I can't figure out my type for 1,5 years

[xRavenx]

I had a toxic family. So all my life, I was afraid from conflict and angry people. I learned that even if I resist, it won't make a difference so I just obeyed them. I avoided conflict at all costs. I was a nice, hardworking girl to the outside. But on the inside I was hating them.

Last 2 years everything changed. They became less toxic. And now I can confront them. They are so sad because I became too cold. But I was hating them already, now I stopped acting. I said them "you did this, that and this to me, so we will never have a good family relationship".

They cried but I don't care. Actually I'm really happy. It felt like kinda revenge. I find forgiving someone stupid. People around me generally say I'm too ruthless.

All the years I hated myself. When I look the other kids they were rebellious. I was not. They were shouting, fighting. I was a scaredy cat. I thought about it everyday. Everyday I hated and insulted myself but didn't do anything.

Last few months I had some courage in me and decided to change. I became more assertive. Now I don't avoid conflicts. (Except authority. Because I need them. For example, I am know living with my cousin 27 yo. And I need her to provide me home. So I still avoid conflict with her. And it drives me crazy.

I just want to be independent, free. I want to not need anyone and just be fcking alone. I didn't ever wish for a loving family. I wished for not being dependent. But I would like a few "very close" friends. I don't like having acquaintances. They are boring. I hate small talk.

When I talk with someone new, I wanna be their friend immeadiatly. Then I see some bad behaviour of them. And I don't talk them anymore. I can't change people if they don't want to. And it is so tiring. I can cut the ties easily.

But I still want some close relationship and like drawing attention. And I find it pathetic. But at least I can still live pretty comfortable alone.

I don't care what society thinks about ethics. I have my own ethics and don't change them easily. I decide what is ethical by logic.

When I am learning something I just wish to become an expert immeadiatly and finish it. I am happier when I finish things. And I don't have an interest in math or science because I can't use it in daily life. But I am interested with psychology and typology because I can use them. And I am currently working on becoming more assertive and strong. (Reading books, setting goals, making lists about it.) And I actually improved a lot in a few months.

People say I am serious and need to cheer up. I hate it. Even if I act, I cant act always and it seems weird. Why do people think everyone should always laugh? Weddings, or parties don't cheer me up. I just have a resting bitch face and people mostly tell me that I look angry and aggressive while talking or walking or evet just looking...

I am not an emotional person. People say I am intelligent, highly logical and assertive.

I hate cooking and caring for my body. It's so boring but I have to do it. I like dressing and looking good but only when I'm with people I know. If I'm with strangers or alone, I don't care. I like good food and music.

I am always in my head. Thinking about something. I don't care about what happens in my enviroment. I am not a materialistic person.

I think there is only one "most logical way" to do things. I hate generalizing. (All men are x, all women are y, all children are Z.)

I always have a plan because I am nervous. I only have one friend. And we mostly talk about how stupid and bad people are, the other tragic events and our rage towards people.

I have good control over my rage. I don't like conflict and aggressive people and find them stupid. But I hate avoiding conflict more. I admire strong people. And I kinda want conflict because I believe it will make me stronger. Sometimes I wish I had a worse family. I am always pushing myself to be more strong.

I generally don't find romance films romantic because it is mostly a girl needs a man. This is pathetic, disgusting and horrible.

I hate that sometimes I need to be kind. I hate softening my words. I don't like overly emotional people. I find it stupid to keep positive atmosphere. If something is wrong, just tell and be direct. There is no need to ignore bad events. Actually they are much more interesting and provide us experience.

[Adam Strange]

"All the years I hated myself. When I look the other kids they were rebellious. I was not. They were shouting, fighting. I was a scaredy cat. I thought about it everyday. Everyday I hated and insulted myself but didn't do anything.
Last few months I had some courage in me and decided to change. I became more assertive. Now I don't avoid conflicts. (Except authority. Because I need them. For example, I am know living with my cousin 27 yo. And I need her to provide me home. So I still avoid conflict with her. And it drives me crazy." = Enneagram 9 moving to a 6. Being able to do this indicates high-dimensional Si, whether it be valued or not.

"I have my own ethics and don't change them easily." = high dimensional Fi.

"When I am learning something I just wish to become an expert immeadiatly and finish it. I am happier when I finish things." = high Se
"And I don't have an interest in math or science because I can't use it in daily life." = low Te
"But I am interested with psychology and typology because I can use them." = high Fi
"And I am currently working on becoming more assertive and strong. (Reading books, setting goals, making lists about it.) And I actually improved a lot in a few months. = valued Se.

"I hate cooking and caring for my body. It's so boring but I have to do it. I like dressing and looking good but only when I'm with people I know. If I'm with strangers or alone, I don't care. I like good food and music." = unvalued Si.

"I think there is only one "most logical way" to do things. I hate generalizing. (All men are x, all women are y, all children are Z.)" = values Ni, dislikes Ne.

"I have good control over my rage. I don't like conflict and aggressive people and find them stupid. But I hate avoiding conflict more. I admire strong people. And I kinda want conflict because I believe it will make me stronger. Sometimes I wish I had a worse family. I am always pushing myself to be more strong." = e6 counter-phobic


I'll take a wild guess at your type being ESI e6 CP, but other types are also possible.

[Aquamarine]

What adam said about you being ESI could be true because that was my first thought. I'm not good at typing people but some parts of your post sounded very much like an ESI here. Particularly that part about wanting to be stronger and pushing yourself. Your post overall felt really intense.

[VewyScawwyNawcissist]

"I have good control over my rage. I don't like conflict and aggressive people and find them stupid. But I hate avoiding conflict more. I admire strong people. And I kinda want conflict because I believe it will make me stronger. Sometimes I wish I had a worse family. I am always pushing myself to be more strong." = e6 counter-phobic

as a somewhat CP-6 i dont relate to this. but maybe its a sensor vs intuitive issue so he wants things to manifest physically? or my trifixes.

I hate generalizing.

ESIs are stereotyped as nice guys/girls so they often do generalize when they talk about how shit men or women are.

I always have a plan because I am nervous. I only have one friend. And we mostly talk about how stupid and bad people are, the other tragic events and our rage towards people.
the "hardship makes me stronger" i associate mostly with Se egos. but EIEs like jordan peterson are also stupid enough to sell themselves to it.

i associate prying into others business mostly with high valued Fe. Fi likes to pry in business if its someone in particular they care about/trying to learn about but high valued Fi ppl tend to be kinda diplomatic and even scared of prying, if they care to pry at all.

my EIE friend does that but he has more friends and he doesnt think hardship makes anyone stronger even tho he seems to seek challenges.
idk a lot of what u said sounded like Se-HA to me but not sure. it took me more than 5 years to find my type.

[xRavenx]

Thanks for your comment. But is it possible to be a se ego and be this unnassertive, scaredy cat for years? And I heard that se value types are competitive. I prefer my comfort. But now I look it, I actually am competitive at "being stronger". Are se egos competitive at all areas? Do se egos "enjoy" conflicts?

And is it possible to be a fi base and be unemotional? Generally it is hard for me to feel something. I can only feel rage intensely. So I cling to it because it is the only emotion I can feel deeply. (Others are fare and shallow.)And I kinda like being angry because I think it gives me energy and power. But I have good control over it. Sometimes I wish I have not.

Also, can se ego nearly always be on their head? Usually I font even realize enviroment. Like, (goes there for 5th time) "Oh was that table here all the time?"

Btw, I posted same thing on a discord group majority said ISFj, INFj. Some people ISTp,INTp and ENTj.

[Renna]

Seem Fe polr. SLI?
ESI can be though

[VewyScawwyNawcissist]

Thanks for your comment. But is it possible to be a se ego and be this unnassertive, scaredy cat for years? And I heard that se value types are competitive. I prefer my comfort. But now I look it, I actually am competitive at "being stronger". Are se egos competitive at all areas? Do se egos "enjoy" conflicts?

And is it possible to be a fi base and be unemotional? Generally it is hard for me to feel something. I can only feel rage intensely. So I cling to it because it is the only emotion I can feel deeply. (Others are fare and shallow.)And I kinda like being angry because I think it gives me energy and power. But I have good control over it. Sometimes I wish I have not.

Also, can se ego nearly always be on their head? Usually I font even realize enviroment. Like, (goes there for 5th time) "Oh was that table here all the time?"

Btw, I posted same thing on a discord group majority said ISFj, INFj. Some people ISTp,INTp and ENTj.

what do u think about esoterics, science, math, languages etc

[lavos]

VI pictures - test results needed.

[xRavenx]

I heard esoterics just now. It depends on pereference I think. The one who has the information has the right to share it to who he wants. It may reduce misconceptions.

About science, math and languages, they are necessarry. I don't have an interest in them. I wish I could know all languages to watch films witohut subtitles or understand songs but I can't and won't because this will take a lot time and I can spend it to some skill I need more. English is not my first language but Im glad I know it because it is highly benefical to me.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I don't relate to u thinking u weren't rebellious just because u weren't shouting and fighting- the most rebellious people are often the quieter and sneakier types anyway. Ppl who are loud are usually just scapegoated unless they have other resources that enables them to get away with it - and ppl realize that, also we know one person shouting that person just gets labelled as a lunatic, but it's a 'movement' if other people shout along with u etc. And even then it's not like they are truly rebelling, they are reforming - or rebelling in order to reform.

a lot of what u said sounds serious over merry perspective but idk, could be too superficial. U sound high dimension Fi and it's valued as well. I don't like when ppl try to force me to smile or be happy either, but I still prefer 'merry' atmospheres.

[VewyScawwyNawcissist]

are you interested in any weird or unconventional theories or ideas or u think they would be too flighty/waste of time most of the time

[xRavenx]

Thanks dude. Being happy is good. But sad atmosphere is also okay. When something bad spoken in group, and people go back to happy atmosphere, sorry but I generally get frustrated. Like, something bad happened. We are supposed to be sad. But everyone is happy after few minutes. Like, was event "this" unimportant to you? I think trying to lighten up is stupid. I you have negative emotions you should process and live them. Not surpress with happinies. At least this is my opinion.

[VewyScawwyNawcissist]

some perspective for u could be that ppl already feel bad and they know this would already happen at some point and they will go insane if they have to process the emotion. i think u are right that most ppl are generaly hopeless and dont want or cant process reality and grieve properly.

[SlytherinPower]

ILI ?

[Ave]

It sounds to me like you are trying to create a persona. Not figure out your type. Those are two different things.

Sorry I can't give you a more useful answer regarding your type, but I don't think you would be receptive to one at this point in time.

[xRavenx]

I am not trying to create a persona. I am trying to improve myself. The characteristics I write about myself are real, not a mask.

[xRavenx]

Generally people want descriptions because tests are shit. And vi is not definitely accurate.

VI pictures - test results needed.

[lavos]

Some tests are not shit. Socionictest.net and sociotype.com used to be good. And VI is the only typing mechanism that doesn't lie. Wonder how you have such a definitive opinion when you don't even know your type yet. I'd guess you are LII.

[xRavenx]

Some tests are not shit. Socionictest.net and sociotype.com used to be good. And VI is the only typing mechanism that doesn't lie. Wonder how you have such a definitive opinion when you don't even know your type yet. I'd guess you are LII.

By shit, I mean not always accurate. And you can see it at most of posts, discussions. VI is not that accurate too. And I don't get it why you think it is. Also, not knowing my type has no relation what I think about test. Almost everybody I come across thinks the same as me. And by that, I don't mean you should think like this because everyone does. I say it because I find it true. You are free to believe what you want. Also, have any reasons for LII?

[lavos]

And I don't get it why you think it is.

I use it daily IRL and the discipline is pretty hit or miss (at least for me). Either you "see" it or you don't, but when you do see the pattern, it's an instant and accurate typing. Some people have ability for it, and others not so much, it's what I've gathered.

Also, not knowing my type has no relation what I think about test. Almost everybody I come across thinks the same as me. And by that, I don't mean you should think like this because everyone does. I say it because I find it true. You are free to believe what you want.

If I were you I'd take the sociotype.com test and post the result.

Also, have any reasons for LII?

I think IxTx is probable for you from what you have written, and I thought I was maybe identifying a contrary Intertype Relation when we began our interaction arguing, but it could be another ITR. Maybe supervision, since you seem to be extracting me more info that I usually give out. The fact that you point that you are not emotional may point to +Fe PoLR, and that you have your own sense of ethics, to Fi HA. Other stuff like preferring to sit alone comfortably to -Si base, and not being competitive or disliking it to -Se ignoring. Sensing could be more likely than intuition from your wirting style. So SLI could be it.

You must have some idea of what type you could be, or at least some sort of leaning.

[BrainlessSquid]

I had a toxic family. So all my life, I was afraid from conflict and angry people. I learned that even if I resist, it won't make a difference so I just obeyed them. I avoided conflict at all costs. I was a nice, hardworking girl to the outside. But on the inside I was hating them.

Last 2 years everything changed. They became less toxic. And now I can confront them. They are so sad because I became too cold. But I was hating them already, now I stopped acting. I said them "you did this, that and this to me, so we will never have a good family relationship".

They cried but I don't care. Actually I'm really happy. It felt like kinda revenge. I find forgiving someone stupid. People around me generally say I'm too ruthless.

All the years I hated myself. When I look the other kids they were rebellious. I was not. They were shouting, fighting. I was a scaredy cat. I thought about it everyday. Everyday I hated and insulted myself but didn't do anything.

Last few months I had some courage in me and decided to change. I became more assertive. Now I don't avoid conflicts. (Except authority. Because I need them. For example, I am know living with my cousin 27 yo. And I need her to provide me home. So I still avoid conflict with her. And it drives me crazy.

I just want to be independent, free. I want to not need anyone and just be fcking alone. I didn't ever wish for a loving family. I wished for not being dependent. But I would like a few "very close" friends. I don't like having acquaintances. They are boring. I hate small talk.

When I talk with someone new, I wanna be their friend immeadiatly. Then I see some bad behaviour of them. And I don't talk them anymore. I can't change people if they don't want to. And it is so tiring. I can cut the ties easily.

But I still want some close relationship and like drawing attention. And I find it pathetic. But at least I can still live pretty comfortable alone.

I don't care what society thinks about ethics. I have my own ethics and don't change them easily.

When I am learning something I just wish to become an expert immeadiatly and finish it. I am happier when I finish things. And I don't have an interest in math or science because I can't use it in daily life. But I am interested with psychology and typology because I can use them. And I am currently working on becoming more assertive and strong. (Reading books, setting goals, making lists about it.) And I actually improved a lot in a few months.

People say I am serious and need to cheer up. I hate it. Even if I act, I cant act always and it seems weird. Why do people think everyone should always laugh? Weddings, or parties don't cheer me up.

I am not an emotional person. People say I am intelligent, highly logical and assertive. Sometimes I don't know what I want or feel.

I hate cooking and caring for my body. It's so boring but I have to do it. I like dressing and looking good but only when I'm with people I know. If I'm with strangers or alone, I don't care. I like good food and music.

I am not a competitive person. I'd rather sit in my corner comfortably. I promised to not be like my family so I don't pry into anyones business and hate who is doing that to me. I perceive even the daily questions as private and don't like answering them.

I am always in my head. Thinking about something. I don't care about what happens in my enviroment. I am not a materialistic person.

I think there is only one "most logical way" to do things. I hate generalizing. (All men are x, all women are y, all children are Z.)

I always have a plan because I am nervous. I only have one friend. And we mostly talk about how stupid and bad people are, the other tragic events and our rage towards people.

I have good control over my rage. I don't like conflict and aggressive people and find them stupid. But I hate avoiding conflict more. I admire strong people. And I kinda want conflict because I believe it will make me stronger. Sometimes I wish I had a worse family. I am always pushing myself to be more strong.

I generally don't find romance films romantic because it is mostly a girl needs a man. This is pathetic, disgusting and horrible.

I hate that sometimes I need to be kind. I hate softening my words. I don't like overly emotional people. I find it stupid to keep positive atmosphere. If something is wrong, just tell and be direct. There is no need to ignore bad events. Actually they are much more interesting and provide us experience.

I have to say that I find your post very interesting and sincere. It's rare for me to feel this honesty in other people I have to say that If you wanted to write more about yourself I'd be glad to read It. The way you speak though sounds like a stereotypical ESI, but I have to tell you that I don't think written text is a fair way to get to know someone because we can sound a Lot like the people who speak the most to us in that language we're speaking. So maybe you listen to a Lot of ESI or have a strong relationship with one, Just guessing though.

I also have to admit that It's Very interesting for me to read about someone so different from me that I would definitely want to talk to you someday .

More about types, I don't think people Will help you in figuring out your type, It never Works, and a lot of people are mistyped. Also trying to type yourself based on the Stack of model A is a complete waste of time. But If you wanna get closer to your type, I'd suggest getting to know a Lot of different people, that's how you know yourself.

[AWellArmedCat]

To me 4D Fi seems more likely than a 4D logical function. Not saying it's impossible, but I don't feel like I see a lot of reason to believe you're a logical type at all really. People seeing you as "highly logical" doesn't necessarily mean much in terms of your type. People very often say that sort of thing about Fi-programs. @Adam Strange 's analysis of you as ESI makes sense to me, though I don't feel EII is impossible either. I've known people I typed as EII who get a sort of complex around not being taken advantage of anymore after a certain level of abuse, and I think that can look a little like valued Se even if it isn't. It could be valued though. I'm not really sure, so I'd suggest a tentative typing of ExI for now with ESI like Strange suggests as probably the most likely

[lavos]

Not being emotional (unless it's a projected image and not the reality) points away from ESI type.

[xRavenx]

I use it daily IRL and the discipline is pretty hit or miss (at least for me). Either you "see" it or you don't, but when you do see the pattern, it's an instant and accurate typing. Some people have ability for it, and others not so much, it's what I've gathered.


If I were you I'd take the sociotype.com test and post the result.



I think IxTx is probable for you from what you have written, and I thought I was maybe identifying a contrary Intertype Relation when we began our interaction arguing, but it could be another ITR. Maybe supervision, since you seem to be extracting me more info that I usually give out. The fact that you point that you are not emotional may point to +Fe PoLR, and that you have your own sense of ethics, to Fi HA. Other stuff like preferring to sit alone comfortably to -Si base, and not being competitive or disliking it to -Se ignoring. Sensing could be more likely than intuition from your wirting style. So SLI could be it.

You must have some idea of what type you could be, or at least some sort of leaning.

I'll take the test. I am not against IXTX. But LII values ti fe. And one thing that I am sure, I value fi and te.

[xRavenx]

I have to say that I find your post very interesting and sincere. It's rare for me to feel this honesty in other people I have to say that If you wanted to write more about yourself I'd be glad to read It. The way you speak though sounds like a stereotypical ESI, but I have to tell you that I don't think written text is a fair way to get to know someone because we can sound a Lot like the people who speak the most to us in that language we're speaking. So maybe you listen to a Lot of ESI or have a strong relationship with one, Just guessing though.

I also have to admit that It's Very interesting for me to read about someone so different from me that I would definitely want to talk to you someday .

More about types, I don't think people Will help you in figuring out your type, It never Works, and a lot of people are mistyped. Also trying to type yourself based on the Stack of model A is a complete waste of time. But If you wanna get closer to your type, I'd suggest getting to know a Lot of different people, that's how you know yourself.

Thank you so much for your comment. This was the most heart warming comment I have ever read.

[xRavenx]

To me 4D Fi seems more likely than a 4D logical function. Not saying it's impossible, but I don't feel like I see a lot of reason to believe you're a logical type at all really. People seeing you as "highly logical" doesn't necessarily mean much in terms of your type. People very often say that sort of thing about Fi-programs. @Adam Strange 's analysis of you as ESI makes sense to me, though I don't feel EII is impossible either. I've known people I typed as EII who get a sort of complex around not being taken advantage of anymore after a certain level of abuse, and I think that can look a little like valued Se even if it isn't. It could be valued though. I'm not really sure, so I'd suggest a tentative typing of ExI for now with ESI like Strange suggests as probably the most likely

Thanks for the comment.

[Ave]

I am not trying to create a persona. I am trying to improve myself. The characteristics I write about myself are real, not a mask.

I guess the reason I said what I said was that the things you write, while they may be true about you, aeren't really relevant in determining type. Also, we are not just a set a statements made about ourselves - we are always more than that. More statements may be made about us, and even more, and it still doesn't grasp our essence.

I believe you when you say that you want to improve yourself. Why do you think typing yourself would be useful in this regard? (not saying it isn't useful)

[xRavenx]

I guess the reason I said what I said was that the things you write, while they may be true about you, aeren't really relevant in determining type. Also, we are not just a set a statements made about ourselves - we are always more than that. More statements may be made about us, and even more, and it still doesn't grasp our essence.

I believe you when you say that you want to improve yourself. Why do you think typing yourself would be useful in this regard? (not saying it isn't useful)

Typologys help me understanding, knowing myself. Of course I don't say my understanding and personality is completely depend on my type. But my self awareness really got higher when I start to look typology. Because it asks questions and remind us to think about us.

Knowing my type will help a little too, I think. But I know, people can't fit into boxes.

[xRavenx]

Not being emotional (unless it's a projected image and not the reality) points away from ESI type.

Thanks for the comments. Depends on what you mean by emotional. By "not emotional" I mean I don't get sad easily. But I feel anger intensely at least a few times in every 2 - 3 days because I literally sit and think about everything that irritates me. When I get sad, it's more like melancholy then usual sadness. I get sad and angry because I want it. It gives me pleasure because these emotions are the ones I can feel most intensely. (Unlike happinies or love) Guess you can call me "edgy".

I cant enter the first site you recommended. So I took aim test instead of it. And sociotype of course.

You may wonder why my se is so high in aim test. It is because test questions mostly didn't ask if I am good at se, but more if I like se. I can usually guess which question measures which function but I took the test without bias. Seems like aim gave me mostly beta quadra. But I am sure I'm not beta. And si is so low because I answered the questions about health, cooking as very much dislike.

[xRavenx]

I could only attach two attachments per post. So this is the details of sociotype results.

[lavos]

See how useful tests are?

Willing to post images or video to complete your typing?

[xRavenx]

Where can I send?

[lavos]

Where can I send?

Upload here, with the in-forum tool or using imgur for example.

[xRavenx]

Upload here, with the in-forum tool or using imgur for example.

I couldn't upload it here. It freezes everytime I try. My Instagram is 80_Raven_08 if you dm here I can send you.

[lavos]

Oh, you have a picture in your instagram profile. I was wondering if you were ESI-Se or ESI-Fi. Was thinking ESI-Se but you seem ESI-Fi by VI. One thing I wanted to mention, that the thing that lately you are being more assertive or using more Se, might be because you've started as an ESI-Fi to develop your Se lately. Do you know your enneagram type?

[xRavenx]

Oh, you have a picture in your instagram profile. I was wondering if you were ESI-Se or ESI-Fi. Was thinking ESI-Se but you seem ESI-Fi by VI. One thing I wanted to mention, that the thing that lately you are being more assertive or using more Se, might be because you've started as an ESI-Fi to develop your Se lately. Do you know your enneagram type?

Oh, thank you so much for your comments, your valueable time and energy. I tried to find my enneagram before. I relate to 4 a lot. Dwelling in melancholy gives me pleasure like I said. And I put very much effort on trying to find my personality. I am more interested with deciding what kind of person I want to be than what kind of person I am. I compare archetypes and think "yes, I want this quality, no I don't want this trait.". This is why sometimes it is difficult to me to know myself. But all I have written are the ones I am sure that I have in my core.

And usually I plan and double, sometimes triple check everything. Maybe 6? But I don't relate to wanting anyone to depend. I mostly want to cut ties with everyone (except bff) and stay alone. I can have realtionships but I don't want to depend on anyone. Even if I trust that they will never abondon me, it makes me feel weird when someone cares about me or help me. It's a weird, complicated feeling. Sometimes I feel warm but at the same time bad. Because when someone helps me, I take it as, "lemme help you because you 'cant' do this." And this means I am weak. So this is an insult. Of course I know it is not. But I "feel like it".

I even considered 8 because of this obsession but I am not impulsive, agrgessive or risk taker for surely. An 8 would explode and rebel much earlier than me.

People say 9 because I was angry and didn't voice it. I don't think I am a 9. Nine sees anger and War as bad. I see anger as awesome defence and power source. I don't have any problem with being angry. I just didn't let it out because I knew if I did, it will be a stupid move. Still, sometimes even when consuqences are not that bad, I know I am angry but try to stay calm. Don't know why. I actually want to explode but... I cant. Maybe it is because I used to stay silent? I hope I can change it. This may sound stupid but (like I said I have good control over my anger) I don't want to have that control. I wish I were more impulsive, aggressive person. Don't know if I can change it but I am trying.

And I take compliments like cute, kind, good hearted as an insult. In my brain I think they are = weak. Of course I know it is not. But this is a feeling I cant help. (And ruthless, as a compliment.)

[lavos]

I have to say that I find your post very interesting and sincere. It's rare for me to feel this honesty in other people I have to say that If you wanted to write more about yourself I'd be glad to read It. The way you speak though sounds like a stereotypical ESI, but I have to tell you that I don't think written text is a fair way to get to know someone because we can sound a Lot like the people who speak the most to us in that language we're speaking. So maybe you listen to a Lot of ESI or have a strong relationship with one, Just guessing though.

I also have to admit that It's Very interesting for me to read about someone so different from me that I would definitely want to talk to you someday .

More about types, I don't think people Will help you in figuring out your type, It never Works, and a lot of people are mistyped. Also trying to type yourself based on the Stack of model A is a complete waste of time. But If you wanna get closer to your type, I'd suggest getting to know a Lot of different people, that's how you know yourself.

Maybe she's your dual? Iirc you got LIE in some test. Why do you self-type IEE?

[lavos]

Oh, thank you so much for your comments, your valueable time and energy. I tried to find my enneagram before. I relate to 4 a lot. Dwelling in melancholy gives me pleasure like I said. And I put very much effort on trying to find my personality. I am more interested with deciding what kind of person I want to be than what kind of person I am. I compare archetypes and think "yes, I want this quality, no I don't want this trait.". This is why sometimes it is difficult to me to know myself. But all I have written are the ones I am sure that I have in my core.

And usually I plan and double, sometimes triple check everything. Maybe 6? But I don't relate to wanting anyone to depend. I mostly want to cut ties with everyone (except bff) and stay alone. I can have realtionships but I don't want to depend on anyone. Even if I trust that they will never abondon me, it makes me feel weird when someone cares about me or help me. It's a weird, complicated feeling. Sometimes I feel warm but at the same time bad. Because when someone helps me, I take it as, "lemme help you because you 'cant' do this." And this means I am weak. So this is an insult. Of course I know it is not. But I "feel like it".

I even considered 8 because of this obsession but I am not impulsive, agrgessive or risk taker for surely. An 8 would explode and rebel much earlier than me.

People say 9 because I was angry and didn't voice it. I don't think I am a 9. Nine sees anger and War as bad. I see anger as awesome defence and power source. I don't have any problem with being angry. I just didn't let it out because I knew if I did, it will be a stupid move. Still, sometimes even when consuqences are not that bad, I know I am angry but try to stay calm. Don't know why. I actually want to explode but... I cant. Maybe it is because I used to stay silent? I hope I can change it. This may sound stupid but (like I said I have good control over my anger) I don't want to have that control. I wish I were more impulsive, aggressive person. Don't know if I can change it but I am trying.

And I take compliments like cute, kind, good hearted as an insult. In my brain I think they are = weak. Of course I know it is not. But this is a feeling I cant help. (And ruthless, as a compliment.)

You seem a bit fixated on being ruthless and strong, or equating the two. Being kind can be complimentary to being strong

I think you might be 4-6-1 but unsure of the order. Let's see if anybody knowledgeable chimes in.

[xRavenx]

I agree with you and am sure I am not 1. So I'll look into 4 and 6. Thanks for the comments.

[nifl]

try a typing video for more qualified opinions, it's difficult to judge people only from a few posts