ISTps and relationships

[Reuben]

Lol.

Yeah Tango the ISTp loves you for just the way you are, the way you smile, the way you flutter off in your dream world and come back again like a butterfly. He enjoys the way your emotions dance around so naturally, and he thinks that you are beautiful.

The best thing about duality is that you can be yourself, and you'll be loved for that.

[Slacker]

He will love nothing more than to teach you about cars. You don't have to know anything. Your awe over the fact that he could know so much about any one subject will be plenty for him.

The answer here is the answer for all relationships: JUST BE YOURSELF

[jessica129]

I'm starting to really and truely believe it would be the best thing in the world to be asexual. How stress free that would be. Why do I manage to attract every complete and utter jack*** the world has to offer? Just found out the guy i was talking to has been dating someone else for two years. I don't understand peoples frames of mind, i just don't. Maybe him telling me he's been with 40 girls in the last few years should have been a red flag. If i had one wish, it'd be to get inside the head of a man for one day...maybe then i could understand why they insist on ruining everything just for sex.

[TangoxOfxSin]

I wasn't planning on being anything but myself, I guess I should have been a little bit more clear Maybe I should have just asked if there was anything in particular anyone has had experience in with the S/N differences? I feel like I read about how to deal with S/N type relations, but never really had to actually apply it in a relationship sense. Or is it mostly a non issue?

[force my hand]

I'm starting to really and truely believe it would be the best thing in the world to be asexual. How stress free that would be. Why do I manage to attract every complete and utter jack*** the world has to offer? Just found out the guy i was talking to has been dating someone else for two years. I don't understand peoples frames of mind, i just don't. Maybe him telling me he's been with 40 girls in the last few years should have been a red flag. If i had one wish, it'd be to get inside the head of a man for one day...maybe then i could understand why they insist on ruining everything just for sex.

It could quite possibly be the only ones willing to make the move are those described jackasses.

It seems pointless to advise an ISTp to be proactive on this issue, but hey, there it is.

[jessica129]

The common theme here is obviously me. I'm obviously a magnet for losers and i'm not sure why. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I didn't even want to meet anyone, I was getting comfortable being on my own and not dealing with the stress. Somehow I always manage to get sucked in somehow, guess I keep thinking the next one will be different. Not.

[force my hand]

Perhaps your discrimination is based on who gives you attention vs. those who are too shy to, instead of inherent qualities which require a bit more time and effort to evaulate.

I don't think anyone is immune from that trap. Being an ISTp probably compounds the effect.

[Expat]

Maybe him telling me he's been with 40 girls in the last few years should have been a red flag. If i had one wish, it'd be to get inside the head of a man for one day...maybe then i could understand why they insist on ruining everything just for sex.

It could quite possibly be the only ones willing to make the move are those described jackasses..

Perhaps your discrimination is based on who gives you attention vs. those who are too shy to, instead of inherent qualities which require a bit more time and effort to evaulate.

Sorry, but it's really what force my hand is saying. It's not about "men". It's about the men most willing to make a move more quickly. The mistake women make is assuming that those guys are the kind of guys who will only approach a woman out of a sudden inspiration, or just because they found her especially attractive. That's nonsense. It's really like being a beggar. You try one, it fails, you try the next one. After you build up a thick skin (if you ever had a thin one) you just go for statistics - the more attempts, the more the chances for success. Simple as that. A guy who's been with 40 girls in the last few years?! And it should have been a red flag?!

I don't speak out of personal experience - it's not what I do. I speak of having known quite a few guys like that. After one of those guys knows that he can get 40 girls in a few years, please give me one reason to think he would care much for any one of them in particular.

[jessica129]

haha, yeah, after he said that, my gut told me to forget him but of course i thought for sure i could "change" him.

There's a slight scandal with this. I found out he was in this serious realtionship by his myspace page. In it, his girlfriend is always telling him how great of a boyfriend he is and how much she loves him. He's doing quite a great job at being a complete two faced asshole...i'm extremely tempted to tell her and forward all his messages he has sent me and what not but not sure if it's my place. I'd reallly like to screw him over but I don't think she deserves some random chick telling her what a scumbag her b/f is. It's not her fault. I just know that if it were my bf, i'd want someone to tell me.

[jewels]

haha, yeah, after he said that, my gut told me to forget him but of course i thought for sure i could "change" him.

There's a slight scandal with this. I found out he was in this serious realtionship by his myspace page. In it, his girlfriend is always telling him how great of a boyfriend he is and how much she loves him. He's doing quite a great job at being a complete two faced asshole...i'm extremely tempted to tell her and forward all his messages he has sent me and what not but not sure if it's my place. I'd reallly like to screw him over but I don't think she deserves some random chick telling her what a scumbag her b/f is. It's not her fault. I just know that if it were my bf, i'd want someone to tell me.

Wow, that really sucks. What a bastard. Yeah, I don't know what i'd do in that situation either, he's probably been cheating on her for a long time. I don't think I'd feel like it was my place to tell her. There sure are a lot of scum bags out there, they're hard to avoid. I've run into plenty also. Sorry to hear that though, but at least you've kicked him to the curb after finding that out.

[flower]

yay @ kittens
We delta love to talk about random stuff to avoid awkward social situations, we dont like the harshness of beta, and have a generally accepting and non-judgemental demenour to our group, wecome, you will be safe here
Have I ever told you about the mystical pink dragonfly that lives in the clouds, well......................... :wink:

No you haven't, flower.

Tell me!

Well, the mystical pink dragonfly that lives in the clouds seems friendly, but realy isnt. It sprinkles purple dust on us women, which unfortunately puts us in a tough spot with its powers. You see, it makes us, from my eperience and from experiences of my friends, attracted to guys who are confident and uninhibited, and willing to make a move on us. Unfortunately, the quiet shy guys dont seem so appealing, and are often dull, really boring, and not capable of the fun the confident guys are.

It could quite possibly be the only ones willing to make the move are those described jackasses..

I think this is part of the problem, those guys who seem like fun, the confident ones, are more often than not the jerks who will cheat on you and treat you badly at a seconds notice. I know its bad, the more shy guys would most probably treat you like a queen, but they dont seem as compelling, or as attactive to be around. We generally dont go for that kind of guy, I think this is the experience of a lot of women. Most women, even if they know the guy is a little bit suspect, would rather take the chance with him and try and change him, but of course it dosent usually work and they get hurt.

Damn that dragonfly, life is so cruel sometimes.

[olduser]

haha, yeah, after he said that, my gut told me to forget him but of course i thought for sure i could "change" him.

There's a slight scandal with this. I found out he was in this serious realtionship by his myspace page. In it, his girlfriend is always telling him how great of a boyfriend he is and how much she loves him. He's doing quite a great job at being a complete two faced asshole...i'm extremely tempted to tell her and forward all his messages he has sent me and what not but not sure if it's my place. I'd reallly like to screw him over but I don't think she deserves some random chick telling her what a scumbag her b/f is. It's not her fault. I just know that if it were my bf, i'd want someone to tell me.

any girl that oblivious and foolish is going to make an enemy of you rather than him. But I still think you should do it.

[FDG]

I think this is part of the problem, those guys who seem like fun, the confident ones, are more often than not the jerks who will cheat on you and treat you badly at a seconds notice. I know its bad, the more shy guys would most probably treat you like a queen, but they dont seem as compelling, or as attactive to be around. We generally dont go for that kind of guy, I think this is the experience of a lot of women. Most women, even if they know the guy is a little bit suspect, would rather take the chance with him and try and change him, but of course it dosent usually work and they get hurt.

Damn that dragonfly, life is so cruel sometimes.

Shy guys are also rather boring, though, sometimes. Personally, I think that a guy that is into a girl will treat her well irregardless of whether he's shy or confident or whatever. I've seen the same person treating different girls in very different ways, and the only distinction was that he had strong feelings for the girls he treated well, and not so strong for the others. The optimal choice would be not to enter a relationship that doesn't have a decent emotional base.

[Reuben]

Thanks for the story, flower.

It is true, things are counter-intuitive. Most jerks are irresistible to women because that's what ladies look for - a man who is of a higher value and can take care of her baby. Men who are of higher value tend to treat life simply, as a game. They are out to have fun, and if you don't give them what they want, they won't want you. So when they approach a lady, that lady will feel as if she has value. She will prove her value to him, and he will reward her until he receives enough compliance to get her to do what he wants for his own fun. This usually leads to sex. After which, if the guy is a jerk who doesn't know how to manage life and people well, he will dump the poor female and leave her feeling used. If he knows how to handle women (note: plural) well, he will reward her for her compliance and leave her feeling much better about herself.

I am not here to advocate polygamy or having multiple sex partners, but that's how things are in the real world.

My belief is this: Do not have sex with anyone who is not your dual, and sex must be preserved until after marriage for one special person only. This is to make sure that my body is not corrupted with the flesh of non-duals (no offense but anyone who is not ENFp will not be able to satisfy me on an emotional level, much less physical level) or multiple duals, as sex with multiple duals is not necessary; it's a waste of energy and I would prefer to be devoted to just one.

However, I find that balancing principles and being attractive is something incredibly hard. The kind of guy who will shower you with love - ladies will not appreciate. The kind of guy who treats you like dirt but for some reason is incredibly sexy - ladies do not deserve and I do not honour.

Sometimes it's so freakin' hard to be a guy. I tell her how much I love her, and she never replies.

I ignore her - and she ignores me.

She even told me once to stop being so clingy, and surely I could find other girls who are willing to talk to me because she doesn't care anymore.

That hurt like hell.

I don't understand her. Does she love me and thus gives me freedom? Or does she not care about me anymore thus giving me up to other people.

Fuck.

Anyone care to explain that mystery, any advice, any help?

[Slacker]

haha, yeah, after he said that, my gut told me to forget him but of course i thought for sure i could "change" him.

There's a slight scandal with this. I found out he was in this serious realtionship by his myspace page. In it, his girlfriend is always telling him how great of a boyfriend he is and how much she loves him. He's doing quite a great job at being a complete two faced asshole...i'm extremely tempted to tell her and forward all his messages he has sent me and what not but not sure if it's my place. I'd reallly like to screw him over but I don't think she deserves some random chick telling her what a scumbag her b/f is. It's not her fault. I just know that if it were my bf, i'd want someone to tell me.

any girl that oblivious and foolish is going to make an enemy of you rather than him. But I still think you should do it.

I actually agree with this. She won't want to hear it, but I think the right thing to do is to let her know. Gently, but still, most people would want to know. They can do with the information what they want.

[flower]

She even told me once to stop being so clingy, and surely I could find other girls who are willing to talk to me because she doesn't care anymore.

Oh no, clingy is not good TheBlueBlade, no one likes a needy person, you need to concentrate on having a good enjoyable life, then she will be drawn to you again.

Sounds like jessica129 is on a loop some of my friends have been on, going for the same kind of guys, each one ending up with the guy turning out to be a bit of a player. Each time their convinced it will be different this time, but it never is. I know how it happens though, coz I find that im drawn to similar things, so its easy to hope and imagine that it will work out great this time.

[jessica129]

There's some sort of sick thrill I guess I get out of being attracted to such types. It's pathetic really. I guess it keeps things exciting even though I loose my mind in the mean time. I can't really complain when these sorts of things happen then, can I?

The only reason I'm hesitant to tell the girl is because how strange would it be to get a random myspace message (that's the only way i could contact her) from some girl you've never met before saying your bf is cheating? For one, if it were me, i'd think she were crazy. Two, she's been seeing him for two years...i'd feel bad screwing that up even though I know eventually she'll find out. Who knows. I should probobly just forget about em both and not let it bother me this much.

[Mea]

It'll be better to tell her though. With a lil wise usage of words, and the message will come across nicely.

[flower]

It would be good to tell her, for her own good and to expose that guy for the cheat he is. Im sure even if she didnt initially like you telling her, she would appreciate it in the long run. Only thing is, is it worth your time and maybe the hassle you get from her to do so, its up to you.

[jessica129]

haha, she knows now.

I'm screwing him over so bad. Feels great. Feel bad for the girl though. One less day wasted on a loser : )

[olduser]

most of these issues of dating 'bad dudes'(who aren't really bad at all) are resolved by maturity and realistic life goals. I've never intended to date the sort of girl who is interested in the 'bad dudes' so I don't feel put out or rejected by being a reserved, shy gentleman. i've always enjoyed wholesome women who don't depend on others and are self-confident in themselves more than a bar hopping sort of woman. But I'm a serious guy moreso than a shy one.


I can even recall observing one such girl. I remember her drinking and talking to a guy friend about how she can;t stand small cans of red bull energy drink and wishes they'd just give her the big thing, she's a big girl, she'll drink it all. What the fuck am I going to talk to this woman about? Her interests in life are sex, consuming material goods, smoking cigarettes, and saying 'harsh realities' to win over the tough boys. Very unnattractive.

[jessica129]

Are you saying cheating on your girlfriend of two years doesn't make him a bad guy? I'm hoping not.

[Mea]

Nope. I think he's means it's more of a matter of perception and choice?
How you perceive a person to be & what he really is.
Or, your choice of being with a "bad dude".

That reminds me. I have this friend. With a girlfriend of 8 years. (they're gonna get married soon)
He cheated on her numerous times during the relationship. Not that he fell for another girl, he just had one night stands with several. Yet he never slept with his girlfriend. Dunno what that means.
But that has stopped now. And I can't deny the fact that he loves her. A lot. He's an ESFp dude.

[Mea]

@ jessica: I think it's not that bad a choice for telling her about her bf though. At least she now knows what she's dealing with.
Well, how is she coping?

[FDG]

most of these issues of dating 'bad dudes'(who aren't really bad at all) are resolved by maturity and realistic life goals. I've never intended to date the sort of girl who is interested in the 'bad dudes' so I don't feel put out or rejected by being a reserved, shy gentleman. i've always enjoyed wholesome women who don't depend on others and are self-confident in themselves more than a bar hopping sort of woman. But I'm a serious guy moreso than a shy one.


I can even recall observing one such girl. I remember her drinking and talking to a guy friend about how she can;t stand small cans of red bull energy drink and wishes they'd just give her the big thing, she's a big girl, she'll drink it all. What the fuck am I going to talk to this woman about? Her interests in life are sex, consuming material goods, smoking cigarettes, and saying 'harsh realities' to win over the tough boys. Very unnattractive.

word...except that im not shy/reserved/serious.

[olduser]

Are you saying cheating on your girlfriend of two years doesn't make him a bad guy? I'm hoping not.

no, that is bad. I agree. He is a bad person. I was making reference to the bad guy stereotype. I essiential boil this stereotype down to the person's interests: Their interests mostly consist of having sex with many women, so, they usually end up having sex with many women.

[mikemex]

most of these issues of dating 'bad dudes'(who aren't really bad at all) are resolved by maturity and realistic life goals. I've never intended to date the sort of girl who is interested in the 'bad dudes' so I don't feel put out or rejected by being a reserved, shy gentleman. i've always enjoyed wholesome women who don't depend on others and are self-confident in themselves more than a bar hopping sort of woman. But I'm a serious guy moreso than a shy one.

I can even recall observing one such girl. I remember her drinking and talking to a guy friend about how she can;t stand small cans of red bull energy drink and wishes they'd just give her the big thing, she's a big girl, she'll drink it all. What the fuck am I going to talk to this woman about? Her interests in life are sex, consuming material goods, smoking cigarettes, and saying 'harsh realities' to win over the tough boys. Very unnattractive.

Exactly. I've not had a lot of girls in my life and I'm proud of it, because I do believe in the principle of quality over quantity. Like with most other things in my life, I pick up things carefully so I always get away with the good stuff. I have no problem attracting the quiet, intelligent, caring, loving girls that interest me. About the rest I simply don't care.

This probably gives you a bad reputation among men, but women simply adore you.

[Reuben]

This probably gives you a bad reputation among men, but women simply adore you.

I'm not a lady. But heck anyway.

<333333333

[olduser]

what the fuck.

[jessica129]

Well, how is she coping?

She doesn't believe me...

Ah well, I tried i guess. She'll have to figure it out again. Some people are happy living a lie it seems

[stefana]

haha... love you guys :wink:

[Kim]

My belief is this: Do not have sex with anyone who is not your dual, and sex must be preserved until after marriage for one special person only. This is to make sure that my body is not corrupted with the flesh of non-duals (no offense but anyone who is not ENFp will not be able to satisfy me on an emotional level, much less physical level) or multiple duals, as sex with multiple duals is not necessary; it's a waste of energy and I would prefer to be devoted to just one.

I was in a long-term relationship with an ISTp and you know, at the end of the day it's two people having a relationship. That's it. It's comfortable and a good match, but it's not magic and not perfect because they are still two people with flaws, histories, moods, etc. I am with an ENTj now and the relationship is better in some ways, not as good in other ways. You are taking this far too seriously. Life is too short, don't limit yourself like that. You can have a great and exciting relationship with any other type and duality is just not the holy grail you believe it is.

[cracka]

My belief is this: Do not have sex with anyone who is not your dual, and sex must be preserved until after marriage for one special person only. This is to make sure that my body is not corrupted with the flesh of non-duals (no offense but anyone who is not ENFp will not be able to satisfy me on an emotional level, much less physical level) or multiple duals, as sex with multiple duals is not necessary; it's a waste of energy and I would prefer to be devoted to just one.

I was in a long-term relationship with an ISTp and you know, at the end of the day it's two people having a relationship. That's it. It's comfortable and a good match, but it's not magic and not perfect because they are still two people with flaws, histories, moods, etc. I am with an ENTj now and the relationship is better in some ways, not as good in other ways. You are taking this far too seriously. Life is too short, don't limit yourself like that. You can have a great and exciting relationship with any other type and duality is just not the holy grail you believe it is.

I concur 100%

I'm pretty sure blueblade's view is that of a rather young individual and he'll come around at some point and realize that his life will suck if it goes that way.

OR, he could be being funny and just saying something like that to get people to make posts like yours.

[Kim]

OR, he could be being funny and just saying something like that to get people to make posts like yours.

Always glad to make people feel like they have accomplished something! :wink:

[FDG]

I myself hope he was joking

[FDG]

Anyway, I think the Fi Hidden Agenda can be a bitch.

I have lately become acquainted/friend with an ISTp guy.

Of the outgoing kind, very charming, very goodlooking, witty and requested by girls.

Yet he is with the same girl that pushes-pulls and mistreats his feelings since 2 years. Not exactly mistreats, but she clearly manipulates him; she isn't even that goodlooking and/or fun, but he says "See if you have a relationship of 2 years, you can't throw it away...". I agree with him on that account, but still, it can be considered a "strange" situation.

I could see well this guy with Kim.

[jewels]

Anyway, I think the Fi Hidden Agenda can be a bitch.

I have lately become acquainted/friend with an ISTp guy.

Of the outgoing kind, very charming, very goodlooking, witty and requested by girls.

Yet he is with the same girl that pushes-pulls and mistreats his feelings since 2 years. Not exactly mistreats, but she clearly manipulates him; she isn't even that goodlooking and/or fun, but he says "See if you have a relationship of 2 years, you can't throw it away...". I agree with him on that account, but still, it can be considered a "strange" situation.

I could see well this guy with Kim.

FDG, do you know the type of your ISTp friend's girlfriend?

[FDG]

Anyway, I think the Fi Hidden Agenda can be a bitch.

I have lately become acquainted/friend with an ISTp guy.

Of the outgoing kind, very charming, very goodlooking, witty and requested by girls.

Yet he is with the same girl that pushes-pulls and mistreats his feelings since 2 years. Not exactly mistreats, but she clearly manipulates him; she isn't even that goodlooking and/or fun, but he says "See if you have a relationship of 2 years, you can't throw it away...". I agree with him on that account, but still, it can be considered a "strange" situation.

I could see well this guy with Kim.

FDG, do you know the type of your ISTp friend's girlfriend?

I have interacted with her twice. I didn't like/connected with her as much as I usually like/connect with ENFps. My guess would be ESF-x

[Going B. Zerk]

My belief is this: Do not have sex with anyone who is not your dual, and sex must be preserved until after marriage for one special person only. This is to make sure that my body is not corrupted with the flesh of non-duals (no offense but anyone who is not ENFp will not be able to satisfy me on an emotional level, much less physical level) or multiple duals, as sex with multiple duals is not necessary; it's a waste of energy and I would prefer to be devoted to just one.

I was in a long-term relationship with an ISTp and you know, at the end of the day it's two people having a relationship. That's it. It's comfortable and a good match, but it's not magic and not perfect because they are still two people with flaws, histories, moods, etc. I am with an ENTj now and the relationship is better in some ways, not as good in other ways. You are taking this far too seriously. Life is too short, don't limit yourself like that. You can have a great and exciting relationship with any other type and duality is just not the holy grail you believe it is.

I concur 100%

Ditto

I think these intertype relationships are a bit overrated. Sure some people you get along with better than others but there’re many other factors that influence in the quality of a relationship other than type.

An example is my dad and me. I’m ISTp, I’m very certain he’s ENFj, we’re a “conflicting relationship”. It’s not all sunshine and flowers, we often don’t understand each other, I find his emotional displays rather annoying, he finds my coldness depressing. But we get along fine. We enjoy each others company. Though we sometimes get fed up with each other for our given reasons, its not as bad at all as socionics seems to portray it.

Likewise, dual relationships aren’t always as perfect as socionics makes them seem.


I also hope Blade was jk.

[IcEPiCk]

No one says duality is perfect... most comfortable.

Most comfortable = most efficient

So the question would be not whether its the greatest, but whether you would want to settle for anything less than the maximum level of comfort in a relationship?

That doesnt mean I dont prefer friends of other types... In fact many of my closest friends arent my duals. Just for finding a close relationship... It spares a lot of the lack of understanding.