Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
I'm LIE-Te, and in my experience, there is a very noticeable difference between people of the ESI-Fi and ESI-Se sub-types.

I usually summarize the difference by calling them the "sports model" (the ESI-Se) and the "nesting model" (the ESI-Fi).

The way that the difference manifests to me is that the ESI-Se feels closer to my impression of the SEE-Fi, and the ESI-Fi feels closer to my impression of the EII-Fi. Basically, the ESI-Se feels more like Activity, while the ESI-Fi feels more like a comfortable Semi-Dual.

Now, Stratiyevskaya has written that it is much easier to get close to your Semi-Dual than to your Dual and she's absolutely right, and I don't hang out with many SEEs because we compete for the stage, so you'd think that that would make the ESI-Fi easier to start a relationship with, but I have found the opposite to be the case.

I can quickly form a bond with an ESI-Se (when I meet them in person, that is.) That's the influence of Activity relations, and ESI-Se's love to physically challenge themselves to do more stuff, and I'm out there doing stuff in the real world, so they get that and they like it. However, ESI-Se's are constantly looking for that next challenge, which means that they are constantly leaving the things they were just doing, in favor of the next adventure.

It takes me a long time to form a bond with an ESI-Fi, so it's a good thing that I'm very patient. The default position of the ESI-Fi is to sit way back and observe for a long time and send out small probes and do small tests to see how people react, without actually showing their hand.
They are always stunned when I tell them, early in the relationship, that they "divide the world into two groups; the good and the bad, and once they place someone into a category, that person never gets out. And they will never tell a person which category they are in."

Lol. Thank you, Socionics. ESI-Fi's do not outwardly react to that news, but they recognize themselves immediately and then they wonder who this guy is that can see into them? It's a cheap way for me to short-circuit the otherwise lengthy process of getting their attention, but it's not evil for me to do that.

ESI-Se's are more like cats, and ESI-Fi's are more like dogs, and I prefer dogs. I need that steady Fi faithfulness more than I need the glamorous excitement of Se.
I won't stop bringing this up because it matters more than anything else here. Attachment Theory. Do they even know about it, do you know about it, and are you even attempting to apply it to this dilemma you're facing?

"Situationships" and the like would melt away if people just started directly stating their needs to the other party. You want marriage and kids? Tell them that on the first date with the caveat that we don't gotta get married tomorrow but DO state that's the goal and if they're not OK with that we should probably look elsewhere for companionship.

Clear, direct, and honest communication is the key my dude. My own well of despair stems from the fact that I can't do that without risking a harassment charge. You seem to be the kind of guy who is a "3-6" as it were. I don't know if you got six pack abs but you're probably 6+ feet tall and make six figures. Good on ya!

You can actually roll the dice on a random woman you find attractive and be relatively certain it won't backfire. Good luck on my end though. I can go on endlessly about how valuable I actually am but I have no house I own nor plot of land I own the deed to. If I get accused of harassment it's all over for me. Small wonder that most men now refuse to approach women. Juice ain't worth the squeeze.