Originally Posted by
Lord Pixel
She was an ESI, I was an EII (well still am lol). It was kindred relations. Kindred relations to me before I knew socionics seemed like you've found your "soulmate". An EII type 4 is just bound to wallow in feeling "misunderstood" all their life, and here comes along someone with the same base function and BAM! UNDERSTANDING! Not only feeling understood, but feeling so deeply understood like as if this person is related to you (no incest bro). I mean feeling understood from just the look in someone's eyes looking at you and you can just feel unspoken understanding, and feeling understood in all the ways you ever dreamed of, good lord I felt like my soul was safe and seen and desired. The whole "she just gets me"? Understatement!
With other girls I always had this sense that they wanted me to be somebody else, they seemed physically attracted to me but didn't like the real me once they got to know me, I was always a let down for them. But this girl introduced me to what it meant to be in a real relationship, I felt like she liked me for me, and up until that point I didn't even know that was allowed, I didn't know I was allowed to be loved for "me", I thought "me" was messed up and needed to be worked on before I could be loved, I didn't know someone could like me the way I naturally am. I always thought in order to get relationships right I had to find out how to properly become the guy the girl wanted me to be. I thought until I figured out how to be the guy girls wanted I would never keep a girl around.
But this chick man, she just responded so well to my natural personality. It was addicting. Sometimes I felt like she loved me too much, I even told her so, I told her she should be with someone that loves her just as much as she loves them because it feels unfair, and she tells me " I feel like you love me, I feel loved." There were times where I spoke to her and parts of my personality came out that I didn't even know were there. Sometimes I would get so poetic with my feelings about her, sometimes I'd be over the top corny just to make her blush uncomfortably, and sometimes it was some subtle but deeper thing, and I'm a over thinking second guessing mfer, I NEVER.DO.THIS.WITH.ANYONE. But with her it came out without me even thinking about it, like my emotions had a direct non-stop flight to my actions, no thought inbetween, that's how incredibly comfortable I was around that girl, to not even second guess my actions, when I wanted to touch her, I touched her, kiss her, I kissed her, no thought, just physical expressions of how I felt, my body was a slave to the things she made me feel.
The one thing I loved the most and miss the most about being with her is all the inside jokes and personal things we had between us, it was like hot glue. That feeling of us being in our own little world. I miss that alot. I remember talking to her on the phone, I always use this made up word I made and one day she just started saying it, and idky but holy cow that just made me feel even more loved by her Idk how to explain why. It was like a code word between us. The deepest love I ever felt, that Fi/Fi base connection is scary. Whenever I hugged her, it literally felt like home to me, like I belonged right there.
I don't even require the next girl I date to match that, but I do know I've been spoiled, she definitely raised the bar and changed my perspective of dating, I used to think I wanted 8/10 in looks, and 5-7/10 in chemistry, I thought it didn't matter as much before I met her, but now I require 10/10 in chemistry ever since I met her because it's just crazy good and I realize even with high looks if that's missing it's nowhere near as good.