fILE - mSEI duality

[persimmonism]

Context.
My fILE friend has found a mSEI and she is utterly ADORABLY confused about him on a daily basis, however she's 1) too cool to join a forum full of antisocial losers 2) keeps PROCRASTINATING WRITING THIS for me to post so I am writing it myself because I want to help them marry and live happily ever after if it's the last thing I do with my small insignificant life goddammit.
However I know nothing about SEI-ILE duality, let alone with the stereotypical genders reversed, and I am not there in person to help, so let's see what the forum has to say.

Let's set the scene.

We have one (1) female SO/SX ILE 6w7 college student madly in love with confused about one (1) male SP/SO SEI mystery-enneatype college student.


The goal.
For now, it is simply to get closer to him on a friendship basis, not necessarily immediately take the romantic route.


Points of confusion & other background info she wants me to put.
1) Confusing, inconsistent behavior towards her. She has noticed that particularly, in a group setting he acts colder towards her. Her SLI guy friend who is there to observe has suggested that it might be a general guy thing because supposedly guys can get a lot of flack from their guy friends if they act very interested in a girl (?) Sounds vague, and I don't entirely trust that. And on the other hand, in her words, there are times when he literally beams when he sees her. Is such behavior an SEI thing?

2) He is always texting/calling to ask her, out of all people, very simple questions that could be easily googled e.g. where is this professor's office. He also asks her things of the sort: how she will study for an exam, what answer she got for something even though in theory there are more qualified people to ask.
(I'm telling her he's starting unconsciously mooching off of her Te. As an IEI I see what he's doing there mhm)

3) They have the occasional long, deeper conversation where he's very engaging. She can tell he enjoys her presence and talking to her and she felt like they really connected. Then there are other times where it feels as if they never had such conversations and the interaction feels colder on his end.
(my 2 cents: this may very well be partially due to his SX-lastness, they can be like that, but it doesn't explain the coldness afterwards)


Questions.
1) How are SEI males different than what you'd expect?
2) How much should she Ne/Te help him out? She's already started reflexively covering for him in some ways, but I know that it's easy for such things/your dual to be taken for granted, and this guy obviously doesn't realize the value in his dual yet, and I don't want her to feel "used" by him with him still not bridging the emotional distance.
3) Is it possible for her to directly bring up her confusion over his inconsistent behavior towards him? I know as an IEI I would point-blank do this, but also for my duality, it is supposedly a no-no for SLE to try and take ethical matters into their own hands because they'll probably fuck it up and it's just not good. Therefore is this an unwise course of action and she should just suck it up lol, and what can she do instead to stop being so confused. If not, how should she go about this?
4) How to make an SEI see the value in their dual? What prompts them to start bridging the emotional distance.
4) In general, which roles are ILE expected to take in this duality?
5) How can an ILE go about getting closer to someone? As a 6 she is perpetually doubtful, so it'd be nice if someone could spell it out even though "the ILE way" should in theory come naturally to her.
6) Any advice and insight from ILE/SEI very very welcome.

[Sol]

I am writing it myself because I want to help them marry

To suppose that people would be good pair has reasonable basis if they are good friends for significant time.
While at now: "it is simply to get closer to him on a friendship basis, not necessarily immediately take the romantic route".

Even if IR would be good - it's only _one of_ traits helping for good pair.

> other background info she wants me to put

It's not expected behavior for ILE and hence gives doubts in the type.

> How are SEI males different than what you'd expect?

Types of them both can be any. There are often mistakes in types.
So, that someone's type was taken into account - should exist adequate typing data as videointerview and questionnaire to understand possible type.

The main useful about behavior of concrete types exists in common typology texts. I recommend Jung and Filatova's books.

> How to make an SEI see the value in their dual? What prompts them to start bridging the emotional distance.

The general approach in case of good IR.
More to do together, when people cooperate having the same aim. Preferably in not much formal conditions. This should help to understand strong sides of both, show higher abbility for a cooperation, to help notice personal sympathy.
To do what friends do. Alike to share by thoughts, feelings, what happens important in life, to be honest. To develop a compassion to each other. To give a help and care, to accept it from other. To do more together, - useful and for a fan.
When IR are good - the said should predispos to arise the personal interest, feelings. When IR are bad - people with more interactions annoy and tire each other, and don't give much of useful (it's perceived so at least).

SEI like by Ne: new ideas, complex world perception, assumptions about anything. By Ti - all that should be logical, reasonable. SEI would like to do something new with ILE. To visit new places, for example. To meet new people. To try new possibilities, in general.

The said is banal.

> Any advice and insight from ILE/SEI very very welcome.

Mistakes in own types are often to do not trust opinions about own types. At best 50% are correct in them.
Your type I also doubt is IEI, taken your behavior.

Point to your friend recommended texts. She may read and understand the needed herself. Especially if it's NT.
To both I'd give a test (Gulenko's dichotomy) to arise the chance for correct types.
Real types can be in different IR, mb in good accidentally. If not so good IR, people may like each other for other traits besides IR related. To evaluate the general potential for a good pair is better in a communication and only so. Do not overesteemate the influence of Jung types, and the possibility to identify them correctly.
The main obstacle to make good pair is egocentrism, because of which people do not care good about each other.

[persimmonism]

SEI like by Ne: new ideas, complex world perception, assumptions about anything. By Ti - all that should be logical, reasonable. SEI would like to do something new with ILE. To visit new places, for example. To meet new people. To try new possibilities, in general.

Yeah? That's good advice, thanks.

And I'm beta NF. You should know I'm just being theatrical when I say it'd be nice if they danced off into the sunset together =)

[CR400AF]

There might be some useful info in this post: https://www.the16types.info/vbulleti...ISFp-amp-ENTp)

[Tallmo]

Don't overthink it. Maybe she should talk to him directly if she is confused. ILEs can be good at bringing up akward topics without sounding akward.

It's very difficult to say something in general how one should behave. People are different. I think it's a mistake to use the theory as a guide what you can talk about and what not. Just be yourself. They might be compatible, or they might not be. Duality is not everything.

[Riven]

Not overthinking is in fact the best advice I can give too. As a friend, just make sure she's not making up logical explanations for his supposed attraction to her, and that there's actually some chemistry between both. I haven't been in any relationships but I've fooled myself plenty of times this way.