What is the relationship with your conflictor like?

[Weenusflytrap]

For me, they act repulsed by me and seem very uncomfortable in my presence. They can’t understand the intention behind anything I say. Like one said his cat doesn’t have any problems in the heat and I said maybe because of her color (it was a white cat so they absorb less heat) and he acted like it didn’t make any sense to say that. Another example is I was at the physical therapist and they asked what I do for work and I said what I do and that I sit at a desk all day. Then she laughed uncomfortably like I’m making a joke. I’m not making a joke, they usually ask to see how active you are. They act all friendly with everyone else and don’t wanna greet me, they act like it’s so painful to be around me. I don’t know what the big deal is. They can’t act civil just because I dont give enough Fe. Is it this bad for everyone or do I have the worst conflictor relationship of all?

[one]

Don’t think it’s the worst, some Fe leads are just da worst because the toxicity is more obvious and pervasive and even non-ILIs get annoyed by them. They can be seen as someone without depth, lowkey insensitive and cannot be trusted even if they rig the social group or whatever to hurt ILI or any other type socially.

In general idk some ESEs are nice. Also it’s not like your dual energy is prevailing around all the time. Sometimes ESE wants explanations. I think that’s kinda the goldmine to this ITR because ILI can do it even though they’re not openly “Ti” brainy so they’ll get into some sort of good connection, ESE would immediately respect them too, either that or ILI is alone but need to accomplish something or actually need to be there and a typical ESE would be very accommodating of everyone so ILI would automatically be included. Sometimes I say something real shitty like the execution is wrong but idk it’s probably not that important if they know you’re trying to be decent lol

Normie Fes are uncomfortable with any introvert until they get more idea of who you are. I think they’re just very social so they mostly meet people who are also as social as them, playing the same social games, knowing the typical expressions and phrases to start and drop the convo but that’s the thing if you spend more time with them they end up taking up your mannerisms too. I think some introverts may be a bit hesitant to join though like idk victimy vibes omg I’m not part of that world but in reality these people also just tried to be used to it before you and just have more social skills and just have more motivation to do so. Also most of the time types like ILI overthink social scenarios when in ESE’s world they were just trying to be nice.

Also kinda think conflictors are also just easy to judge because you don’t understand them well but if you ever feel that way just think about the evil versions of your duals. Like it’s just very easy to think they won’t go wrong or the conflictors are always the worst because they can charm you more and understand you more so you immediately can gain from them —> easier to appreciate. Your duals might also condone your shitty Fe and deranged behavior and might have more chances to like you as you are perversion and obesity and hobo behavior and all but let’s just say some things shouldn’t be loved. Stay vigilant

[Lord Pixel]

I've been good friends with a conflictor for about 3 years now. We've gotten close enough for the problems to really show themselves. But even if it's civil, I just think spending too much time around folks that don't value any of your functions can take a toll on you and will lead to an eventual fall out. This happened to me recently between me and my confictor friend. We were almost like brothers, but over time, his ways at first seemed different, then something I didn't agree with and now just outright piss me off. He's an SLE touting all the Andrew Tate stuff that I just can't on board with and recently he's kinda revealed that he thought he was the boss of me (beta quadra hierarchy games) which was the final straw for me. Now I just don't talk to him. Sucks cuz when we were good friends things were pretty good, but there was always something wrong under the surface. I think our subconscious is aware of what's wrong but at face value things seem ok. There was definitely the feeling that I was always suppressing something when I was around him.

This also happened with my extinguishment friend, EIE. Again we were almost like brothers, he was my best friend at one point, and recently we have just fell apart and are so far away in seeing eye to eye now that if we ever do talk, it's small talk (how are the kids etc), which was the opposite of how we used to talk (Illuminati, Annunaki, weird esoteric shit). So yea, IME with conflictors and conflicting quadras I think even if it's good your values will make you fall apart. If you want to feel retarded and doubt your sanity, then yea hang out with multiple members of the opposing quadra for a long amount of time.

[Lord Pixel]

For me, they act repulsed by me and seem very uncomfortable in my presence. They can’t understand the intention behind anything I say. Like one said his cat doesn’t have any problems in the heat and I said maybe because of her color (it was a white cat so they absorb less heat) and he acted like it didn’t make any sense to say that. Another example is I was at the physical therapist and they asked what I do for work and I said what I do and that I sit at a desk all day. Then she laughed uncomfortably like I’m making a joke. I’m not making a joke, they usually ask to see how active you are. They act all friendly with everyone else and don’t wanna greet me, they act like it’s so painful to be around me. I don’t know what the big deal is. They can’t act civil just because I dont give enough Fe. Is it this bad for everyone or do I have the worst conflictor relationship of all?

Lol you don't have the worst of all. And I kinda feel your pain, when Fe tries to get a reaction out of you and you just aren't in the mood or don't know what they want, they can get all uncomfortable about it like it's your job to appease them or something. It's annoying. One reason why I can't stand overly friendly cashiers/customer service/ salesman, they know I am here just to buy something, why try and bait me into a conversation they don't even care about (How as your day? Bitch! Just ring up my groceries, you're holding up the line!)

I've literally had an ESE coworker tell me that when he asks how as my weekend he doesn't actually care how it was, I told him "I KNOW! So why do you even ask?!"

Anyway, you def don't have the worst. Imagine having a conflictor whose whole personality is that they can beat you up.

[Weenusflytrap]

Lol you don't have the worst of all. And I kinda feel your pain, when Fe tries to get a reaction out of you and you just aren't in the mood or don't know what they want, they can get all uncomfortable about it like it's your job to appease them or something. It's annoying. One reason why I can't stand overly friendly cashiers/customer service/ salesman, they know I am here just to buy something, why try and bait me into a conversation they don't even care about (How as your day? Bitch! Just ring up my groceries, you're holding up the line!)

I've literally had an ESE coworker tell me that when he asks how as my weekend he doesn't actually care how it was, I told him "I KNOW! So why do you even ask?!"

Anyway, you def don't have the worst. Imagine having a conflictor whose whole personality is that they can beat you up.

ok so for me, the worst part of Fe conflict is when they act overly friendly with others in front of you then act really cold when they have to interact with you. What does Se conflict look like?

[Lord Pixel]

ok so for me, the worst part of Fe conflict is when they act overly friendly with others in front of you then act really cold when they have to interact with you. What does Se conflict look like?

Ah, that's a bit different then.

Se conflict looks like literally ever highschool movie where the bully smacks the nerd's books out his hand.

With it as a PoLR, everyone feels like a potential bully that might come up and stick you in a locker, and you feel powerless to stop it, until one day you go apeshit and end up on the news.

[Adam Strange]

Se conflict looks like literally ever highschool movie where the bully smacks the nerd's books out his hand.

Everyone feels like a potential bully that might come up and stick you in a locker, and you feel powerless to stop it, until one day you go ape shit and end up on the news.

I once watched an EII and an SLE share an office for a while. They were also after-hours mates in a band they had formed with some other workers. Very soon, the SLE was spending zero time in that office, because the EII was emotionally beating the daylights out of him, every day, and the SLE had no way to defend himself.

Every single sociotype gets beaten up by their Conflictors. The particular methods vary with the sociotypes, but the results are the same.

[Lord Pixel]

I once watched an EII and an SLE share an office for a while. They were also after-hours mates in a band they had formed with some other workers. Very soon, the SLE was spending zero time in that office, because the EII was emotionally beating the daylights out of him, every day, and the SLE had no way to defend himself.

Every single sociotype gets beaten up by their Conflictors. The particular methods vary with the sociotypes, but the results are the same.

I've yet to see what the looks like. But I don't doubt it.

[Adam Strange]

In my family, growing up, there wasn't really any love. Instead, we had a deal with our narcissistic mother. As long as we never contradicted her or protested the physical abuse, we got to live in her house. But it felt like we were all just waiting for her to have an opportunity to get rid of us, once and for all.
Basically, my sisters and I got used to the abuse.

When I first arrived on this forum, I said I was an LIE and I was married to an SLI. No one believed me. Everyone said that no one marries their Supervisor, because Supervision is one-way Conflict. Well, my father was SLI and if I was going to marry a parent the first time around, that was a better arrangement than marrying my mother.

My LSE sister was not quite so lucky. She very early married her Conflictor, an IEI, probably because the abuse felt familiar, and she never got up to the surface to experience Duality.

My LII sister has been married and divorced a few times. So far, though, she hasn't married a Conflictor or a Supervisor. She has, though, tried to suicide several times, so I guess she's in the groove. Right in the groove.

Don't marry a Conflictor. If your kids are your Conflictors, encourage them to spend time with their Duals. The world will thank you for it.

[Adam Strange]

I've yet to see what the looks like. But I don't doubt it.

The EII beat up the SLE by constantly criticizing the SLE's inadequate moral sensitivity and clumsy handling of interpersonal relationships. The EII would make little comments which could be interpreted several ways, but the SLE would see them only as criticism directed at him, which it actually was.

The EII was critical of the SLE, perhaps as a defense against the SLE. I sometimes criticized my SLI ex, not because she was a bad person. She was actually an extremely good person. However, I felt like I was constantly being beaten up by her and I couldn't defend myself against her, so criticism was my only defense.

I'm not proud of my criticizing her, but at the time I didn't understand what was going on; that the problem wasn't her and it wasn't me, but rather the problem was our interpersonal relationship.

That has since been fixed in the simplest, easiest way; we divorced and now rarely see each other. I still admire her as a person, but I don't want to live with her, ever again.

[Weenusflytrap]

I've yet to see what the looks like. But I don't doubt it.

I guess we can’t see our own because I have no idea what Ni conflict looks like either.

[fiorale]

I think there's no inner deep (Ni) reasons why they don't act friendly towards you. ESEs tend to form their judgement by: 1. your group reputation; 2. the potential of your group reputation (i.e. if you have poor interpersonal skills, you are not likely to fare well in the group). If you improve your interpersonal skills and on good terms with most people in the group, then ESE would likely have no reason to be uncivil. If you don't care about interpersonal skills and group reputation, then having a bad relation with ESE is inevitable and better not wasting your time thinking about it.

I have seen instances, though, in which youngish ILIs (women and men) act like children to get protections from ESE and SEI in an Fe heavy environment (EIEs would be more critical of ILI and want to correct ILIs instead of protect, IEIs tend to stir the environment themselves). It's a bit unnatural compared to real children like types like ILE/IEEs, but with poor Se function young ILIs can pull this off by being naturally clumsy.