Living with a Quasi-Identical: ESI-SEI

[Elmira]

I guess it depends on the ESI-Se. I had a female ESI-Se in childhood that was quite animated, but I've met others (most notably Jodie Foster, who I once saw at an hotel in the Maldives where I stayed when I was a child) who don't seem as animated. I guess it depends on other factors.

Elmira, do you know your enneagram type/trifix?

684, sx/sp.

[lavos]

684, sx/sp.

6w5 or 6w7 (important distinction).

[Elmira]

6w5 or 6w7 (important distinction).

6w5.

[Elmira]

Se Ignoring-Se Creative

• On first impressions, people respond intensely to my presence. Even though I don’t behave anyway that calls for others’ focus, people still notice and remember me without me even interacting with them. My sister does not stick out like I do, but once people acquaint her, people develop a positive impression of her.

• My sister rarely gets herself in a serious argument. I have only ever heard her once raise her voice. She avoids conflict and high-pressure environments. Any discipline as a child, even if it were a gentle scolding, would bring her to tears and sometimes make her faint. I am not conflict-seeking, but I am not conflict-avoidant either. I tend to think that most problems can be solved by direct confrontation and beating around the bush prolongs the issue. As a child, I was the most obedient, but I also had the worst temper. If my mind was set, even harsh disciplining did not change my behavior.

• My sister hates a competitive environment. She does not like it when she is playing with friends/family and others start to focus on winning by making tactics, trash-talking, and shortcutting others. My sister becomes fatigued just being near this environment, even if she is not directly engaging with it. I tend to be relaxed in a cutthroat environment and might even be amused by it, but if I notice that too many people are getting discomforted, I will tell the competitive people to “cool off,” sacrificing my own comfort as I become tense in a very laidback environment.

• I can work for prolonged periods of time, while my sister fatigues easily. I will pull all-nighters to finish a task, but my sister has never pulled an all-nighter or had a short night. If she fails to finish the work, so be it; she needs her “beauty sleep.”

• I am very individualistic. I might outwardly support “all for one, one for all” but inwardly, I align more with “everyone for themselves.” My sister calls herself an “individualistic team player.” She will not seek out to work on her own and will be compliant with the team efforts, but she will focus on reaping the benefits from the joint team efforts for herself.

• My sister does not adhere to other’s demands. If someone tries to tyrannize her, she ignores their pressure and behaves as if that individual does not exist. If the person persists, she will take revenge to get the person to back off.

• I have a “tough love” mentality. If someone is bothering a friend or family member, I am more likely to recommend that they stand up for themselves rather than speaking for them, even if that individual wants me to stand up for them. I consider this too encroaching on others’ lives and too bothersome for myself. My sister would not stand up for many either. She will comfort that person, but at the end of the day, she considers that person’s issues “their problem” and will not make it her own.

• I am a persistent person. A step back does not intimidate me. I will just recognize that the tactic didn't work and approach the goal in a different manner. Quitting is rarely an option for me. If my sister faces a failure, she decided that the goal she had in mine was not the path for her and seeks the one that is 'natural' to her.

• If I am stunk in unfortunate circumstances, I don't adapt a "woe me" mindset, rather I tend to 'endure' my sufferings/pain. I would consider the unfavorable situation as a consequence for my lack of capability and foresight. I would save face and might never seek help or, in my eyes, "whine." My sister is the whiner and it usually works in her favor. She plays the "damsel in distress" very well and constantly has people that wants to protect her and rid of any source of stress for her. She think "if she can find an easy way out of misery, why endure?"

Fi Demonstrative-Fi Base

• My sister is a charming person; she is never short of admirers and befriends others easily. She is always socializing and likes to be around friends. Even if she is in a new place, it will not be long till she has made friends. She can be considered a social butterfly. If she is a social butterfly, I am a drifter. I have never had a friend group. Instead, I socialize with select individuals from different friend groups. I prefer to spend most of my time alone. I normally go multiple days without speaking.

• Each relation I have is interesting and distinctive; my relationships’ dynamics with others do not resemble one another. I had others describe my relations with others as “movie-like” and like hearing me recount about them. My sister’s friendships are sweet. They exchange heartwarming gifts on birthdays, warmly celebrate each other’s wins, and there are lots of hugs, but her friends’ dynamics are terribly similar. I can never distinguish who she is talking about when she recounts her interactions with others as the person whose she speaks of can be easily exchanged with everyone she knows.

• I tend to minimize regular interactions, like daily texting and ‘chilling’ with others, but maximize the longevity of friendships. My sister does the opposite; she maximizes regular interactions and minimizes the longevity of friendships. Her friendships come with expiration dates.

• My sister “getting to know you” stage is very quick. As soon as she learns there is a shared interest or she just finds the other person amusing, that individual is quickly acquainted, and she interacts with that person like a close friend. I can speak with another for weeks on end and still behave very distantly with that individual. If friendships were like universities, my sister would have an 85% acceptance rate, I would have 3% acceptance rate with only less than 1% receiving acceptance on their first attempt.

• My sister does not deal with rifts in friendships; she breaks off interactions with that individual and even might consider them as “difficult.” I hardly take others’ tempers, attitudes, or mood swings personally, so I tend to wait out any difficulties in a relationship, which gives others the impression of me being a ‘loyal’ person.

• My sister has very shifting impressions on individuals. One day she will enthusiastically share “he’s so smart, funny, and he’s the Yang to my Yin,” then two days later, she sighs and angrily mutter “why are you asking me about him? He is lame and he is so annoying.” There is no one that escapes this shifting attitude, not friends or family. In some ways, others will negatively state that she is unreliable, but others will positively state that she is forgiving. My impression does not shift much. If I admire someone or find an individual impressive, my sentiments will not change much, even with distance and time. But on the other hand, if I have negative sentiments about an individual, this will not change with distance or time either. So those with positive impressions of me tend to consider me sincere, while those who do not will consider me to be someone that holds grudges.

• Vividly, I recount the way people have treated me and their attitudes towards me. I do my best to repay back those who have done good to me and can relate to phrases like “paying back tenfold” or “returning a drop of water with a fountain.” For those who wronged me, I distance myself as much as possible from that person, and no matter how much time has passed, I do not dare try to forgive them. Even if that person genuinely changes, I will want nothing to do with them. My sister is accurately described with the phrase “people quickly forget what you’ve done for them.” Without thinking, she will forget those who have given her money when they did not much themselves, how others comforted her when she was down, and those who defended her in times when it would have been difficult to. She easily gets caught up by novelty in the face of new individuals. She is also easily swayed if her friends go through life’s adversities and leaves them behind quickly in search for “her peace of mind.” But she easily forgives. An individual that has betrayed or hurt is forgiven if they can promise a fun time.

• People’s relations or impressions of others/objects are transparent to me. My sister often calls me “the old man in the mountains” for my wisdom and bird-eye view on others. People constantly use me as an advisor for their relationships. My sister seems to be aware of other’s sentiments as she easily evades others’ ‘touchy’ topics and in her jokes, she always draws back at the correct moment.

• My sister becomes the people who she speaks to; it’s the way she bonds with others. She’s very influenced by those she speaks to. But she switches her group every few months, so her demeanor is constantly changing. I prefer friendships that encourage autonomy. I’m not too concerned about straining the relationship by pointing out our differences. In my eyes, if the friendship can’t survive unless we ‘herd’ mind ourselves, then let it die. This might give the impression that I am an avoidant person as it will appear to the other person as if I become close to them and suddenly went cold, but really, I decided to the friendship to “die,” so to speak.

[kuno]

684, sx/sp.

It makes sense that you’re sx 684. You have the same vibe as my father, who is another sx 6. Very intense and commanding presence. He’s an LSI, though.

You’ve compiled a wonderful “log” of differences between ESI and SEI! Thank you for this; I’m sure you must enjoy socionics a good amount.