NOTE: To new people who are trying to type me, it is much advised to type me using VI rather than my questionnaire, which often has lots of biases and perhaps mood effect.
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Alright, this was fun, but I finally did it. My last typing which I hope works well as planned. It took me a couple of ruminating, showers and free flowing thought to first form the structure. I visualized this moment everyday whenever my thoughts are clear, and whenever the ideas flows.
I consider this typing, or project of mine to improve my writing, and visualizing skills.
This typing has been modified from my previous post
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The main typing. Took me a couple of showers and effort to get these thought processes. This is an important aspect.
What do I study: Currently majoring in Informatics ( Computer Science ), 1st semester on university. I used to consider Psychology, but I thought that it doesn't really provides any practical skills in life but a hobby of mine. I have a lot of other interests other than CS and Psychology, such as Philosophy, Language ( Writing ) and Science.1. What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?
What do I like or dislike about it: I like almost anything in programming but the way the university taught me. They gave me a lot of assignments, and the lecturer is often really boring.
But I appreciate that they gave me a lot of freedom on doing what I like since I dislike pressure.
Programming is a great tool, it can help me in my life, like creating a program to help me organize things or make things more efficient, however I am just too lazy to do that.
2. What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?
What do I do on a daily basis: Observation on the events of life, patterns, deep contemplation, and questioning.
My daily lives is full of worries and anxiety about the future. Even if I’m happy, I know something bad will happen afterwards, it is lurking in time.
Moving on : I love to observe a "person" in a detached way like what is the person thinking, thought and what he is going to do afterwards? I can detach myself from day to day reality and see life as it goes on. People’s conversation, the movement of daily activities, the planet as it moves on forward to the future.
For "questioning" things, it is literally what it is, for example: Questioning the universe., my purpose in life, and what’s the meaning of it.
Basically some philosophy stuff, because I am inclined to contemplation in my daily life.
I love to play chess, it’s a hobby of mine. At the very least, 5-10 minutes daily.
I also love to deconstruct things, understand how it works then reconstruct it again. For example, a pen, my personal computer, or my laptop. I love how it all works and the things connected to make it tick. It is not unusual for me to deconstruct a pen when I’m bored or just mindlessly opens up my laptop case to see its motherboard because it is simply fascinating.
The only art I do as a self expression is probably writing. I don’t really do much serious writing, but journaling is a part of my daily life. I do pretty well in language, and I love metaphors, as well as analogies. I have some artistic tendencies but I don’t really put too much attention to it.
I’ll prolly do some more writing as a hobby.
Another thing I love is history. I love researching, watching videos about the history of our planet, the politics, kingdoms and empires. I especially admire Napoleon Bonaparte in the Napoleonic Wars for his wit and power taking on the whole Europe as a single man.
France is underrated in history.
I also love researching about the battles in history and how these tacticians / strategist implement their wit and foresight on the battlefield. From Sun Tzu to General Georgy Zhukov of the Soviet Union.
Lastly, I consider it important if the subject I learned can be applied to day to day basis. For example, if I learned a mathematical equation, I could use it in my daily lives whenever the situation arises, but I don’t really rely too much on formal logical laws anyways.
This is a difficult one. I have to think and feel deep with such effort to know what I value the most, and I actually have to research on other people’s values as an example, but here it is :3. What are your values, and why?
Loyalty :It is important for us to be loyal to a cause, or a person we believe in. I really longe for a sense of attachment.
Knowledge and Truth :Knowledge is the key to understand how the universe works. Don’t become a puppet.
We must find the truth, and having knowledge is the first step.
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I have no idea what I’m rambling about… Please don’t laugh.
Family:4. Describe your relationships with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?
Love them, but I don't really like them, 2 different things. They really love to spat ethical reasons for my wrongdoings and called me arrogant for being myself.
They love to intrude my personal space and time, and my plans is often ruined. They often called me impolite, and sometimes even for being too straightforward. I agree though, I am often too blind with social norms.
At the very least, I respect them for taking care of me and there are good times when we spent time together. I still love them for that.
Friends:
Mixed. There are a group of friends where I can be myself, acting all goofy, joking and "fun" outgoing. These are my closest friends.
Different story with my acquaintances or new friends, I can't really just act all goofy with people I don't really trust yet.
I sometimes love to share my personal thoughts or feelings to person I "pick" are worthy, and when my intuition sensed that the person is genuine and safe.
It is very important for me to look for someone whose I can relate, close to me and to like/love someone. I often idealize the perfect partner in my imagination. Pets are a good alternative for the time being.
The one that are according to my values, look at number 3.5. What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?
Reaching a mutual understanding is crucial in relationships, as well as being honest so it clears up misunderstanding.
It is difficult for me to form a friendship, because I guess I am too picky, aloof and detached. Oh and I dislike when people become really over emotional, it is sickening, it feels like my heart got stabbed every time they do that.
A bit off topic, I don’t really like asking for help, even friends. It is consuming my energy to even talk about it because of the emotional reaction they gave.This got me into trouble many times since I don’t really want their emotional reaction so much that I fell to my own pit because I ignored the rope that people close to me has offered.
I also have a bad habit of asking a question in which the answer I already know, just to see their reactions and to gather more information from the other perspective, even escalating things.
There are 1 thing.6. What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?
1. When people gets really pushy and controlling
I am a lazy person since like... forever? I don't like it when people bring me to their plans without my conscience, telling me what to do and having control over me. I strive for freedom and independence.
I also became really low when people become all motivated, do their responsibilities, study etc. It's like they can't relax or something? I have no choice to do the same to actually catch up with my peers and it's really stressful.
“Do it, now”, “Where is it? Tell me now”, “I want you to do this and this. Today.”, “Can you stop being rude? You know you’re really impolite. Next time be more tactful.”
Things like that, when people becomes really pushy like that is annoying. I despise command and direct orders like that. I prefer being carried around by the energy of others so I can do it by myself instead of being told what to do.
College:
People here are really smart, motivated and disciplined. They join in competitions, creates start-up businesses, and looks like they have found their passion and what to do in life. That really annoys me because it really lowers my self esteem, as I suffer from inferiority complex because of it.
I also can come across as… confrontational, but indirectly to my friends. Sometimes I just like to say something, good or even bad to get their reaction.
I also sometimes subconsciously escalate things when arguing, because well… I don’t dislike arguments.
My ability to figure things out by noticing patterns on the essence of things behind it, from emotions, things to events, even spiritual things from my beliefs. Like I said earlier, my flow state is to observe.7. What are your strengths? What do people like about you? What do you like about yourself?
I also love to think philosophically, or I guess thinking in a holistic matter? I am not the most logical nor intelligent person in the room, but I certainly believe in my ability to learn quick by looking similar patterns behind a thing I am trying to solve / do.
I often love to speak in analogy, as explaining things in analogy is really easy to understand and explain.
8. What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?
Apparent laziness, low level of energy, indecisiveness, low self confidence, and unstable mood levels throughout the day.
Absurd story, I've always thought that by conserving my energy ever since I was a child, I would have tons of energy later in adulthood.
But well, looks like I was wrong...
I needed something/someone to push me ( indirect way ), and the atmosphere/situation really has an effect on my mood.
Whenever I'm in College, something just motivates me to study, do my assignments and do productive things, but it is the opposite at home.
9. In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?
I have no problems in thinking abstractly, philosophically, noticing patterns, see through things to its essence.
Like I said, everything's so intricately intertwined, life is full of cause and effect.I also have no problem in getting information, and understanding “things”. I can figure it out by seeing the underlying patterns behind that often leads to a conclusion.
I have problems in the realm of force/drive. I don't really have motivation to do anything productive, because I always visualized the steps in my head, predict where is it going, and in return I got really lazy because of the energy I have to spend.
So I just needed a push, a stimuli to actually do, instead of pointlessly thinking.
With that reason, I became unproductive in a sense of daily life matters. Doing homework/assignments is just demotivating, and I really wanted to be free from responsibilities and commitment.
Don't get me wrong, if it's within my sphere of interest, I would do it with passion.
There are some weird case: I love to clean, organize my tools, my devices and my folder files. Basically everything within my possession. It is satisfying when things are in place to make it more efficient and comfortable to look at.
10. What things do you dislike doing? What things do you enjoy more than others?
Hmmm. I dislike doing whatever that is pressured to me, from things like homework/assignments, to household chores. I don’t like being hurried.
I do, however, love being pressured to do something I have planned whenever I am hesitant or wishy washy. I just needed a little “push” and optimism to take on life.
I also enjoy thinking and observing. I love to maneuver, strategize or exploit whenever it's possible AND it's within my capabilities.
I always like to cheat, or exploit, for example, in video games. I don't really like the hurdle of grinding so I always love to find exploits, glitches and shortcuts in games.
Lastly, I love looking at data or specification on my devices. Looking up to task manager, comparing my Laptop’s specifications with others, researching the processor, the GPU, and other components as it is really interesting and satisfying to look at.
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Take a break...
I don't really have that much of an idea to be honest. I guess I'll just want to find my purpose in life in the future, and keep trying to finally find something to live for.11. What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future, and why?
12. If you won the lottery and didn't have to work anymore, what would you do?
I have no idea how business works, nor how investing works.
But if I did won the lottery, I would first hide my identity, then invest in the money. I will try to study on how to invest the money for the long term.
I would probably try to get a better furniture or live in apartment where I can finally relax, travel the world or maybe try doing business with my friend, the one that can contribute to the world or my country.
Try to invest in science if I can benefit humanity and figure out the universe in the long term.
13. What traits do you find endearing that others might dislike? What traits are considered positive/neutral by others but tend to annoy you?
Others might/might not dislike this, but I love someone who is energetic, spontaneous and brings energy to everyone around them, one that can push everybody else to move forward, to take action.
People that annoys me are someone who are pushy. Again, I don’t like being hurried and told what to do because I really value my independence.
I know that was a little contradictory, but there are differences between someone who is directly pushy ( bossy ), and someone who brings energy to everyone around them, and THEN indirectly pushes everyone to take action.
Not much. I just want it to be comfortable, and easy to use.14. What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment (your room, your house, etc.)?
Awkward... quiet. Smiles awkwardly when interacting. A little inclination to panic. Anxious. Tries to figure out the person within. Suspicious, tries to see danger.15. How do you behave around strangers?
16. How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?
I would react like a normal person would do. I would probably try to find the solution and reach a mutual understanding as my first instinct. If the person won't cooperate then it's their problem.
If somebody insults or attack me I would of course gets pissed off, but I would try to ask for their explanation on "why"? Is it out of grudge, reason, revenge or something else. If they had a clear reason and justification, then no problem.
If there's no reason at all and they act like an animal with stupidity, then I would be really pissed off.
17. Would you ever be interested in starting a business? Why or why not? What role would you play in it? What kind of business would it be?
In terms of the usual corporate business? Maybe. I would, however, prefer to become the background person or closest advisor to the leader.
The leader must be strong willed and be willing to hear my advice, because I love to predict or guess which act is good or not. Maybe, if I had such experience.
Being a leader sounds like a hurdle, but being the background man is more than enough for me and I'd be happy with the position as long as I have a power to voice my reason and command.
Simple and comfortable.18. How do you dress or manage your appearance?
Not really. They're loud and annoying. Unless for some quiet, abiding ones.This may change in the future.19. Do you like kids? Why or why not?
I feel fulfilled when I found a reason/cause on what I do. Something that can propel me forward, and something that can make me productive. I need a purpose in what I do.20. In what situations or times in your life did you feel most fulfilled, and why?
No, it makes me shy and embarrassed.21. How do you feel about attention? Do you seek it out?
22. How do you approach responsibility? What do you tend to expect of others?
I tend to stay away from it unless I can have something to gain from it.
I expect others to be loyal and reliable, as well as their positive energy to move me forward.
My main concern would be his/her talent, and their main philosophy in life. I must be able to raise a child to its fullest potential by refining their talents and discovering what makes my kid ticks.23. If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what approach would you take, and why?
I would become really uncomfortable, but I'll try my best to figure things out and find solution together when things calmed down. It makes me feel sad of course.24. Your friend bursts into tears. What do you do? How does it make you feel?
Uh oh... No idea at the moment, or I could've forgotten.25. What is your biggest accomplishment?
Completely boring. 2020-2022, pandemic, stuck in zoom calls and I would just sleep while the meeting is ongoing. How do I study then? Well, I could just record and watch it for later. I still have over 60 recordings and I haven't watched every single one of them until the end.26. What was (or is) your high school experience like?
27. Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
Yeah, I think I still do right now. I think it's because of my inactivity and my laziness to DO stuff and get things going.
I just lacked the energy and willpower to do it.
I’m still waiting for the perfect time…
28. What are your spiritual or religious beliefs and why do you hold them?
I grew up being Muslim, and now I am probably an agnostic.
There's just too many contradictions and lack of evidence.
I've been thinking and contemplating a lot about this case, and there's just too many theories and speculations about the existence of god. Theory is all great and done but I needed concrete evidence, something CLEAR, not human logic that might/might not be true to others.
The existence cannot be proven, nor it's non existence. Yet.
I, however, would prefer god to exist than not, because then I would have someone or a thing to believe in.
29. How do you see other people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
They’re fine I guess.
A prevalent social problem? There are a lot of them. But one I’ve experienced the worst is the education system ( in my country ).
There’s just too many flaws and problems. It really makes me stressed. Everything is too competitive and repetitive in formal education that halts creativity and innovative thinking.
While there are far far more important things in life that they don’t educate. Almost every student here is taught how to grind, not to think creatively. But I suppose this might/might not change in the future, and I hope someone who has the power will reform the system.
30. What is the purpose of life? What do you find personally meaningful in life?
I have no idea…
I guess to live our life to its fullest, discover meaning, and our purpose. I’m still looking for the meaning.
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https://youtu.be/bLxpqJPnbbQ