Is it common for IEIs to be secretly blunt or bossy?
I think i’m an IEI-Fe. If not an IEI perhaps SEI. Even ESI has been suggested and I’m starting to think I’m actually an ESI.
Like a typical xEI i’m very passive, quiet, agreeable, quiet… on the surface. People who’ve just met me describe me as very polite, charming, diplomatic and friendly. I’m generally very expressive, always laughing. Generally I don’t stand up for myself much, even when I got bullied it took immense anxiety for me to stand up for myself. Old people love me though.
That being said as soon as someone gets to know me for like, 2 years or longer, their description of me changes. My younger brother and father describe me as bossy. My mother describes me as relentless in my opinions and arguments. When I’m with people I trust who I know will stick by me I even seem kind of blunt and inexpressive, my cousin was paranoid that I didn’t like him because I wasn’t very expressive. When I’m with people I trust, I feel okay when the darker parts of my personality come out.
Even if it brings me too much anxiety to utilise Se in a big way, in small ways I do get a kick out of it. I like telling my younger siblings to do things. I like “getting bacK” at people when they make me rage.
Some examples I have are
a) when a small group of girls were gossiping around me so i walked straight up to them and asked what their problem was (i was so scared though lol)
b) when a friend back when I was at school put a piece of lettuce in my tea as a prank (and i told them not to because they’d done this before). I felt so belittled, disrespected and annoyed that I just picked out the lettuce from the hot tea with my bare hands and launched it at them.
c) that same acquaintance kept putting their water bottle next to my laptop, i asked if they could move it, they said no and laughed at me, so i intentionally moved the laptop to hit the water bottle hard and knock it over. I felt ashamed afterwards because everyone was judging me, but in hindsight i feel relieved.
What I’m assuming is Se comes over whenever someone tries to make me feel small, basically.
In addition to this despite being generally anxious, in small ways I can take initiative.
If I think someone is mad at me I won’t wait it out to see if that’s really the case, then being mad at me & waiting to find out causes anxiety so I ask them straight up as soon as I notice them acting differently. Additionally, if a bunch of people don’t want to do something and are too scared or complaining about it I get pissed off and do it myself even if I don’t want to. For example some colleagues around my age were too anxious to ask our manger at work for something, I’d just be like “for gods sake I’ll do it!” and just stand up and do it.
My friends generally joke that as a timid person I have sudden bursts of confidence and then go back to my timid state. My small acts of assertiveness would be literally nothing for a SLE or similar type, but for me they’re so anxiety inducing but also so liberating.
Arguing with close family causes no anxiety though - I debate or argue with my dad almost daily and it can be exciting, I usually just want to win. I can also be blunt with family, like calling a sibling stupid for example, as siblings do.
So, what do you guys think? Am I an IEI or mistyped? Maybe I’m SEI/ESI??? I do think I might be too self critical to be an SEI or IEI
edit: i’ve also been told my sense of humour is super mean which got me compared to ExTJ characters in MBTI by my friends.
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Originally Posted by Bethany
