On my real type (EII)— Aushura, Beebe

[Braingel]

This is all interesting, I'll defiantly look a lot into Beebe's work.

I see, well what level are you on the socionic quizzes?

How confident are you on typing, are you still studying SCS?

I’ve taken no quiz, and I am not vastly versed, I’ve intuited most of the theory and filled in the rest.. But I would say that I am 85% confident on me being an EII… With 14% going to IEE or IEI and 1% other.

[Muira]

Yeah, I know. Qaz was trying say I am not intuitive or Ni base, because he can understand my thoughts and they’re not as disconnected as Ni based on this site (which is a pretty bad way to type by, but it’s because his Si base processes like that, and his Ni can only learn from experience).. I am autistic, so I will in general communicate more blunt and straightforward, even though I am extremely adept with symbols. Also, part of this got drilled into me, to not communicate in my flower metaphoric language, because of ABA therapy, which.. In my childhood as you can see, I got bullied often for speaking too maturely and also abstractly: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1213841629371306004/1229635670423633992/IMG_4710.jpg?ex=66306675&is=661df175&hm=f6d2e28e5a 6e928817ffad9530330b463766e4c4c883e1f5ead857d0f8ba 8841&

Wow, I was sort of similar to a kid, but more distant, but I had a almost 180 flip change in personality type and thought process.

As an autistic person myself, do you too often feel alienated by everyone? Even though it's a huge spectrum, there are usually some differences.

But I always express this where it will be valued. Some of my selectiveness with revealing this has do with image-based shame issues.

Anyone who knows me and is close would tell you I am deeply metaphoric and symbolical in my communication. But I can be blunt in general social interactions as a learnt way to avoid more social miscommunications that have resulted in a lot of trauma as for me.
This is why typing by surface characteristics is often inaccurate. People evolve defenses and ways to guard their essence overtime with enough negative reinforcements..

I’ve shown a lot of my symbolical communicative style on discord, and it’s driven some people insane, even threw “schizo” at me.

I actually like the way you express your words, I never really got to properly express my own emotions or sentiments and feel safe other than online rarely.

Have you been going to therapy?

[Muira]

I’ve taken no quiz, and I am not vastly versed, I’ve intuited most of the theory and filled in the rest.. But I would say that I am 85% confident on me being an EII… With 14% going to IEE or IEI and 1% other.

I see, well I can help any time, but level 1 quiz is super easy, I'm getting ready for level 2.

[Muira]

[QUOTE=Braingel;1596432]This random blurting out my detached thoughts, awkward social interactions, communicative differences (more metaphoric, more awkward interactions, lack of eye contact and more importantly my severe disorganization for me evaluated by special ed team and school psych for autism to begin with.[/QUOTE]
That's something I deal with too commonly, but I often go into a cycle of under-stimulation and over-stimulation, a sense of paranoia between me and other people based on where I might stand between them, and it only gets worse when they change their attitude too much too suddenly without explanation.

[Braingel]

Wow, I was sort of similar to a kid, but more distant, but I had a almost 180 flip change in personality type and thought process.

As an autistic person myself, do you too often feel alienated by everyone? Even though it's a huge spectrum, there are usually some differences.





I actually like the way you express your words, I never really got to properly express my own emotions or sentiments and feel safe other than online rarely.

Have you been going to therapy?

I feel like alien who got put on the wrong planet. I don’t even feel like a human, at all.. I feel like some fairy-alien who got put into a half human body (half, because my nervous system and perceptive ability are not very “human”)

[Expansion]

I can only think of three people who are active SHS users who aren’t Se ego, and two of them are Se roles (Kindness, Reality denialist/mr p).. Wisteria is some sei or lii, in this model. It makes sense also for an Se role to be interested in shs, because they don’t have a filter for Se forms of info.. They’re wide open to it.

Pirouette, Ilyi, Aster, my research, etc.. Are Se egos… ESI for the first two (aster would have super ID Ni fantasy and Se fairy aesthetic), ilyi SLE, myr LSI is kept. Now varla is likely an Se ego or an Se role. Dunno him enough, but he is interested in Se systems, like model G and vultology. He could be Se role unable to discern info on this..

Spectrum is likely LSI/SEI.

So only two people type their own accurately by an Aushura and Beebe standard of typing. I actually always had both aster and pirouette as esi’s..

So you've changed your intuitive listing from your other thread?

[Muira]

[QUOTE=Muira;1596436]

This random blurting out my detached thoughts, awkward social interactions, communicative differences (more metaphoric, more awkward interactions, lack of eye contact and more importantly my severe disorganization for me evaluated by special ed team and school psych for autism to begin with

That's something I deal with too commonly, but I often go into a cycle of under-stimulation and over-stimulation, a sense of paranoia between me and other people based on where I might stand between them, and it only gets worse when they change their attitude too much too suddenly without explanation. I think it's also common to feel so distant to others that one feels rejected of basic needs, but my own response was to indulge in physical pleasure, staying distant, leaving everything unprocessed.

If I'm not constantly monitoring my own thoughts, I have this inclination to devalue emotional needs and personal safety when I shouldn't, and I'm still working on it.

[Braingel]

I believe I lie and dwell a different dimension than humans, I am half into the ethers and half into the earth conscious.. I can slip in and out of these two worlds, and being not present fully in the earth conscious, the earthly inhabitants often cause me pain and issues, unaware that I’m not fully here. I am more of an “angel-fairy” who has fallen, whose wings have been cut down by the forces of earth, where these wings in my mind and that fly my body around in “action” (I say this, because I am mostly inert) weren’t made to in the frequencies of earth, and others have clipped these with their words and misdeeds to me, and now, I’m a fallen angel-fairy-human.

[Braingel]

So you've changed your intuitive listing from your other thread?

No, not everyone is a model G person. Most people on this site root in WSS and Filatova.. I only included G followers.. There may be some people I’m not aware of who are model G-based, but I don’t believe there are as many G-era than WSS and Fila followers. There are more intuitive on the forum who study wss and Fila than there are G studiers.

[Muira]

I feel like alien who got put on the wrong planet. I don’t even feel like a human, at all.. I feel like some fairy-alien who got put into a half human body (half, because my nervous system and perceptive ability are not very “human”)

Experiences are Universal, our reactions aren't, but the problem we seek to solve is.

Can you share your poetry with me?

[Braingel]

So you've changed your intuitive listing from your other thread?

(SHS is model G).

[Braingel]

G followers I am aware of:
fractals
pirouette
ilyi
divine too human/wbry (which he may be ili, don’t include him).
aster
reality denialist
I mean alive tech is, but it doesn’t seem full shs
spectrum
kindness
Alfonso
my research
wisteria
Chaos conductor
Viktor
chinchilla
just everyone else in the mod G thread

[Braingel]

People I type intuitive and what school they use (and my scs typing)
Necro rose western socionics and a bit of G EII/IEI (don’t know which for scs, bc an iei there is more modern EII)
expansion— mixed pan jungian IEE
reality denialist Jung and model G ILE
kindness model G IEE
vewy mbti, western EIE
alive model G and his own understanding LII
raptor model G, model A, mbti ILE
flower mix of systems delta NF or beta NF
Myself EII
Acia IEI/EII Filatova, model G

In my saying only 3 people aren’t Se ego in shs, I included only pure SHS believers

[Braingel]

Experiences are Universal, our reactions aren't, but the problem we seek to solve is.

Can you share your poetry with me?

Maybe one day, I am currently writing a short story about an oppressed girl named Maggie, who will undergo trials with her deceased father in a temple he had built and with spiritual concepts I had invented 6 years ago.. well, I realized them and how these natural processes connect, a creator designed everything possible in this world.

[Braingel]

Hahahah my short story is very TiSe super ego :,) focusing on one’s placement in regards to power dynamics, and Se illusions in appearance that don’t align with one’s own essence and capabilities..

[Beautiful sky]

You could be EII
But you just don’t have enough in you to shut an LSE up with morals

[Muira]

Maybe one day, I am currently writing a short story about an oppressed girl named Maggie, who will undergo trials with her deceased father in a temple he had built and with spiritual concepts I had invented 6 years ago.. well, I realized them and how these natural processes connect, a creator designed everything possible in this world.

Interesting! What sociotype did you give her? Or loose ideas?

[Braingel]

You could be EII
But you just don’t have enough in you to shut an LSE up with morals

I’d be classical eii, but modern iei.. definitely a Filatova iei

[Braingel]

Classical eii’s are a lot more iei-ish than eii-ish, bc of mental functions and Te vital not fitting modern Te suggestive. Classical Se polr fits Se suggestive and classical Te polr fits Te suggestive.

[Braingel]

An LSE in scs cares more about Ni than Fi.

[Braingel]

You can say that the suggestive function in scs is just more appreciating help when it’s given, and that the person can blame issues in their life on this function (also super ego placements).

[Braingel]

How modern socio defines polr is very how aushura defines suggestive

[Braingel]

And aushura polr is more like suggestive.. you move towards and want be good at your polr

[Braingel]

But people can probably also often by their scs super ego functions in wss, because those are very “valued” Functions, and shs social missions can also fit super ego.

[Braingel]

Interesting! What sociotype did you give her? Or loose ideas?

She’s probably an eii… But the father would be eie, and the other sage who opens the temple for her, long time friend of deceased father, is an iei probably..

And these would go over to beebe, infp, infj, enfj..

She is somewhat based on myself, but not purely.

An EII social 4 (modern IEI for her too).. She’s literally the types of myself… But she would be a 459 tritype.

[Braingel]

I don’t know if this has do with my shadow self, with me being “uncomfortable” in the Fe element, but when I am not put out of control by my dysfunctional Fe, I when I cry a lot and am emotional inside over how vulnerable I feel in my trauma, cry harder when I am internally expressing dramatic emotions within myself… The crying harder I wonder if this is in any way related to the unconscious Fe, with it opposing my ego blocks.

I am wounded right in this area.. My Fe and my Se and Te are my sore spots… But the Fe seems to be where all the trauma is unconsciously ​stored in me, and when I get into emotional states I can’t control of myself that are trauma-related, it takes over my behavior and I become a completely different person that I am afar from naturally.

Apart of this is because I pity my own self. But when this happens, when I feel deep emotions in my own self… That are of traumatic nature and of my own self expressing pain (Fe-), I just cry harder and am overcome with an energy in me. Fi+ and Fe- are directly oppositional…. Maybe it’s just more intense, because it’s unconscious.

I am bothered by my not being seen, I am bothered by the helpless feeling of myself, some of it is age regression, but it also just is out of sync with my own energy, I can feel it inside of myself.

[Braingel]

Heck, I wonder if an Fe- oppositional is directly social or sp 4 its own self.. Well, overall it may befit of SP more, but with how it can unleash and completely reveal itself naked emotionally is not only 2 line, but highly social ish.

[Braingel]

I don’t know if this has do with my shadow self, with me being “uncomfortable” in the Fe element, but when I am not put out of control by my dysfunctional Fe, I when I cry a lot and am emotional inside over how vulnerable I feel in my trauma, cry harder when I am internally expressing dramatic emotions within myself… The crying harder I wonder if this is in any way related to the unconscious Fe, with it opposing my ego blocks.

I am wounded right in this area.. My Fe and my Se and Te are my sore spots… But the Fe seems to be where all the trauma is unconsciously ​stored in me, and when I get into emotional states I can’t control of myself that are trauma-related, it takes over my behavior and I become a completely different person that I am afar from naturally.

Apart of this is because I pity my own self. But when this happens, when I feel deep emotions in my own self… That are of traumatic nature and of my own self expressing pain (Fe-), I just cry harder and am overcome with an energy in me. Fi+ and Fe- are directly oppositional…. Maybe it’s just more intense, because it’s unconscious.

I am bothered by my not being seen, I am bothered by the helpless feeling of myself, some of it is age regression, but it also just is out of sync with my own energy, I can feel it inside of myself.

My Se, Ti and Te pain are conscious in some extent, but my Fe pain is like.. Yeah, I’m aware of it, but there’s a lot I don’t understand in how this controls me, and makes me into a completely almost different acting person, opposite from my essence. It tears me.. It makes me focus more collective, when that opposes my inherent self, it makes me more dramatic and expressive, very emotive in an unhinged, histrionic way, that is counter to my calm, soft, reserved demeanor, and this takes a complete grip on me, I suppose because it’s unconscious, and because it’s repressed and not valued, it has more grasping on myself. Something I can control less in my own direct conscious.

[Braingel]

My Se, Ti and Te pain are conscious in some extent, but my Fe pain is like.. Yeah, I’m aware of it, but there’s a lot I don’t understand in how this controls me, and makes me into a completely almost different acting person, opposite from my essence. It tears me.. It makes me focus more collective, when that opposes my inherent self, it makes me more dramatic and expressive, very emotive in an unhinged, histrionic way, that is counter to my calm, soft, reserved demeanor, and this takes a complete grip on me, I suppose because it’s unconscious, and because it’s repressed and not valued, it has more grasping on myself. Something I can control less in my own direct conscious.

It’s so unconscious in me, I couldn’t even fucking understand how anyone could type me as an extrovert.. Misinterpret me as one.. I don’t have any control over my Fe. But yeah, when this thing, this Fe, sneaks out from the shadows of my unconscious mind and surfaces out, blinding my own conscious in the process, that I can’t even consciously think, it really does make me act more extroverted.

[Braingel]

It’s so unconscious in me, I couldn’t even fucking understand how anyone could type me as an extrovert.. Misinterpret me as one.. I don’t have any control over my Fe. But yeah, when this thing, this Fe, sneaks out from the shadows of my unconscious mind and surfaces out, blinding my own conscious in the process, that I can’t even consciously think, it really does make me act more extroverted.

I believe this “thing”/Fe pull and dominate my psyche and behavior is more prominent in me because of being abused and bullied for 15+ years. It was developed into a more survival pool and my shadow developed way more than it ever should’ve in a life time, but in a mostly beyond merely unhealthy way.

[Braingel]

I guess, perhaps, because my Fi is my primary focus, I naturally would also have an unconscious feeling dominanting force. My conscious Fi, and my unconscious Fe into a split. With those energy directions. There are sometimes even this wild Fe expressive inner girl shoots up in me internally and elates, and it isn’t even negative.. And I don’t know what triggers that, other than it is when I feel good and cared about..

But I suppose my feeling is just my lead and introversion is the conscious, and extroversion is my unconscious lead and so all these unconscious beaches just bleed out in extroverted ways, and my trauma causing uncontrollable, unconscious reactions shoots it up more frequently.

[Braingel]

I believe that my trauma and adversities made my unconscious a lot more nuanced and having far more impacts of my everyday life.. My unconscious Fe, my unconscious Ni, my unconscious Te and Si… Even my Si is more developed for an average super Id.. My Ni is exceedingly powerful, it is more of a “5D”, more strong in some ways, than my actual Fi lead.. But it’s unconscious, and I’ve little control over it, but my Ne I can will and control. I also have little control of my Si, but my Fe is definitely the function that is the most uncontrollable in an adverse way.

[Braingel]

I believe these unconscious developments look so strong, stronger than they are, for how they’ve been force developed by unconscious body traumatization and wiring defensive reactions in my brain, that others now easily can mistake my personality in being the unconscious domains of my psyche, and miss my true processes more easily.

[Braingel]

I believe these unconscious developments look so strong, stronger than they are, for how they’ve been force developed by unconscious body traumatization and wiring defensive reactions in my brain, that others now easily can mistake my personality in being the unconscious domains of my psyche, and miss my true processes more easily.

Which always does happen. Even my closest friends I’ve developed in the community, I am very close with them, they all had started off typing me as an EIE… A few of them IEE..

[Braingel]

And tbh, apart of why I may be so repulsed by me being typed an eie, aside from it just being a “common typing” in G, which I hate being seen that way, is also that Fe opposes my direct values, and it’s “disgusting” to me. The eie toting being common is one reason I hate it so much, it makes me feel utterly worthless in how others perceive me, but it also feels disgusting, because inside, it feels so fucking far from how I am, and it is. It’s my unconscious trauma responses, where they all mostly harbor, and people for so long invalidated and dismissed that and said I’m “coping” and shit, which I already have huge issues in being unconsumed and can only react (and I react with the Fe element— *uncosnciously*) and I had to dig deeper and deeper and I finally found what I knew— that it is indeed trauma. The opposing function are the defensive reactions, and this isn’t in the conscious of any socio school, only beebe, likely, because he saw it overtime in his 40+ years as a psychiatrist who also practices psychotherapy. He would’ve accrued patterns of psychological functions and their placements in highly traumatized and dysfunctional people. Socionics cannot yet of this do..

[Braingel]

With gulenko’s whole take that an eie cannot keep true to its own moral, this makes me wonder how many Fi leads may be mistyped this, who don’t necessarily actually by will do this, but their Fe shadow would make them act in opposition to their inner nature and conscious outlooks.

[Braingel]

And tbh, apart of why I may be so repulsed by me being typed an eie, aside from it just being a “common typing” in G, which I hate being seen that way, is also that Fe opposes my direct values, and it’s “disgusting” to me. The eie toting being common is one reason I hate it so much, it makes me feel utterly worthless in how others perceive me, but it also feels disgusting, because inside, it feels so fucking far from how I am, and it is. It’s my unconscious trauma responses, where they all mostly harbor, and people for so long invalidated and dismissed that and said I’m “coping” and shit, which I already have huge issues in being unconsumed and can only react (and I react with the Fe element— *uncosnciously*) and I had to dig deeper and deeper and I finally found what I knew— that it is indeed trauma. The opposing function are the defensive reactions, and this isn’t in the conscious of any socio school, only beebe, likely, because he saw it overtime in his 40+ years as a psychiatrist who also practices psychotherapy. He would’ve accrued patterns of psychological functions and their placements in highly traumatized and dysfunctional people. Socionics cannot yet of this do..

I feel literally disgusted unconsciously in the moment I suppose, but I cringe in divest now in this writing, so it’s there, when people confuse my trauma and abuse reactions with my essence and personality. It’s such a fucking insult to me, it feels like a stab, it means they don’t see what I want them to value about myself— my soul. My inherent properties I so greatly in my own self value.. And have image of.. I feel disgusted when people type me X because I am reactive or have emotional outbursts, and confuse my trauma and abuse— things that have hurt me so much, and assume it as my personality. Not only invalidating my true essence, but also my trauma itself and as if it didn’t have the impact it’s had on me, for me to even become as this way. It hurts me so fucking much, and it is making me cry now.

It makes me to feel that people don’t care about my trauma, that they don’t see it or treat it as the big deal it is and should be to others, but never has been. Depriving me of the compassion I deserve and need and enabling the spiral of this all, and my place in this world (Ti super ego damn it).

[Braingel]

To be honest, what I just said above is even unconscious Fe.. It is wanting be seen by everyone, an unconscious desire that doesn’t even marry my Fi lead and then it can pull and yank and literally show it all to everyone… Like a true ID, self-serving function. It 100% aligns with socionics placement as an ID… It literally ropes me into what I don’t even value my own self, with unfulfilled, unconscious desires, and ropes me into uncontrollable, unconscious expressions and dramatic display.. That isn’t even how I consciously am inside.

[Braingel]

Let me just make a list of all my correct typings by system, so people don’t get confused here.. Because I am not proclaiming be an EII in every school, merely real socionics that actually aligns Jung and John Beebe.

Classical Aushura that is made into a new school, SCS: EII
WSS: IEI
Filatova: IEI
John Beebe: FiNe INFP
Dario Nardi: INFP
Big 5: RLUA/EI (marginal agreeability and egocentricity).

[Braingel]

Model G would assume me as an overall neurotic person.. It would dumb it down and classify me as being neurotic, because I’m “a negativist” (which I am not). When it is my shadow that’s neurotic.. My Fi and Ne aren’t neurotic at all… They’re my least neurotic functions, but of course I still will internalize info in these things, which will feed into trauma responses, but they’re how info digests, and then the Fe throws up.. From the Fi-Ne digestion..

People type me based on my vomit and how this looks, which is Fe. They assume for me to produce Fe spillage, it is Fe. But the Fe couldn’t even digest well in my conscious to begin with, to where it pushed up in a neurotic, immature, toxic way that works against myself and others. It’s not me being a “difficult” person and negativist dichotomy type person, as I one is truly difficult or easy to be around, as those are in time frames that pedicure this, relative to one’s health.

People don’t look at what caused me to throw up in the first of places, and the digestion that took place, and resulted in my throwing up of this all… In the nasty, corrosive acid that is my behavior of this kind when it comes out and is a nuisance at best and is toxic as its worst.

For people to procure eie for me is not in itself completely unworthy, as this would be the shadow state that is being typed, and most people typing by what they see (being sensors that they mostly are), are gonna abide this as my type..