I love hats, especially hats that are made out of straw and look like australian or cowboy hats. I also like diffrent color combinations, especially shiny black shirts with a nice pair of jeans. I always make sure that I look my nicest when I am going to an interview, meeting, church, or school. I have been known to iron the clothes that I wear the night before I wear them. I like combinations of colored clothing such as black and blue. I have absolutly no taste when it comes to clothing and I relay on other people to help me make fashionable choices in what I wear. I always make sure that there are creases in shorts and that the clothes I wear match with themselves and they are not too big for me. I will almost always ask another person for their opinion of what I am wearing and if things match, but only because I have no clue what fits or matches on me. I do not take offense to what other people say to me when I ask for their opinion. However, I am horribly suspecious of what other people might think about me and how I look when I am not so concerned. When someone says I am a certain way good or bad, I sometimes question their motivation for saying what they did with baiting questions. I want to know what it is that they are really saying. For example, if someone says I am nice I would question what they mean by 'nice,' and will
not stop inquiring until I get a decent answer I accept.
In new situations where I have an opportunity to meet new people, I can often be the first person to initiate contact with others. However, I tend to watch people for a while to see how they behave before deciding if I should get to know them as more than an aquintance. I tend to only attempt to form close ties with people who are like minded and can understand me at my own intellectual level.For this reason I might be considered 'odd' by others, because I am able to speak to others in ways
that are so intellectually indepth, yet so vague that only a person who has the same amount of knowledge would even ever have a clue what I am attempting to convey. Yet, others have at times found my knowledge insightful and full of wisdom, especially when matters of human nature are concerned. I have warned people of problems and my friends respect my advice. I am appreciated by many who have been relieved that I have never condemned them for their troubles and my intuitive understanding of them.
I like to learn about various subjects; one of my favourite things to study is language. I have taken 3 foreign languages in school so far [German, Greek, Hebrew], and am preparing to take Spanish as my fourth foreign language at a local community college. I love doing things with computers, and I know several programming languages, and have programmed as a hobby for atleast 10 years now.I can do most anything in C/C++, Assembler, Basic, Perl, Java, etc.
I also love psychology, as I have an interest in understanding what makes people tick; however, I really want to understand what it is I have done in my life to drive people away. I want to have an understanding of the way that I am effecting others, and what I can do to allow people to want to come closer to me. I do not like isolation and I am sensitive to way I have been treated by others who have hurt me in the past. However much I forgive, I can not change the way I am effected by it. I can only learn to deal and to cope.
I do not have many friends beyond school or work, and I do not tend to do much with my friends short of actually being at work or at school with them. I spend most of my time alone or with my family. I do not always go out of my way to do things with people, either. Some people may say this results in that I do not show any interest in other people. Well, I do, just people with similar interest. I am not very flexible and adaptable when it comes to change and I have a hard time adapting to new ways of doing things that I have myself not already initiated. I do not follow along with the plans of other people, and tend to do my own thing alot. However, I am greatly appreciative when someone follows me and wants to do similar things that I do. Those people usually end up being my closest friends and companions.
I tend to learn very very diffrently than a good majority of people. I am able to understand math and scientific concepts, but I am unable to convey my knowledge of these concepts due in part to the fact that I tend to lose track of what I have done. I have problems correctly solving math problems, because I sometimes miss a number and end up doing the problem wrong. I have problems giving required public speeches, because my ideas become so general, vague, and complex that the end quality of the speech suffers. However, when I speak publically what I do origionally convey usually has so much emotion and fluency that the audience is captivated at my oratory, with many nods of heads and owes and awes. I have problems understanding concepts that seem oversimplified. I perfer breaking down complex systems into smaller parts and rebuilding the system in a way that has a personal familiarity to it. I do not like to be pushed to learn in a way that stresses my weaknesses. In the past, if a school teacher of some kind does not accept the way I learn, I have been chastised and considered to have learning
difficulties. However, experience has told me that the way I learn is really a gift that few people posess. I can think asemtrically and link concepts to other concepts in ways that no one else seems able to do. Things that are similar in concept, but totally different. I have been told that I could have ADD, Asbergers syndrome, or some other type of learning disability. I have ceased to listen to people who want to pessimistically believe that they should force everyone to learn a certain way or they are inferior. Either education should learn to adapt to students or continue to fail, like it failed for me.
I am able experience deep emotions that sometimes effect me in odd ways. Sometimes I will hear a song on the radio in my car that has such deep spiritual meaning, that I cry and sometimes have to pull over to the side of the road. However, I have problems with 'safeguarding' my emotions. I am very wary of having my feelings hurt and can be sensitive to teasing or from rejection by the opposite sex. I can not function very well if I am in a position where I feel that I have to protect my feelings, and I tend to freeze up or lose my appetite. When I am depressed, I have been known to write for a long period of time making pages and pages of writting on how I have been treated in the past and what I have done or others have done. I always analyze every part of my life and try to avoid my past mistakes; because of this, I have grown more emotionally healthy and more mature quicker than I would have if I did not do these things. I want to be accepted by people and I want people to like me for who I am.
I feel insulted when a girl I like gives me fickle wishy washy responses, excuses, or just wants to be a friend. I do not hang around girls that act this way, and I do not like being just friends with girls. Because of this, I tend to find many girls who display promiscuous qualities or show immediatelly high signs of interest. Sadly, these girls usually disappoint
me. Some of them just find me sexually attractive, and others are just leading me on. Sometimes even the girls are engaged,
married, or have several other boyfriends who do not know about each other. I can not say that I am any more guilty. I tend to not persue girls much, and most of the decent girls who like me constantly wonder if I like them and also may eventually give up on me ever being interested in them; mostly because I fail to make any moves on them or rarely attempt to ever get to know them well.
I have been known to not be very aware of my surroundings. I do common everyday things in ways that irritate other people, and sometimes there are group public outcries to stop me from doing things the way that I do them. I often tend to always look like I am in a hurry and that I have something urgent that I need to do when in actuality I am probably not going anywhere special or actually not really doing anything urgent at all.
I believe that rules are not absolute; they are bendable and subject to change when they have served their purpose. I do not like people who emphasize that rules must always be followed to their exactness and never challenged. I have a healthy respect for rules that are healthy for a person and exist to help people grow into independant individuals, but when rules are set to hold people back or to give biased privaledges to a select minority, I will blatently disregard the rules and no matter of authority enforcing the rules will ever have my support or be accepted as an authority by me. I challenge any rules in the wrong and have no part with people who insist on living like babies all their lives. Rules are for infants!
I am religious, attend church, do not drink, do not smoke, and generally harmless. However, I am not pushy about what I believe. I think that everyone should follow their own consciounce, even if they may conflict with my own established morality. I was a vegitarian for over 10 years. Although, I have a hard time taking care of my health sometimes. I do not sleep very well, and sit around alot. I am not as active as I should be.