ppl say kill your ego like it's easy or even possible. human psychology is endlessly complex and removal of one thing is like cutting an interlocking strand from a web, it's NEVER that simple and never done in a vacuum, it's go too many things attached to it.Originally Posted by Braingel
Point me to someone who has "killed their ego" and I'll show you someone whose a liar but doesn't know it yet.
I never said that it’s easy, that’s why I said can take a life time… But awareness is definitely the first means to attain this.
You can probably kill certain things in an ego in a few months to a few years.. Everything in the ego will often take decades.
I am in my head; not society.
Yes, that is who I am, hence the bold am. Also, a brain angel. (+ my own incarnation of a Zelda concept).
My thoughts align w action to succeed what needs (at least in my dreamed ideal, they do)…
Dragons:
Babies, click them to make them grow up into Kara’s Dragon Museum
My favorite adult Museum Exhibits
Maybe I just worded this in too much of a result dichotomy, “simplifying” way of your liking…
I am in my head; not society.
Yes, that is who I am, hence the bold am. Also, a brain angel. (+ my own incarnation of a Zelda concept).
My thoughts align w action to succeed what needs (at least in my dreamed ideal, they do)…
Dragons:
Babies, click them to make them grow up into Kara’s Dragon Museum
My favorite adult Museum Exhibits
It could be part of me feels depressed in schools because I don't really click with beta sts and they often call me out, and I use to get bullied a lot. Sometimes I wish alphas were more common or smth bc idk how to expect a beta st to understand a delta nf really. It's not really like delta sts can understand the delta NFS fully either, but maybe since their low intuition in beta sts it's hard for them to understand people who are different from them or Ne. IDK sometimes I just get bored of hierarchy places and feeling so confined all the time.
One day, you should maybe look at mountain or desert towns.. Those tend be a lot more delta..
I am in my head; not society.
Yes, that is who I am, hence the bold am. Also, a brain angel. (+ my own incarnation of a Zelda concept).
My thoughts align w action to succeed what needs (at least in my dreamed ideal, they do)…
Dragons:
Babies, click them to make them grow up into Kara’s Dragon Museum
My favorite adult Museum Exhibits
Small islands are also probably more Si, as they have more homeostasis and less Se expansion opportunity..
I am in my head; not society.
Yes, that is who I am, hence the bold am. Also, a brain angel. (+ my own incarnation of a Zelda concept).
My thoughts align w action to succeed what needs (at least in my dreamed ideal, they do)…
Dragons:
Babies, click them to make them grow up into Kara’s Dragon Museum
My favorite adult Museum Exhibits
Florida when I was there actually the part I was in Orlando sometimes had a lot of new people coming in. I live in a very city area in NC now it's busy but it's also right near driving to rural/places with like truckers. I think actually when you get up to Ohio it's even more beta there less gammas.
IDK I haven't met any other deltas but it's not like I'd be able to afford to travel there unless I find some way. My father wants to actually move to a rainforest by the caribbean reef in Belize once I graduate or later..
The thing is you can't expect someone to be able to get along with some who is completely different from you. I always keep to myself but often my conflict type has targeted me n sometimes either this boy my semi dual or activator was around but often he is somewhere else. How ever it's not easy for me to avoid this lady bc the school is so small and she specifically targets me even tho I am trying find places to hide. Am just saying like maybe yes I am mentally disturbed, but there no reason to try to deal with ppl if they harm me. And people can be unhealthy and project onto others and even if I'm sick I don't project bc 1d se and te I can't really. Ofc like super ego or other relations I wouldn't maybe project as much and feel targeted but I feel like it's healthy to try to avoid things that can harm you. Since, I am forced by my family to go to institutions and school like I don't really have many options. I just don't think theirs anything wrong with caring about your safety or attempting to protect yourself.
Last edited by youfloweryourfeast; 04-07-2024 at 01:38 AM.
I relate to this a lot actually.
The evil witch targets the beautiful princess, as usual.
You are if you believe that your Attachment Style cannot be changed. This is what I speak of when speak of "The Lost".
One who is lost is one who earnestly believes that there is exactly zero chance of anyone loving them truly and completely even if they do everything right.
They are either so anxious that they'll never feel secure when someone does tons of work to show them that "No I don't hate you deep down and I actually Love you enough to not ghost you the instant you fuck up somehow" or "OK I get it now. You'll never actually love me and thus I'll never share my feelings with you as only an idiot does that with any amount of earnesty"
I have very strong fears of abandonment due to childhood. Never been in a relationship. Afraid to even try or express my feelings because of the possibility of rejection.
I don't think it will be a simple no, I will always imagine a doomsday scenario. Even worse I fear that a person who looks decent may end up being a monster behind closed doors (fear of abusive relationships).
Whenever enyone has ever expressed interest, I have reciprocated with indifference or sabotaging myself, because I project really bad outcomes.
But really it's making me depressed that I am not in a relationship.
That sounds like you have "Anxious-Avoidant" attachment. The worst case scenario that happens to around 5 percent of the population and only seems to occur to those who were either particularly vulnerable for some reason or who were the victims of some form of hardcore abuse from people who ought to have been there for them.
I can offer to be a kind man who will accept that you have some issues and try to help you but if you yourself see me as just another abuser trying to screw you over subconsciously and/or a charlatan who never really cared because you DM'd me and I didn't get back to you within the timespan of a few hours than I cannot help you.
If you are, however, like me and have done some work and know that a better way is not only possible but has been in a real way robbed from all of us regardless of things like race, gender, or religious perspective and that other people are starved for the kinds of relationships that were once so commonplace the ancient philosophers never even bothered to think of a world that lacked them because such a thought was so absurd and alien that even the likes of Socrates or Confucius only gave such doomsday scenarios a passing dismissal than give me a go.
I can recommend resources outside myself as well. I've done a lot of research and I know of a lot of things regarding the how and why things have gotten as bad as they have but I've also learned the hard way that people won't learn or accept things until they are ready to. Unless and until a person has reached a "teachable moment" nothing I say or recommend will have any positive effect. The reason why "the lost" are, well, lost is because they are incapable of reaching the state of being in that moment.
You cannot teach someone that they are or can become worthy of receiving love if they don't believe that deep down. You cannot convince someone who earnestly believes that everyone else is out to fuck them over that you are not because you are yourself part of that "everyone else". This is the doom of "The Last Man/Woman" as Nietzsche would have conceived it. The man/woman who has given into despair entirely and is now adapting to that state over defiantly asserting that they will stand up and affirm their life and the fact they are alive no matter the odds against them.
His error was in believing that such an assertion was made by humanity in a vacuum. People did that and wrote epic tales and poems because, in ancient times, people were raised in communities of other humans who legitimately cared about them. They had extended families, friends, and even if they didn't they had things like Priests who would pick them up. Tolkien was a hardcore Catholic because while everyone else abandoned him some random Priest didn't and raised him like he was his own son. Because of that he wrote "The Lord of the Rings". Examples like that are all over history and are lacking in modernity for reasons I can go into at length but the point remains.
If you have some form of hope. If you believe that other people can be earnestly supportive and loving and that at least some people can return whatever love you can offer them in an earnest and heartfelt manner than you can learn how to become the kind of person that gets to receive that love because you can learn to become the kind of person that gives it rationally. "The Lost" are not worth the effort. You cannot "fix" them. You can fix those who aren't lost though and that is some of the most rewarding work you'll ever do emotionally. The trick is differentiating between the two.
I mean, I've been in relationships where I was very loved and loved for who I am not what the person imagined I should be. But I still struggle to talk to girls for fear that if they really knew me they wouldn't want me. I see this more of an issue that comes from type 4 enneagram, fear that deep down you are broken and undesireable and I see it as less of an attachment theory issue even though it does sound like Avoidant style. I saw somewhere that secure attachment is not having fear of losing someone by being honest with them, if you are honest with them and they leave you will accept the outcome. That does seem healthy, but can one even change their attachment style? And why doesn't a loving relationship give you evidence enough to override your attachment style? Pretty much why am I still effed up and avoidant if I've been loved before.
I recently watched goodwill hunting and Robin Williams had a line in it that said "Why don't you call her? Because you don't wanna get to know her and find out she's not perfect? No that's not it, it's because right now in her eye's you think you're perfect and you don't wanna f&ck it up, but that's not how you really get to know people." That is so damn true for me. If any girl even seems to show interest my way, I feel like any step I take forward could mess up any interest she's got.
Who cares? If love is right, it will come to you. Life is more than just love, while personally I think love is a luxury but way more common in a privilege society like the US, while in basic societies women and men have to deal with whoever's shit is available just to survive as a species.
Personally, I don't really know either, but love isn't going to get anyone anywhere or bring much benefit to me.
People's attachment styles can change overtime, but not suddenly, at least after their adolescent brain is somewhat developed. Especially after therapy, though.
However your way of thinking often causes self sabotage in the pursuit of love, insecurity only attracts people who wish to exploit you and continue the cycle of abuse.
Try being more present minded.
Library because this site has become sort of an idiocracy
I really believed in ITR theory, until I talked for a while with a couple NF deltas and actually processed my experience with Fi egos with others to which I realized that ITR is only about needs but not love. Hence Ti ego in Aushura.
As my dad was EII, did he love me the most? Yes
Was he the most critical person ever? Yes
But point still stands.
Here is some work written by Sofia, a classic socionist, blueprint EII. (Link to full work)
After reading that, I really understood why ITR didn't entirely match up with my experience, and she did help to explain it even further. It made so much more sense.
Someone being your dual doesn't automatically mean they will like you, will enjoy your presence, will find you interesting or you both won't fight because lol fights are part of the Fi domain and its ethics. Augusta even talked about that in her paper for Ethics and Logic how a good and controlled quarrel can be managed successfully only by ethicals. Getting along and being willing to see other perspective is not necessary ITR thing either because yes, you can have hard time to understand something because of your TIM but still to stop and listen what this person has to tell you it's again related to ethics because let's be real - if you dislike your dual you won't want to hear anything from them, you would want to go as far as possible. I think for Augusta duality is the magical pill, and you are not a complete and well functioning individual if you aren't dualized, you depend on the presence of your dual for everything and all bad things you are demonstrating are due to not being dualized which sounds... questionable.
The relationships in Socionics are basically Fi->Ti transfer as I already mentioned. My friend LucyStar was reading the ITR paper recently, and she commented how Augusta explained why ITR works literally using the objective distance/position of people which has nothing to do with the inner standing (Fi), it's basically instructions how far or close (literal distance) to have different people based on their inner content. Her idealized version of Fi is just based on Ti "conflictors - you are doomed, stay away", "duals - you will be happily ever after, you can be with them in very close range". I would argue that "compatible" TIM would lead to less misunderstanding, Augusta operates from the angle you will always understand your dual and even if there are some misunderstanding, you will solve them due to your magical exchange of information. Well... what about if you don't appreciate your dual's manifestation of their Demonstrative function or even their base? For example, I can't stand Gordon Ramsay, his vibe, nor I appreciate his tone with which he gives instructions, this should be impossible right? I should feel how my body feels relaxed (because of matching meridians) once I hear his voice instead of changing the channel.
Augusta recognized how the same TIM could be shaped differently, and yet she believed the manifestation of your TIM will always match your dual and vice versa, just because you have a particular matrix... having a glass teapot doesn't always mean you will have only tea or only coffee inside but means that you should be mindful with the fragility of the material because of the structure of the teapot or... you will never know the way of which this teapot can get broken, the particular cracks which will appear, their forms, the only thing you know it's that you should be careful with the heat because your teapot can break.
I do believe the external factors plus the real Fi information influence the successfulness (or not ) of the relationship between people much more greatly. A "good" ITR is basically "Person's brain has X information which is processed kinetically, and you need that, and they are willing to give this information to you" Ne~Ti. Just because they have it, this doesn't mean you automatically will start liking them, or you will get along with them because the "ITR is good".
Library because this site has become sort of an idiocracy
Firstly: You are correct about Secure attachment more or less. Cetirus Paribus as we say in Philosophy. There are many other factors at play but, all else being equal, yes that's true.
Secondly your problem is actually Anxious attachment. "I'm afraid/know there is something about me that I cannot see but that everyone else can and that makes me an unloveable sack of shite" is textbook Anxious Attachment.
That last part you quoted is also textbook Anxious. They try to put on the perfect front and do whatever they think their prospective paramour would like in the hopes that they'll never look too closely and find the despicable thing they know is there and abandon them. They "Aim to please" above all else and freak out over how they might fail in that mission and, thus, be abandoned and alone in a hostile world that hates them.
Avoidant people do the same thing but for a different reason. It's not about her finding out you're not perfect and f**king it up. It's about how she'd react to that and how she'd use whatever vulnerable part of yourself she discovered through that interaction to control/manipulate you and how that'd f**k up your life if she was particularly manipulative/vindictive/etc.
Lastly and the most important part of Attachment Theory you seem to be missing. This isn't about logic! You're probably saying you were "loved" because your parents/friends/etc. help you and do whatever you ask of them within reason. I'll spell it out for you with this example. You could have the most caring, loving, amazing parents you could imagine. Always hugged you when you cried. Always supported you in whatever endeavor you desired to embark upon. Thought you had great tastes in romantic prospects within reason. Literally the perfect parents.
Save for one thing that was utterly beyond their control. You were a "preme" baby and spent the first six months of your life in the NICU. Your brain's most basic structures started forming then in a world outside the womb where none of your most desperate cries for attention and love were ever answered. In the womb you are in the constant and ever present warm gooey embrace of your Mother after all. Even though all of them were afterwards why not at the start when you were first removed from such soothing warmth? Why were you so utterly alone and abandoned for so long? That is what your subconscious mind is trying to deal with and adapted to and no amount of hugs, kisses, esteem or praise will fix that if nobody (especially and including yourself) understands that and the hardest thing to do for most all of us is forcing the subconscious into the logical and managable realm of the conscious.
Again, logic has nothing to do with it. Accept that fact and go from there. Logically you could have the most amazing and wonderful people in your life and, while that helps a great deal, it won't fix your problem just by itself. It'll make fixing it much easier and likely to succeed, but it won't automatically fix it. Only you can fix it, and the only way to start is to start taking the risks your entire body and mind will scream at you to never ever think about doing. Ask me how I know.
Life experience and childhood trauma can be the cause of a formed TIM, however, even guarded people can exist in a perfectly safe society.
A lot of this sounds like bpd, am I right?
Now in love, there is no logic, not when it's dictated by Fi(subjective/personal relations, desire, love, hate, etc), and some Fe(infectious mood, etc).
A truly logical perspective is to not react and to process one's emotions from a detached perspective, rarely looks at how one feels about the other, more focused on survival or fulfilling a higher purpose if needs are met, etc.
Anxious attachment seems like a combination of Ni, Fi, and some Ne. Who can I trust? Will they abandon me over time? Etc?
Library because this site has become sort of an idiocracy
Bro I gotta disagree, this is too "love is dead" for me. And what do you mean who cares? I care of course, otherwise I have no control over that part of my life and continue to wander around feeling sorry for myself. And love has never just come to me. I've placed myself in situations where it could happen and I always had to take action.
My "way" of thinking is not a conscious choice, if it were I would simply choose not to think that way. It's more of a compulsion I have to fight off ever single time.
"Try being more present minded.", You're a SLE it seems, that's very easy for you to say.
Bro...I'm just trying to figure out how to get the balls to ask a girl out and you're telling me I gotta solve my postnatal issues, like c'mon this is bonkers lol.
I'm not saying I was loved because of parents and friends though but in actual romantic relationships, the people I was with really made me feel appreciated and desired, so yea I'm wondering why I still feel undesirable deep down to a new potential partner.
I have the avoidant fear also but not in relationships but with friendships and acquaintances, I def feel fear of telling them personal things in fear that they will ridicule me see me as lesser than or use it to manipulate or humiliate me. But this is because this has acually happened to me, so naturally I would develop a fear of it I feel. That fear is much less than the anxious fear though, so I'd agree with anxious for my style then.
Ok fine then, how do you know?
I havent really read the rest of the thread prior to this post, so excuse me if its already been mentioned, but during these romantic relationships where you felt really loved, would you say you were completely authentic and your truest self with them? If you weren’t, that might be why there’s still a lingering feeling that a future partner may not love you for who you are. I struggle with the same issue too (but Im not an enneagram 4 so it might not be so acute for me) because I find it difficult to open myself up authentically to almost everyone. That might be the answer to your question, albeit not a solution.
[QUOTE=Lord Pixel;1596283]Bro I gotta disagree, this is too "love is dead" for me. And love has never just come to me. I've placed myself in situations where it could happen and I always had to take action.
That's what happens when your intake of content is solely online and not in the real world. While people are certainly not bound to each other anymore since the modern world makes survival so easy, and women don't have to put up with abusive husbands, or men with ugly or naggy wives. No one is bounded by needs anymore, people now have the choice to be with almost anyone, and no restraint or legal obligation of monogamy, marriage's meaning and purpose has been washed out. Some people don't choose monogamy in this world, just like not many kids pick veggies or fruits with junk food shoved in their face all the time.
But certainly whenever someone tries to replace real human connection, it doesn't work.
You aren't truly accepting life for what it is, blaming the outside world than looking inside yourself.
If you focus so much on what you are missing,
you will be bound to miss out on the wonders and knowledge this world offers.
This maybe too harsh. The world doesn't care about you want, life partners focus on how you can make their lives better, not if you are a hard worker or a nice guy, and especially not your personal selfish needs and wants since they care about their selfish needs and desires. The moment you are the person that gives them access to this, you become valuable, thus become something worth keeping around. Then you will consistently attract the right opportunities in your life. For this you need to be less selfish, but not self sacrificial, be valuable and perceived as valuable. This applies to all things, even business, college, etc.
You sound helpless, like you tried hard for love. The Harder You Try, The Worse It Gets. I recommend you try to look into any possible mental conditions if it's this extreme.
What we think becomes our actions, becomes our sub conscious, etc, but it's not impossible to break away from that chain because of something called free will. Mindsets don't come out of nowhere, they stem from issues that force or convince people to think of another lens to approach this world.My "way" of thinking is not a conscious choice, if it were I would simply choose not to think that way. It's more of a compulsion I have to fight off ever single time.
Bad habits die hard, including dogma of the mind.
But damn well not impossible, you know I'm right."Try being more present minded.", You're a SLE it seems, that's very easy for you to say.
Even still, your mindset doesn't matter, not until you put in actual effort or take action. No insult, but you need to have more nuance as to why something happened.
Who you are today isn't who you were yesterday, or who you will be tomorrow.
Last edited by Muira; 04-15-2024 at 06:43 AM.
Library because this site has become sort of an idiocracy
Maybe that's because of a deeper sense of lacking?
I might sound rude, but I truly want to change your mindset to help you be free of anxiety.
It's not my job, but why not.
Do you have any self-esteem issues? Because you remind me of a friend.
Library because this site has become sort of an idiocracy
Yea I mentioned in a previous post that I was loved for who I actually am. I was damn near my whole self with them. I can't say 100% because I'm not that with anybody, but 95% yea. They saw the good bad and ugly. It's just that new ground brings new fear it seems.
[QUOTE=Muira;1596303]Bro you sound like you've never been in a real or healthy relationship before. The internet spouts all this redpill stuff, but I haven't dated one girl that tried to extort me for money or cared about how I made their lives better. Hell my last gf tried to pay for literally everything, I had to even the score with her sometimes. Life isn't so "survival is all that matters" people aren't computer programs always seeking survival in the most logically consistent way, people aren't even always logically consistent, especially in the realm of relationships.
I don't see where I blamed the world. And I haven't tried hard for love, I haven't tried enough it seems, I don't even talk to anyone, I'm trying to understand my issues so that I could actually try. But love has never come to me, I didn't have to work hard for it but I did have to take the first step towards it to build a connection.
And I don't believe who you are today is not who you were yesterday, because I've been reminded countless times that I am who I was years ago.
Anyway, yea life ain't all what fresh and fit and tate crack it up to be, women aren't just utilitarian predators looking for some beta cuck prey like they always claim, there are alot of lonely people out there that just want someone to connect with, men and women, but for some reason we find it hard to, fear that we are gonna get hurt in ways that we will never recover from and we are fearmongered with these extreme examples which sound sorta like the ones you're talking about here.
Imagine if I told you idk accurately gauge the connection between you and the person you are interested in, be aware of how much they like you or be more aware of multiple possibilities in a scenario and play them out in your head before you jump into something, I imagine you wouldn't jump at the opportunity to do that.
Last edited by Lord Pixel; 04-15-2024 at 07:34 AM.
Yes I have self esteem issues. And yea I have a deeper sense of lacking, that's the whole issue, why would that be there despite my experience.
[QUOTE=Lord Pixel;1596321]Might sound like that, but surely most people have that mindset, she still saw something valuable in you which was probably company and loyalty(bare basics).
I've avoided dating for a while because of focusing on school.
It sounded like it. My bad.I don't see where I blamed the world. And I haven't tried hard for love, I haven't tried enough it seems, I don't even talk to anyone, I'm trying to understand my issues so that I could actually try. But love has never come to me, I didn't have to work hard for it but I did have to take the first step towards it to build a connection.
That's because you refuse to look into a different direction, maintaining a consistent thought brings consistent results.And I don't believe who you are today is not who you were yesterday, because I've been reminded countless times that I am who I was years ago.
I'm not portraying women to be like that, I'm simply stating that people are mostly going to be that way with exceptions. However regardless of gender, everyone doesn't want a relationship where there is no gain, but the mutual feeling of love is a gain in itself.Anyway, yea life ain't all what fresh and fit and tate crack it up to be, women aren't just utilitarian predators looking for some beta cuck prey like they always claim, there are alot of lonely people out there that just want someone to connect with, men and women, but for some reason we find it hard to, fear that we are gonna get hurt in ways that we will never recover from and we are fearmongered with these extreme examples which sound sorta like the ones you're talking about here.
Don't associate me with those redpill fucks, they blame women for their own pathetic life, while act exactly like the way they portray women.
I would ask someone out, see where things go, but I'm not the type of person to reject or avoid someone without giving them a chance. I can only tell if I like someone by actually interacting with them over time.Imagine if I told you idk accurately gauge the connection between you and the person you are interested in, be aware of how much they like you or be more aware of multiple possibilities in a scenario and play them out in your head before you jump into something, I imagine you wouldn't jump at the opportunity to do that.
Library because this site has become sort of an idiocracy
It would make sense if you had some underlying condition, which explains why it would be so hard to change your thoughts/mindset. You should probably get that checked out, sorry if I was rude. Don't hate yourself at all, seek therapy, it helped me a ton.
Just remember, you can't love others properly without loving yourself properly.
Library because this site has become sort of an idiocracy
That's all still rather textbook. I harp on romantic relationships because they are the most intense but in all honesty attachment affects all of your interpersonal relationships. Bad attachment screws up even basic level friendships. Fixing it makes it easier to simply make friends with people and makes truly fulfilling and deep friendships possible to form in an intentional and healthy way. If you fix your attachment you can make things like friendship and love happen intentionally from your end. If the other end responds positively or not is out of your hands. If they do great. If they don't you did your part and you can avoid a potentially toxic relationship well before it becomes a huge problem.
I know because that's exactly what I had to do. I started by approaching my own younger brother whom I wanted to have a closer relationship with and telling him as such. I always got along with him once we both grew up and he's almost certainly an SEE and thus my dual but I had to force myself to say the words "I want to spend more time with you" damn near syllable by syllable. Had to likewise with other such people in my life. It's a lot easier to make it happen now, but at first and even today it's a conscious act of will to do it. Even though I have direct experience of it working out in my favor it's still a conscious effort. Perhaps one day it won't be, but then as now it is.
hmmmmmmmmmm
cya
One of you should just change your type so you can say you are duals. Then everyone can be happy.
cya
@End
makes sense that attachment style would affect all relations. But I mean, I'm not sure this all stems from the postnatal care unit or whatever it's called, NICU. Is there any research done on that? How would you even begin to do research on that, you'd have to track people their whole lives or ask parents with adult children about their history.
And you don't think this(VVV) has anything to do with socionics at all?
But yea I feel like this is hard to do for alot of people. We cringe at being this honest and it's sad. Good thing you did it tho before it was too late. I wanted the same with my dad, but I never got the guts to ask for it, and now he cant move or talk at all. So some aren't so lucky to speak up it in time.
Last edited by Lord Pixel; 04-17-2024 at 05:33 AM.
NICU is the acronym for "Natal Intensive Care Unit" and it's where all preme babies go because that's where the tech and knowledge to keep them alive is. Lots of clean rooms, IV's, and plastic boxes. Ask me how I know.
I say it has nothing to do with socionics but the truth is your type will heavily influence how you express the issue. Y'know, each type will naturally go for a given solution to a problem without even really thinking about it.
Fun Fact: I believe this is the root issue as to why conflictors conflict. Each one's "go to" solution to their problems have the same end goal in mind and may well be equally if not more effective, but they are diametrically opposed. Diplomacy and "talking it out" in a most efficient and disarming manner while you edge those dumbass, hard headed, and empty minded fools inexorably to the edge of the social cliff you intend to shove them off of diametrically conflicts with the efficient application of brute force, intelligence operations, and bullets in the one or two brains stupidly and mindlessly opposing the obviously correct course of action!
I've recently started learning a Martial Art and all the teachers emphasize how there is no real "ultimate" solution to a problem and how the other teachers and opponents they have faced tend to go for certain situations, postures, and stances that just "feel right" for them and will catch the uninitiated unaware even if, objectively speaking, they aren't "good" or look, feel, or seem "stupid". It's an "art" for a reason.
I digress though. If you are afraid of any "hard conversation" and have been holding off on having it STOP IT! Bring that thing up. Have that conversation now. Stop dancing around the issue that will probably lead you both towards a very unhappy end. Tell your Father/Mother/Brother/etc. that you want to mend the fences, heal the wounds, and just start having the healthy relationship that ought to have come naturally but for all the BS that is real life. Just do what I did where I fear far too many never even attempt.
If you want to spend more time with anyone you must tell them you want to spend more time with them. Xenophon's story of "Heracles at the crossroads" is most relevant here. If you know it not I'd get to know it especially once you've familiarized yourself with how big a deal Heracles is in Western Culture. If you are not a son/daughter of Western Civilization and want to start understanding it that story is a very good introduction.
You may say it has nothing to do with type but honestly the example you gave looked like classic Fe PoLR to me.
I mean there simply would have to be a study on a group of folks with various attachment styles and look at how their style correlates with whatever happened to them in the NICU. Which would be a very difficult study to do. It's an interesting theory though.
As far as with my dad, it's too late, I definitely learned a hard lesson there, but even hard lessons don't always end in changed habits.
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