My case for SCS and John Beebe in a highly traumatized person

[necrosebud]

My view is that splitting is the dead give away to bpd. And I don’t believe it would isolate to trauma triggers that remind you of abuse. It would globalize, say, a person doesn’t get what they want, then it’s the demonizing of them, or maybe that would be bpd with comorbid npd.. Gain versus throw away is npd. I can tell you rn, that I don’t split outside of ptsd triggers with invalidation and gaslighting.

disorganization/incipience/inchoatness of stuff is prob relevant to many psychological issues and especially personality disorders, I think the idea prob being emotional arousal/stress causes attenuation of abilities

I don't remember how accurate this is per se or just my current intuitive gestalt of it

stressors are probably relevant to BPD as well, they have been shown to vary widely in their social cognitive abilities and stress matters. Sometimes stress leads to improvement in certain abilities (or so studies would suggest, general caution etc)

so idk if bpd and cptsd are distinguished by splitting per se

from what I remember, the person who came up with cptsd as a concept did not necessarily see bpd as legit and more so a manifestation of bpd unless im misremembering

[Braingel]

The most bpd ish symptom I have is under extreme stress, I can cut for attention and also do the suicidal displays, but that only happens under my 2 line stress shock, it isn’t a “rigid pattern of behavior” as is supposed be in a personality disorder.

[Braingel]

It doesn’t matter what you call it, what matters is that I developed defenses to intensive psychological abuse and isolated episodes of physical aggression and sexual abuses. And what matters is that others do not stigmatize me for this and view it with at least compassion and to not conflate that with my essence, but rather as how my inherent temperament received in the hands of numerous grippings of traumas that squeezed and deformed my own ability to emotionally function. I’ve gotten better in few years, but any bend in the area of invalidation leaves me reacting like this and emotionally hemorrhaging.

[necrosebud]

The most bpd ish symptom I have is under extreme stress, I can cut for attention and also do the suicidal displays, but that only happens under my 2 line stress shock, it isn’t a “rigid pattern of behavior” as is supposed be in a personality disorder.

probably precipitated by interpersonal stress for BPD as well
or comorbid depression too possibly

[Braingel]

I’ve been “grabbed” enough, both in metaphor and in a literal sense of physical abuse too. I don’t need more people wringing me out with all their invalidation, false views, in the more malicious people who have done so, slandering and assumptions of my reactions and outlooks. I’m already beaten up. I can barely tolerate this sort of thing. I get fixated and locked on with the autism, it all spirals into this further more and disgruntles my functionality.

[Braingel]

Something I’d written in February..

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...3f1773b441928&

My sister’s bf is so triggering for me sometimes.. I am not innocent in threatening to slit my wrists in front of him the other day, but he fucking baited me so hard… He flipped me off for my ptsd reaction to him telling me I do nothing and other things and dismissing me and enabling my family and just saying mean shit. I only do this when I feel back cornered w no one seeing me. I did not used to realize it, but I realize it is emotionally abusive.

It is just hard in those moments, when I have a knife being stabbed in the wound.. I bleed behaviorally.. I developed it as a means to force people to see and acknowledge from extreme emotional abuse and neglect.. I do not know how to fight my body and mind in those moments.. a healthy environment and therapeutic intervention of some sort would get that there. But therapeutic means now is futile until I am away...

Feel helpless and trapped bc he truly does not know the deep family dynamics.. He was not there. My sister has NEVER dated a guy who does not have any abusive tendencies. This guy does not abuse her, all the others did to her, but he is showing them at me.

Phrone is really perceptive, he acknowledged I could feel invalidated last night, before I disclosed it was a trigger, but he actually read my quora in the past, and may have seen videos of my parents doing it to me.. So that is how he may have gotten that, or he just knew it would trigger a social 4.. Or being autistic and maybe w his own trauma… He could just know too.. 5’s also just are more perceptive generally.. Autism predisposes invalidation..

(I suppose you can argue that’s idealization, but yeah, I don’t split outside of ptsd triggers).

[Braingel]

Something I’d written in February..

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...3f1773b441928&

My sister’s bf is so triggering for me sometimes.. I am not innocent in threatening to slit my wrists in front of him the other day, but he fucking baited me so hard… He flipped me off for my ptsd reaction to him telling me I do nothing and other things and dismissing me and enabling my family and just saying mean shit. I only do this when I feel back cornered w no one seeing me. I did not used to realize it, but I realize it is emotionally abusive.

It is just hard in those moments, when I have a knife being stabbed in the wound.. I bleed behaviorally.. I developed it as a means to force people to see and acknowledge from extreme emotional abuse and neglect.. I do not know how to fight my body and mind in those moments.. a healthy environment and therapeutic intervention of some sort would get that there. But therapeutic means now is futile until I am away...

Feel helpless and trapped bc he truly does not know the deep family dynamics.. He was not there. My sister has NEVER dated a guy who does not have any abusive tendencies. This guy does not abuse her, all the others did to her, but he is showing them at me.

Phrone is really perceptive, he acknowledged I could feel invalidated last night, before I disclosed it was a trigger, but he actually read my quora in the past, and may have seen videos of my parents doing it to me.. So that is how he may have gotten that, or he just knew it would trigger a social 4.. Or being autistic and maybe w his own trauma… He could just know too.. 5’s also just are more perceptive generally.. Autism predisposes invalidation..

(I suppose you can argue that’s idealization, but yeah, I don’t split outside of ptsd triggers).

For all those like qaz that believe I exaggerate events..

Here I am physically abused too;

https://youtube.com/shorts/PelQzh6Bk...b0dJ1xoeTDbnqx

https://youtube.com/shorts/lGlq9e-i_...qqxUKOpx49gW2A

https://youtube.com/shorts/v7VvwaFod...MS7GeOUfE9SMWE

And from my mother with me as a minor, for my autism stimming, hitting me with my sister’s back brace, and on the left side there is bad psychological manipulation from my father:https://www.dropbox.com/sh/482c6khl5...-bgma?e=1&dl=0

You see, all this invalidation and shit makes me defensive and having to show how how it is actually..

Before my sister’s boyfriend saw my parents actually abusing my sister psychologically first hand, he thought I was insane and my parents and sister convinced him that the videos I’ve recorded are just them reacting to a difficult psychotic daughter

As you can fucking see in the one with me as a teenaged minor, before my shadow split at 15 1/2, I was not even fucking reactive. All I could fucking do was run away from my 4D Se, physically abusive mom, couldn’t fight her back. I never used to be aggressive. I had it beaten out of me.

All I could fucking say was “fuck my family”, “no one ever has any fucking sympathy for me”, “both of you mother fucking assholes”. Not only was I exposed to sensory sports throughout all my childhood and in spite this never even developed physical force, I was also exposed to physically abusive family members and I would’ve been physically reactive back if I was 4D Se— just like my sister will do. But I couldn’t even react when I was choked at 11. I couldn’t even react when I was molested with anything beyond an arm jerk movement and tears. I couldn’t ever physically move well and with the needed body awareness and outside awareness and action in volleyball, swimming, gymnastics, tennis, horseback riding, plyometrics, etc, and aside from volleyball in my father’s club, was always put in beginner’s. Even made the freshman team and never made varsity.

This was all before doctors thought I’d a brain tumor for me finally fucking snapping.

And Qaz says my physical disorders may not be trauma caused but uh hahahah I was having symptoms of a brain tumor and didn’t have one, had muscle spasms and icepick suicide headaches from stress that stopped after my psychological split happened/

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...c9fbfae602671&
Abuse did that to me.

[Braingel]

For all those like qaz that believe I exaggerate events..

Here I am physically abused too;

https://youtube.com/shorts/PelQzh6Bk...b0dJ1xoeTDbnqx

https://youtube.com/shorts/lGlq9e-i_...qqxUKOpx49gW2A

https://youtube.com/shorts/v7VvwaFod...MS7GeOUfE9SMWE

And from my mother with me as a minor, for my autism stimming, hitting me with my sister’s back brace, and on the left side there is bad psychological manipulation from my father:https://www.dropbox.com/sh/482c6khl5...-bgma?e=1&dl=0

You see, all this invalidation and shit makes me defensive and having to show how how it is actually..

Before my sister’s boyfriend saw my parents actually abusing my sister psychologically first hand, he thought I was insane and my parents and sister convinced him that the videos I’ve recorded are just them reacting to a difficult psychotic daughter

As you can fucking see in the one with me as a teenaged minor, before my shadow split at 15 1/2, I was not even fucking reactive. All I could fucking do was run away from my 4D Se, physically abusive mom, couldn’t fight her back. I never used to be aggressive. I had it beaten out of me.

All I could fucking say was “fuck my family”, “no one ever has any fucking sympathy for me”, “both of you mother fucking assholes”. Not only was I exposed to sensory sports throughout all my childhood and in spite this never even developed physical force, I was also exposed to physically abusive family members and I would’ve been physically reactive back if I was 4D Se— just like my sister will do. But I couldn’t even react when I was choked at 11. I couldn’t even react when I was molested with anything beyond an arm jerk movement and tears. I couldn’t ever physically move well and with the needed body awareness and outside awareness and action in volleyball, swimming, gymnastics, tennis, horseback riding, plyometrics, etc, and aside from volleyball in my father’s club, was always put in beginner’s. Even made the freshman team and never made varsity.

This was all before doctors thought I’d a brain tumor for me finally fucking snapping.

And Qaz says my physical disorders may not be trauma caused but uh hahahah I was having symptoms of a brain tumor and didn’t have one, had muscle spasms and icepick suicide headaches from stress that stopped after my psychological split happened/

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...c9fbfae602671&
Abuse did that to me.

You wouldn’t even know how severe my stimming is, an autism symptom, unless you watched that video.. My autism isn’t “mild”, I spin so fast in chairs and often injure my body because of it.. I can’t self-monitor on my own without catching things on fire or losing important things.. Autism isn’t just social skill stuff, but even there, I am overestimated. Even the reality denialist/mr P called out my research for how she inflated my social ability high, when I can’t even convince others which is what leads me to argue and get viewed in the first of places..

he is correct: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...d9012d67cd0c5&

She is probably the least persuasive person. Just look at the walls of text and not getting through

It just so happens my neurosis spills, people like that drama and shit gets viewed. And I’ve the autism fixation to go at it for hours, like I’ve done in this entire thread.. Still not able to “influence” or persuade. If anything, this is a socially unintelligible behavior, probably, bc it may repulse people from viewing.

Only reason I got viewed on Quora, was because I was a teenager and posted a lot of videos of my family issues, the video answers spread, and also, I wrote a lot about personality disorders and my own bpd diagnosis which flared interest amid COVID, and Covid in general put more people online and viewing means. That’s it. Heck, I’ve made myself look bad on quora in some ways with my social oblivion, and I’ve been trash talked a lot and slandered and people have written some nasty and untrue things about me, from misinterpreting my intent.

I guess you wouldn’t be able see it with your 2D Ni, but how do you think my level of fixation potential with how I can literally fixate on this over the course of days and spend most the time here, would impact my ability to function irl at say, a job? You know this is autism fueled by ptsd, right?…

You know this fixation would disable me, right, in most settings, other than in writing, a niche topic, and research maybe.. Not merely a job you can get easily, and I already am trying write..

Well since I already wrote that out with endless very vitriol, I’ll share reality denialist’s composed, non cptsd reactions to this that share my thoughts but without all the emotional arsenal and hemorrhage:

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...bf175e3254a8c&

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...8ba40d271125f&

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...09daf5a672a7e&

ANYONE who talks to me in-depth, knows I am autistic as fuck:
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...e5553c0455d33&

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...3a74f1c2be358&

You’ve no idea how many times people “compared” me to Chris Chan..

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...aed9358c44672&

if I was a good communicator and “socially competent”, how the fuck am I viewed as a Chris Chan, and am misinterpreted left and right by others?….

[Ave]

What is very annoying is that Qaz is 100% convinced his own self-views of me are correct and that mine are automatically all “wrong”. He has made in his head of me, that I am exaggerating things about myself, have an inaccurate view of myself, mostly because he’s never liked I’m an emotional person, and then because now in his head, he’s convinced himself I am an SEE, and even by his own reasoning of how a sensor today can be pseudo intuitive with their upbringing makes zero sense for my own case, because since early childhood, I was literally put in all sensorial activities by my 4D Se family, and only exposed to 4D Se types.

Whilst I don’t agree that I’m an EIE, @WVBRY, it would be a much more reasonable typing for myself. I hope you realize he is trying type me SEE and not EIE.

Somehow I do not feel @qaz00 is being malicious, but he is completely ignorant on Fe, and is very arrogant and wrong in some of his views, and he is the one with distortions in regards to emotionality, and projects his incompetence in this area as others being distortful. And yes, this triggers my own trauma immensely, as rose has stated. That’s responsible for most of my reactivity in this, though I don’t take well in general when someone invalidates things about myself and never have, but didn’t used to react with as much vitriol..

You've ignored most of my points. I do not care if he thinks you are SEE or EIE, I wish you would have responded to the things I posted above.

I don't think I (or anyone else) can help you. Ultimately, only you can do that.

[Braingel]

You've ignored most of my points. I do not care if he thinks you are SEE or EIE, I wish you would have responded to the things I posted above.

I don't think I (or anyone else) can help you. Ultimately, only you can do that.

More than help, I look for acknowledgment of my emotions and whatnot and my qualities..

[necrosebud]

I have been observing what looks like you seem to thrive on conflict/defiant behavior and also ignoring Te almost completely, along with what looks like likely ignoring Ne - it actually reminds me of G’s IEI vs EII article a lot. You fit the IEI there too.

as for enneagram instincts I actually think a lot of these so so-called schools of thought might be zeroing in on the same essential idea wrt sx

oh and the observance of different “system rules” and such kind of speaks to Ti as opposed to a broader this is what seems to work/perhaps be relevant interpretation of them. More of a pan approach if you will

[Braingel]

I have been observing what looks like you seem to thrive on conflict/defiant behavior and also ignoring Te almost completely, along with what looks like likely ignoring Ne - it actually reminds me of G’s IEI vs EII article a lot. You fit the IEI there too.

as for enneagram instincts I actually think a lot of these so so-called schools of thought might be zeroing in on the same essential idea wrt sx

oh and the observance of different “system rules” and such kind of speaks to Ti as opposed to a broader this is what seems to work/perhaps be relevant interpretation of them. More of a pan approach if you will

I believe I’d be an IEI in most schools of socionics, just not SCS, which is the more psychological school.. Even in Aushura alone, I could be an IEI, but SCS just makes the whole mental/vital, which I’ve interpreted as very John Beebian, where I am FiNe.. I would personally say that behaviorally and with what I value, I am an IEI, and cognitively, I would be FiNe..

It is just that these systems measure different things.. I am not psychologically an Fe type, really, in how I metabolize, but with behavior, absolutely..

[Braingel]

Me: most socionics IEI
SCS EII
Beebe FiNe
Jung Ni dom probably
Meyers INFP

[Braingel]

You can say socionics is supposed be behavioral, because it’s based on sociology.. What appeals to me about scs, is it stems in the intra sphere..

[Braingel]

I have been observing what looks like you seem to thrive on conflict/defiant behavior and also ignoring Te almost completely, along with what looks like likely ignoring Ne - it actually reminds me of G’s IEI vs EII article a lot. You fit the IEI there too.

as for enneagram instincts I actually think a lot of these so so-called schools of thought might be zeroing in on the same essential idea wrt sx

oh and the observance of different “system rules” and such kind of speaks to Ti as opposed to a broader this is what seems to work/perhaps be relevant interpretation of them. More of a pan approach if you will

I agree with you, but you see, in SCS, an EII has more conscious Ti than an iei.. because the EII has “mental”/conscious Ti

[necrosebud]

I agree with you, but you see, in SCS, an EII has more conscious Ti than an iei.. because the EII has “mental”/conscious Ti

I briefly looked at the blog that apparently is based on original Aushra but since they seem to have possibly mistranslated Ne completely changing what it says I’m not sure how much of it is legit

idk where aushras original stuff is

[Braingel]

I briefly looked at the blog that apparently is based on original Aushra but since they seem to have possibly mistranslated Ne completely changing what it says I’m not sure how much of it is legit

idk where aushras original stuff is

Their Ne is very Ni ish

[Braingel]

Their Ne being perception of internal content should be Ni, but ability to see hidden potentials on the surface of someone that go in a bit, because they’re hidden, would be Ne..

[Braingel]

Anyhow, scs is like.. A pseudo John Beebe ish version of Socionics, and I really like the psychological depth it encompasses. Surely, with improvements to it, you can maybe me have me as IEI there, but I mean, I am not an INFJ by Beebe. I have blatant opposing Fe and Si eternal child..

[Braingel]

I have been observing what looks like you seem to thrive on conflict/defiant behavior and also ignoring Te almost completely, along with what looks like likely ignoring Ne - it actually reminds me of G’s IEI vs EII article a lot. You fit the IEI there too.

as for enneagram instincts I actually think a lot of these so so-called schools of thought might be zeroing in on the same essential idea wrt sx

oh and the observance of different “system rules” and such kind of speaks to Ti as opposed to a broader this is what seems to work/perhaps be relevant interpretation of them. More of a pan approach if you will

I do believe IEI is the most probable type for me by G, but.. Many would disagree. I personally believe that a 4 core IEI just wouldn’t show up in G’s whole 9 core IEI type image bs.. I fit Si+, I fit Ni and Fi social mission and Si+ role, even my whole insta here would attest this all, and it’s very Ni+ ish and result:https://www.instagram.com/movingmind...&utm_source=qr

[Braingel]

I just realized how aristocratic (dichotomy with classifying by social group) my whole Si thread is, lol, now feel bad because poptart (and knew she wouldn’t like it) is here and I like her.. And yet Qaz insists I am a democratic dichotomy, lol. But my thread was directed at SLI’s, I said that don’t value Ti. Was also gonna say that I have no idea how someone cannot type me Ne ignoring modern.

[Braingel]

You can say socionics is supposed be behavioral, because it’s based on sociology.. What appeals to me about scs, is it stems in the intra sphere..

I am a far more intrapersonally focused and communicative person than interpersonal, so I will always give more presidency to intrapsychical matters. I have little interest in things interpersonal, beyond me being seen and valued.

[Braingel]

Hahah my Bf agreed to have this posted here:

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...3e0515f13bd30&

My bf who *is* a real Se dom:

Youre fuckin talking about you dont want to come back to another life, in Earth, and people type you as 1D Ni

Thats insane

Youre the most dreamy person ever

Like, you're literally for half an hour complaining about another life, something that is totally abstract, and totally imaginative, that's crazy, 4D Ni

You sent me a video of a woman for me to type her and she had a hat and a big shadow and it was impossible to see her face, like, she could be anyone

You sent me a video of a woman for me to type her and she had a hat and a big shadow and it was impossible to see her face, like, she could be anyone

How bad is your Se
Like, it is trash
Very bad
1D Se

[Braingel]

I do believe IEI is the most probable type for me by G, but.. Many would disagree. I personally believe that a 4 core IEI just wouldn’t show up in G’s whole 9 core IEI type image bs.. I fit Si+, I fit Ni and Fi social mission and Si+ role, even my whole insta here would attest this all, and it’s very Ni+ ish and result:https://www.instagram.com/movingmind...&utm_source=qr

I feel that the main thing that makes others not type me as an IEI in G, aside from my complex ptsd episodes is my Fe- looking behavior that stems from me being a core 4…. people can’t envision how a 4 core IEI would look as by G, because they’ve internalized the whole “type image” of his 9 core pacifist IEI. If you look at a lot of my output like instagram, I am Ni+ as absolute fuck, as am I Si+.. I am absolutely a 4 core, this isn’t up for debate. I am a 4 core in every single enneagram system, but enneagrammer’s description is lesser me, but I still have got their 1 and 2 low line access. It’s just I am a social first and a 6 fix, and so this looks a lot less like their description, which is basically entailing a socially blinded triple hexad 4…..

[Braingel]

I feel that the main thing that makes others not type me as an IEI in G, aside from my complex ptsd episodes is my Fe- looking behavior that stems from me being a core 4…. people can’t envision how a 4 core IEI would look as by G, because they’ve internalized the whole “type image” of his 9 core pacifist IEI. If you look at a lot of my output like instagram, I am Ni+ as absolute fuck, as am I Si+.. I am absolutely a 4 core, this isn’t up for debate. I am a 4 core in every single enneagram system, but enneagrammer’s description is lesser me, but I still have got their 1 and 2 low line access. It’s just I am a social first and a 6 fix, and so this looks a lot less like their description, which is basically entailing a socially blinded triple hexad 4…..

I can definitely calm people down and I am good at it, even.. But not being a core 9, I’m a lot more hands off.. I can definitely move towards conflict and extinguish things (so as long as I am not in any ptsd episode, that is), but I prefer a hands off. I also am very knowledgeable about information in calming down the nervous system, like in CBD and aromatherapy…

It is possible maybe that some -Ni vs -Fe subtype has a different charge? Like say I am an IEI-Fe… Why couldn’t that -Fe be a negative charge?

[Distance]

I have been observing what looks like you seem to thrive on conflict/defiant behavior and also ignoring Te almost completely, along with what looks like likely ignoring Ne - it actually reminds me of G’s IEI vs EII article a lot. You fit the IEI there too.

as for enneagram instincts I actually think a lot of these so so-called schools of thought might be zeroing in on the same essential idea wrt sx

oh and the observance of different “system rules” and such kind of speaks to Ti as opposed to a broader this is what seems to work/perhaps be relevant interpretation of them. More of a pan approach if you will

This is my take as well, on the processes.