Fe, Fi, & Conflict-Aversion

[Still Alive]

Fe is Mirroring, Fi is more about staying true to yourself and if other people don't like you, fuck them.

If anything Fi is a lot more manipulative and fake - it's often saying or not saying something just to preserve a relationship. My IEE cousin thinks she has to say something nice about gay people to get me to like her, but it doesn't come off as genuine and I honestly wouldn't give a shit. I want her to talk about how she wants to decapitate gay men, shrink their heads- and use their skulls as golf balls while yelling "FORE!"

I think you are contradicting yourself a bit here. Fe is perceived as fake because it is mirroring the person it is talking to. Fe can say things it doesn't believe to uplift the mood of the environment, "you look great", "I think you did a very good job" but it doesn't mean that Fe genuinly believes this internally. it simply tries to influence other people's emotions. if an hour later Fe interacts with another person with opposite values, it simply mirrors that person too. that's the "fakeness" about it. Fe presents itself in different ways depending on the environment, while Fi always tries to stay true to itself. Fi expresses its true opinion if it feels like it is in a comfortable environment. neurotic Fi base types can openly express disgust in an inappropriate manner though, since it doesn't consider how its words affect other people's emotions that much. saying something nice to someone to get them to like you and then being the opposite when you are not looking is Fe, or at least low development of Fi.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I think you are contradicting yourself a bit here. Fe is perceived as fake because it is mirroring the person it is talking to. Fe can say things it doesn't believe to uplift the mood of the environment, "you look great", "I think you did a very good job" but it doesn't mean that Fe genuinly believes this internally. it simply tries to influence other people's emotions. if an hour later Fe interacts with another person with opposite values, it simply mirrors that person too. that's the "fakeness" about it. Fe presents itself in different ways depending on the environment, while Fi always tries to stay true to itself. Fi expresses its true opinion if it feels like it is in a comfortable environment. neurotic Fi base types can openly express disgust in an inappropriate manner though, since it doesn't consider how its words affect other people's emotions that much. saying something nice to someone to get them to like you and then being the opposite when you are not looking is Fe, or at least low development of Fi.

She's not really the opposite when you're not looking, but it still doesn't come off all that real, genuine or sincere to me. When I described it in the past I probably made it seem that way logically because I get pissed off at her, but that's a very unfair (and untrue) conclusion.

It's Fi cuz she does care about the relationship to some extent I think and doesn't want to come off as being an asshole. It's a mixture of creative Fi and strong Fe demo.

[AWellArmedCat]

Conflict avoidance is indeed mostly about Si (values). But Fi also play a role - ESIs and SEEs are less openly conflictive than Betas generally because conflict has a negative impact on relationships. That is to say Fi doesn't openly express opinions to people who are not already receptive to them, unlike Fe which is more concerned with convincing people of things they don't already believe.

Okay when Fi is described that way, I definitely relate to it. I don't tend to express my opinions to people who I usually describe as "not ready to hear them". It's not directly related to whether or not they already agree with me though. I'll express my opinions to people who don't already agree with me quite readily, but I won't express them if I feel doing so would threaten our relationship somehow. I really enjoy people who I can flatly disagree with and still trust that we're cool

[AWellArmedCat]

@Exodus thank you for that contribution by the way. It's yummy brain food. I enjoy posts like that

[AWellArmedCat]

well IEEs have strong Fe even tho it's not valued. so I've seen them say very unfiltered things- but around professionals they will be very filtered. Idk about most unfiltered type vs filtered type since almost everybody talks differently in their living room than how they would in a corporate business meaning with Te Lizards watching u.

I can go from absolutely zero filter to the most straight-laced person in the office in an instant lol

I hate having to be filtered and prefer a fun environment, but I know exactly who's watching and when, and how filtered I need to be around them basically all the time.

Actually we had a new person join our team recently (very clearly Fe-program, probably ESE) and he has no filter. In private I flat out told him I'd joke around like he wants to when certain people aren't present, but that I'd not hesitate to leave him high and dry when persons X, Y, and Z were around. I'm not gonna risk my reputation just because you don't know when to censor yourself. I don't *like* having to do any of that, but it feels necessary to me

[Still Alive]

Fi is very perceptive of interpersonal dynamics within its environment. who likes or hates who. who has romantic feelings for another person and so on. Fi+ is mainly focused on positive aspects, trusting people, forgiving them and so on, while Fi- focuses more on negative traits and expresses distaste more openly. Fi- is also the function that holds grudges. Fi+ is more forgiving but Fe valuing also means that you can have explosive arguments with someone and the next day it's all good. if you get into a heated argument with an ESI you will likely never get on good terms with them again.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Alright. As Annoying as Alive can be, I think he's got a point there.

I end up not liking or trusting ESIs for this reason. After the serious 'big arguement' I'm always wrong and they're always right and to repair the relationship it feels like I have to be more masochistic than I really am. It doesn't appeal to me. God to be fair though I can be too harsh with ESIs sometimes- because I get tired of their annoying stern harshness.

uh not Cat Lady though. /hides

[EIE H]

Hahahaha so true about explosive Fe. That can play into the Fe escalation that I was talking about earlier.

[VewyScawwyNawcissist]

uh not Cat Lady though. /hides

if u have to hide, smth is off.

[Still Alive]

Fe is really bored when nothing happens so it does not only increase moods but also creates drama when things are too calm. For 1D Fe types life is a drama free zone but LSI and LII actually appreciate it to some extend. The suggestive function is something we really like but are often not aware of

[Claudius]

I'll add in my two cents and say that I'm pretty conflict avoidant whereas my SEI brother normally is, but when the going gets tough, he's much more willing to jump in and fight back - only for a bit though. At least when it comes to physical conflict, Se seems to play a role and although neither of us values it, his is 3D whereas mine is only 1D.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I prefer to avoid conflict. I generally agree with Xena when she said "Peace may sound boring, but in the end it's what most of us want" Having internal bliss and feeling more of less at peace and harmony/equanimity with everything feels "spiritually and emotionally healthy" or whatever.

But then another side of me says Xena is wrong, peace really is just boring - and I've surprised myself at how easily I can stand up and talk back to ppl most wouldn't talk back to or stand up to. Like I can be an argumentative and challenging type A Jew- for sure. It's the Beta in me. My alpha parents got annoyed at me cuz they said I argued too much and I could be too rebellious and a handful. I don't like when people are conflicting to ppl that are easy to pick on and ignore people who seem tough and dense, it's often admirable to me when people try to troll ppl who think they are so tough. I have natural love for underdogs and natural hate and loathing for arrogant and self-righteous people.

I love peace but I hate the pretty bow vacation pamphlet of book cover nothing ness of it as well. I can't be so easily manipulated by your stupid pretty pictures. That's why I barge into people's homes unannounced wearing pink and purple and stammering "Did you really think you could sit in your timelessly decorated home and ignore it!" etc.

I also kicked my mom too much when I was in her womb. I've always wondered why I did this, she said I was so active. My dad teased me and said I used up all of my energy then cuz IRL I was laid back and Ixxp ish. I always thought it was cuz I was gay male and didn't like being inside a female womb, it was gross and hell for me. But that's probably silly and stupid.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

A positive side of working thru conflict is the feeling I get when it's over and I surprisingly make a new ally or a friend or at least.... the conflict feels healed & mended, precisely *because* I fought with them first. A forum member and me did this a few years back. I won't say who it is but maybe some ppl will know what I'm talking about hehe.

Not that I believe everybody u hate is secretly ur best friend like some naive Delta postcard- but it is nice and inspiring when it actually happens.

[Lord Pixel]

I get stuck between "I can't agree with them because I'm totally against that, don't believe in that" and "I don't want a huge argument or everybody to gang up on me" So I just stay silent. Usually it's enough of a hint that I don't agree but also avoids any conflict, so the person might punch what they said again to see if I respond and nope, silence.

[Malandro]

The worst types of people are those who act like there's a problem but will deny it when asked about it. That won't preserve a relationship with me, if anything it'll just make me dismiss you as a coward. I've had people suddenly avoid or act uncomfortable with me who I considered good friends and most of the time, I don't think I'm the problem but I notice it. It's when I ask about it directly and I see them squirm and avoid answering that I know I'm the problem. If you act fine to me, I think we're fine and if you don't, then I'm gonna assume something's going on.

[Mairon]

I believe that the conflict (aversion or not) matrix is ​​not in itself Fe or Fi, but all the associated ie together.

ESE is averse to conflict, but the same cannot be said for EIEs. The latter have in fact a Si PolR and a mob Se, making him search for responses from others and not always calm in contexts. He tries to elicit reactions from others because he craves them, but these reactions are often "conflicts", or other strong expression of emotions. ESEs don't have so much this intention, having the Si as creative.

Same goes for the ESI and the EII. ESI seem to me to be the quintessence of conflict, while EIIs at best will be passive and will try to respond with their indifference, due to Se polr and Si mob.

I'm sure Fi and Fe play an important role in conflict, but the socionic type is a system, so every ie must be configurated to give a response.

[pasleine]

I wonder if 4D functions make one more blended in perspectives like these, like 4D Si evening one's temperament, or 4D Fi making one less prone to correcting others; or at the least more sympathetic to those who don't like it

[nifl]

if u have to hide, smth is off.

something is off about her typing, mainly
Fi leads aren't bellicose

[Renna]

My understanding:

Fe good at realizing the group mood and common sense gesture behaviors and how to interact with it

Fi good at realizing the boundaries between them and other people, reading “hints” about someone internal emotions, the state of the relationship

But:

Fe realizing the group mood doesn’t mean they would choose to follow it. They could try to redirect the mood, or just screw it, depend on what they intended to do

Fi realizing a person’s boundaries doesn’t mean they won’t choose step in to it, or screw the relationship. It’s all depends on the person’s motivation. (Actually, stepping in others boundaries is one of typical Fi move, they just do it with good timing)

Both are being able to manipulate, but in different aspects.

1d Fi and Fe lack these abilities above and they just screw things by accident or they just don’t care if they screw it or not

[DogOfDanger]

I don't like conflict, it's just not my style
I'll avoid it at all costs, I'll go the extra mile
I'd rather be in peace, with no arguments to wage
I'll take a step back, and disengage

I'm averse to conflict, it's just not my thing
I'd rather be happy, than have that toxic sting
I'll smile and nod, and keep my thoughts to myself
I'm just not into that drama, that's not good for my health

I'll walk away from fights, and avoid confrontation
I'll be the bigger person, and choose cooperation
I'll diffuse tense situations, with humor and wit
I'll make everyone laugh, and forget about the conflict

I'm averse to conflict, it's just not my thing
I'd rather be happy, than have that toxic sting
I'll smile and nod, and keep my thoughts to myself
I'm just not into that drama, that's not good for my health

Sometimes it's hard, to keep that peace
But I know in my heart, it's the right thing to seize
I'll focus on the positive, and let go of the negative
I'll find that harmony, and make it my prerogative

I'm averse to conflict, it's just not my thing
I'd rather be happy, than have that toxic sting
I'll smile and nod, and keep my thoughts to myself
I'm just not into that drama, that's not good for my health

So there you have it, a strange rap about me
I'm averse to conflict, and that's the way it should be
I'll keep the peace, and spread that love
That's my way, and it fits me like a glove.

[Beautiful sky]

I prefer to avoid conflict. I generally agree with Xena when she said "Peace may sound boring, but in the end it's what most of us want" Having internal bliss and feeling more of less at peace and harmony/equanimity with everything feels "spiritually and emotionally healthy" or whatever.

But then another side of me says Xena is wrong, peace really is just boring - and I've surprised myself at how easily I can stand up and talk back to ppl most wouldn't talk back to or stand up to. Like I can be an argumentative and challenging type A Jew- for sure. It's the Beta in me. My alpha parents got annoyed at me cuz they said I argued too much and I could be too rebellious and a handful. I don't like when people are conflicting to ppl that are easy to pick on and ignore people who seem tough and dense, it's often admirable to me when people try to troll ppl who think they are so tough. I have natural love for underdogs and natural hate and loathing for arrogant and self-righteous people.

I love peace but I hate the pretty bow vacation pamphlet of book cover nothing ness of it as well. I can't be so easily manipulated by your stupid pretty pictures. That's why I barge into people's homes unannounced wearing pink and purple and stammering "Did you really think you could sit in your timelessly decorated home and ignore it!" etc.

I also kicked my mom too much when I was in her womb. I've always wondered why I did this, she said I was so active. My dad teased me and said I used up all of my energy then cuz IRL I was laid back and Ixxp ish. I always thought it was cuz I was gay male and didn't like being inside a female womb, it was gross and hell for me. But that's probably silly and stupid.

Every healthy baby is like that
Most IEI come across like EII until IEI are like Joan of arc and then their emotions and conflicting side comes out

[Beautiful sky]

I don't like conflict, it's just not my style
I'll avoid it at all costs, I'll go the extra mile
I'd rather be in peace, with no arguments to wage
I'll take a step back, and disengage

I'm averse to conflict, it's just not my thing
I'd rather be happy, than have that toxic sting
I'll smile and nod, and keep my thoughts to myself
I'm just not into that drama, that's not good for my health

I'll walk away from fights, and avoid confrontation
I'll be the bigger person, and choose cooperation
I'll diffuse tense situations, with humor and wit
I'll make everyone laugh, and forget about the conflict

I'm averse to conflict, it's just not my thing
I'd rather be happy, than have that toxic sting
I'll smile and nod, and keep my thoughts to myself
I'm just not into that drama, that's not good for my health

Sometimes it's hard, to keep that peace
But I know in my heart, it's the right thing to seize
I'll focus on the positive, and let go of the negative
I'll find that harmony, and make it my prerogative

I'm averse to conflict, it's just not my thing
I'd rather be happy, than have that toxic sting
I'll smile and nod, and keep my thoughts to myself
I'm just not into that drama, that's not good for my health

So there you have it, a strange rap about me
I'm averse to conflict, and that's the way it should be
I'll keep the peace, and spread that love
That's my way, and it fits me like a glove.

Second this

[anotherperson]

Fi type here. I dunno about other people but i seem to get into trouble with people a lot more often than Fe valued types. introversion/extraversion doesnt dictate whether someone is more passive or aggressive unlike common folklore. honestly I often resent Fe-value types for curating the emotional atmosphere and then being left the choice to go along or go against. gets me into a lot of 1 v 6's.

[Sol]

Fe and Fi - different styles of a conflict

Fe - will bark at you, how "excellent" traits you have and how "good" you are. will try to point on objective negative traits, to enlarge them in dramatic way and with reduced attention to facts
Fi - will tend to show an antipathy by quiter and personal way, as to reduce contacts with you, to show lesser interest, lesser of positive emotions or just any emotions

such difference is more seen in base Fe and Fi

For Fe valued types the style of Fi is annoying as they perceive it "I mean nothing to you / I don't exist for you". While when they get a barking by bad words - it's perceived easier, the sign of attention and trying to improve the situation, as a provoking to get additional info from you to improve something. Higher emotions = more important you are, while the +/- is secondary.
For Fi valued is important what kind of emotional relation is shown. Shown emotional expression in this can be minimum, it's secondary. Quiet warm smile is same important as for Fe valued would be 5 min kissing.

[Beautiful sky]

I did something the other day.
Instead of facing my partner in a disagreement I walked away throwing my hands in the air and made a judgment call about the situation and said “that’s just not how things are supposed to be done!”
Oh of course he laughed