foundation of compatible personality types can only help. It won't automatically mean you agree on politics, religion, etc, but I think the more areas of compatibility you have in common, the better.

For friends, aquaintances, etc, I don't think it really matters. Most people can be polite enough to deal w/ bad relations, or even find them amusing, for short amounts of time. Bad relations definitely aren't boring and they can be pretty exciting actually :wink:

But when you're suddenly spending most of your time with someone, and relying on eachother, it really gets annoying if they're always doing things what you consider to be the "wrong" way (and they feel the same about you). I've been in these and they suck. No matter how hard you both try, or care, you're always stepping on eacohter's toes just by being yourself.

That's not to say that every dual will work out. Most don't I'd guess. I've dated a few that haven't worked because of other stuff. You have to have the other basic stuff too (attraction, similarity in your goals and outlooks, similar lifestyle, where you are at in life, etc.) I seem to really like the word "stuff" lately...

But yeah, I don't see why anyone wouldn't want to look for the best relationship possible, instead of settling for what is basically a "social" relationship where you don't really see eachother that much, and don't really enjoy eachother's company. Relationships don't have to be "work" and all the crappy stuff. I think there are people you just click w/ and don't argue w/ all the time. Maybe I'm just being an overly idealistic ENFP here, but you get what you settle for.

[IcEPiCk]

extreme example: you could walk by your dual who could be an istp homeless crack pot... Who knows why he got there... just keep walking by... Spare some change? No sir.

we walk by our dual everyday, when I catch an enfp and they are attracted they will throw a smile. That shit makes my day. My eyes just expanded and went VERY and I was almost frozen by just her smile. Will I ever see her again? Probably not.

You could be staring at your dual on the bus on the way to wherever and they could give you all these smiles or pretend you arent there. They might be high or drunk...

They could be an abusive relationship... They could be with their dual already. There is an infinite amount of factors for 'making it work'. I can relate the ISTp frustration, ENFps can seem ADD with people and get bored of you quickly... This is often because the ISTp didnt show enough signs though. The ENFp will give you windows of opportunity when they are single and knowing when to pounce on it is half the fight for us ISTps. Its hard to give signs because around your dual you are completely yourself, and ISTps when we are completely ourselves are cold mofos who wont really demonstrate too much emotion. Perhaps going for a glass of wine after a movie would help calm the nerves... The problem for the ISTp to initiate the physical contact (as can often be the responsibility of the sensor in the relationship) is that he or she doesnt have 100 percent certainty. The ISTp is a creature of pride. With experience the ISTp learns to overcome this, less they become bitter and isolate themselves.

Oh well as long as you have a pension!

[napalm]

The problem for the ISTp to initiate the physical contact (as can often be the responsibility of the sensor in the relationship) is that he or she doesnt have 100 percent certainty. The ISTp is a creature of pride. With experience the ISTp learns to overcome this, less they become bitter and isolate themselves.

WOW!


Too bad I'm bitter and isolated.

[IcEPiCk]

lol nice

[jewels]

You know, I actually saw an ISTP homeless guy today while waiting in traffic. I kept staring at him because he completely looked ISTP. It made me sad I think I've seen quite a few homeless ISTP guys...maybe because it's an adventure to live on the street? But you'd think w/ that Si they would be bothered by all the dirty street grime?

Anyway, as for the pride thing....I think the ISTP would just need an ENFP who was overly ovbious when it came to "hinting." Like, standing five inches away and saying "I'm cold" with a smile.

that's a nice summary though, Icepick. It reminds me of that commercial where the guy and girl are in the elevator and their potential future flashes in their minds in this montogue, but then they just walk away without saying anything. Was that a gum commercial?

And Napalm, ENFPs like the bitter loners, so you're all set. Just go out in public every now and then and let them attack you like in those Axe commericals.

extreme example: you could walk by your dual who could be an istp homeless crack pot... Who knows why he got there... just keep walking by... Spare some change? No sir.

we walk by our dual everyday, when I catch an enfp and they are attracted they will throw a smile. That shit makes my day. My eyes just expanded and went VERY and I was almost frozen by just her smile. Will I ever see her again? Probably not.

You could be staring at your dual on the bus on the way to wherever and they could give you all these smiles or pretend you arent there. They might be high or drunk...

They could be an abusive relationship... They could be with their dual already. There is an infinite amount of factors for 'making it work'. I can relate the ISTp frustration, ENFps can seem ADD with people and get bored of you quickly... This is often because the ISTp didnt show enough signs though. The ENFp will give you windows of opportunity when they are single and knowing when to pounce on it is half the fight for us ISTps. Its hard to give signs because around your dual you are completely yourself, and ISTps when we are completely ourselves are cold mofos who wont really demonstrate too much emotion. Perhaps going for a glass of wine after a movie would help calm the nerves... The problem for the ISTp to initiate the physical contact (as can often be the responsibility of the sensor in the relationship) is that he or she doesnt have 100 percent certainty. The ISTp is a creature of pride. With experience the ISTp learns to overcome this, less they become bitter and isolate themselves.

Oh well as long as you have a pension!

[Slacker]

I have been in relationships with ISTps (and currently am) and I have been in relationships with guys of other types. I have not gotten along that well with every ISTp I've ever known. It depends on the circumstances, and the personal beliefs of the ISTp and how well they work with mine. I was just thinking today about an old friend I had who was ISTp and how in some ways we got along really well, but we had some really major differences in what we believed and what we wanted out of life, so communication was easy but we didn't have much to talk about. The thriftiness I find noble in my husband was ANNOYING AS HELL in her. She was just plain cheap and evolved into a bit of a moocher. That's just an example of how the same thing can show up differently in different people.

I think relationships with ISTps are easier, all other things being equal, but of course in real life all other things are never equal. My relationship is very good in part because it's easy, but also because we have very similar backgrounds and beliefs so we have nothing to argue about and like doing things together and always have fun with each other. A relationship that was a little more work because of different communication styles but where we had similar backgrounds and beliefs would be better IMO than a relationship with a dual where we had different opinions and beliefs but communicated our conflicting opinions well.

[jessica129]

I'm curious how one could type someone on the street they've never spoken to...just curious. In other news, I signed up for match.com tonight. What has the world come to?

[jewels]

I'm curious how one could type someone on the street they've never spoken to...just curious. In other news, I signed up for match.com tonight. What has the world come to?

Jessica, my opinion is that you can type people based on their facial expressions. Just like that VI stuff where people try to guess the types of people from pictures. I think it's true that each type makes certain expressions more often than other types. I know some people type people based on body movmements or tone of voice (and that's useful too) but that's harder for me to tell. The expressions make more sense to me.

There's an old thread on here somewhere about how to tell an ISTP from an ESTP. If you look at the ISTP guys, you can see a similar expression (cold blank face, very intense focused eyes, and sometimes a closed-mouth smirk).

Usually what I'd do, is look at the person's expression and ask myself what I would be feeling if I made that expression. And then I match whatever that feeling is to one of the types.

Like this homeless guy's face was blank, expressionless, but his eyes were squinted and focused. His eyebrows weren't lowered (you know how ESTPs tend to raise and lower their eyebrows more). I think ISTP eyebrows tend to not move, which gives them that completely blank expression that at first looks cold and almost intimidating, but then just looks very calm and confident. The thing I notice is that on their blank face, their eyes really stand out because they are so focused looking. Except when they smile and then their eyes look really warm. This probably makes no sense, it's easier with pictures.

You know how usually, the homeless people on corners try to look pathetic? Their eyes look really sad. They frown. They look right at you and either smile pathetically or look hopeless like they're about to cry. They get you to feel emotion. This guy just stood there, staring straight ahead (that kinda aloof istp thing). He seemed pretty confident actually. It looked like he was bored of asking for money and was kinda doing it half-heartedly. he had a very "give me money or don't, I'm not going to force you to" attitude, which I also think of as being an ISTP thing.

If you've joined match, and you're looking for certain types, you can often tell from looking at their expression and then seeing if what they wrote in their profile matches that. Like, if they look warm and are smiling and maybe look kinda mischievious, and sensitive, but also confident, then they might be ENFP. The couple of ENFP guys I know have this expression that looks like they're thinking "I am so charming and you know it" with a sparkling glint in their eye, and often, theytilt their head to the side a bit when they smile, which most other guys don't do.

Let me know if that doesn't make sense. It's hard for me to explain it because it's mostly just a vibe I get.

[TangoxOfxSin]

Anyway, as for the pride thing....I think the ISTP would just need an ENFP who was overly ovbious when it came to "hinting." Like, standing five inches away and saying "I'm cold" with a smile.

This is really funny because I recently went on a date with an ISTp guy and I literally had to grab his arm and lean onto him to signify that I was was comfortable around him and that we could have flirtatious contact like that. It was funny to me because I felt like he had it all up on his head but it took me to initiate about everything. But after that he was grabbing onto me and stuff, so it worked out in the end

A relationship that was a little more work because of different communication styles but where we had similar backgrounds and beliefs would be better IMO than a relationship with a dual where we had different opinions and beliefs but communicated our conflicting opinions well.

I definately agree with you! At first I thought I would have this whole communication down since I've been reading on this theory for a long time and had practice with it while meeting friends and aquaintences, but man is it a whole different thing for relationships I figured since I knew the WHY I'd automatically know the HOW as well. But something tells me it's worth it <3

[Expat]

I'm curious how one could type someone on the street they've never spoken to...just curious.

Obviously, one can't be sure of someone's type before interacting with them, or seeing them interacting with others; but in London we also did "type-spotting", and there are hints to help you guess that person's likely types, especially if they are in their free time and dressed like they prefer and doing whatever they feel like doing.